Based on events during and after "Shape Up,"episode 076, by Jeff Franklin, where Michelle's diving into a bunch of cake samples & eating them (which Danny ignored) is overshadowed by D.J.'s crash diet attempt. I actually think we don't see any more such wildness b/c Danny did punish Michelle by not letting her have toys or bubble bath in the bath when he cleaned her up, and that D.J.'s work as mentioned here starts earlier. However, it's a good summary, and plausible, I think. It makes the story fit together a bit better, with the teaser about Michelle & the cake a few episodes later.
It also now includes some flashbacks showing how D.J. would have been a little frustrated, and getting advice, on how to deal with Michelle.
Either way, this explains the dares for chores in "All Stood Up," by Marc Warren and Dennis Rinsler. D.J. is not selfish or mean & would never force her chores on others for selfish reasons. However, she is clearly crafty, truly...
A GIRL WITH A PLAN
Stephanie Tanner, eight, stared at her nearly four-year-old sister. "How'd she get all that chocolate on her?" Stephanie asked. "Did she find Willy Wonka's river of chocolate and try to take a swim?"
"Close," Danny Tanner, their dad, said with amusement. "She dove into your Uncle Jesse and soon to be Aunt Becky's wedding cake samples headfirst and gobbled them up."
"Yeah, it was funny," Jesse said jovially. "By the time your dad got her out maybe fifteen, twenty seconds later, she'd gone through all of the chocolate samples, and even the carrot cake."
Stephanie's eyes bulged as Danny's best friend from college, Joey Gladstone, fetched some spares clothes from Michelle's room. Joey and Danny's brother-in-law, Jesse, had moved in to care for the girls when Danny's wife, Pam, died over three years earlier. "Twenty seconds? She put up that much of a fight?!" Stephanie rolled her eyes.
Becky explained that, "Your dad didn't try to stop her. She said 'Let's pig out,' and we could tell she was going to do it; we just let her, figuring he'd stop her. But, he just watched along with us."
"Yeah, the little munchkin was so cute," Jesse said with a grin. The former major rebel, who still tended to ignore such misdeeds, caught Stephanie harsh glare. "Naughty, in this instance, but still very cute."
Stephanie couldn't believe this. She knew instantly that their older sister, D.J., now thirteen, should be called. This sounded like Danny had been until a few weeks before, when he'd finally started punishing Michelle. He hadn't enforced any limits till Michelle was about a month shy of four years old!
Stephanie told Becky she was going to find D.J., but Becky informed her D.J. had gone over to Kimmy Gibbler's, her best friend next door. So, Stephanie marched into the bathroom and spouted, "You're letting her have bubble bath and bath toys in there?"
Danny looked up from the bathtub that Michelle had just gotten into. "Why, sure, honey; why?"
"Dad, Michelle just gobbled up a whole bunch of samples meant for everyone, and from where all she got chocolate, it looks like she used the table manners of the Tasmanian Devil." As if on cue, Joey - a professional comedian - walked in with another outfit out of Michelle's dresser, and did the Tasmanian Devil's voice while ranting about "all that cake." Stephanie glanced at Joey, then looked back at Danny and said, "Okay, I guess I can understand you getting her washed first if you're going to put her in timeout later..."
"Actually, I hadn't planned on that - or any punishment."
Stephanie held out a hand and said, "You won't even remove the bubble and toy privileges? Dad, did it ever occur to you that what she did was wrong?!"
"Come on, Steph," Danny said. "If you'd been there you'd have seen how cute and funny it was."
"I would only have had one thing to say about what she did - 'How rude!'" Stephanie marched out of the bathroom.
Days later, D.J. had finally decided to stop her crash diet; she'd been on it for three days, but when Stephanie revealed that she hadn't been eating, Danny and the others had made her start eating again. And, they had convinced her that she didn't have to look thin and fit into a bathing suit in order to please her real friends.
D.J. was doing her homework when Stephanie walked into the room in her pajamas to get ready for bed in the room they shared. "Hey, Steph. I know I don't say it a lot, and I don't really want Dad and the others to know I said this, but...thanks for telling them what I was doing. I'm really glad I can be back to eating normally now."
"You're welcome," Stephanie said casually as she pulled back her covers.
D.J. held a pencil to her chin and thought. "It's amazing, they even had my favorite food all ready for me after I got up from my nap this afternoon. It's like someone wanted me to be enticed to eat, even before you told. Did you tell him to make that?"
"You really wanna know?" Stephanie joked.
D.J. smiled as she walked over to Stephanie and put an arm around her. It sounded like one of Stephanie's tricks; she wanted to encourage Stephanie to keep such things from getting out. This time, it had been good when she'd revealed a secret, but D.J. knew that might not always be the case. If she had told the men to make D.J.'s favorite food, to try and entice her to eat, then she wanted to encourage Stephanie to keep that secret.
