Author's Note: Wow, thanks for the reviews and for reserving the tar and feathers for the moment! I still don't own Gilmore Girls...
Lorelai trudged home utterly deflated. She still wasn't quite sure she could explain what had happened at Luke's. She knew he would be upset that Christopher was staying another night, but he should trust her. Maybe he did. At this point she couldn't be sure.
What was obvious, however, was that he didn't trust Christopher. Lorelai couldn't say she blamed him. He was right not to trust him. Christopher had practically told her he wanted another chance. What hurt Lorelai the most was what Luke had said. It was something about Christopher looking at her like he had for the last four years. Hearing that nearly broke her heart.
She finally made it home and slammed the door behind her. She threw her purse on the table and stomped into the kitchen where she found Christopher making dinner.
"Hey," he smiled.
"Don't," Lorelai said. "Don't 'hey' me with that smile."
"Okay," Christopher replied hesitantly unsure of what he had done.
"Why do you always do this?" Lorelai let out her frustration.
"What am I doing?" Christopher asked defensively.
"This," she said throwing out her hands. "Every time you drop back into our lives I end up hurting Luke. The first time I stood him up when I said I'd help him. The second time I was so wrapped up in you that I didn't care that I had a huge fight with him. This time I just hurt him and he doesn't deserve that."
"Hey, wait a minute," Christopher said putting down the spatula he was using to cook his dinner. "I never asked you to hurt Luke. You made those decisions on your own."
"Please, like I had much of choice on whether you stayed," Lorelai snapped.
"You could have told me to leave, but you said I could stay for one more night and talk this out with you," he replied matter-of-factly.
"You would have left if I'd told you to?" she asked in disbelief.
"Probably not," Christopher said. "But that's not the point. The point is that you're the one who chose to be with me and not Luke. You're also the one who called me here to help out with Rory."
"Yeah, well you're her Dad," Lorelai scoffed.
"That's right I am," he said approaching her. "But I'm not too proud to admit that I'm not exactly Father of the Year. I haven't been around as much as I should have been. I was really happy that you called me-- that you asked me to come help out and be a part of all that Rory is going through, but I have to wonder why you called me at all."
"I told you, you're Rory's Dad," Lorelai said shrinking away from him as he approached.
"That's it? I'm her Dad? Why didn't you call Luke? Or if not Luke, why not call Sookie or Lane or any one of the other mental patients in this town who love and adore both you and Rory?" he shot at her.
"I don't know," Lorelai sighed.
"I think you do," Christopher pressed her.
"Fine, I do," Lorelai replied weakly. "I called you because you're family and I called you because you're the only other person who could possibly understand. We messed up, together, a hundred and ten years ago and I figured you'd be the only other person who would have a clue what Rory felt like, or what I felt like. Are you happy now?" she exploded.
"Yes," Christopher replied. "But you know I'm sure Luke has made mistakes. I'm sure he'd have been able to understand."
"Right," Lorelai snorted. "Look Chris you don't understand my relationship with Luke. First of all, the night all this started Luke and I kissed for the very first time. I didn't want to dump this on him."
"That's fair," Christopher agreed.
"And second, Luke got a divorce not that long ago," Lorelai confided in him. "He got divorced because his wife cheated on him. I didn't think Rory being the other woman would sit well with him."
"You think he wouldn't understand?" Christopher replied.
"Of course he wouldn't understand," Lorelai raised her voice. "I don't even understand and I'm Rory's mother. How could I expect Luke to understand something like that?"
"I don't think you're giving him enough credit," Christopher said quietly leaning on the counter.
"What are you doing?" Lorelai asked. "Now you're Luke's biggest fan?"
"No, I'm not," Christopher said. "I wish there was no Luke because if there was no Luke then we wouldn't be talking about this right now. We'd be on a date or better yet we'd be doing something morally reprehensible because we wouldn't be able to keep our hands off each other."
"Christopher," Lorelai said warningly.
"You know it's true," he said.
Lorelai didn't answer because she knew that what he said was probably the truth. It seemed that no matter how many times he screwed up or let her down, Christopher was always...Christopher. The boy she grew up with, the guy she dated, Rory's father and, most of all, the man she saw in front of her with his life finally in order.
