Babidi's spaceship had a special level reserved for all
his generic, nameless henchman. The minute Babidi himself
stepped through the doorway, they froze and began praying to
their respective gods that they weren't going to be picked
for anything.
"I need a new pilot!"
"What... what happened to the old one?" said a small, timid henchman, sucking quietly on a straw.
"I killed him."
There was a choking sound as the timid henchman swallowed his straw. "So, who wants to be his replacement? Hurry up! I haven't got all day! Who here knows how to fly this stupid spaceship?"
Babidi stabbed a finger towards a thin henchman hiding in the corner. "YOU! Have you ever flown a spaceship?"
"No! I haven't! Ever!"
Babidi considered this. "You sound just perfect for the job, then!"
"No! Must escape!" The henchman glanced around wildly. "Only way out is to... TEAR OFF MY OWN HEAD!"
Babidi winced. "Well, that was ugly."
"Master Babidi, if I may."
"Dabura? What do you want?"
"Allow me to fly the spaceship, Master Babidi. My flying skills are incredible. I was the one who flew into the Death Star and fired torpedoes to completely destroy it. Back at Demon Flying School, they used to call me 'Dabura'."
"But that's your name."
"Exactly, Master Babidi. So may I fly the spaceship?"
Babidi grumbled as they headed back to the bridge. "If I wasn't a completely real and non-fictional character, Dabura, I'd swear this was a fanfiction based entirely on you."
As Dabura settled into his comfortable seat and hit random buttons, Babidi paced as he explained his plans to Pui-Pui, Dabura and the ceiling. "There's a terrible beast that haunts a dark region of space where light has never shone," he said. "A monster so powerful and dangerous that none have ever seen his face in light and lived to describe his horrible, horrible faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace--"
"I apologise," said Dabura. "I thought that was the 'Go Slower' button, but apparently it was the 'Go Really Really Fast Button.'" His eyes gleamed. "Permission to press it again?"
"No!!"
"Master Babidi," said Pui-PUi. "What guarantee do we have that this horrible monster won't eat us?"
"I expect you two to take care of that."
"What if I cannot restrain him without accidentally killing him?" observed Dabura. "Perhaps I should use the tractor beam to reel him in."
"Dabura, I don't HAVE a tractor beam."
"I think you need to gain his trust with a gift," said the ceiling. "That way, you can establish a friendship and exploit it giving you the opportunity to control him as a loyal servant."
"Good idea, ceiling! If only you weren't non-sentient terrain serving to keep the sky out of the room, I'd promote you. Dabura - press the Go Really Really Fast Button!"
"I need a new pilot!"
"What... what happened to the old one?" said a small, timid henchman, sucking quietly on a straw.
"I killed him."
There was a choking sound as the timid henchman swallowed his straw. "So, who wants to be his replacement? Hurry up! I haven't got all day! Who here knows how to fly this stupid spaceship?"
Babidi stabbed a finger towards a thin henchman hiding in the corner. "YOU! Have you ever flown a spaceship?"
"No! I haven't! Ever!"
Babidi considered this. "You sound just perfect for the job, then!"
"No! Must escape!" The henchman glanced around wildly. "Only way out is to... TEAR OFF MY OWN HEAD!"
Babidi winced. "Well, that was ugly."
"Master Babidi, if I may."
"Dabura? What do you want?"
"Allow me to fly the spaceship, Master Babidi. My flying skills are incredible. I was the one who flew into the Death Star and fired torpedoes to completely destroy it. Back at Demon Flying School, they used to call me 'Dabura'."
"But that's your name."
"Exactly, Master Babidi. So may I fly the spaceship?"
Babidi grumbled as they headed back to the bridge. "If I wasn't a completely real and non-fictional character, Dabura, I'd swear this was a fanfiction based entirely on you."
As Dabura settled into his comfortable seat and hit random buttons, Babidi paced as he explained his plans to Pui-Pui, Dabura and the ceiling. "There's a terrible beast that haunts a dark region of space where light has never shone," he said. "A monster so powerful and dangerous that none have ever seen his face in light and lived to describe his horrible, horrible faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace--"
"I apologise," said Dabura. "I thought that was the 'Go Slower' button, but apparently it was the 'Go Really Really Fast Button.'" His eyes gleamed. "Permission to press it again?"
"No!!"
"Master Babidi," said Pui-PUi. "What guarantee do we have that this horrible monster won't eat us?"
"I expect you two to take care of that."
"What if I cannot restrain him without accidentally killing him?" observed Dabura. "Perhaps I should use the tractor beam to reel him in."
"Dabura, I don't HAVE a tractor beam."
"I think you need to gain his trust with a gift," said the ceiling. "That way, you can establish a friendship and exploit it giving you the opportunity to control him as a loyal servant."
"Good idea, ceiling! If only you weren't non-sentient terrain serving to keep the sky out of the room, I'd promote you. Dabura - press the Go Really Really Fast Button!"