I Will Remember You

by Shiaw Mei Mei

An injured Sam needs to recover more than just her strength.

Status: Completed

Spoilers: All seasons including eight

Season: Eight

Sequel: None

Rating: PG-13

Content Warnings: None

Summary: An injured Sam needs to recover more than just her strength.

Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.

Author's Note: Thanks to the most wonderful beta in the world, Tame!!

"I Will Remember You"

Part One

She woke to the sound of someone softly snoring. Her head and back hurt and her mind was cloudy. Her eyes focused on an I.V. line that entered her hand. Just beyond her hand was a silver head, resting on folded arms on the edge of her bed. The sight comforted her but she couldn't figure out why.

Gingerly, she touched the softness of his hair. Her fingers lightly traveled to his ear. His breathing changed. His snores ceased. He looked up suddenly. His forehead had red marks from where it rested on his sleeve. She ran her fingers delicately across the marks. An indescribable joy filled his velvet brown eyes. His lips curled into a beautiful smile. It was so familiar. She tried to smile at him but the grogginess she couldn't shrug off grabbed at her. She felt her hand engulfed by his as she slipped back into sleep and his voice softly speaking "Sam!"

---

"Dr. Brightman, get in here!" Jack tried not to yell. He didn't want to startle Sam. He was still holding Sam's hand when the doctor entered through the curtains.

"Yes, General," she replied quietly.

"Sam woke up! She looked at me and touched my face!"

Dr. Brightman looked at General O'Neill with some skepticism. It hadn't taken her long to figure out the General had deeper feelings for Colonel Carter than he should have, given their ranks and position. Base gossip being what it was, she found out rather quickly the story behind their relationship and that it had never gotten off the ground.

She just nodded. "Sir, if you could wait outside for a moment."

SG1 had brought Colonel Carter in three days ago with a cerebral contusion. She had taken a blast from a staff weapon in the back but her vest had protected her. Unfortunately, when she fell, she hit her head. She had been unconscious since then. The Colonel was in a stuporous state of consciousness. Occasionally, she opened her eyes but only briefly.

Dr. Brightman ran through the usual tests, blood pressure, heart rate, respiration, temperature, but found no significant changes in her condition. She must have just opened her eyes again and General O'Neill imagined, or dreamed, that she had touched his face.

The General was pacing outside the curtain as she emerged. "Well?"

"Sir, I find no change in her condition. I will have additional tests run in the morning. I know I have warned you about her opening her eyes and told you that you cannot assume that she is conscious because of it."

"I know, I know, but this time she moved her hand, she touched my hair and my face." He looked very cross at the idea that she didn't believe him. "I wasn't imagining it."

"Is it possible you were dreaming it, sir? When I last looked in on Colonel Carter you were asleep at her bedside."

Jack looked deflated all of a sudden. "I guess," he sighed heavily. "I guess I could have..."

"Sir, I realize that Colonel Carter is a valuable member of your command but you need some rest. Not sitting in a chair beside her bed, but in your own bed." She saw the defiance in his look. "You know that I can make it an order." It wasn't a question but a statement of fact.

"Fine, doctor, but I will be in my quarters here on base. You will call me the moment anything changes." That too was not a question but an order.

"Yes, sir."

---

She woke again, this time alone. Had she dreamed the man, the one with the gentle eyes that softly spoke the word 'Sam'? Was that her name? Why couldn't she remember her name? Her head hurt badly. The rest of her body ached but not as bad as her head. Her back felt like something had hit her, hard, in the middle. Her mind was still cloudy as a dark haired woman entered the room. She didn't appear familiar, not like the man did.

"Colonel Carter! Good to see you awake!"

'Colonel Carter?' Was that her name? Who was 'Sam'?

"How are you feeling?"

"My head hurts." Her voice sounded strange to herself. She hadn't tried to use it yet.

"Well, that's understandable; you took a rather nasty blow to the head. Do remember waking up early this morning? General O'Neill said you woke and touched his face."

"Yes," she said thoughtfully. Was that the man's name? General O'Neill? It didn't sound familiar. "I think I remember. He was sleeping..." Her voice trailed off. She wasn't sure she wanted this woman to know that she had no idea who anyone was, including herself. Colonel and General...military?

"That's good. It means the General wasn't dreaming or hallucinating!" The dark haired woman laughed at her own joke as she checked her vitals and the monitors around her. "One less patient to worry about! I'd better call him and let him know you are awake. He was quite adamant about that!"

She watched the woman go. "General O'Neill," she whispered to herself. The velvet brown eyes and beautiful smile, the memory stayed with her as she fell back into sleep.

---

Jack wanted to run to the infirmary. He had barely undressed to rest in his quarters so he could get back to the infirmary as quickly as possible. All he had to do was throw on his fatigue shirt and he was dressed, a little wrinkled maybe, but decent. He hurried as fast as his dignity as a General would allow. It wasn't good for people to see the commander of the SGC running in the hallways. It tended to upset people.

Jack rounded the corner and ran into Daniel. Teal'c watched with amusement as he caught Daniel from behind.

"Damn, Jack!" Daniel's glasses were askew. "What's the rush?"

"Sam's awake," he said over his shoulder as he continued quickly toward the infirmary.

"Why didn't you say so?" Daniel and Teal'c fell in behind Jack.

Jack rounded the corner into the infirmary to see Dr. Brightman closing the curtain on Sam's area. She stopped him from barging in.

"She's asleep, just asleep, and not unconscious. She seems a little bewildered but that's expected with head injuries."

Jack stood his ground. "I, we, want to see her."

"Sir, she is asleep and it is healing for her to get rest. Please, I will call you when she is awake again. She will sleep quite a bit for the next couple of days but she should be awake for longer periods of time."

Jack sighed, turned on his heel and stormed past Daniel and Teal'c. They watched him go with sad eyes.

Dr. Brightman watched their reactions with interest. "He seems to be close to the Colonel."

Daniel looked at her with slightly narrowed eyes. "He is close to all his people. Colonel Carter and the General have been friends for nearly eight years."

"No disrespect intended. I've heard all the gossip. You know how it is being new person on base; everyone wants to tell you all the stories. I listen and make my own conclusions."

"And that conclusion would be, Doctor Brightman?" Teal'c inquired with raised eyebrow.

"That the General is close to Colonel Carter."

Daniel sighed. "Well, he is but it's nothing improper."

"I didn't mean to imply that it was." Dr. Brightman was getting a little irritated at the whole conversation. "Look, Dr. Jackson, General O'Neill has spent most of the last few nights in a chair beside Colonel Carter's bedside. When I say close, that's what I mean."

"Truce!" Daniel laughed. "We are just a little touchy about the subject. There has been years of speculation about their relationship and I didn't want you to be misinformed."

"No harm done. Now if you will excuse me, I need to set up a series of tests for the Colonel." Dr. Brightman left them standing there as she went to her office.

Daniel couldn't resist peeking through the curtains to look at Sam. She appeared to be sleeping but not well. She moved slightly and her mouth appeared to be trying to frame words. Daniel glanced at the direction the doctor went and nodded to Teal'c.

Teal'c understood what he wanted. He turned to stand guard as Daniel snuck between the curtains surrounding Sam's bed.

Daniel reached for Sam's hand, holding it gently. He had always thought of Sam as a sister, a really smart sister, granted. He had no siblings and his parents were long dead. SG1 was his only family.

She felt someone's hand on hers. It didn't feel like the other hand. This one had less calluses. She opened her eyes to see who was there. Concerned blue eyes met hers. Not brown. She felt disappointed. A smiling face greeted her.

"How are you, Sam?"

'Sam' again. Therefore, her name must be Colonel Sam Carter. "Better I guess. My head hurts."

"Well, I am sure Dr. Brightman will take care of that. She said you were doing better. You gave us a real scare!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to."

Daniel laughed lightly. "Well, it's not like you asked that Goa'uld to shoot you! And I am quite certain that you didn't mean to hit your head when you went down either! Just rest, Sam, and get better soon."

Teal'c poked his head through the curtains, "Daniel Jackson, someone is coming."

"Oops, we aren't supposed to be in here but Teal'c and I couldn't pass up the chance. We'll be back later."

"Colonel Carter, I hope you are feeling better."

"Thanks," she replied to the dark skinned man with the gold emblem on his head. Both of these men seemed familiar but not like the, eh, General. General O'Neill, such a formal name for someone that she felt so comfortable with. Maybe she called him something else.