"So let's not talk about Luke," he continued. "Let's talk about us. I've always loved you Lore. I've wanted to put together our family since I can remember. And now there's no one standing in our way."
"We can't talk about this without talking about Luke," Lorelai said limply.
"You said you didn't love him," Christopher reasoned.
"I said I didn't know what I felt for him," Lorelai corrected him. "I have feelings for Luke. Strong feelings. I just don't know what they are yet. It's only been a few weeks."
"I seem to remember you telling me you loved me after a few dates," Christopher replied.
"Yeah well I was young and obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed back then," she said. "I can't do this to Luke. I can't."
"So you're saying part of you wants to give this a try?" Christopher asked hopefully.
"No," Lorelai tried to be firm, but her resolve wasn't reflecting what she felt. "I want, ugh, I want everything to go back to how they were before all this happened."
"I think we both know that isn't going to happen," Christopher said slowly approaching her again.
"I know," she snapped at him and ran her hands quickly through her hair in frustration.
Luke sat in his apartment for a while contemplating the fight he'd just had with Lorelai. Had he issued her an ultimatum? He couldn't remember. He knew it wasn't his intention to make her chose, but that's exactly what he'd ended up doing. He knew that forcing Lorelai into a quick decision was never good. It made her feel cornered and rushed, flustered and unable to think clearly.
Luke stood up and paced for a while. Caesar was downstairs and there weren't many people in the diner so he wasn't worried. Luke thought about the beginning of his relationship with Lorelai. He thought of the way he kissed her on the porch of the Dragonfly. The way she eagerly returned a second kiss. Then he thought of the problems Lorelai had with Rory. He didn't know what happened, but he knew it wasn't good if Lorelai had called Christopher.
Christopher. That was Luke's biggest problem. He knew that Christopher would always hold a special place in Lorelai's heart. Maybe that was why he was jealous. He knew Christopher had a piece of Lorelai that he could never touch. He also saw the way Christopher looked at her. Luke knew that look all too well. It was of concealed feelings and desire. It was the way Luke looked at Lorelai for years. The only difference was Luke knew Christopher wasn't the type to bid his time and wait for the right moment. Christopher was the type of guy to make his own moments and that's what Luke was afraid of.
He continued to pace and he realized he had to rectify the fight he had with Lorelai. It was getting late, but he couldn't let his ultimatum hang there. He needed to tell her he was angry and he'd made a mistake. He needed to let her know that he'd give her space, whatever she needed, until she wanted to see him again.
With these thoughts in his head Luke set out to Lorelai's. He decided to walk so he could formulate his thoughts. He needed to be articulate and concise. He also grabbed a cup of coffee on the way out the door. He figured if all else failed he would at least have brought a peace offering and Lorelai could never resist his coffee.
Lorelai was growing weary of her conversation with Christopher. So many things were happening all at once and she felt like she was at the breaking point. "You know what I want?" she finally asked Christopher.
"What do you want?" he asked.
"I want Luke to be standing here right now. I want to be able to tell Luke everything that happened and have him understand. But instead Luke has decided if you stay we're over and you're here so I guess that means Luke and are over," she babbled fast and furious.
"I want Rory to be here and not be upset because she slept with Dean. I want to be able to erase the fact that she lost her virginity to a married man. I want my parents to get back together because even though they're both crazy they're made for each other. I want the inn to be a success and most of all I just want you to stop looking at me that way because it makes me feel like I'm 15 all over again!" Lorelai ranted. Although she and Luke had only dated for a few weeks she had certainly picked up on his ranting perfection over the years.
Christopher stepped forward and drew his arms around Lorelai. She didn't fight it and she slipped comfortably in his grasp as he pulled her close and ran his hand over her hair.
"It'll all be okay," Christopher reassured her.
"How?" Lorelai started to weep. "How can it be okay?"
"Because it will," Christopher replied. "Because you're incredibly stubborn and you always get your way."
"Yeah," Lorelai laughed ironically.