"You know, Steph, as much of a chatterbox as you are, there's one thing I'm impressed about; you're usually pretty humble, like when you say 'pin a rose on my nose.' I like that. I guess that's pretty tough when you can read before all your classmates, and stuff like that." Stephanie nodded. "So, if you did tell them to make chicken parmesan, don't tell me. I want you to learn to keep from blabbing stuff."
"Thanks, Deej. Speaking of eating, did you notice Michelle with dessert tonight?"
"Yeah, she was rude and a little pushy. Dad not punishing her for that thing with the samples kind of emboldened her a bit again, huh?" D.J. sighed as she walked over to her bed and sat. "I've been trying to come up with a plan."
"What kind of a plan?"
"Well, now that I'm not worrying about that party...come here." She walked to their table and lifted her homework to reveal a chart on normal sized paper, glued to a piece of cardboard. As she did so, she reminisced about how Danny hadn't punished Michelle till very recently. She hoped he wasn't going back to his old ways. No, she told herself, my guidance counselor is right. He'd been told over and over by Dr. Landress Michelle is old enough for timeout and to have privileges taken away. He just used the excuse about Michelle being a bby because that's what she was when mom was still alive. Her counselor had been lots of help with little things otherwise, till Danny started - including with getting him to finally do so.
Roberta Myer stood and welcomed another new 7th grader at Van Atta Junior High. "Hello, Miss Tanner," she said sweetly, as they shook hands.
"Hi," D.J. said with a slight chuckle. "Boy, that makes me sound grown up."
The guidance counselor could tell D.J. was a little stunned. As they sat, Mrs. Myer asked, "How was your first week?"
"Rough. I ate lunch in a phone booth my first day. But, it's going pretty well now." D.J. agreed when the counselor suggested that she may feel a little overwhelmed. "I'll be glad to get to high school; hopefully the older kids will be more mature there."
Mrs. Myer noted, "Junior Highs are giving way to Middle Schools all over. It's pretty certain we'll switch to 6-8th grade next year, instead of 7-9th. So, you'd only have two years here. Still, it's a great place." They would go to 6-9th a few years after that.
"I know. I found all my classes well. I'd love to be Valedictorian, and give a big speech at graduation," she mused dreamily; she always wanted to be the best. "I've already signed up for the newspaper staff, and Students Against Driving Drunk." She hesitated, and then decided to come right out and say, "My mom was killed by a drunk driver. It was a little over two years ago," she finished lowly.
"I'm sorry." D.J. thanked her. "Tell me about your family." She'd thought D.J. sounded stressed at first, though apparently school that was causing it now. She wondered if D.J.'s home life was the reason.
"Our Uncle Jesse – that's my mom's younger brother – and Dad's best friend Joey moved in to help him raise us. I've got two younger sisters, Stephanie just started 2nd grade, and Michelle will be three in November."
"How has everyone dealt with it?" Mrs. Myer asked, knowing that the effects of a tragic loss lasted for years at times.
She soon realized where that bit of stress was from. "Really well, except, well, Dad's very good with everything; cooking, work, and especially cleaning. He's very consistent with Steph and I. He punishes normally, like when our mom was alive - we'd get sent to our rooms for doing something bad when younger, now we're old enough we get chores or we're not allowed to go anywhere, or we lose a privilege like TV." The counselor nodded. "But…he has never enforced one limit with Michelle, what he'd call punishment. Even if it's just chores, chores are punishment in our house. He'll talk to Michelle, so do Uncle Jesse and Joey." Mrs. Myer nodded her understanding as D.J. finished by saying, "But, I'm the only one who has taught Michelle bad behavior has negative consequences."
"You've sort of had to fill your mom's role there, huh?" When D.J. confirmed it, and explained how she disciplined Michele, Mrs. Myer said, "I see why you have such big expectations of yourself. Not many kids come in and say they plan to be Valedictorian."
D.J. had to laugh. "I guess that is a lot, huh?" Although, she would do it.
"It's a good goal; but, while it's okay to want to be the best - and it's great you're a leader - you don't have to be as much of one as you do at home."
"I know. It's just frustrating, because I remember how Dad was with Steph at that age. He's still a great, loving father, but…well, for instance, last November, Michelle started painting on her dresser. A day or two later it rose to coloring on walls. He wouldn't even say 'no' or take the paint or crayons away. He tried to distract her, but it didn't work," she complained. "That's when I knew I had to enforce the limit, so she wouldn't color on walls. Uncle Jesse and Joey are both really nice, but they're afraid of becoming like their dads, I guess." D.J. shook her head, glad to have someone to tell beside her best friend, Kimmy Gibbler. Kimmy was a good listener, but she was quite dumb. Her advice was almost always weird. "Michelle listens well when she knows her limits, don't get me wrong. But, she had to have someone enforce a limit to learn what her limits are. Once I put her in timeout, like we'd get at that age, and talked to her about why it had happened, that was the end of the problem. I had to time her out for it one other time, that's all."
"Did your father support you?" D.J. said he always supported her. Mrs. Myer chose her next words carefully. "It sounds like he feels powerless. That's normal after a tragic death; it made him feel so powerless to lose your mom."