Daniel Jackson, Teal'c, she seemed to recognize these more than General O'Neill. The names not the faces. That was strange. She would have thought that if the names were more familiar the faces would be too. Her head hurt too much to think about it. She could feel sleep tugging at her again. She wished she could stay awake long enough to clear the fog from her brain. 'Wasn't happening,' she thought as she drifted off.

---

Jack sat in his office not getting much work done. His mind kept drifting back to Sam. Watching her in that bed for three days, so pale, so still, well, it hurt. He hadn't been there to watch her six and she got hurt. He knew she would kill him if she found out his thoughts. She could take care of herself. If she couldn't, she wouldn't be leading SG1. He just hated the helpless feeling that consumed him right now.

He always knew it could happen, had happened before. She could be injured, or worse, captured, killed. It could have happened even if he'd been there. There was no sense in wallowing in guilt but that was exactly what he was doing. He put his head down on his desk. "Damn it, Sam, why couldn't you have just ducked?" His voice sounded anguished to his own ears.

Daniel heard the pain in Jack's voice as he appeared in the doorway. "Hey, Jack," he said softly.

Jack's head jerked up. He tried to neutralize the look of sorrow on his face. "Daniel, what's up?"

"Sam woke up again." He held up a hand to stop Jack from rising from his chair. "She's out again. Teal'c and I snuck in when the doctor was out of the room. I am sure you will get to see her soon. I know you are worried but it looks like she will be okay."

Jack just nodded. He couldn't say anything. Daniel knew how Jack felt about Sam, so did Teal'c, but he couldn't vocalize it to anyone, not even them. Hell, half the time he didn't admit it to himself. He pushed it back with all the other things that couldn't be in his life.

"Jack, there wasn't anything anyone could do," Daniel's voice was soft. "We were almost through the gate and the Jaffa came out of nowhere. You couldn't have changed it."

Jack just looked at him. Daniel didn't expect a response. He just wanted to try to reassure his friend.

"Thanks, Daniel."

Daniel nodded and left Jack to his thoughts.

Part Two

She woke up to the sounds of people around her. They were moving her, taking her somewhere. She tried to shake off the feeling of panic. She still didn't know who these people were or who she was! 'Sam', that was what the brown-eyed man had called her. The people around her were dressed in white. There was medical equipment everywhere. A hospital? What had happened to her?

The man called Daniel Jackson had said something about her being shot and hitting her head. What was she doing that she could be shot? Jaffa, he said that a Jaffa shot her. What the hell was that?

"Good morning, Colonel. We are just going to take you down for some tests. We need to check the head injury to see how it is healing." The man speaking to her appeared to know her as well. He did something to the bed and then started rolling it out of the room.

She saw the man from last night enter the room. He headed straight for her, smiling. "Hi, Colonel, how are you feeling this morning?"

'Colonel'? Last night it was 'Sam'. She took his lead. "My head hurts, General, but I guess I feel better." Calling him General didn't feel right. There had to be something else she called him but he didn't look surprised at her method of address.

"Where they taking you?"

"They said something about some tests."

Jack just nodded. "Well, it's good to see you awake."

The orderly wheeled her out of the room. The General just stood there watching her go. He seemed so different last night. He seemed to be so happy last night when she awoke. Now, he seemed so distant. Did she dream the look of joy in his eyes? Was it her imagination? She was so confused. Should she tell someone that she couldn't remember anything?

Jack watched as the orderly wheeled away the gurney. There was confusion, a blank look, in Sam's eyes that he couldn't understand. She looked at him as if she...as if...he didn't know what! Something wasn't right. He needed to talk to Dr. Brightman.

God, it was times like these that he really missed Janet. She would have recognized the confusion that plagued Sam. Brightman was a competent doctor, more than competent, or she wouldn't be here, but she wasn't Janet. He missed the little doctor more than he thought possible. But right now he needed to find Brightman. He wanted to talk to her about Sam.

---

She looked around the room. The fog that had beleaguered her all day was finally clearing. She still didn't know who she was or where. This didn't look like a hospital. The hallways that they went through to take her for tests had military people walking by. Everyone called her Colonel, so she must be military. The General wore a military uniform, but the other two men, Daniel Jackson and Teal'c, they didn't. The doctor appeared to have a dress uniform under her lab coat.

She also didn't see any windows, anywhere. That was really strange. One would think that there would be a window somewhere! Unless they were underground? 'Where did that come from?' The thought had a ring of familiarity to it. Maybe it was a memory. She sighed heavily. She knew it was late. There were fewer people and it was very quiet. She couldn't find a clock anywhere.

Why was it that she could remember things like what a clock or a uniform was but she couldn't remember her name? Sam Carter. That didn't sound quite right. "Sam Carter," she said softly. "Colonel Sam Carter." It still didn't sound right. Maybe Sam was short for something but what.

She sat up and rubbed the back of her neck. They wouldn't let her out of bed yet but at least she could sit up. She rolled her head back and forth, stretching her neck muscles. Her whole body ached but her neck was the worst right now. Thinking too much was making her head hurt worse. She wondered if she should call the nurse. Maybe they could give her something to help the pain.

She heard someone enter the outer area. 'Good,' she thought, 'maybe the nurse was coming to check on her.' She was surprised to see the General's head appear through the curtain.

"Hey, Carter! I didn't expect to find you awake at this hour!"

"It's not deliberate. I can't sleep."

No 'sir'? That struck Jack as odd. She hadn't said sir earlier either. That wasn't like her. If she wasn't calling him by his rank, her every other word was sir! "Well, you were out for three days. Maybe you're just tired of sleeping."

"No, actually, my neck is killing me. I guess I must have strained it or something."

"Well, turn around a little, maybe I can help." He wanted to touch her to reassure himself that she was really okay. She just provided him with an excuse. She smiled at the offer and turned to present her back to him. He tried to avoid the fact that her hospital gown was open down the back, and it was such a lovely back. He flashed back to when Hathor had captured them. He had gotten a real good look at her back that day, one that he would never forget. He frowned slightly at the sight of the large bruise left by the staff blast.

She exhaled loudly as his hands began massaging the aching muscles in her neck. His hands felt so good, warm calloused palms, long gentle fingers. Her mind wandered while he continued his gentle kneading of her neck. This felt so good, him touching her. Had he done this before? He didn't seem as distant tonight as he was this afternoon. Was it because of their ranks? Was it military protocol? But when the uniforms came off, did they leave together? The feelings that she had when he was around would indicate something more intimate than just a working relationship, or even friendship.

The softness of her skin had Jack mesmerized. She was so tough normally. It was hard to believe she was this soft under her clothes. His fingers kneaded the tight muscles in her neck tenderly. He didn't want to hurt her. He moved down to her shoulders, carefully avoided the extensive bruising. He wanted to kiss her battered back. He wanted to hold her and make sure that nothing ever happened to her again.

She leaned back into the pressure of his hands. She could feel her muscles relaxing under his careful ministrations. She could also feel the desire his touch elicited. His hands on her skin felt soothing and exciting at the same time. She felt a chill run through her body.

Jack felt her shudder. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" His whisper was close to her ear.

"No, no you didn't hurt me. I, it's just, well, it feels good," her words faltered. She suddenly had the sense of something forbidden. Was it him? Was he married? Off limits? She pulled forward a little. "Thanks, I feel much better."

He watched, as she seemed to draw up inside herself. She carefully moved back on the bed where she could lay down, mindful not to reveal more of her bare back. He was surprised that she accepted his offer in the first place. That wasn't like Sam. She normally avoided physical contact with him, except under dire circumstances. He remembered her in the infirmary, after Janet died, when she needed to hold him, to reassure herself that he was okay. He wanted that hug to last forever, to be able to keep her safe.

She lay back gingerly; the bruise on her back was still painful. He watched her closely as he sat down in the chair next to her bed. Had she done something wrong? Should she have not pulled away? Should she have accepted his offer of a neck massage? Should she tell him that she didn't remember him? His eyes were soft, like last night, his smile gentle, almost teasing. She remembered the softness of his hair. You would think it would be coarse from the way it looked. He leaned forward and placed an elbow on the edge of her bed, his chin rested on his hand, his long fingers splayed against his cheek.