Luke walked to the front porch and just before he rang the bell he decided to go to the back door. He hoped Lorelai would be in the kitchen alone. Using the back door cut down on the probability he'd run into Christopher and so he walked around the house. He walked up the steps to the back door and was about to knock when he noticed Lorelai and Christopher embracing in the kitchen. Against his better judgment he lowered his hand and stood staring for a moment.
"Lore," Christopher said leaning back and taking her tear-stained face in his hand. "I don't want to complicate your life. I just wanted to tell you where I stand. I think you know that I love you. It's always been you. It was you when we were five. It was you when we were 15. I love you now and I'll probably love you until the day I die. I'd like to try again, but if you don't want to or you're not ready I respect that," he said.
Lorelai just stared at him. "I won't like it," he added smiling. "But I'll respect it."
Lorelai stepped back and ran her hands over her face to rid the moist tears that had collected. She just looked at him again as if she were searching his eyes for some sort of sign. Finally she stepped forward and ran her finger across the Christopher's jaw line. Without thinking she pulled his face close to her own and pressed her lips to his. Christopher wrapped his arms around Lorelai and pulled her close to him. The kiss was soft at first but it escalated quickly and years of pent-up passion exploded between their lips.
Christopher stepped back and caught his breath. "Wow," he said.
Lorelai stepped back and pushed a piece of hair behind her ear. "Yeah," she agreed.
Luke was shocked to see their embrace and he stood there fuming for a second before he turned his eyes away into the darkness of night. He fought the urge he had to kick in the door and instead he paced the porch while he thought about what he should do next.
Lorelai collected her thoughts for a moment and finally said, "I think you should go Christopher."
"What?" he asked confused.
"I'm sorry," she said. "But I know what I need now and it's not you."
"I'm sorry, were we both experiencing the same kiss? Because the one I just had was amazing. It said 'I want you.' It said, 'I've finally found what I've been looking for all my life,'" Christopher said baffled.
"I'm sorry Christopher," Lorelai said again. "But it made me realize that our time has passed. I do love you, but I'm not in love with you. I don't get that feeling in the pit of stomach anymore. I said I wasn't in love with Luke, but I lied. I am in love with him."
Christopher was crushed. His eyes conveyed so much sadness and regret. He lowered his head and scratched the back of his neck.
"Uh, okay," he started to speak. Just then there was a loud thud from the back porch, which interrupted his thoughts. Lorelai walked to the back door and flipped on the porch light. She opened the door to find Luke stomping through the yard and a cup of coffee leaking all over the back porch.
Lorelai left Christopher in the kitchen and she dashed outside.
"Luke," she called into the night.
He didn't respond and he kept walking so she followed him. "Luke," she said catching up to him and tugging at his arm.
"You just needed to discuss Rory? He's leaving in the morning?" Luke spat. "I bet I know why he isn't leaving tonight."
Luke shook off Lorelai's hand and stomped into the front yard.
"Hey," Lorelai said chasing after him. "Where do you get off judging me? An hour ago you told me that if Chris stayed here tonight then we were over."
"Well you didn't waste much time did you?" he said snidely.
"Oh my God," Lorelai said in astonishment. "I can't believe you just said that."
"Well it's the truth isn't it? It was him I didn't trust," Luke told her. "But then I came over to apologize. I needed to tell you something important. I needed to tell you I was out of line and I acted like a jerk."
"Acted?" Lorelai questioned him.
"Yeah," he dismissed her comment. "But then I find you in the kitchen kissing him. And don't tell me he started it because I saw the whole thing. You were the one who kissed him."
"Well aren't you just a regular stalker now. Have you been practicing your lurking in the shadows?" Lorelai said. "You misunderstood what you saw and I shouldn't even bother to explain, but what you saw was a goodbye."
"Didn't look like good bye to me. It looked like 'Hello, nice to see you, would you like a guided tour of my mouth?'" Luke shot sarcastically.
"You know what? T.J. was right," Lorelai said. "You are an ass."
Luke's eyes widened in shock. He was the one who had the right to upset not her. He tried to formulate a response but he couldn't think straight.
"I'm out here trying to tell you that you were right okay?" Lorelai started to explain rather loudly. "Christopher did want us to try again and I was confused because even though he's let me down and screwed up he's still Christopher. He's still Rory's Dad. And I've been trying to take things slow with you because I'm scared of hurting you, scared of getting hurt, scared of everything involving us being together."
