Author's Notes – GhostHelwig here again, bringing you this, the third chapter. For your Ed-ification, the two memories in this chapter come from the episodes "Rambling Ed" (the one where Ed moves out of his house) and "Stop, Look, Ed" (the one where Double D loses it because everyone is breaking rules).
Disclaimer – I do not own or profit from Ed, Edd N Eddy. Nor does Mysticlynx. We just like playing in the Eds' cul-de-sac... Rated R for slashy, romantic goodness. You were warned – like, repeatedly.
To Wish, Perchance To Ed
Chapter Three
by Ghost Helwig
"Really, Eddy," Double D said scathingly, "fortune-telling again? Wasn't the failure of our last venture in the world of psychic phenomena enough to convince you that this realm is not out forte?"
Eddy scowled at him. They'd been at each other's throats all morning, arguing over the smallest, stupidest things – this was just the latest 'difference of opinion' they'd had that day...
Eddy didn't know what Double D's less-than-pleasant mood had been caused by, but he knew what caused his.
Stupid dream.
"Just shuddup and get dressed," Eddy growled, thrusting a bundle of clothes into Double D's waiting arms. Rebellion flashed in Double D's green eyes, but he took the clothes without a word and hurried into Eddy's house to change.
When he returned, the scowl was now on his face.
"A dress?!" Double D stalked up to Eddy and stood in his path, face incredulous. "Eddy, you can't be serious."
"'Course I'm serious, Sockhead," Eddy said, eyeing the long, flowing emerald dress Double D had obediently donned. Funny how he hadn't realized when 'borrowing' the dress from his mother's stash of old, outgrown clothes that it perfectly matched Double D's eyes...
He shook himself mentally (stupid, stupid dream), and went on blithely, "fortune-tellers are usually women, Einstein. And we wanna be believable, right?"
Double D frowned deeply but said nothing. He'd learned long ago to pick his battles with Eddy, and this silky, form-fitting dress, though terribly embarrassing, could be a lot worse-
"You need a chest," Eddy suddenly laughed, and Double D grew impossibly flustered, his hands twisting nervously in the air.
"I do not – need – a – a chest." He blushed becomingly.
"Yeah, you do, Sockhead," Eddy said in his best 'I'm-not-backing-down' voice. Before Double D could think of a suitable reply, Eddy turned away from him and called out, "hey, Lumpy! C'mere!"
Ed looked up from lettering a piece of cardboard. Eddy had told him to write 'Meet The Great Madam Edsmeralda! Only 25 cents!' but at the moment he was misspelling the word 'madam' ('Madem') in his tidiest scrawl...
"The gravy train is on its way!" he cried, bounding over and skidding to a stop in front of his friends. Eddy shook his head at Ed's natural, buoyant enthusiasm, grinning just a little. Ed could make anyone smile...
"Stay here, Lumpy, and don't let anyone touch anything." Eddy waved to the tent they'd erected by stringing dark blue sheets between two trees for emphasis.
Ed grinned brightly at Eddy, and slapped his own forehead in what was obviously intended to be a salute. "I shall let you down, Eddy!" His grin widened as his eyes slid out of focus. Eddy sighed, frowning.
"Whatever," he muttered, and turned to grab Double D's arm. "C'mon, Sockhead." He began pulling Double D towards his house, and after a moment of futile resistance Double D gave up and let himself be dragged docilely along.
"Really, Eddy," he said when they were standing in front of Eddy's mother's dresser, "won't your mother complain when she discovers you've appropriated her clothes for another of your scams?"
"She'll never notice they're missing, Sockhead," Eddy replied confidently, rolling his eyes at his friend's constant need to find a problem with his scams. "She doesn't even fit in that dress anymore, and," he whipped open the second drawer from the top, "she has bunches of these."
There did seem to be a lot of bras stuffed in the drawer, ranging from white and concealing to red and lacy to black and revealing, as well as many colors and designs in between. Double D blinked at the messy contents, feeling his cheeks heat up again.
"Go on, Sockhead," Eddy prompted when he didn't move. "Pick one."
"I – I don't know how to 'pick one'," Double D said testily. "Really, Eddy, I feel this is unnecessa-"
"Oh, for cryin' out loud," Eddy griped, glaring at Double D. When that produced no response but a slightly raised eyebrow, he grimaced. "Fine, fine, I'll pick one," he grumbled, cheeks pinker than normal as he shoved a hand in the drawer and fumbled around, staring intently at the various bras he pulled out with even his neck flushing.
Finally he withdrew a bra that looked even tinier than all the others, very pretty and, despite being black, very nearly see-through in places. Obviously it was intended for a woman to wear on a night of seduction, and Double D couldn't look at it without blushing furiously. Some part of him was impressed that Eddy could even look at it, knowing it was his mother's, let alone touch it – the rest of him was just plain horrified.
"Here," Eddy said, shoving the bra into his hands. "I knew Mom would have one small enough for you. Put it on. We'll stuff it after. What d'ya think we should use? Tissues?" As Double D began fumbling with the zipper on the back of the dress, his eyes carefully averted from Eddy's as he tried to hide his embarrassment, Eddy crossed his arms over his chest and went right on talking.
"Nah, tissues won't move with ya. Maybe water balloons?" His blue eyes narrowed in thought, while beside him Double D struggled to get his arms free of the dress without letting it fall to his waist. Oblivious, Eddy went on, "you'll have to avoid gettin' too close to Lumpy, though, or he'll pop ya." He laughed, finally looking at Double D. "But who cares if you get a little wet, right?"