She thought about the way those fingers touched her neck, her shoulders. She smiled at the thought of his fingers touching her intimately. Almost as if it had a mind of its own, she saw her hand reach out and gently stroke his hair. The look on his face was...not displeasure...surprise maybe. Her fingers wandered down to the scar that ran through his eyebrow. It fascinated her; was she there when he got it? She continued to explore his face as her fingers lightly brushed his temple, then across his cheekbone. She felt the roughness of a day's growth of beard before she reached the softness of his lips. She saw the shiver that her meandering caused run through his body. His hand reached up to gently pull her hand away, but not before he lightly kissed her palm.

His face was sad, his voice soft. "How much can you remember, Sam?" He placed her hand on the bed, his rested on it.

He'd guessed. "Not much. Feelings. How did you know?" Her eyes met his cautiously.

"Never mind how. I could just tell."

"We aren't, we don't..." Her voice trailed off.

"No," he said with profound sadness. "We aren't."

Tears filled her eyes. She thought there was so much more there. She felt grief at its loss. "That's how you knew." It wasn't a question.

"Ssshhh, Sam, no tears. It's not because we don't...want to." His voice was soft and his words were soothing. "We just can't because of who and what we are."

So that was the difference between this afternoon and tonight, last night. There were people around then, there aren't now. She nodded as she blinked back the tears. She could see the hint of moisture in his eyes as well.

They were quiet for a long time. The grief she felt over the loss of something she never had made her unsure. She didn't know what to say. She should probably ask questions about who she was, where she was. He didn't make any move to fill her in. He just sat there, with his hand over hers, staring at a spot on the wall behind her. He seemed to share the heartache she felt.

He couldn't look at her. She didn't remember him. She didn't remember anything except her feelings for him. Their common history, their shared experiences, how those feelings started, it was all gone. Would she get them back? He should probably go get Brightman, tell her what was going on. He made no move to leave. He sat next to her until her breath evened out with sleep. He sat there, watched her sleep. He sat there until the morning shift found him, asleep, with his head resting on one arm, the hand of his other arm curled around hers.

Part Three

"What do you mean, she doesn't remember anything? About the mission?"

"No, Daniel, she doesn't remember anything, about us, about the SGC, about herself!" Jack was tired and cranky. This whole situation was more than he could handle right now. "She has amnesia."

Seated around the briefing room table were Jack, Daniel, Teal'c and Dr. Brightman. Dr. Brightman raised an eyebrow at the General's outburst.

"Sorry, Doctor, please continue." Jack sank back into his chair.

"As I was trying to say, Colonel Carter has retrograde amnesia. She can't remember anything prior to her injury. Physiologically, memories are the result of chemical changes in the synaptic transmissions between neurons. These changes cause pathways to form, called memory traces. The damage..."

"Ack! That's enough, Doctor." Jack had enough of the medical babble. "The bottom line is that Carter doesn't know who she, or anyone else is. The question I want answered is, will she get her memory back?"

"I was getting to that, sir." She placed an emphasis on 'sir' that was just short of disrespectful. "She will probably get all, or most, of her memory back." She raised a hand to him sharply as he started to interrupt her again. "And no, I don't know how long it will take!" She glared at him. The man was insufferable. What idiot made him a General?

Daniel couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, he doesn't act much like a General, does he?"

Her eyes widened. Was the man a mind reader or did she just say that aloud?

"Don't worry, you'll get used to him." Daniel smiled at her. "So, what you are saying is that Sam will probably make a full recovery."

"Probably, in some cases not all of the memories come back, but the damage wasn't that severe. I think that with time, she will regain all of her memories. Usually retrograde amnesia only lasts a short period of time, minutes, days, maybe weeks. It's all based on the individual."

Jack looked appropriately subdued when he finally said, "What can we do to help her?"

"Pretty much continue to treat her normally, answer questions for her. I would stay away from traumatic experiences, as they may affect her psychological recovery."

"What's that mean?" Jack wasn't sure he liked the sound of that.

"Most long term amnesia is psychological, not physiological. Losing one's memory is traumatic in and of itself. Adding to that with stories of other traumatic events could make her suppress her memory further. I would stick to family, work, and simple things around her. Her physical injuries are healing nicely. I will probably allow her to leave the infirmary tomorrow for on base quarters. Once she's a little stronger, I would recommend that someone walk her around the base, her lab, her quarters and the like. When she's able to leave the base, take her to her house and let her look around. Sights, sounds, smells and even taste can cause memories to surface."

"Okay, Doctor, thank you." His tone clearly indicated that she was dismissed. Jack wanted to get back to the infirmary to see Sam.

Dr. Brightman left quickly. She could only handle so much disrespect.

"Jack, you need to take it easy on her. She doesn't know you yet." Daniel's voice was reproachful.

"I just want the short facts, not the long medical babble. What's the point of all that beating around the bush?"

"O'Neill, Daniel Jackson is correct. You must let Doctor Brightman become accustom to your manner. She seemed most upset with you. She does not know you as Doctor Frasier did."

Daniel winced slightly at the name of their former CMO. He still felt a hole in his heart over her loss. There had never been anything serious between them but there had always been a promise of possibility. One he now regreted not exploring.

Jack had been looking at Daniel when Teal'c mentioned Janet. 'He understands more than I give him credit for,' he thought. "Okay, guys, I promise, I will take it easy on the doctor. You happy now?"

---

Sam sat on the edge of the hospital bed and looked at the clothes that sat on the chair. The doctor, Brightman was her name, was letting her out of the infirmary. She was scared. She didn't know anywhere but here. This was the only place familiar to her. She now knew what a bird felt like when pushed from the nest for the first time. She was afraid she wouldn't remember how to spread her wings, much less fly.

"Knock, knock." The General's voice came through the curtains. "Are you decent?"

"Uh, not yet. Just a minute." She got up from the edge of the bed. The General had come back yesterday after the doctor explained her condition to him. He was kind about it. Told her not to worry and that she would get her memory back. He said he would be there for her, that all of her team would, SG1, Daniel and Teal'c. He also came back last night. He sat talking to her and answering questions until she had fallen asleep.

She managed to get her clothes on although the sore muscles in her back made getting her bra and shirt on painful. "Okay, I'm ready..." He was through the curtain before she finished the word 'ready'.

"What's the matter?" The look on her face spoke volumes.

"I don't know if I want to leave here..." Her voice trailed off.

"Not leave the infirmary? Where's the doctor? You must have a fever!"

Sam laughed half-heartedly. "It's the only place that is recognizable, that I remember."

"Well, the doctor said that seeing familiar things could help your memories surface faster. Your quarters are a good place to start." He placed his hand on the small of her back and gently guided her toward the door. "I came up here to personally escort you there!"

She smiled at him as he looked fondly at her. "Well, then, lead on!"

---

The halls didn't ring any bells for her. They looked the same as the ones she was taken through for the medical tests. The elevator was just an elevator. They stopped at the door to her quarters. The General looked at her inquiringly. She just shook her head.

"Don't worry about it, Carter. Brightman said that it could take a few days." He opened the door for her. "Come on in. It's not much, but it's your home away from home."

Home away from home. He told her last night that she had a small house in town. She drove an antique car and she rode motorcycles. He flipped the lights on as she entered the room. She looked around carefully. There were pictures, plants, and a computer. A few personal touches, but not many. "Doesn't look very inviting."

He laughed. "Well, it is standard issue furniture; even I can't do anything about that."

She picked up one of the pictures. It was an older man in an unusual outfit, brown and tan. He was smiling and he had a kind face. She put it down and looked at the next picture. It was of a younger man, maybe her age, maybe a little older, with a woman and two little girls. He resembled the man in the first picture. She replaced that one carefully. The next picture was of the same man from the first one. This time he was in an Air Force dress uniform. He looked rather stern. She set it down. The last picture was of her, the General, Daniel and Teal'c. They were standing near a large ring laughing. There were woods surrounding them. She looked happy, they all did. She took the picture over and sat on the bed looking at it.

Jack watched her quietly. He didn't want to push her. After his little reprimand from Daniel and Teal'c, he went to Brightman's office and apologized for his behavior. She accepted it graciously and finished what she wanted to say in the briefing. They shouldn't push Sam into remembering anything. Answer her questions and let her memory find its way back on its own. Pushing her could cause more harm than good to an already fragile state of mind.

"Well, I will go now and let you look around. Call me if you need anything. There is a phone list on the desk."

She stood up quickly. "No, don't go yet." She blushed slightly the frightened tone of her voice. "I mean, I just, I don't want to be alone yet."

He walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, Sam, I can stay for a little while."

There is was again. 'Sam'. In that soft voice and the velvet brown eyes that looked down at her. The same as that first night.

