A/N: Ok ya'll—I'm trying something very different in this chapter. It's still the same old song and dance routine but with a kick. Along with the written chapter is a music video that uses the same song—they are different (there is stuff in this chapter that is impossible to show in the video) but you don't have to view the video to continue reading the story.

So how do you access the music video? Go to my bio page—on the link to my homepage right click and chose Save as. I'm also going to post a link to it on the Business or Pleasure board on ezboard under Trick Shots (unless Astrid wants me to put it in the fan fiction folder—let me know where you want me to post the link). Anyways—let me know what you think. As always—Enjoy! Until next time—PCGirl.

Antonio stopped in the middle of reading out his notes from the Santi case to look up and see John was completely in another world. What world—well, Antonio had a very good idea. Since they had finished up the Santi case, and Antonio was back on the force he had noticed a change in John. His mind wandered quicker, and it took everything up to the point of shoving him to get him back to the present. Antonio gave a quick cough, "You know the Llanview PD talent show is coming up soon—I was thinking of doing a strip show for it." He grinned as he continued to get silence from John, "I'm going to sign you up for it also."

John snapped as he realized Antonio was talking to him, "Yeah, that's fine," he said as he leaned back and crossed his feet on his desk, "So where were we?"

"I was right here. What I want to know is where you were just then?"

"Nowhere. I guess I just didn't get enough sleep last night or something," he said rubbing his eyes to try and hide the fact that he had no clue what Antonio just said he'd signed him up for.

"Guess so. By the way—it's eighteen."

"Eighteen what? Eighteen straight whiskeys?"

"No, eighteen days until Natalie gets back."

"Really? I hadn't noticed," said John as he looked back down at his notes.

"Oh, I figured you'd be interested. Well, I've got to go pick up Jamie—I'll see you later."

"Yeah, later," said John as he put down his notes and stretched back. It had been crazy the past ten days since Natalie left. At first he hadn't thought about her much, but then whenever he went anywhere around town he saw flashbacks of him and her having good times, or not. Even going to the Palace made him remember their meeting there at the beginning of everything—we he first realized she was a tough little girl who just happened to have a trust fund the size of Rhode Island.

He sighed as he pulled out a notebook from his drawer and read over the letter he'd written. He pulled it out and crumpled it before tossing it at the trashcan, the yellow paper hitting the edge but landing to the left instead. He'd weaseled the address she was at out of Antonio a few nights ago over a game of pool—if he won Antonio had to give him the address—just so he could make sure the place was legit and there was no way Cramer could get in to see her. That's what he had said, but he knew Antonio knew the truth on why he wanted the address.

He'd won, of course, and had now attempted to write her a letter five times—each time being interrupted and later tearing it up at how silly it sounded. If he closed his eyes he could see her standing there at Rodi's the last time he saw her, she telling him maybe he should figure out who he was. He'd taken offense to the question at first, but now it made more sense. He'd been different lately—not that she hadn't—but he was turning colder again, like he had when Caitlyn died. Natalie had gotten him out of that before, she'd saved his life that way too—made him return to the land of the living instead of one of the undead. He gave up on the letter and work and leaned back in his chair, falling asleep quickly.

John stood in front of gates staring at the metal lettering at the top of them, Suncrest Retreat Center. The gates were shut but suddenly opened for him and he took the chance and ran in, before they changed their mind and wouldn't let him see her.

Once he walked in the large oak doors behind him slammed shut, the place was silent though he could hear a soft laugh coming from far away. It took him a moment to realize the laugh was Natalie's and he turned to the right and began searching. It was a maze of halls and doors—some leading to other halls he felt he'd just been on, and then some being nothing but empty space, "I'm coming Natalie," he called as he began running—her laughter getting louder he knew he was close. "Natalie!" he shouted as he got to the door that she seemed to be behind and opened it to walk into his hotel room.

Natalie stood there with her arms wrapped around Paul's waist and her head on his shoulder, "Hi," she smiled. "I made my decision."

"This is your decision?"

"You lose Johnny boy," said Cramer, though John would have sworn it was Stephen Haver's voice saying those words instead. "See—you didn't fight for her hard enough, didn't run to find her quick enough. If you had run faster, and tried harder—well maybe you would have got the girl in the end."

"Just like Caitlyn and Kathryn—you didn't run fast enough to save them, and you didn't run fast enough to get me. Sorry John," said Natalie as she let go of Paul and came and gave him a kiss on the cheek before his dream ended and he woke up back in his office at the Police Station.

"Is everything ok John?" asked Evangeline as they sat at a table at Rodi's. He had hoped going out to dinner with her would get Natalie off his mind, but it was doing no such thing. If he looked to the bar he kept waiting her to walk around the back in that tight little black shirt that was part of her uniform she he tried to keep his eyes away from that, but that meant he was looking towards the pool table and he was reminded of her even more.

He finally snapped out of it and looked at Evangeline, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't look it. Is there something you want to talk about?"

"Nope. Can't say that I do," he said as she tried to figure out what he was doing here with her—this wasn't where he belonged, he knew that much. "Actually, yeah there is something I need to say to you."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I think this idea of me and you—it's not working out, there's going to be a conflict of interest eventually. A case is going to come up, and I just—I think it's better for both of us if we just go back to being colleagues instead of whatever it was that we are now."

Evangeline's eyes got big as she heard what he was saying, "That's fine. Can I ask what brought this on?"

"Just something that's been on my mind. Listen, I have to go—I'll see you around though," he said as she got up, put some money on the table and tried to get out of Rodi's as quickly as possible.

It was late when John finally walked into the lobby of the hotel, he'd been walking around Llanview for hours since he left Evangeline—trying to get something, anything else on his mind, but it was useless. He'd realized something, there was not a single place in Llanview where he didn't have some memory of Natalie—heck, even the jail cells at the station reminded him of the time he told her to let it go and she cried for what seemed like forever. She had told him that he needed to let it go, but he didn't do it then.

When he finally let go—finally realized he could let go of Caitlyn it had been to late—she had chosen Paul then. What about now? When she got back from the retreat he knew only one man would be left in her heart—could he be the winner then? He didn't know, and wouldn't for another eighteen days—correction, seventeen since it was past midnight now.

He gave up the fight against sleep now as he laid down on the bed and closed his eyes for a moment but was pulled under and into another dream.

He was at the gates to the retreat center again—and like before the gates opened and he began to run. He got through the doors and the slammed shut like before and he ran to his right—remembering where to turn and what doors to go through. Suddenly he heard another voice coming from the opposite direction calling his name. He stopped and turned as he heard the voice calling him—it was Caitlyn. He knew he was just a few turns away from getting to Natalie—her laughter was loud and he could imagine her eyes sparkling as she did so.

He knew Caitlyn wasn't there—knew it was no more than a ghost and suddenly he knew what was right and began running again as he followed Natalie's voice. There was a woman in the hall—dressed in an all white Nurse's uniform, "Excuse me," he said trying to get past her.

"What do you think you are doing?" asked the woman as she stepped into his path.

"I need to get to Natalie."

"You can't."

"What do you mean I can't? I have to get to her so she'll pick me."

"It doesn't work that way young man—you don't do the choosing this time, she does."

"But last time--."

"No. Now turn and leave these premises at once."

John didn't argue with her, and though he knew he was turning back towards where he heard Caitlyn's ghost--yet he wasn't choosing the ghost over the flesh, but instead he had made his decision—now it was just a wait and see on if her decision was the same.