"So you kissed him to make everything simpler? Nice logic," Luke said.
"Yeah it is," Lorelai said indignantly. "I kissed him to see if I felt anything for him and I don't okay? If you really had the stalker thing down you would have heard me tell him it's over. You would have heard me tell him that I love you, not him," Lorelai faltered as she let the words slip out.
She was shocked that her mouth had just betrayed her mind. She hadn't meant to tell Luke she loved him. She especially hadn't meant to tell him when she was in the middle of yelling at him. She saw the look of shock on his face and she knew instantly that she's spoken too soon. It was too soon for saying 'I love you.' She knew Luke had feelings for her, but love was too powerful too soon and she knew she had to take it back.
Luke looked at her for a moment almost unsure of what he'd heard. For the second time in five minutes he didn't know how to respond. She looked like she meant what she said. There was an obvious disconnect between his head and his heart. His head screamed, 'She just kissed Christopher, the love of her life an hour after seeing you!' His heart yelled, 'You've waited for this moment for years. Tell her you love her too!" Instead Luke just stood there staring.
"But you know what I think I was wrong," Lorelai backtracked. "I couldn't love a man who doesn't trust me enough to be alone with Rory's father."
Luke struggled to process the conversation. One minute Lorelai said she loved him and then next she said she could never love him. At this point he wasn't sure what was truth and what was fiction.
"So you're saying you take it back?" Luke asked. "You didn't tell Christopher you were in love with me?"
"No I didn't because I'm not," Lorelai replied haughtily. She saw the hurt pass like a wave through Luke's eyes. It was swift and violent and it moved through the ocean of blue in his eyes that looked at her in anger and disappointment, but she didn't care. She didn't care that she was hurting him. He didn't trust her. He had practically accused her of dating him while she was sleeping with Christopher.
Luke didn't take the time to think about how the conversation had gone from love to hate so quickly. He was hurt and he reacted in pain, not logic. "Good," he replied. "It makes it easier."
"It makes what easier?" Lorelai said without feeling.
"It makes it easier to tell you what I came to tell you," he said. He wasn't sure what he was saying. He felt like she had deliberately tried to hurt him and then only thing on his mind was retribution. He wanted to hurt her as badly as she'd hurt him and so he said the one thing he knew would hurt her more than anything.
"I came to tell you that I'm not divorced," he said simply. He noticed that Lorelai flinched, but he continued on. "Nicole called and told me she held up the divorce because she wants to make it work. I wasn't sure at first, but we're going away this weekend to a couple's retreat to see if we be together."
Lorelai narrowed her eyes at him. She knew he was lying. He was trying to hurt her and he knew throwing his marriage in her face would do the trick. "You're lying," she scoffed.
"Am I?" he asked acrimoniously.
Lorelai studied his face and suddenly she wasn't so sure he was lying. Luke never gave anything away. Lorelai had always thought she could tell what he was thinking or feeling, but now? Now his eyes were two dead orbs that reminded Lorelai more of two shards ice than of a soothing ocean.
"You don't love Nicole," Lorelai told him. "You never loved her. You married her because you were afraid of being alone. And I think you're forgetting that I was the one who bailed you out of jail when you found her with the Sock Man. You expect me to believe that not only have you forgiven her, but you're gonna go to a couple's retreat?" she laughed.
"You know what? I don't really care what you believe," Luke shot back at her. "You stay here with Christopher and you have fun. When I'm not around to pour you coffee and serve you pie like the Queen's footman you'll know why," he said and he turned on his heel to walk briskly away.
"Good," Lorelai shouted at him as he walked away. "Have fun with Nicole on your retreat. I hope you get in touch with your inner child. And don't worry about serving me because I don't plan on going to the diner tomorrow, next week or ever!"
"Great!" Luke shouted back over his shoulder.
"Terrific," she shouted louder as he walked farther away.
"Fine," he yelled back not turning.
"Whatever," she shouted feebly as she watched Luke disappear into the darkness.
TBC
A/N: Please trust me I have a fully formulated plan at this point. For some reason I like a heaping cup of angst with my Luke and Lorelai, but don't worry!