D.J. said it had, and told of the first Thanksgiving, including the turkey she tried to make.
"He's had a lot of help; from you, and from your uncle and Joey. And, he probably feels powerless to stop you from disciplining Michelle. So, he handles everything else well?" D.J. said he did, adding that Danny hosted "Wake Up, San Francisco" with Jesse's girlfriend, Becky. "That's good. I've talked to young people who have to bathe younger ones, get them dressed for school, do the cooking, the cleaning, everything."
"Wow," D.J. said. Her head spun. "I never realized some kids had it that bad."
"Some do. Depression takes many forms. It sounds like your father has just this one block, where he wants to keep thinking of Michelle as a baby. Have you talked to him?" She had, and so had Dr. Landress, their pediatrician. It wasn't a huge problem - Michelle was very compliant - but it could be. "I'm sure Dr. Landress told your dad the importance of what we call the 'two I's', isolate and ignore." He had. "Keep doing what you do. Try to get your dad used to the idea that Michelle isn't a baby. In the meantime, pick your battles. Don't fight over every little thing. Coloring on walls, yes, I can see you had to do something. But, with something like sassiness, let's say, if it's not really bad, talk gently with her about it and get her to talk politely. Make sure she does before you go any further, so she learns good habits. Or, if it's not big, that can be something to ignore."
D.J. said politeness was encouraged, but not enforced strongly. She didn't like how Michelle copied Jesse's band in saying 'duh' and calling people 'dude,' including their dad, but Mrs. Myer was right. It was something they could work on slowly.
"Right; she just needs to learn what to say instead, and get into good habits. Catch her being good as much as possible; try hard to give her two positives for every negative." D.J. was writing down everything her guidance counselor had said by now. "It's not always possible, but it'll even out. Just make sure she sees you're doing it because you love her; not just hearing your words, but seeing it in your actions."
"Thanks; I try to." D.J. didn't mention the stress was starting to cause problems between Stephanie and her, too. "You don't think…I'll be stuck doing this forever, do you?"
Mrs. Myer shook her head, though she wasn't totally sure. "No, I don't think so. The longer it goes, the more likely it is she'll see you as the ultimate authority in her life. But, it sounds like your dad will come around. He has with other things. And, anytime you have questions, don't hesitate to come talk to me about it."
D.J. promised to, not imagining how much she would.
(Michelle painted on her dresser, with Danny not even removing the paints, in "Beach Boy Bingo." The phone booth scene, of course, is from "Back to School Blues.") And, of course, Danny uses the "still a baby" excuse in "Crimes and Michelle's Misdemeanor" even though the doctor would have been through this with him for two years before, as noted in my story "Who's In Charge Here?" and elsewhere.)
(Next is just after "Divorce Court," allusion to just before "Aftershocks," a mention of Book Universe & more proactive D.J., and a future reference to "Slumber Party.")
Mrs. Myer was dressed as a Fairy Godmother at the grade school's carnival. She spotted D.J. and Stephanie. "Hi, D.J.," she said, walking up to them.
At least it's not another student seeing me here, D.J. said to herself. Before she could say anything, though, Stephanie introduced herself, and spoke, mostly pretending this was a real fairy godmother, yet part still wanting to believe. . "Since you're a fairy godmother, I have a question," Stephanie said. "What do you do if someone wishes for more wishes?"
"I say, 'Sorry, I'm only allowed to give you what will help at the time, not in the future," she said with a laugh. "Your sister's certainly outgoing,' she told D.J..
"Can you believe she didn't even want to come here? This is a great party, isn't it, Deej?" Stephanie asked.
Mrs. Myer could tell D.J. was a little weary. "Children, especially the oldest, sometimes find themselves taking on new duties in your situation. I know it can be rough."
"It is." She suggested Stephanie see if her friends had any more funny questions to ask Mrs. Myer. When Stephanie left, D.J. said, "I feel kind of bad. Since that earthquake, she has been a little more anxious." Stephanie would have to see a doctor once to talk about it, in fact, as it was the only time she couldn't really explain what she was feeling, after a few weeks. "But yet, I just feel…well…"
"Trapped?" Mrs. Myer guessed.
"Not trapped so much as, well, I know what you said is true, about normally having a little more responsibility." She thought for a moment. "I could accept that a lot better, even if Dad was taking Michelle to me and asking me to handle things; you know, like a team captain. And, there are times when I think I should be more proactive. But yet, I keep telling myself, I don't have to be proactive. Uncle Jesse and Joey are there, and they're supposed to fill that role."
"So you wind up wanting your own way more?" When D.J. nodded Mrs. Myer remarked, "I think you might be feeling a little trapped. Because, I think you're looking at it from the wrong angle." She chuckled. "I mean, look at me; a professional in public dressed like this." Both laughed. "I did it to show students at Van Atta it's okay to have fun. And, because some students make me feel like a Fairy Godmother."
D.J. stifled a giggle; she really could see how some students might make a counselor feel that way. "You know, Mrs. Myer, that makes a lot of sense."