Jack saw the fear and sadness in her eyes. "Come here," he whispered as he pulled her close to him in a tight embrace. "It will be okay, Sam. Believe me." Her arms wrapped around him desperately. His hands rubbed her back soothingly. He could feel the minute shaking that accompanied her quiet crying. He pulled back from her to look at her face. One hand reached up to her cheek, his thumb wiped away the tears. "Sam, it will be all right."

"I'm sorry; I don't mean to be such a basket case."

"You're not! Don't worry; it has to be frightening not knowing who you are. You're allowed to cry!"

"But I know how you feel about tears!"

"Well, that's something you've remembered! That's good!"

Sam's tears stopped immediately. "You're right! I remember that! You hate tears and... Oh, God, it's right there..."

"Sam, don't push it! It's a start!"

She wasn't listening to him. Her mind had latched on to that tiny piece of information and wouldn't let go. "It's so close, I know it!" She stayed within his arms, hers still tight around his waist. She was staring at his shoulder. Her face lifted suddenly to his, her eyes wide. "Giggling! That's it... Giggling!" And she proceeded to do just that, giggle.

"Carter... You just remembered that I don't like giggling so you giggle. How insubordinate is that?"

She laughed aloud, no giggle this time. "I remembered two things; I am allowed to giggle if I want to!"

She was so happy over her small bits of recovered memory. She was so beautiful in her joy, her eyes bluer than normal; her smile gave competition to the sun. He didn't realize what he was doing until his lips had already met hers, until his teeth had already grazed her lips and her tongue welcomed him with the sweet taste of her mouth. One hand found the back of her head, his long fingers tangled in her hair. Her hands slipped between his fatigue shirt and his t-shirt and moved up from his waist to his should blades, caressing his muscled back, teasing his skin through the light cotton material.

She gasped as he broke their kiss abruptly. He buried his face in her neck; his breath ragged on her skin. She was trembling, weak in the knees; she had to hold him tightly to remain standing. His voice whispered softly. She strained to hear his words.

"I thought I lost you! Oh, Sam, I thought this time, I had really lost you!"

They parted abruptly when Daniel knocked on the door to her quarters. She couldn't remember why but she knew this was wrong.

"Come in," she said loudly as she quickly smoothed down her hair. She walked over to the desk to get some tissues to dry her eyes.

"Hey, what's up? Oh, Jack, I didn't know you were in here. I just wanted to see if Sam felt like getting something to eat."

"I was just showing Carter around her quarters."

"I remembered something," Sam said mischievously.

"That's great! What did you remember?"

"That the General hates tears and giggling!" She looked so proud of her accomplishment.

"It's okay, Daniel. I told her she could cry under the circumstances but the no giggling rule is still in effect!" He glared at her as she giggled again.

Daniel laughed with the two of them. Maybe things would get back to normal after all. He hated seeing Sam so despondent. Her mood definitely improved with those two small memories. "So, anyone hungry?"

"Sure," Sam said. "I just need to use the restroom right quick. The two men watched her as she went into the other room.

"What's up, Jack?"

"She was all upset again. I have never seen Carter this scared."

"Well, it's understandable. Not knowing who you are, that has to be frightening."

"I know, I just want to help and I don't know how. I hate feeling helpless."

"Well, you said that she seemed to recognize you some. If your presence seems to help her then you need to be with her."

Jack couldn't ask Daniel to clarify that last statement because the door to the bathroom opened right then. Jack turned to see Sam emerge. She had evidently washed her face. It didn't look quite so tear stained as before.

"You ready?" He asked gently.

She took a deep breath and nodded.

---

The commissary felt like something she knew. She just didn't know what foods she liked. The General picked out a couple of things for her. One of the items he put on her tray was blue Jell-O. She smiled at him when he did. "Blue?"

He just shrugged. "That's what I always asked you, Carter? Why blue? You claim it tastes better!"

She just nodded and moved on down the line. She watched as he filled a glass with diet soda and placed it on her tray. "You like the taste better," he said simply. How did he know all of these things? He evidently knew her well. The hug that he gave her earlier was so familiar it almost made tears come to her eyes just thinking about it. The kiss, well, there was nothing recognizable about that! That had never happened before! She just knew it, felt it.

Sam felt a little strange as she followed Jack to a table. She made sure to sit across from him and not next to him. Daniel sat down beside her. "Well, remember anything else."

"Don't push her, Daniel. Just let it come on its own."

"No, that's all right. It does feel like I know this place. Do we spend a lot of time here?"

"Well, all meals on base. Sometimes that's three a day, so, yeah, I guess we spend a lot of time here." Jack was concentrating on his food as he spoke. He had trouble meeting her eyes. That kiss should never have happened. He can't believe he lost control like that. He was just thankful that Daniel showed up when he did. There was no telling how much farther it would have gone if they hadn't been interrupted.

Sam picked at the food on her plate. She knew that the doctor said that sometimes taste would help stimulate memory but she didn't want to lose the taste of the General's kiss. Not yet.

Daniel noticed that she was preoccupied, pushing food from one side of her plate to the other. "Why don't you skip the lunch and go for the Jell-O instead? It's your favorite."

Sam smiled at him. Evidently, they all knew her pretty well, not just the General. "I am just not really hungry, I guess. General, tell me about the pictures in my quarters. The faces were familiar but I couldn't place them."

"Well, the older man is your father, General Jacob Carter, retired. He is a, uh..." Okay, how does one put this delicately? "He works with the SGC in a liaison capacity to an alien species called the Tok'ra."

"Tok'ra," now that sounded very familiar. "Tok'ra." She said again. Suddenly, there was a flash of memory, of her and a young man, standing looking at each other as the sunset in the distance. She felt an overpowering sense of love for the man, so much so it took her breath away. She gasped for air as Daniel placed an arm around her and Jack moved to kneel beside her chair. Another flash of memory, the same man was lying in her arms, bloody, dead. She clasped her hands over her mouth and sobbed loudly, her whole body trembling. "Oh, God, he's dead!" Her voice was ragged.

"No, Sam, your dad's fine," Jack placed a hand on her back. "He's away right now, but he's fine!"

"No, not him. The other one, the one dressed like him, younger." She was sobbing now. She tried to control it, people were watching.

"Come on, Sam, let's go back to your quarters." Jack tried to help her stand but her legs wouldn't hold her. He gave up, swept her up into his arms, and headed for the infirmary. She sobbed into his neck uncontrollably as he carried her swiftly through the corridors. Daniel ran ahead to warn Dr. Brightman of their impending arrival.

"What happened?" Dr. Brightman asked brusquely as she began examining Sam. She nodded to a nurse, who handed her a shot. Brightman quickly injected Sam with a sedative.

"She asked about the pictures in her quarters." Jack started filling her in as he gently laid the weeping Carter onto a bed. "I was telling her that one of them was her father. I didn't try to go into anything about Selmac. I just said that he was liaison for the SGC to the Tok'ra. She repeated the word a couple of times and then fell apart!"

"She said something about him being dead. Jack told her that her father was alive and well but I don't think she was talking about Jacob." Jack and Dr. Brightman both looked at Daniel curiously. "She said he was dressed like Jacob but younger." He lowered his voice so Sam couldn't hear him. "Jack, I think she means Martouf. I think we have to take into account that Jolinar's memories are in there with Sam's. She must have had a flash of Jolinar's feelings for Martouf and then the memory of his death."

Sam calmed a little as the sedative started to take effect. "Oh, my God, I killed him! I loved him and I killed him!" Her sobs deepened. The sedative wasn't working fast enough.

Jack moved quickly to her side. "Sam, honey, I know it's confusing. You have to calm down so we can try to explain some of what you are remembering. Please, Sam." One hand tightly gripped hers as his other hand stroked her hair. Her hand held his so tight that she was cutting off the blood flow. "Ssshhhhh, it's okay, baby, it's okay."

Daniel and Dr. Brightman walked away from the scene quietly. "He's not handling this well, is he?"

Daniel watched as the doctor discreetly closed the curtains to obscure the obvious display of affection Jack was showing. "No, he's not." Daniel sighed.

"I had just started a pot of coffee in my office. Join me for a minute." Daniel nodded and followed her toward her office. Brightman gave the nurse a look that she understood as do not disturb the General and the Colonel.

Dr. Brightman poured Daniel a cup of coffee and indicated that he should sit. "Okay, I've read the file on Jolinar's possession of Colonel Carter but it appears that there is more to the story than what is in the file. It would be helpful if you could fill me in."

