Author's Note: Oh my, oh my, oh my! I am so so sorry about taking forever with this last chapter. I've had it written for a long time but my summer has been soo busy with two trips to Europe and getting ready for college. I apologize for making you guys wait! I hope you will enjoy this last chapter and I warn you, it is sad. Please review and thank you to everyone who has supported this fic and has reviewed it!
Much Love,
PhoenixFirebolt
I'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
and I've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
You used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now I'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
and I've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
and I've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
Life is such a precious gift. Given to us by our Almighty Lord above, who allows us to live the life He gives us by whatever means we want. We can choose our own paths, we write our own story. And then the day comes when Death finally greets us and we are taken by the hand and guided up to our Lord once more.
But some people, driven by grief and a pain so deep that many do not understand, choose to end that life prematurely, and with it goes a person so incredibly unique, another one will never follow like it. And these people are taken to a special place alongside God, where they will finally know and feel the happiness they so longed for on Earth.
The pain a person feels in life on Earth does not have to end in death though. If a person searches hard enough, if they look into their heart and soul, if they truly look into the faces of the people that surround them, eventually they will find a person who can change everything. They can find that one person who sees their pain, who sees their hurt and sadness, and that one person can take it all away. That one person can breathe new life into the sorrow of another and save that person.
It is so hard to believe that ten years ago, I walked that path between life and death. I walked that fine line between barely living but not quite dead. I felt every pain imaginable and I used anything I could to try and be rid of it. I cut myself, bleeding away everything I could. But it never helped, and that horrific pain only magnified, and I cut more. It was a vicious cycle that I could see no end to. And when I realized that no end was in sight, that there was no light at the end of my dark tunnel, I chose to end my life. I forever wanted to be rid of pain, I only wanted happiness. I only felt this happiness could be met through death though.
How incredibly wrong I was.
My happiness could not be met through death. My happiness would have to be met in this life, here on Earth. All of my happiness resided in one person, the one person who I hated for six long years. The one person who seemed to hate me back. But this one person loved me like no other and showed to me how much life is worth and how precious it truly is. He showed me love and that I could be loved.
Draco Malfoy is my heart, my soul, my happiness, my love, and my life. He is everything to me. He pulled me back from the brink of death, not once, but twice. He risked everything for me, the most being the wrath of his father. He risked all that just to save me, and love me.
And save me he did. I finally realized just what life was and now, all I want to is live. I want to wake up in the morning and watch the sunrise. I want to go to work and laugh with my friends. I want to go to sleep, watching the moonlight stream through my open window. I just want to live each and every day like it is the most important in my life. I want to take in all that I missed for so many years. None of this would have been possible without Draco though. I'd be missing so much more if it were not for him.
I will never forget that night, ten years ago in my room at St. Mungo's, when I woke up to find Draco there, asleep on my bed. I realized then just how deep my love for him went. And when I knew how much I wanted to prove that love to him, I knew I needed to live. He woke up and kissed me and I could feel all his love for me through that one kiss, which I still consider to be the best kiss we ever shared for there was so much meaning and feeling behind it. That night, he made a promise to never again leave my side, that he would forever be with me. And I cried with happiness at his words.
Six months after I was let out of the hospital, Draco proposed to me and six months after that, we were married. So many people that have talked to me about our wedding consider it to be one of the most beautiful ever, not because of the way it looked, but because of all the love that Draco and I showed for each other that day. Our love was, and still is, beautiful.
Two years after our marriage, we welcomed into our home a gorgeous baby girl we named Hermione, after the woman who has been both a sister to me and one of my greatest friends. She was extremely flattered by our decision, as well as the one to name her godmother to little Hermy. Harry, of course, was named godfather.
When our daughter was only three years old, I became pregnant again but this time, it was under much darker circumstances. The War between the Dark and the Light finally broke out. For two long and dark years the War lasted. So many went to battle and so few returned. I wanted to fight so bad but being that I had a small daughter, with another child along the way, there was no way I could fight. Hermione was left behind as well, for she and Harry had married a year after Draco and I, and she too was pregnant.
