Kriss was very excited when she got up the day after the party, even though most of it would be spent packing. Her happiness of the meeting with Severus offset the sadness that they now all now felt. They were leaving Hogwarts for the last time and probably wouldn't see it again until they had their own children and they started school here.
She had told her friends that she wanted to go to Hogsmead for lunch and they had all thought it was a good idea.
Once everyone had packed, the dorm room looked bare, stripped of all the familiar pictures, nick-nack's and posters that had made it home from home. By now it was nearly twelve o'clock, so they all walked down to Hogsmead, feeling quite emotional.
When they arrived they went into the Three Broomsticks for lunch as arranged and afterwards decided to browse around the shops. Kriss made out that she had left something back at the pub and told she would meet them in Zonkos, when she had retrieved it. As it was nearing 2 o'clock she rushed round back to the pub again, finding the alley that led round the back.
Severus was already there, waiting, as he had said he would be, with the hood of his cloak over his face. He pulled it back as she approached and she immediately put her arms around his neck, kissing him and holding him tightly. He responded to her kiss, putting his arms around her waist and holding her close to him.
They stayed like this for a moment, then suddenly Severus broke away.
"I have something for you" He said, pulling out his wand
He held out his hand, waved the wand over his palm and a small, black box appeared. Kriss gasped in amazement, he had never bought her anything before and couldn't wait to see what it was. She took the box from him and opened it, inside was a silver 'S', about 3cm's long beautifully etched with tiny patterned snakes, hanging on a silver chain.
"Do you like it?" He asked cautiously
"Ohh, it's beautiful! But is it 'S' for Slytherin or 'S' for Severus?" She asked, smiling
"Whatever you want it to be" he replied
Kriss smiled and said "Put it on me would you"
He did as she asked and gently lifted up her hair to fastened it around her neck. She stroked it lovingly, smiling and feeling elated. She couldn't believe he had given her a present, now she knew he really loved her.
But suddenly his mood seemed to change; he wasn't looking at her now, but down at his feet.
"Kriss that was a.. .a goodbye present. I have to go away.. for some time." He said, struggling with the words, but sounding rather formal
"What do you mean? How long for this time?" she asked, feeling worried at his discomposure.
"I mean..that ..I ..have to say goodbye. You need to get on with your life now. You've done your exams, I know you will pass them all with top marks. The world is yours now you don't need me anymore. I will only hold you back from the life that you deserve." He said, looking into her eyes then looking back down again when he had finished.
"No..no..I want you to be part of my new life. I thought we could be together now, no one can stop us anymore! We're free now. Please don't say that!" Kriss said, the panic inside her making her voice quaver and tears start to form in her eyes.
"Kriss...please...this is not easy for me." He looked up again, a serious expression on his face
"I have never met anyone quite like you, you are special and deserve the best of everything. I am just an old fool who thought he could recapture his youth for a while. But now I know that was just a fantasy, I can never get back what has been lost, neither do I deserve to. I know you may think this is sudden, but I wanted nothing to get in the way of you passing your exams. I couldn't risk upsetting you before then." His eyes looked directly into hers now
"Are you saying that you want to end our relationship?" said Kriss, tears flowing freely down her face now
"Yes.. it is for the best, you'll see. In a few months time you will look back and thank me. I will become nothing but a memory, one you can look back and learn from, perhaps.
Maybe to you, you feel that we have done nothing wrong, but I see it from a different perspective. I feel like I have taken advantage of you, used my authority and your admiration for me to push you into a relationship. I have also betrayed the trust of Dumbledore and the guilt I feel will not go away. My only hope of redemption is to give you up now and set you free. All I ask is that you keep our secret, at least for the moment" as he said this, his face seemed full of conflicting emotions, between concern for Kriss and sadness in himself.
Kriss thought her whole world was caving in, she couldn't accept what he was saying, not now. They were free now, why did he want to end it? What was all this stuff he was saying about doing it for her? Ending it was the last thing she wanted. She wanted to be with him, to have him in her life, to be with him properly, like a real couple.
She looked at him, hoping he would suddenly change his mind, say that he had made a mistake and wanted to be with her after all and damn to everyone and everything else. But he just carried on looking down.
"Is it because you don't love me anymore? Are you tired of me? Are you embarrassed of me?" Kriss asked, desperately searching for an answer
"I'm doing this because I love you, but how I feel is irrelevant now. The only one that is important here is you and your happiness" He replied
"If my happiness were important to you, you wouldn't be leaving me! You're just scared of what people might think of you aren't you, for going out with an eighteen year old girl. I always thought you never cared what anyone else thinks, that's one of the things I loved most about you." Kriss said tearfully
Severus did not answer her for a moment; he merely looked down again sadly
"I must go now Kriss, I'm sorry. I know you are upset now, but in time it will pass, you will be fine.You must hurry and get back to your friends, they will be worried about you." He said smiling briefly.
Kriss shook her head "No..no..no please don't go. Please! " she begged him desperately, almost shouting out the words in her frustration.