Daniel took a sip of the coffee before he started. "Jolinar was Martouf's mate. They had been together for nearly a hundred years. When Sam first met Martouf, she started experiencing some of Jolinar's feelings for him. When the President was coming here to sign the treaty with the Tok'ra four years ago, Martouf tried to assassinate him. Goa'uld technology was controlling his mind. Sam killed him, shot him with a zat twice. He begged her to do it. He knew he was unable to control himself. Sam had to deal with the emotions that came from killing a friend to her and lover to Jolinar." Daniel paused as he took another sip of coffee. "She said once that Jolinar's memories were screaming no as she pulled the trigger. I can't begin to imagine what she's going through now."

"General O'Neill is getting a little, eh, too..." Her voice drifted off.

"Yeah, and I don't know what to do about it." Daniel stood up quickly. Sitting still was difficult and there wasn't much room to pace in the doctor's tiny office. He looked out the door toward the closed curtain and wondered what Jack was saying to Sam. "They have managed to control this thing between them for years. I think it's harder now than ever. He's not out there with us. He doesn't get to see her as much. I think that's all that kept him sane for years. And then, there's the fact that she's, well, kind of moved on. She's been dating someone for the last six months."

He turned back around to face the doctor. "I am telling you these things because I believe you need the information as CMO. I don't expect any of this to go any further." She nodded at him. "Martouf wasn't the only one that was under Goa'uld mind control. They called it a Zatarc. Several members of a SG team also were programmed to assassinate various high-ranking Tok'ra. There was a device to test people for it. Jack and Sam both failed the test. Not because they were Zatarc, but because they had concealed something during the testing."

He turned again to look in the direction of Sam's bed. "It was like a high-powered lie detector test. It detected suppressed memories that would imply that they had false memories to cover the instructions given by the Goa'uld. The only thing they left out was that their feelings for each other were more than they should be. They revealed that and passed the test just in time to realize that Martouf had never been tested. They went from the test to the gate room in time to stop Martouf."

Dr. Brightman sighed heavily. She didn't realize what she was getting herself into when she accepted this assignment. "This is going to be a difficult recovery."

"Yeah, for both of them." Daniel shook his head thinking, 'And Pete hasn't even come into the mix yet.' At least he didn't think Jack would have told Sam about him. 'How's that gonna work?'

---

After the curtain closed, Jack sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Sam up close to him. "It's all right, Sam," he whispered repeatedly in her ear. "I'm here. You need to calm down so I can explain some things to you. I should have told you before."

Either his words or the sedative started to take effect, but her sobs softened and the torrent of tears slowed. Her face remained buried in his neck as he started speaking. Her arms were tight around his waist.

"The Tok'ra are like the Goa'uld but they are the good guys. The symbiote is willing taken by a human host. That's what Martouf was. The one you remember. His mate's name was Jolinar. She was trying to escape a Goa'uld assassin. The human host was mortally wounded and, in a desperate attempt to escape, she blended with you. We didn't know about the Tok'ra then. We all thought a Goa'uld had taken you. The assassin managed to get to the holding cell where you were and attempted to kill her and you."

Her sobs had stopped but her breathing was still ragged. He continued to rub her back gently as he went on talking. "Jolinar died keeping you alive. With the Tok'ra, and the Goa'uld, the host has access to the memories of the symbiote. You have Jolinar's memories in you as well as your own. It took a long time to control it but you managed. The love you felt for Martouf was Jolinar's, not yours. He was your friend, nothing more. He was Jolinar's mate, not yours. I know it has to be confusing, Jolinar's memories coming back first, but you have to trust me on this."

He could feel her head nod into his shoulder. He moved her back a little so he could see her face. "You have to trust me on this," he repeated.

"I do, I always trust you." She leaned closer to his face, her lips touching his lightly. She closed her eyes as she moved away from him. "Earlier, in my quarters...that had never happened before had it?"

"No, and it shouldn't have happened then." His eyes were sad and riddled with guilt. "Sam, you, ah, you have someone in your life." He spit the words out quickly to decrease the pain of hearing it from his own lips.

"And it's not you," she whispered.

He shook his head softly. She saw the regret in his eyes, she felt like someone was ripping her heart out of her chest.

"Why not?"

Jack closed his eyes and lowered his head. He felt her hand cup his chin. She pulled his face back up. "Look at me."

He obeyed, unable to do anything else.

"Why not?" she asked again.

"Because as long as I have known you, I have been your commanding officer and it's not allowed."

"That's the only reason?"

She could see the deep pain in his eyes as he nodded.

"Sounds like a stupid reason," she whispered as she leaned forward and captured his lips. He didn't resist. He groaned as his arms wrapped around her tightly, trying to be cautious of her bruised back, as her mouth opened to allow his tongue to explore her sweet taste. So caught up in the feel and taste of her, he almost missed the sound of movement outside the curtain. He pulled back quickly as Dr. Brightman and Daniel walked through the curtain. He couldn't have known that the noise they made was deliberate.

Sam eased back down onto the bed. The sedative seemed to be pulling her down, that or the exhaustion she felt at the emotional ride she had just taken. "Can I go back to my quarters?" she asked the doctor sleepily. "I don't want to stay here."

"I don't see why not but someone should help you get there. You are probably a little woozy right now."

"Yeah," Sam laughed slightly. "That's a good word for it."

"I'll help her," Daniel volunteered quickly. He had caught a peek of what was going on before he opened the curtain. He didn't think it was safe for Jack to take her back there.

Dr. Brightman recognized the offer for what it was. "Good, I need to speak with General O'Neill for a few minutes anyway." She saw Jack's mouth moving to protest when Daniel offered. She figured it was best to separate the two of them for a few minutes.

Jack nodded reluctantly. "Go, get some sleep, I'll stop by later to check on you." He watched her leave, leaning heavily on Daniel and then turned back to the doctor. "What's up, doc?"

"Oh, yeah, like I haven't heard that one before," she laughed as she motioned for him to follow her into her office. "Want some coffee?"

Jack nodded as he sat in the chair near her desk. She handed him a cup before she sat down. "Dr. Jackson filled me in on some of the things about Jolinar that weren't in the files. This is going to complicate things."

Jack nodded slightly as he sipped the coffee.

"She is going to have trouble determining which memories are hers and which ones are Jolinar's. If Jolinar's are as bad as I would imagine, this is going to make her reluctant to try to remember more."

"I didn't think about that," Jack said softly. "Jolinar was probably close to two hundreds years old. That's a lot of bad memories when you are fighting the Goa'uld. Sam has some pretty bad ones of her own from just eight years of it."

"Well, I really think that someone needs to be with her through most of this that can tell the difference. Someone that knows her well enough to convince her which memories are hers and which are not. That would be SG1 and yourself. You are the only ones that know her that well."

Jack nodded. "Doctor, I need to know something."

"Yes, sir."

"With this amnesia...well, Carter..." How did he ask this?

She could see the difficulty her was having with this. "Go on, sir. Anything said here is confidential."

"Well, I guess you've probably figured out by now that I care about Carter, about Sam." He was staring at the wall so he didn't catch her nod. "Well, for a long time, I thought she felt the same way. About six months ago, she started dating someone. I figured, at the time, that her feelings had changed and that she was moving on." He stood up quickly, closed the door and leaned against it. "After she regained consciousness...I figured out that she couldn't remember anything because she was doing things that she would never have done in her right mind."

"Like what?"

"She always avoided...physical contact with me but she was...stroking my hair, touching my face. She said she remembered strong feelings about me. I told her about Pete, the guy she's dating, but it doesn't seem to make a difference to her." He exhaled loudly and banged the back of his head against the door. "I guess what I am trying to ask it this. Is she feeling this way because she really feels this way or is it because of the amnesia?"

Dr. Brightman truly felt sorry for the tortured man in front of her. She was grateful to Dr. Jackson for filling in some of the blanks. "I'm sorry; sir, but I can't answer that. It's difficult to tell which. I would be inclined to think that it is memories that are coming back to her but I can't say for sure. But most amnesia patients recover old memories first. The newer memories are usually the last ones to come back. Once restored to her full memory, she may realize that the feelings were older and the newer ones may displace them." His eyes closed over the pain that statement caused him. "I am very sorry, sir."

He could hear the sincerity in her voice. "Thank you, doctor." He quickly opened the door and left the infirmary.