"Any time you're with Stephanie, you just need to remind yourself you fill a special role. She might not need you as much as she could have. But, there will be times when she does need you." When D.J. was silent, Mrs. Myer decided to add, "Even if it hurts because you think about not having your mom there."
D.J. sighed. "You know, it's funny. I wasn't thinking about Mom not being here this time. I mean, with Steph's Honeybee slumber party, sure; part of me was all ready for that. Except, now Becky tells me she was a Honeybee, so if Steph even wants to go…" She stopped herself. "That's almost a year away."
"Well, it's good to plan ahead. But, for now, just remember, you do have more of a role than usual. And, even if you don't think about it this way, I'm sure that the way you have to react at times with Michelle makes it harder, doesn't it?"
"Yeah, a little," D.J. said, happening to see several grade school kids with their moms. "But, you're right. Our mom always taught us to put others first."
D,J.'s first test came quickly, as Stephanie and Walter quickly came up to them. "Walter here wants to know why you gave Cinderella glass slippers. Wouldn't they cut her feet?"
D.J. held up a hand. Mrs. Myer was right. She needed to have fun. Including right here. "It was actually a special, space age material. They'd never seen it back then, so they called it glass because it just looked like it," D.J. explained.
"Well said," Mrs. Myer complimented her.
D.J. smiled. It was rough. If she'd been proactive, the argument with Stephanie from last night never would have happened. But, she did need to try to be more civil with Stephanie. Their mom would want it that way.
("Slumber Party" is a month *before* "Crimes & Michelle's Misdemeanor" because of weather patterns and leaves (mid-October). Teasers can be anytime before an episode if unrelated, even before other eps. "Good News, Bad News" referenced, which is at least the week after "Slumber Party," but otherwise, the first half of season 4's all mixed up!)
"Hi, D.J.," Mrs. Myer said as D.J. walked into the office. "How is 8th grade going?"
As D.J. sat, the guidance counselor could tell she was anxious to tell her something else before they talked about school. D.J. said, "Remember when I said Becky had been a Honeybee? It turned out I took Steph to her mother-daughter slumber party after all. We had such a great time." She smiled as she spoke of things they did, reminiscing, and so on. "You were right. Sometimes, she does need me. I was glad to be there."
After a couple minutes, D.J. asked if she'd told Mrs. Myer about catching Stephanie reading her diary again. "No, you hadn't. Did you try giving Stephanie the school paper, and encouraging her to read the gossip column if you had to?"
"I tried; she doesn't seem that enthused. She said it's just about kids she doesn't know." D.J. added, "Anyway, right before the end of the school year last spring; I realized she'd been reading it when she mentioned something embarrassing Kimmy had done."
"Ah, yes, Kimmy Gibbler. She's with the other counselor, in the A-M group. I've heard interesting stories myself, though I wouldn't repeat them," Mrs. Myer admitted.
"I'll bet. Anyway, I had a big argument with Kimmy; we almost broke up. And it proved something that Steph had said months earlier, that last time I caught her. She had the perfect chance to spill some of the things I was going to say about her. She could have just handed Kimmy the paper with that stuff I wrote on it. And yet, she didn't."
"I'll bet that made you feel good. What did she say last spring?"
"She said there was no way she could ever tell Kimmy the stuff I've written. She said she could never stand to hurt me like that." D.J.'s voice cracked a little. "On the one hand, I'm so proud of her. I'd like to think, maybe I played a part in that. But, I feel so bad for doubting her so much." Mrs. Myer remarked that Stephanie probably didn't realize D.J. doubted her. "I hope you're right."
"You probably worried more, because of Michelle. How has she been?"
D.J. sighed. "That's why I came to talk to you. Our dad has still never enforced one limit with her. And, she's getting a little more ornery. She wouldn't even go to bed one night."
Mrs. Myer reminded D.J. that - with Danny's permission - Dr. Landress, the pediatrician, had called her once, to compare notes to help the family, knowing that Danny struggled at times in the area of setting limits on Michelle. "Dr. Landress said this would be the age, as they start to realize they have control over others, when they try to test rules." She inquired, "How are you holding up?"
"Pretty well, for now. She's not out of control or anything, but I've had to put her back to bed that once. And, take a couple privileges away again."
"You don't want her to get too wild." Mrs. Myer folded her hands, and revealed what the doctor had said. "This may sound harsh. But, if your dad won't even enforce bedtime with Michelle, I think he needs to be forced; it's great that you've helped, but it's at the point you have to make him. Someone has to be teaching her what 'no' means. It sounds like your uncle and Joey aren't doing that. Even if they were, though, he has to be made to realize she's not a baby, and he's the parent."
In a way, D.J. had hoped someone would say that; it would give her more encouragement to know she was doing the right thing. "You're right. What do you suggest?"
"Keep talking to your dad. If all else fails, let go." D.J. wondered what she meant. "Don't correct her; let the men deal with her not going to bed. Things like that. But, tell her first, so she doesn't think she can get away with everything with you. Your dad will have to get used to this soon. Pick a weekend, so you can ease him into it, and you'll be home all day." Mrs. Myer asked if there were problems reported when she got home from school.