She moved forward and grabbed his arms, but he gently pushed her hands away, holding them briefly and moving back at the same time. They stood there looking at each other for a moment when he suddenly raised his hand towards her face, stroking her hair lightly with the tips of his fingers and gazing fondly at her.
"Goodbye Kriss" he said simply, then he disapparated, leaving her alone in the dark, dirty alleyway.
Kriss looked at the now blank wall, where he had been standing. She couldn't believe what had just happened, she stood there for a moment in total shock, her whole body shaking with it. Then she ran, not knowing or caring where she was going. As she pushed her way along the crowded street, someone grabbed her arm and she struggled to free herself, until a familiar voice spoke.
"Kriss? Kriss what's wrong? Are you okay?" It was Harry Potter. He turned her gently to face him, with concern in his eyes. His friends were beside him, looking at her curiously.
"I..I.." Kriss started to say, but was interrupted by someone else calling her name. It was Claudette, running towards them, closely followed by Xanthe and Lucinda
"Kriss! Oh Thank Merlin we found you! Where have you been? You've had us so worried, we've been looking everywhere for you!" Claudette said breathlessly, when she reached Kriss. Lucinda and Xanthe had now caught up too and the three girls were all panting and clutching their stomachs from the exertion of their run, for a minute.
When Claudette looked up again, she suddenly noticed Kriss had tears running down her face. "Oh what's wrong! What's happened?" she said concerned, putting her hand on Kriss's shoulder
"He..he's gone!" Kriss managed
"Who's gone? What are you talking about?" Then when realisation hit her she said "You mean?" looking at Kriss directly in the eyes, raising her eyebrows.
Kriss merely nodded and pulling away from Harry, fell into Claudette's arms, the tears coming in a flood now.
"I think I'll leave you to it" she heard Harry say rather disconsolately, walking away.
They all decided it was a good time to go back to Hogwarts now. Claudette had filled Xanthe and Lucinda in about what Kriss had been talking about and they hadn't been that surprised, as they had guessed something had been going on.
As Kriss seemed hardly able to walk in her distressed state, they pooled their money together and hired a seemingly 'horseless' carriage from a rank of them just outside the village. As the carriage bumped along the road, Kriss stared out of the window lost in thought, she was feeling many emotions at once – disbelief, shock, sadness, anger and resentment. But most of all she felt like something precious, something she had really wanted had been taken away from her.
Her heart had been broken for the first time.
Severus Snape walked into the hallway of his old family home; leaving footprints in the dust that had built up while he had been away. He came to a door on his left and opened it, walking into the dirty, cobweb-strewn living room and sat down on a chair by the fireplace.
He looked down at the dusty floor, anger beginning to rise inside of him. He took out a small vial from inside his robes – his calming potion – and looked at it for a moment, undecided.
Suddenly he threw the vial into the fireplace, smashing it into tiny pieces. Standing up, his lip curling into a snarl, he angrily swiped all the ornaments off the mantlepiece, sending them crashing to the floor. His rage was now burning inside of him like a furnace and he looked for other things to break. A glass bookcase stood against the wall; he rammed his fist into it, smashing a pane, then pushed it over, sending books and broken glass flying across the room. He took out his wand and whirled around, sending tables, chests of drawers and chairs, crashing into the walls. After breaking nearly everything in the room, he felt his anger now sate a little and he sank down to the floor, his leg's bent up in front of him, hanging his head. His hand was bleeding quite badly, but he was too distracted to care. He had just let go of the best thing that had ever happened to him, the girl he loved. Even though he knew it was the 'right thing to do' and was for the best, he did not feel any better. The pain of telling her they had to end, the pain he had tried not to feel, seared in his chest now making him feel utterly despondent and helpless. He breathed in deeply trying to calm himself and regain his composure
There was a popping noise; someone had just apparated into the room, it was Dumbledore.
"You told her then I see " he said in his usual calm, steady voice "I know that was very painful for you. But in time you will see the sense in what you have done, that you did the right thing"
"Maybe I'm tired of doing the right thing." He replied, then looking up Dumbledore he said "You know, she once said to me that 'we are like two souls, destined to be together'. She never cared about the age difference and for a while, neither did I." Severus said disconsolately
"You know there is more to it than just the age difference, her parents, your reputation, the reputation of the school.. and your work for The Order would have been compromised" Dumbledore reasoned, obviously trying to make him see sense.
Severus said nothing, wishing sincerely that the old man would just go away and leave him to his misery. He stood up, leaning on the chair for support. Dumbledore noticed his hand then and moved immediately towards him
"Your hand is bleeding, it needs a bandage, let me.." But Severus cut him off
"I am perfectly capable of producing my own bandage!" he snapped. He waved his wand over the cut with his other hand and uttered a spell, saying "Ligamentum!" A bandage appeared in mid-air and wrapped itself around his wounded hand, stemming the bleeding.
"Now please leave me, I need time to gather myself before the meeting later" Severus said coldly, looking straight ahead. But as soon as Dumbledore had left he collapsed on the floor again, tears brimming at the corners of his eyes. He had found out what it was like to love and be loved in return and giving it up had been the hardest thing he had ever done. She was his first and last real love and would stay in his heart and his mind forever.