---

Jack walked quickly to his quarters. He couldn't let anyone see him in this state. He prayed to any gods that may be listening that no emergencies came up. He didn't know if he could handle them. He couldn't handle what the doctor said to him. He needed to be alone.

He got the door closed to his quarters and leaned against the door. 'Most amnesia patients recover old memories first. The newer memories are usually the last ones to come back.' The words echoed in his head. Was Sam feeling something that had already died? Was this a memory from four years ago, three, two... He had no idea when her feelings had changed. Was he just a lifeboat in a sea of confusion?

The memory of her kissing him in the infirmary, her words... 'Sounds like a stupid reason'...they fought with the doctor's words. 'Oh, God, she's right! It was a stupid reason!" He slid slowly down the door. Seated on the floor, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, he thought of all the possibilities lost because they had been unwilling to compromise. There were ways around it but both of them placed the importance of their careers ahead of their personal lives. It's not that what they were doing wasn't important! But what was the point of saving the planet if you didn't have freedom live and love.

Jack's mind was in complete chaos when he felt, rather than heard, a knock on the door.

"O'Neill, are you in there?"

"Yes, what do you want, Teal'c." He knew he was being short his friend but he wasn't in the mood for company.

"I want to talk to you."

"Not now, buddy, not now."

"Yes, now, O'Neill."

Jack sighed as he stood up, his knees giving him grief for having gotten down there in the first place. He opened the door, walked over to the bed, and sat down.

Teal'c stood in the doorway looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Come in or go away."

Teal'c entered the room and closed the door. "I have just come from Colonel Carter's quarters."

Jack looked up at him. "And?"

"She was sleeping quietly. Daniel Jackson opted to stay with her in case she awakened." Teal'c didn't add that Daniel had filled him in on what happened in the commissary and the infirmary.

Jack nodded and went back to staring at the wall. "Thanks for the report."

"That is not why I am here."

"Then what?" He was cross, he wanted time alone so he could wallow in self-pity. He didn't want Teal'c coming in here spouting words of calm reason.

"You are acting irrational. You should not confuse Colonel Carter any more than she already is."

"Confuse her!" He stared at Teal'c in disbelief! "Confuse her; she's confusing the hell out of me! She looks at me like she used to! She touches me in a way she never did but I always wanted her too! Confuse her!"

"You should lower your voice, O'Neill."

Jack sighed. Teal'c was right. There was no sense in half the base hearing how he feels about a member of his command, as if they didn't know already. "I thought I was over this, or at least had a handle on it, T. I thought I could survive her getting a life. I can't now. Not after this. I came so close to losing her completely. Now I can't handle the idea of losing her to another man." Jack rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. "I told her about Pete."

"And did she remember him?"

"No," he sighed. "No, she didn't. She just asked why we weren't together."

"And your response to her inquiry?"

"I told her that I had always been her commanding officer and it wasn't allowed." He looked at Teal's, stars floating in his vision from rubbing his eyes so hard. "You know what she said? She said it sounded like a stupid reason. And you know what, Teal'c, she's right.

"So what are your plans now?"

"I don't know." He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. He had a massive headache building up. "Dr. Brightman said that most amnesia patients remember the older memories first. The newer ones take longer to surface. She will probably remember that she loves Pete and I get to go through hell all over again."

Teal'c did not like seeing his friend so depressed. "Maybe she will realize that she made a mistake with Pete Shannahan. Maybe her feelings have not changed as much as you think they have. The inability of either of you to discuss it may have caused her to try to move on with her life."

"Discuss it. How? Teal'c, until one of us was willing to compromise over our careers, there was nothing to discuss."

"Maybe that is the discussion you need to have." Teal'c turned to leave. "Think about it, my friend."

Jack watched him go. The big guy always seemed to hit the nail on the head. He never spoke much but when he did, he said what mattered.

Part Four

Jack paused outside Sam's door. He came by a few times to see her during the last few days, but he tried to avoid being alone with her. He wanted to talk to her, seriously talk to her, but it wouldn't be right to do it until she regained her memory. She was making progress. Many of Jolinar's memories had come back but she was beginning to recognize them as Jolinar's. Most of her memories of her childhood and growing up were there and many from the SGC, but not all.

She still didn't remember Pete. The doctor said that it was probably because it was a recent event. She also didn't remember any of her recent missions. He laughed slightly at the comment she finally made about his name not seeming familiar. She couldn't remember General O'Neill. She still thought of him as Colonel O'Neill. The same for her rank, both were too new.

He tapped lightly on the door. She had asked that he and SG1 accompany her to her house. She wanted to have them close to explain things. They all told her that they never spent that much time at her house but they would do what they could. Jack had agreed to drive her. The doctor didn't want her to drive yet.

"Come in!"

She looked up as Jack entered the room. She thought of him as Jack now, not General or Colonel, just Jack. She smiled at him brightly. She was looking forward to getting out of the mountain. Her memories were coming back, albeit slowly, but they were there. She was able to tell the difference in her experiences and Jolinar's. That was a huge relief. Jolinar had some pretty bad memories! Sam did too, for that matter, but her own were easier to handle.

"Where are Daniel and Teal'c?" She asked, looking behind him before he closed the door.

"They said they were going to meet us at your place. Something about pizza and beer!"

"Great, I seem to remember liking beer!" Her smile blinded him. She knew that he had been avoiding her some. She understood. It was very confusing for her as well. All the emotions that they bottled up for years were released under the worst possible circumstances. She still didn't remember Pete, but she was sure that there was no way she felt about him the way she felt about Jack. She was determined to end that relationship and find a way to be with Jack, even if it meant quitting the SGC. This particular head injury seemed to knock some sense into her. Suddenly her career didn't mean the same to her as before. She wanted Jack more.

"Well, I'm ready!"

"Okay, then after you!" Jack held the door open for her.

She laughed on her way out.

---

Sam sat quietly in Jack's truck watching the scenery go by, not that she could see much in the waning light. She was hoping that it would spark more memories. Jack took the route that she usually used on the way to and from the mountain. "Anything?" he asked quietly.

"Some, just vague flashes." She turned to smile at him. "It will all come back. I am sure of that now. I remember most of my life now. It only seems to be the last few months that are still vague." She noticed his smile turn cold before his eyes went back to the road. She knew what he was thinking. Pete. The name did nothing for her.

Jack didn't want to think about the last few months. He knew that once she regained all of her memories he would be out in the cold again. He couldn't let himself believe that a head injury and two kisses would change that. He kept his eyes on the road even though he could feel her looking at him.

Sam slid a hand over the seat toward him and then up to his arm. She could feel him flinch when she touched him. She noticed a park coming up, complete with picnic tables and swing sets. "Jack, pull over here for a minute."

He complied. "Do you recognize something?"

"Just park here for a minute." He did as she asked and since she got out of the truck, so did he. The park was relatively empty; it was almost dark. He followed her into the park for a little way. She found a picnic table in a small copse of trees. She climbed up on the on the bench and sat down on the table. He stood there looking at her. She smiled at him and patted the spot next to her.

"Okay," Jack said as he sat down next to her. "What are we doing here?"

"I wanted to talk. Daniel and Teal'c both know where the spare key is, they won't miss us for a little while."

"Talk about what?" Jack couldn't look at her.

"Us," she said softly. She turned sideways so she could face him.

"Carter, there isn't an 'us'."

"That's what I wanted to talk about. Why isn't there an 'us'?"

"I explained it already. We couldn't."

"Because of our careers. Because we had to save the world instead of save ourselves." Her voice was quiet. He knew she was looking at him.

"Sam, you don't have all of your memories back. I think this conversation is premature."

"Premature? We should have had this conversation four years ago. I think that would make it overdue!" He still refused to look at her. "Damn it, Jack, look at me!"

His head jerked at her use of his name. He cast his head slightly to look at her out of the corner of his eye. "Why? Maybe we should have had this talk four years ago, but we didn't. You have someone in your life now...have had for months. What is this talk going to accomplish now? What about Pete?"

Her hand reached up to pull his face around to look at her; her thumb ran lightly over his lips. "I don't remember him, that's true, but I can't believe that I feel more for him than for you. It's just not possible." She leaned forward, her lips close to his. "I can't imagine living without you."

He closed his eyes. He could feel her breath on his lips. He leaned his cheek into her hand. "Sam, I...we need to wait until all your memories are back."

"I know," she whispered. "I've waited years already; I guess I can wait a little longer. But until then..."