"No, Michelle's still pretty good, but I am worried."She said that was understandable; D.J. was still thirteen. And, while she might overreact a little with michelle,s he hadn't yet, ti seemed. D.J. continued. "Uncle Jesse has those talks with her, but he's afraid putting her in timeout will bring back memories of his dad screaming." The thought suddenly dawned on D.J.. "She's realizing he won't enforce either, huh?"
"She probably has made the connection that if she doesn't listen to him, she'll still get in trouble with you, D.J.. That's fine. But, your dad should be enforcing rules. We all need support once in a while. You have supported him very well. But, I think it's time to start planning for when you can let go, then pull the reins in if need be."
D.J. inhaled deeply. "You're right. I just feel so bad sometimes. I know Dad must hurt so much because Mom's not here," she told her.
"I'm sure it's very painful for him. But, remember what we said at first. Powerlessness is his real fear when it comes to Michelle. He has that power. You've taught her she has to listen to him, right?" D.J. nodded. "He just needs someone to show him he has power."
("Crimes and Michelle's Misdemeanor" – you didn't she *only* started disobeying that day, did you? As you'll see, there are signs that Michelle still knew she had to behave.)
"How did it go?" Mrs. Myer asked a few weeks later, before D.J. even sat down. She could see a smile on D.J.'s face.
"Better than I thought; but a little worse, too."
She raised an eyebrow. "How so?"
"Remember when I said Michelle wasn't going to bed? I spied on her a bit when she got up to watch Arsenio. She took her little shopping cart, filled it with food, or something, and guess what. She looked in the living room to see if the coast was clear first. She knew someone would make her go to bed, even if Dad and the others didn't."
"Go on."
"So, Dad punishes us for breaking a lamp, we have to rake leaves in the neighborhood. That was fine, we wished Michelle had been punished, too, but that signaled to me that it was a good time to start the plan. She'd blurted out that Dad let her get away with everything, but she knew I didn't." D.J. noted that, "When I handed Michelle the rake and told her to rake, she was very obedient, and never raised a fuss."
"Good. See, she knows right from wrong."
D.J. agreed. "There was one bad part, though. She filled her swimming pool in the house – well, Kimmy helped. If our dad hadn't stepped in it, I don't know if he would have put her in timeout." She paused. "In fact, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have."
"Did you tell Michelle what you were trying?"
"Yep. She told me Dad would never punish her. She was his little princess. We let her think that; and her boasting helped convince Dad it was time to start. So, yeah, maybe he would have. But, his stepping in the pool really helped."
"You look like you've got a weight off your shoulders," the counselor agreed.
D.J. said she did. "I know there'll be some transition, but I'd bet her Dad would start, and she saw I was right. She sat in the corner that night very well, when she wouldn't go to bed hours later. I'm sure we're over the worst part," she spoke with certainty.
Danny interrupted D.J.'s thoughts, as he chose that moment to walk into the room to say good night to Steph. He was a consummate neat freak and planner of things to the minutest detail at times, and he instantly noticed the incredible organization D.J. had used. "Oh, look at that chore chart. Isn't that a thing of beauty? It's great to see one of my daughters taking after me."
"Actually, Dad, it's not for me, it's for Michelle."
"Michelle?"
Stephanie couldn't resist cracking a joke. "Yeah, you know, she likes to call people 'dude,' and she's turning four soon."
"I know who she is. Why did you make this?"
"Because, I need a plan. In case you ever decide not to punish Michelle again. At the bottom I've got privileges she has, at the top, chores of mine."
Danny was dubious, but since he had jumped the gun too early in judging things before at times, he felt it was a good idea to at least listen to this. Besides, D.J. might still feel a little put off about his making her feel bad about that crash diet; this would help her feel like she had more freedom if he listened. "Okay, so what's your plan?"
"Well, Dad, I could put Michelle in her room like you do, and I'm sure she'd still listen. But, I need something more, as she starts to get older. I can't punish her with her own chores. But, with your permission, there are some chores I'd like to make her do that I have."
"But, I usually do punish her. I mean, I know a few days ago I didn't, but..." Danny shook his head doubtfully, wondering if Michelle could do many of the things D.J. did as chores, or even if he wanted her doing them. She was still his "little princess," after all, and he didn't like seeing her in any kind of trouble. "I don't know about this..."
"Trust me, Dad. I know what she can and can't do. For instance, she doesn't make beds real well yet. But, she can put napkins on the table, or other little things that I have to do at times."
"Deej, I've been sending her to her room," Danny emphasized as Michelle got out of bed and walked in the door behind him. "She knows she has to listen to me...Michelle, what are you doing up? I just put you to bed," he said as he turned with a start.
"Listening to you. Is it my birthday yet?"
"No, honey, you know it's not for a few days."
"Then let me have some ice cream while I wait."