For two years I waited in agony for Draco to return to me. He, Harry, Ron, my father, Fred, George, Percy, Bill, and Charlie all went. Almost every one of my friends from Hogwarts went as well. The Order all left, everyone left. Everyone except a few, including me. I hated myself for not being able to go, for not being able to fight alongside my husband and all my friends. After all so many of them had done for me, I couldn't be there to return the favor and try to save them myself. I knew there was little I could do even if I was able to fight, but just being there would have made me feel better.
The War raged on and no news ever came about what was happening except very infrequently. Muggles were being killed upon the thousands along with wizards and witches. Violence and blood were everywhere. And there was nothing I could do. Hermione seemed to be worse than me though. One of the smartest and most powerful witches ever was not able to fight either, being uncommonly silent for most of the two years while she knew that one of those days, her own husband would be facing Voldemort and the Prophecy would finally be fulfilled.
It was pure torture for both of us, not knowing which side would win. But finally, after those two years, the War ended, and the Light side was victorious. Harry Potter brought down Voldemort in the last major battle, and when their leader fell in a writhing pile of ash, the Death Eaters fled in horror, and the War was over.
The casualties for the Light were tremendous though. So many great wizards and witches perished but news of the names did not reach us back at Grimmauld Place at first. Hermione and I waited each day with bated breath, hoping that our newly born children would meet their fathers.
Finally, that long awaited day arrived and a knock came upon the door. Hermione, trembling, rushed to the door and pulled it open. A shriek of happiness came from her as she jumped into Harry's arms, holding him tightly as if fearing he would disappear if she let go. I watched them from down the hall, a smile on my face and pure joy for them filling me. I watched as more came into the house. Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Neville, Fred, George, Bill, my father, and countless others. I waited anxiously for the one face I longed to see above all others though. I longed to do as Hermione did and jump into the arms of my husband and stare into his silver eyes and hold him forever.
The door shut though and a flicker of fear coursed through me. Where was Draco? I timidly stepped forward toward Harry, uncertainty in my eyes. He pulled back from Hermione and his emerald eyes fell on me and the look in them almost made me fall over. No, it couldn't be true.
Harry had stepped forward, swallowing tightly. "Oh Gin," he had said, "I'm so sorry. I tried to save him."
I couldn't believe his words though, I didn't want to believe his words. "You're lying. No, where is he? Where's Draco?"
"Gin," Harry stepped forward again, "He didn't make it."
And then I screamed. I screamed so loud. Why? Why had this happened to me? Why was the one person who meant everything to me, who had saved me from death those years before, why had he been taken from me? Why was life so cruel that it had to come back and take something so precious from me? Was it punishment for my actions of before or was it just an ironic twist of fate that my savior had died instead?
The months after that day are a blur to me. I remember running from the hall, I remember crying. I never cried so much before in my life. My crying did not cease for months. In all reality, to this day I have never stopped crying. The facts of Draco's death I can barely remember. I was hardly in any state to hear them but some things do ring clear from Harry's talk to me a week after he told me I had lost my husband.
He had died during that final battle. Harry had been running to find Voldemort and had come across Draco, fighting Lucius on a small hill, bodies strewn around them. Harry had seen Draco faltering and had rushed forward, hoping to save him. But he was too late. Harry uttered his own Killing Curse too late and Lucius killed Draco seconds before Harry killed him. I remember Harry saying he blamed himself but I was too numb from grief and shock to try and stop him from saying that. I do not know who I blamed, probably no one. Though I did scream at Draco for months for leaving me alone with two small children. I screamed at him for leaving behind a son who would never meet him, for leaving behind a daughter who barely knew him, and for leaving behind me, who needed him so desperately.