He felt her lips brush his, her mouth sucked lightly on his bottom lip. His soft gasp allowed her access to his mouth. Her tongue sought out his as his hand cupped her face gently. One of her arms snaked around him under his arm and up to grasp his shoulder with her hand, the other found its way around his neck, up into his soft hair. She pulled him toward her, deepening their kiss. His arms moved of their own volition, wrapping her tightly in their embrace.

When they finally parted, gasping for air, Jack leaned his forehead against hers. His arms were still tightly around her. He could feel his heart racing along with his mind. Was it possible that she would choose him over Pete? She didn't remember Pete. This needed to stop. He couldn't afford the heartbreak when, if, she changed her mind.

"Sam," her name came out as a sigh. He buried his face in her neck. "We need to stop. I know you feel that nothing could change your mind at this point. But what if it does? I don't think I could take it. I don't think I could handle losing you again."

Her lips softly brushed his temple. "I won't change my mind. The difference is that before, you never had me to lose. I gave up thinking that things would never work out. I guess tried to move on with my life. I won't give up so easily this time."

Her words washed over him, a balm to his soul. He savored the fragrance of her skin, the softness of her neck. Her fingers ran gently back and forth across the short hair near his neck.

"We need to go, Sam," he whispered softly. "Daniel and Teal'c will be out looking for us if we don't get there soon."

"I know, we will, in a minute," she breathed into his ear. Her lips kissed their way back to his mouth. He sighed and gave into her insistent kisses.

---

"Where the hell are they?"

"They will be here soon. Maybe Colonel Carter saw something she recognized."

"Well, if they don't get here soon, I'm going looking for them." Daniel was pacing again. They should have been here an hour ago. They had left the base and neither would answer their cell phones.

Daniel looked out the window for the tenth time. "Finally!"

Jack and Sam were laughing when they walked up on the porch. "Hey, guys!" Jack said brightly when Daniel yanked open the door.

"Where have you been? You were supposed to be here an hour ago!"

"Uh, sorry, dad, but Sam wanted to go to the park!" Jack shook his head as they walked past the irate Daniel.

"You could have called or at least answered your cell phone!"

"We left them in the truck, Daniel. I haven't been out of the mountain in ages. It was just too nice to pass up the park!" Sam giggled when she looked at Jack.

"No giggling, Colonel!"

Sam executed a mock salute. "Yes, sir!" Then she fell over on the couch in a fit of giggles.

"Have you two been drinking? What the hell is going on here?"

"Nothing, Daniel. We are just in a good mood." Jack flopped onto the couch next to Sam. "Any games on," he asked as he dove for the remote control. "Where's the pizza?"

"It's in the oven. We will have to reheat it."

"Okay. Sam, you want a beer." Jack got up off the couch and went into the kitchen.

Daniel gave Sam a funny look. "Sam, what have you two been up to?"

"Nothing, Daniel." She laughed again. "Daniel, calm down. We are supposed to be enjoying ourselves.

Teal'c was quietly watching the interplay between his three friends. O'Neill and Colonel Carter definitely were in a good mood. He got up and headed to the kitchen. "O'Neill, Colonel Carter appears much better than when I spoke with her this morning. What were you doing in the park?"

"Oh, come on, Teal'c, what would you think we were doing? Making out on a picnic table or something! Sheesh..." He grabbed two beers and returned to the living room. Daniel was sitting next to Sam on the couch. "Up, Danny Boy, you've got my seat!"

Daniel moved over to the recliner. "You two have been up to something. I don't know what, but it probably wasn't good!"

They laughed again as the whole gang settled in for pizza, beer and companionship.

---

Sam wandered off several times during the evening to look at her house, her things, to see what she recognized. There was not much more than she already remembered. Jack watched each time she took off and was watching when she came back. Was he concerned that she might get upset, or did he think she would find something to spark her memory of Pete?

Daniel was yawning when Sam suggested that they go on home. Jack could take her back to base. Daniel protested when Sam said to leave the mess for her to clean up but a yawn interrupted him. Finally, Daniel and Teal'c made their goodbyes and left.

Jack helped Sam clean up and put things away. The small act of tiding up helped her feel more comfortable, it reminded her that this was her house. Jack smiled every time she remembered where something went. She was like a child at Christmas.

Once they finished putting everything away, Sam took Jack's hand and led him back to the couch. They sat quietly, his arm around her, her head cradled on his chest. "We should get back to base," he whispered in her ear.

"I want to stay here."

"Hmmm, that wouldn't be wise. You can't stay here by yourself and I don't think it would it would be very smart of me to stay here with you."

"We can stay right here on the couch, just like this."

"Nope, too tempting," he whispered.

"Okay," she sighed, "we go back to base, but not yet."

"Deal."

Part Five

Jack woke with the sun in his eyes. Disoriented, he tried to gauge his surroundings. Sam, they were still at her house. He didn't remember falling asleep, much less laying down on the couch. Draped over him was the afghan that had been on the back of the couch. He could smell coffee brewing. He heard sounds from the kitchen.

Sam came into view with two cups of coffee in her hand. "Wake up, sleeping beauty!"

'She always was far too perky in the mornings.' He sat up and rubbed his eyes. "What time is it?"

"A little after seven. I figure we've been AWOL long enough."

He accepted the coffee she held out to him. "I don't remember falling asleep." Jack took a sip of the coffee.

She laughed lightly as she sat next to him with her coffee. "You were out about five minutes after we sat down. I guess sitting up all night with me for so many nights took its toll."

"You seem awfully chipper this morning."

"Yeah, maybe being in my own home, in my bed, well, it seemed to help. I actually slept pretty good for the first time in a while."

"That's good to hear. Has being here helped with anymore memories?"

"Just little things. I knew where my clothes were, what drawers to open to find my underwear!" Sam laughed at his slightly embarrassed expression. "What? You aren't curious about where I keep my undies?"

"No, Colonel, I'm not..." She was so different since she regained consciousness. Bolder, less uncomfortable around him. Was it because she had forgotten the way she was 'supposed' to act? Was she acting the way she wanted to instead?

She picked up the remote and turned the TV to a news station. Her memories of current events were still sketchy. She had taken up watching all the news programs she could. Jack watched her out of the corner of his eye, an art he had perfected years ago. She sat engrossed in the news program as she sipped her coffee. She seemed so certain that her feelings for Pete would not compare those she had for him. How could she be so sure? She didn't even remember Pete.

Jack couldn't tell her much about him. He didn't want to know so he had never asked. He didn't want to tell her about Pete checking up on her and following her to a stake out. She didn't know about that before she lost her memory. Well, unless Pete had told her. He rather doubted that.

"I'll be right back." He said as he got up off the couch and headed for the restroom. His mind was lost in thought as he returned. He didn't hear the knock on the front door. He didn't notice the sound of voices until he stepped into the living room.

"What's the matter, Sam?" Pete's voice sounded confused.

"Ah..." She was backing away from him. "Jack?"

Jack walked up behind her. "Sam, it's okay. This is Pete."

She reached behind her and clutched at his hand. "Pete." She repeated. She seemed frightened.

Jack's voice filtered through her confusion. "Sam, what's wrong?"

"He startled me, that's all." Her hand held Jack's tightly.

"What the hell is going on here?"

Jack raised a finger to his mouth, indicating to Pete to remain quiet. Surprisingly enough, Pete refrained from saying anything else.

Jack turned Sam around to face him. "Sam, snap out of it. Why don't you go get some clothes together to take back to base? I need to talk to Pete for a minute."

Sam nodded and released Jack's hand. She looked over her shoulder at Pete as she left the room.

"Okay, now tell me what's going on here? Why are you here? What's wrong with Sam?"

"She was severely injured on her last mission. She had a concussion and she is recovering from retrograde amnesia."

"Is she okay?" The concern in his eyes was genuine.

"Yes, her physical injuries are healing."

"She knows who you are. Why doesn't she know who I am?" Suspicion creeped in with the concern.

"With this type of amnesia, the oldest memories usually come back first. I've known her longer. She's only been awake for a week now. The doctor said it could take some time."

Pete shook his head in disbelief. Jack motioned him to a chair. "The doctor said that we can't push her."

"What can I do?"

"Answer any questions she has; don't ask her a lot of questions and definitely no pressure. The doctor said that she could repress her memories further if she is pressured to remember."

"Why are you here?"

"She's not allowed to drive yet. We came over here to let her look around; maybe something would spark her memory."