Double D didn't bother answering; he'd gotten his arms out of the flowing sleeves of the dress and into the straps of the bra, but now he was trapped. If he tried to reach behind him to hook the bra, the dress would slide down, and he'd be left standing beside Eddy in his underwear. Even if his dream from the night before hadn't still been haunting him, he still would not have been comfortable letting that happen.
"Eddy," he said nervously, "I – I am incapable of performing the required actions to lock this feminine undergarment upon my body." Eddy just looked at him blankly, for a long moment.
Double D shut his eyes briefly, letting a breath out through the gap in his teeth.
"I need help," he clarified.
Eddy glared at him a minute more, but decided not to comment. Your scientific mind can't handle bra hooks? Eddy thought as he moved behind Double D. Geez, Sockhead, how're you ever gonna get laid?
But he kept his thoughts to himself, instead reaching for the two sides of the bra where they hung loosely from under Double D's arms. He had to move closer, and all of a sudden he could feel heat radiating from Double D-
As well as the light scent of honeysuckle.
He froze.
While in front of him Double D froze as well, stunned by the heat radiating from Eddy and the hot breath he could feel on his ear. This was just like his dream – all he need do to complete the picture would be to half-turn, to give Eddy access to his mouth so they could share a deep, passionate, soul-searing kiss...
Without thinking, Double D turned a little, gazing over his shoulder at Eddy with half-lidded eyes. He watched Eddy lick his lips, and something warm unclenched in his stomach, flooding his body with liquid heat. His own lips parted, just a little, slowly getting wet with his suddenly rapid breathing...
Eddy had to force his hands to move, to pull the straps towards each other. His hands slid along Double D's smooth skin, feeling it turn to goose bumps under his gentle caress, and he swallowed hard once, twice.
He stared in growing fascination at the pale skin so trustingly displayed to him, admiring the shoulder blades, the barely visible knobs of the spine. He dropped the bra straps and just touched, not thinking, just feeling, wanting...
Without thinking, Eddy leaned down, and gently kissed Double D's back.
The trance broke.
Both boys froze. Eddy's mind kept whirring on, though, supplying him with the light flavor on his lips: honeysuckle.
He pulled back, unable to meet Double D's eyes. If he'd looked, he would've realized that Double D had turned his head, facing forward, unable to look at him, either...
Both boys could feel their cheeks flushing, and Eddy hurriedly hooked the bra, touching Double D as little as possible. He pulled a bit too hard and let go too quickly – the bra snapped against Double D's delicate flesh. He jumped, and Eddy could just imagine the slight reddening of that pale, abused skin, could see himself gently kissing all over it to make it better...
He jerked backwards, annoyed by his thoughts, annoyed by the urgent stiffening in his jeans that just would not go away. He spun around, determined to pretend none of this had ever happened.
"Get dressed," he said tersely, making it sound with those few harsh words as though Double D had been stripping for him and he found it repulsive. "I'll go, ah – make the boobs."
He paused for a moment, thrown by the absurdity of his own statement, then left quickly – he couldn't get away fast enough to soothe his aching conscience...
While Double D stayed with his arms clutching the dress to his chest, feeling the kiss Eddy had left on him like a brand.
-------
Ed had found his way into the makeshift tent by nearly ripping down one side. It hung half-off the branch, but he would not have known how to fix it even if it had occurred to him to do so – which it didn't.
Instead, he was tapping the side of the crystal ball, smiling into the opaque depths. "I want a chicken," he whispered to the wish-granting fairy he currently believed was inside the ball. "Chicken for Ed."
As he watched, the swirling depths within the crystal ball seemed to really swirl, to drift and change shape before his startled eyes. Convinced he really was about to get a chicken, he leaned closer, staring in...
And saw Eddy kissing the pale expanse of Double D's back.
He frowned. What were his friends doing in the fairy ball when they were supposed to be making Double D into a girl? And why did the inside of the fairy ball look like Eddy's parents' room? He reached towards the ball to pull them out-
And froze when the picture changed.
It was still Eddy and Double D. Only their clothes looked funny, and Double D wasn't wearing his hat – instead, his beautiful long hair (that he'd only ever 'let' them see down once) was pulled back in a loose ponytail... In fact, when Ed looked closer he realized that Double D had no shirt on at all... That was strange... And they were in a room Ed had never seen before, surrounded by candles...
Double D was sprawled on his stomach on a big, fancy-looking bed, one even Ed knew none of their parents could ever afford. Eddy knelt on the bed beside him, and as Ed watched, entranced, Eddy leaned over Double D and began kissing his bare back, his lips traveling lower and lower and lower...
Ed could practically hear Double D's moaning, could see his lips forming those soft sounds, and he blushed. But he kept staring, unable to help himself, wanting to see what Eddy would do next...
"Ed!"
Ed jumped at the sound of Eddy's angry voice, and the picture disappeared. He stared a moment longer, wishing it would return, staring intently at the once more opaque glass...
"Ed! What did you do to the tent?!"
Ed looked at the half-down side of the tent, and laughed gaily. It looked like the curtain in 'Alien Beings From Planet Narubi Part One: The Second Coming'. He burst through the sheet, bringing the whole thing crashing down, shouting, "Back, evil space aliens!"
Eddy was standing at his front door. He did not look happy. Ed laughed again.
It was good to see Eddy again, all life-sized and angry and doing something Ed actually understood – yelling at him.
Too bad about the chicken, though.