D.J. held out a hand. "See; this is because of the samples. She's testing you again. Now, observe." D.J. turned toward Michelle and said, "I bet you a day of my chores you can't say 'Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers' five times real fast."
"Peter Pepper packed a park of...what?!" Michelle shook her head. "This is nuts."
D.J. drew one mark next to each of her chores. "See that? Now, if you have a lapse, I can just use that day whenever I think it's needed; it might be months from now, or it could be a few days." Michelle didn't really comprehend what had just happened - it had been quite fast. But, the important thing was, D.J. had it logged on the chart. And, she figured Michelle would adhere to it.
"See, Dad. With her doing this, you won't have anything to worry about," Stephanie emphasized.
"But, well, there aren't that many chores she can do. And, at her age, I don't think she can really be grounded, she doesn't really go anywhere, so she should just get timeout. Well, maybe she could lose a privilege for the next day, but at this age their grasp of time isn't that great."
"Dad, she can remember a punishment being given back a day or two, and I think three or four," D.J. remarked. "I promise she would never get a week of chores till I knew she could handle it. But, there are also privileges on here. I can take pretty much any privilege I want to by daring her out of it."
Danny thought for a moment, then relented. "Well, I guess it is better than some might have come up with. And even when you were most upset at her behavior, you've never mentioned..." He couldn't say it. He not only couldn't fathom ever spanking, he couldn't stand to say the word, even though he knew it didn't have to hurt any more than the feelings.
Danny knew Michelle had been pretty wild before he started punishing her. D.J. hadn't thought of spanking yet, to his knowledge, but he didn't want her to even have that thought come to her mind. And, if this was an effective way to assure that didn't happen, he supposed he should accept it. He would just have to keep disciplining to ensure that D.J. never did have to use that chart, he told himself.
He placed a hand on D.J.'s shoulder. "I can count on you never to give your chores away selfishly, just so you don't have to do them?"
"Trust me, Dad, I could never do that to Michelle. Besides, I think Steph would tell if I did," D.J. kidded, still thinking of earlier that day.
"I don't doubt it. Well, I'll do my best. Because, I don't want her thinking you're the dad. But, if I would miss something, on rare occasions, like the samples thing, I guess you can do this."
"Trust me, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. They're way too big for my feet." D.J. then asked, "Will you put her back to bed, or should I?"
Danny sighed; he didn't really want to have to give Michelle the option of staying in a warm, cozy bed or sitting in a corner against a wall. He wanted her to just be able to get up whenever she wanted. Still, he knew he should enforce limits with this. And, he'd had to sit her in the corner once, the first time he started punishing, when she tried to test him for quite a while on not going to bed. He wished he could keep her awake as long as he was up; she really was adorable, after all.
"I will, Deej. Thanks for understanding." Indeed, he not only didn't like seeing her grow up, he hated seeing Michelle sad at all. He knew that smile was special, it was just like Pam's had been. And, it was important to him to keep that smiling, giggling girl happy, so he could think about Pam.
When her birthday arrived, Michelle was walking around with a funny costume - it was a pair of shorts with a large tail fin on the back to make her look like a mermaid for her "Little Mermaid" themed birthday party.
She had also been quite bossy all day. "I'm a princess. Princesses don't have to take baths," she insisted toward the end.
"They do if they want dessert afterward," Stephanie declared. "Or rather if they want it tomorrow, since D.J. already tricked you out of dessert tonight for how bossy and rude you were acting earlier today. And, Dad was willing to agree to that, since you already had two huge pieces of birthday cake anyway. I even set a new record for the number of 'how rude's I said in one day."
"Honey, it's her fourth birthday, she just had a great big party..."
"And you just told her it was time for her bath."
"Well, yes, but..." Danny hedged. He'd been consistent for a while, but his precious little Michelle was so cute in that mermaid outfit that they'd made. He hated going back on his word, but her was the dad. He felt he could decide whether or not to enforce something. "You know, the buildup of sweat glands is such that a bath isn't really necessary every day till a child reaches four or even five."
"That was lame, Dad," D.J. said bluntly. "You know Mom always made us take one when we were little."
Michelle slipped away from her dad and sisters while they talked in the living room. She went into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. She wasn't allowed to play with them, but she figured she was a big girl now. She cute the cake, put it on a plate, and went up the back stairs to her bedroom. The adults would later figure Joey had come up from the basement to grab a piece.
Once she hid the cake under her bed, she came back down the front stairs to the living room again. "Hi, people."
The others figured Michelle was just being silly going out one way and coming back the other. "All right, Michelle, how about I give you a bath," D.J. said. "Uncle Jesse and Joey are working in the basement on an ad, but you can have me do it instead of Daddy."
"Do I have to?" Michelle asked Danny pleadingly. She normally loved bath time, but she wanted to see if he'd really stick to his word.
"Come on, you like all those bubbles and stuff, don't you?" D.J. asked.