I can not say that I didn't think about trying to kill myself again. The idea came to me and the appeal was there but it was not the same degree as before. I now had two children to raise on my own, that needed me. As much as I needed Draco, I could not abandon them. Draco had saved me before so many times, he had died, hoping to protect me and our children from further damage from the Dark. It would be an insult to him and his memory if I just gave up now. No, I would live for him now. Live for him and our children.
It has now been two years since the War ended, two years since I lost Draco. It is the anniversary of the day the War ended, September 21. I arrive at the gravesite of all the fallen from the War but my footsteps only lead me to one particular grave. I have only visited there once before so I am surprised at how well I know the way. My grief has kept me away, but today, I must visit. I hold tightly on to the hand of five year old Hermione and on my hip is my son, Daniel. Both have an uncanny resemblance to me, with their fiery red hair and freckles. But they both have beautiful silver eyes, Draco's eyes.
Behind me, walking in silence, is Harry and Hermione, with their son, James. Behind them walks Ron and Luna, who married just after the War ended, the one bright spot in the bleak years that followed for me.
I stop in front of a black marble headstone and stare down at it, tears starting to blur my eyes. I set Daniel down and release Hermione's hand. Without a word, Luna rushes forward and escorts the children from me, allowing me a few minutes alone with my husband.
"Hello Draco," I say softly while rubbing my hand lovingly over his name etched into the stone. "I miss you."
A few tears drop from my eyes and land on the ground before the stone. I brush them away, feeling so incredibly lost at the moment. "Why did you have to leave me?" I whisper to him, knowing no answer will greet me. A light wind blows and causes my long red hair to fan out and fall in my face. It dries my tears and I glance up and smile at the sky.
Draco is listening to me and he has never left my side. As much as I know he's there though, I want him by my side right now. I don't want to wait to meet him, I want to be with him now. I sigh deeply and stare at the ground in shame. Thoughts like those get me in trouble. I know I have to wait to meet Draco again and then we will be together for eternity. I have to live the life here that Draco sacrificed so much for. He sacrificed everything there was in his life just so I could live and enjoy what I missed.
I feel a tug on my coat sleeve and I stare down into the eyes of my beautiful daughter. I see her eyes and realize that Draco now resides in the two children I have with me each day. They are so much like him in everything they do that their mere presence keeps me going.
"Mummy," little Hermione says softly, "can I say hi to Daddy?"
More tears threaten to spill over at her innocent words and all I can do is nod my head. Luna brings Daniel forward as well and I watch as my two children kneel in front of the grave and speak to their father. It is amazing how much love children can hold for a person they either never knew or barely knew.
I begin to cry softly and Ron comes up and wraps me in a big hug, speaking soothing words into my ear to calm me down. I grip his jacket tightly, willing the tears to stop so my children don't see me. I never wanted to have Hermione and Daniel see me cry about Draco, I want to be strong for them and support them fully. I need to be there for them.
I pull away from Ron, my tears stopped, and walk toward the gravestone again. It is time to go. As I pull Hermione and Draco away, I stop once more to say goodbye. I let go of their hands and lean down to place a kiss onto of the cold marble. I keep my hand there for a minute before smiling once more.
"Thank you again Draco, for all the life you gave to me," I whisper, "I will see you again in eternity."
Then I turn away, new hope filling me. Draco will never leave me but I will continue to live for him. I will prove my love for him but never again giving up on life and living fully each day for the sacrifice he made for me and Hermione and Daniel.
I turn back to the headstone once last time. "Goodbye," I say softly.
Every story has a beginning but the story never truly ends. My story is not over and never will be. But the worst is over. I survived through the horrors of my past and came out able to tell the tale. Now I can relate to others and tell them to never give up on life because there is so much to live for. I tell them to look for that one person who will change them forever and who will take their hand and guide them back to the light.
Life is worth living, I know now. It is worth living just to find that one person who holds all of their love for you. It is worth living to say that you survived and can enjoy the life that comes through each breath you take.
Thank you Draco. Thank you for showing me life once more. But most of all, thank you for loving me.
Song: My Immortal by Evanescence