Pete looked at the couch with the afghan still rumpled and the throw pillow obviously dented from use. "You spent the night here." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah, Daniel, Teal'c and I were here last night. She didn't want to leave when they did. I fell asleep on the couch and she left me there. We were supposed to go back to base. The doctor is going to be more than a little upset with us."

"I'm not exactly happy about it either."

"I slept on the couch; she slept in her bed. What's not to like?" Jack's sarcasm was obvious.

"Well, you can go now. I'll bring her back to base later. I want to talk to her."

"Not happening."

"Look, O'Neill, I want a little privacy to talk to my girlfriend. You don't have the right to interfere. You are just her CO." Pete's irritation was getting worse.

"That's right, I am her CO. And as her CO, I will make sure that she is returned to the base infirmary." Jack's voice was flat. He was at his most dangerous when he was like this. Unfortunately, Pete didn't know that.

Sam did though. She was listening to the conversation from the hallway. Time to call off the sparring match! "Hey, guys, let's lower the testosterone level in here a little bit. I am perfectly capable of deciding how to get back to base."

Jack and Pete both stood as she walked back in the room. "Jack, will take me back to base in a few minutes. But for now, Jack, please excuse us for a minute." She motioned to Pete to follow her. Jack wanted to protest as they went out Sam's back door to her small patio. He watched through the windows but he couldn't hear them.

His cell phone interrupted his watching. He checked the number; it was Daniel. "O'Neill."

Daniel's voice was annoyed. "Where are you? And where is Sam?"

"Good morning to you too, Daniel." Jack peered back out the window. Pete was obviously irritated. He reached for Sam but she backed away. "We're still at Sam's."

"Why?" The word was sharp.

"I fell asleep on the couch. She decided she wanted to sleep in her own bed so she didn't wake me."

"Well, Dr. Brightman is looking for Sam. You'd better get back here." Daniel's voice softened a bit.

"It might be a little while. Pete showed up."

"What?"

"He and Sam are outside talking right now."

"Did she recognize him?"

"I don't know. I was in the bathroom when he got here. She seemed, I don't know, not exactly afraid but jumpy. He insisted that I leave so they could talk but when I refused she suggested they go outside."

"Can you hear what they are saying?"

"No, I can only see them and he definitely doesn't look happy!" Jack watched as Pete scowled at Sam. Sam had her back to the window so he couldn't see what her expression was.

"What's going on?" Daniel's voice was distant. Jack had moved the phone away from his ear.

"Oh, sorry, nothing, that I can see. Damn, I wish I could hear them!"

Pete turned and angrily moved toward the door. Sam followed slowly. Jack could see that she didn't appear to be upset, a little sad maybe, but not upset.

"Gotta go!" Jack snapped his cell phone shut and moved away from the door. He didn't want either one to know that he was spying on them. He made it to the coffee pot when Pete stormed through the house, slamming the front door on his way out. Sam walked into the kitchen.

"What happened?"

"I told him it was over."

"Sam! How could you do that? You don't even remember him!"

"I do. I didn't at first but I didn't go to my room earlier. I waited in the hall and listened to you. I remembered him while you were talking to him."

Jack stood open mouthed for a moment. "Sam, I can't believe you just dumped him like that. Okay, maybe you got your memory back, but are you sure?"

"I was sure before, Jack; my memories just strengthened my decision. I was settling."

"Settling?"

"Yes," she said as she moved closer to him. "I was settling for something less than what I wanted."

"Sam... Nothing has changed. I am still your CO. Worse than just your CO, I am in charge of the whole program."

"Ah," she said softly as she drew her fingers across his cheek, down and across his lips. "That is only a problem if I stay in the Air Force."

"I would never ask you to give up your career."

The words echoed strangely in her mind. 'I would never ask you to give up your career.'

Jack watched as a strange expression came over her face. A look of confusion replaced the calm from seconds ago. Her hand fell away from his face. "Sam, what's wrong?"

"You've told me that before." It wasn't a question but she didn't sound certain of what she was saying.

"No, I haven't, not until today."

"But I remember it." Her mind raced. 'What if I quit the Air Force? Would that change anything or is it just an excuse?' 'I would never ask you to give up your career.'

"We've never had this conversation."

"No, I asked 'What if I quit the Air Force? Would that change anything or is it just an excuse?' and you answered 'I would never ask you to give up your career.'" Sam started to shake. "I remember this conversation?"

"Come on, let's sit down." He led her to the couch; her hand clutched his arm tightly as he sat next to her. "Okay, take a deep breath, calm down and try to remember where you were."

Sam followed his orders out of habit. Her mind was chaos. Did she do the right thing with Pete? Jack claimed they never had this conversation but she could remember it. Was there something missing, some part of her memory that she didn't have yet, that explained why she chose Pete over Jack? Had Jack rejected her before? Why would Jack lie to her? She took several deep breaths. She tried to see the image of him telling her that he wouldn't ask her to give up the Air Force. He had a blue shirt on. He was standing, leaning against something...metallic. No, he was sitting on the floor, leaning back on something metallic.

Jack watched her as she concentrated. Her face was confused and her eyes a little wild. He knew that he had never told her that. He would have, if she'd ever asked that question, but she never did. They had never discussed their relationship.

Her voice was small, soft, "You were sitting on the floor. The room had a lot of metal walls. You weren't in uniform." She sounded puzzled. "A blue shirt."

"What were you doing?"

Her eyes moved back and forth rapidly, slightly panicked. "I was sitting opposite you. On the floor, also."

"What were you wearing?"

"Fatigues. A t-shirt and fatigue pants."

"Do you remember anything else about the conversation?"

A flash of conversation flew through her mind. 'As long as I'm thinking about you, setting my sights on what I think is unobtainable, there's no chance of being hurt by someone else.' In her mind's eye, she sees a little girl, with long light brown hair, blowing bubbles. Where did that come from? 'Whoever you are, I know why everyone else keeps showing up, why are you here? What do you want from me?'

Recognition sparked! It was on the...

"A ship, a spaceship...ours...the...the..." She was grasping for the name. "What's it called?"

"The Prometheus," Jack supplied.

"That's it! It was on the Prometheus! I was injured! But why weren't you in uniform?" She looked at him confused. "And who was the little girl?"

Realization sunk in. She had told Janet that she had hallucinated on the Prometheus while stranded alone. She never told anyone what they were about. When Sam woke up after her rescue, she called him Jack, not sir, not Colonel, just Jack. It had surprised him, a pleasant surprise, but then she realized what she had done and corrected herself. Shortly after that, Sam started dating Pete. Was there a connection between her hallucination and her decision to move on with her life?

"Sam, I wasn't on the Prometheus with you. You had a severe concussion and you told us that you had hallucinated. Maybe the conversation was part of the hallucination?"

Sam sat back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. The little girl, she couldn't have been real. Blowing bubbles on a stranded spaceship! That had to be her imagination so maybe Jack was too. Did she give up hope because of a hallucination? She laughed lightly to herself.

"What's so funny?"

"It was a hallucination. I gave up on you because of a concussed hallucination. After years of waiting, I gave up because I convinced myself that we would never have a future. And why? Because of a hallucination!" She closed her eyes and sighed. "And I hurt a good man because of it. Maybe two good men." She opened her eyes and looked at him. "I hurt you, too, didn't I?"

"I'll live. I always do." He smiled at her. "Sam, the only thing I have ever wanted for you is for you to be happy. You deserve to be happy."

"I will be, with you."

"I don't want you to give up your career for an old broken down soldier."

"What if I love that old broken down soldier? What if that is what would make me happy? The only thing that would truly make me happy?"

His fingers caressed her cheek. "Then I guess we will have to find a way. But before you go resigning, I would like to explore other options. Agreed?"

"Agreed." She pulled his hand to her lips and kissed it lightly. "And in the meantime, while you are exploring options..." She whispered into his palm. Her eyes smiled at him. "Do I get to explore anything?"

He smiled as he leaned over her, his lips touching hers lightly. "Maybe we can find something for you to explore," he whispered softly.

She reached to pull him closer but he backed away suddenly. She looked hurt. Jack laughed, "But not today. Daniel called while you were outside and if we don't get back to the SGC pretty quick they will be coming to find us! And I don't want them to find us in a compromising position!"

"Ah, that sounds like a promise of future compromising positions!" She laughed as he stood up and pulled her off the couch.

"That would be a safe bet, Sam!" He silenced her laugh with a kiss.

THE END