At that moment, Kimmy Gibbler, the Tanners' annoying next door neighbor and D.J.'s best friend, walked in the front door. "Hola, Tanneritos; hey, Mr. T. That was a great party, wasn't it? And, Squirt Jr. had such a cool outfit," she said, looking at Michelle. "I'd been trying to figure out the theme, and I think I've got it. You're supposed to be Flipper."
"You thought the theme was Flipper?!" Stephanie said, shocked. She loved teasing Kimmy for her dumbness. "Flipper was a dolphin on TV in the 1970s."
"Well, all I see around are sea creatures. And, we had games and treats based on those."
"Exactly; because the theme is 'The Little Mermaid!' That's why Michelle was talking about being a princess, because Arielle is a princess."
"But, that's impossible. Michelle has legs, and mermaids don't."
"And you think dolphins have legs? That's like thinking you have a brain," Stephanie retorted.
"Of course they have legs. Dan Marino couldn't play quarterback if he didn't."
"I think we're getting a little confused here," D.J. said. "Kimmy, Flipper didn't have legs."
"He didn't? Okay, I never saw the actual show. I just figured he was one of those mutants that got hit by radiation or something, so he grew legs."
"Well..." Not only was Kimmy dumb, her ideas could be quite bizarre at times. D.J. didn't want to insult Kimmy by saying that the theme probably should have been obvious. So, she simply took Michelle by the hand and led her up to the bathroom, excusing herself before they left.
As D.J. started to run the bath water, she and Michelle talked about her behavior today. "You were pretty rude all day, weren't you?"
"Daddy doesn't mind."
"I know he doesn't. But that doesn't make it right to say "duhhuh" all the time, or call everyone 'dude,' or order people around as if you really were a princess does it?" Michelle lowered her head at the scolding voice. She knew she'd been bad; she just liked taking advantage of the lack of enforcing rules. "I had to use up everything on that chart I made, didn't I?"
"A princess shouldn't have to do chores," Michelle muttered weakly.
"Well, that's why I was nice and made it tomorrow that you have to feed Comet." Comet was there Golden Retriever. "I'll help you." D.J. chuckled softly. "You know, I'd be able to give you a lot more chores if Dad wasn't so wild about cleaning. Anything like dusting or emptying wastebaskets or anything else to do with cleaning, he does it."
"And, princesses should be allowed to have dessert."
"Even if they're naughty?" Michelle lowered her head again; D.J. lifted it so she was forced to look into her eyes. "Michelle, listen to me. You know better about the stuff that you did wrong today. We started this chart for a reason; because Daddy lets you get away with a lot more than he should. And, it wouldn't matter if you were a real princess, the queen still has the right to make the princess behave."
"Yes, D.J.," Michelle said lowly. "I'm sorry."
"I know. I love you. And, I always will. And, maybe I need to say I'm sorry, too. Because I should have been setting limits from when you were just two, and not just reacting when things got too bad. But, now we have something we can do if Daddy doesn't enforce rules. And, you know to listen, right?"
"Right!" she said confidently.
Michelle, of course, knew she'd hidden a piece of cake under her bed. And, she ate it anyway, after she was put to bed; it was her birthday cake after all, even if she wasn't allowed to have dessert she figured she should still be allowed to have this. It wasn't as if D.J. would find out, and their dad would just think it was cute and funny.
Still, her conscience bugged her a little that next morning. Jesse walked into her room, after she was dressed, and helped her fix a couple scrunches in her hair. Then, he noticed the plate under the bed. "Hey, who's is this?"
"Stephanie's."
"Michelle," Jesse said with a glare, "who's is this?"
"Uh...Daddy's."
Jesse never enforced limits, either. But, he had a very close relationship with Michelle, almost like a mother. When he talked, he could still do it in such a way that Michelle listened. He sat down, leaned against her bed, and cuddled her while saying, "Listen, munchkin, I think we need to have one of our famous talks."
"Okay."
"Now, look, I know you don't want to admit that you brought a piece of cake up here and ate it after you went to bed. But, lying is very wrong. Capiche?"
"Capiche."
"You wouldn't want someone getting you in trouble by saying you did something you didn't do, would you?" She shook her head. After they talked for a couple minutes more, they embraced and she got up, feeling sad. She didn't like being corrected by anyone. But, she especially disliked it coming from Jesse. That was why his talks worked so well with other things, like the time a few weeks back when she'd been pinching a classmate who pinched her. She hadn't tried pinching anyone again after that..
Jesse told Danny what had happened, as Danny was just starting to walk downstairs.
Michelle picked up the plate to walk it down to the kitchen. Suddenly, D.J. poked her head in the door. Michelle instantly put the plate behind her back. "I wasn't expecting you."
"Nobody expects the queen to come, least of all the naughty princess. What was that plate for?"
Michelle lowered her head. She would admit what she did wrong to D.J., even though she knew D.J. might yell; she knew now she had to tell the truth. "I brought cake up here and ate it after I went to bed."
"Even though you knew you were not allowed to have dessert?" Michelle nodded. "Did you cut it yourself?" Michelle nodded and looked at D.J. with just her eyeballs.
"Deej," Danny said as he peeked in the door.
D.J. turned and reminded Danny how naughty Michelle had been the previous day. "You were totally ignoring her again because of how cute she was. And, even though you supported her not having dessert, she snuck a piece of cake up here and ate it after bedtime, anyway, and even cut it with a knife, which she knows not to do."
Danny sighed. He knew D.J. was a lot tougher than he was; and maybe he did need to be more consistent. He promised to be now that her birthday was over. He told Michelle he'd let D.J. handle things this time, feeling he needed to make a fresh start after D.J. lectured her. Placing a hand on her shoulder, he added, "Remember what you said to me when Steph crashed the car into the kitchen?"
"Great pose, Dad?" D.J. had taken several pictures of the car and different peoples' reactions - including two of Danny.
Danny grinned and said, "Well, you did say that. But, I mean when I came up to your room to talk to her. 'Go easy on her; she's just a little kid.'"
D.J. smiled and agreed as Danny took the plate and walked downstairs. It was a little uncanny how similar the scene was. Of course, Michelle hadn't done anything near as bad as Stephanie. But, D.J. wanted to keep things from getting worse.
She picked Michelle up and walked over to her bed. She sat with Michelle sitting on her lap facing her. "Michelle," she asked firmly, but not too loudly, "do you understand why I made that chart for you?"
"So I could learn to be a good girl."
"Exactly. You need to learn there are limits to what you can do. Now we have a little problem here, don't we? Actually, we have two problems. You used up all the stuff on that chart, and you also didn't obey the rule that said you couldn't have dessert last night."
"I'm sorry, D.J.."
D.J. debated whether to say this, and finally decided she should. She could just trick her out of more stuff. But, first, she felt it was better to scare Michelle a little now, rather than see her become worse. She wouldn't hurt more than Michelle's feelings, especially not at this young an age; Michelle was still quite sensitive. But, she didn't want to even think about having to threaten it.
"Michelle, you're lucky I'm as nice as I am. Now, I may as well tell you this, even though you're so young, because you would find out soon enough if you got too out of control. Daddy and Uncle Jesse and Joey and your soon to be Aunt Becky would never hit you. It's never been done in our family. But, if nothing else was working, I would be willing to spank you on the bottom." She raised her hand and lightly slapped her own leg for effect. "And, if I spanked you, it would hurt." Even if it's just her feelings, she told herself silently.
She could see fear and concern in Michelle's eyes. So, D.J. quickly hugged her before looking aat her again with a smile, "Your tush is safe - for now. And, I can always hold you down in a chair in the corner for timeout if I really had too, so I don't think I'll ever have to do that. But, I wanted to warn you that it can happen.
"Now, we need to discuss how to handle this deliberate disobedience so it doesn't get way out of hand. It's one thing to not obey the rules - it's another to disobey after a punishment has been given for breaking those rules."
"What are you gonna do?"
"I think you need some time in timeout. You sit in your little chair here and don't move, while I get the chore chart from my room." D.J. plopped Michelle in the chair, and the preschooler stayed there obediently while D.J. went over to her room.
D.J. recalled times when Michelle had listened to her pretty well. She'd automatically gone to eat in her room "because D.J. said" when they all left the table so Danny and Stephanie's dance instructor could be alone. D.J. had organized that so Danny might end up liking and dating the lady. It hadn't worked out because the teacher was very untidy, but still, that time, nearly a year ago, showed that till recently, Michelle had just automatically listened to D.J..
D.J. saw Joey in the upstairs hall as she left her room. He'd come to see how things were going with D.J. and Michelle. So, D.J. told him what had happened, and her thoughts. "Do you have any ideas on how to help?"
"Well, Deej, Michelle really is close to Jesse, but back then, she was just three, and she felt less independent than she does now, that's why she listened well to you, too. Now, she feels like she has all this freedom she didn't know she had, and she needs boundaries. But, she really needs some control of things, too."
D.J. nodded her comprehension. To her, it was just a matter of "Michelle isn't listening." She hadn't considered that as Michelle grew, her needs changed as far as how things would need to be handled. "Okay, so how do I enforce them?" she asked.
Ever the comedian and child at heart, Joey suggested, "You need to make a game out of it. This isn't just you tricking her. It has to be give and take. If your dad's comfortable with this, then that's fine. But, it needs to be fun for Michelle, too. Which means she needs to be able to trick you out of stuff."
D.J. was stunned. "You want me to let her trick me into her chores?"
"Why not? What are the chances she'll succeed? You're a teenager, she just turned four. It's not like she's the Roadrunner and you're Wile E. Coyote; it's more like the other way around."
D.J. laughed. "I guess he's really just a genius in his own mind, huh? Sort of like Michelle's a princess in her own mind."
"Right. You really can outsmart her."
"You're right, Joey. Hopefully I won't have to use this much at all. But, with Dad being so lax sometimes..." She thought for a moment. "Yeah. There can't be any harm in letting her try to trick me. I've had to react for a long while to her misbehavior; I know all her tricks."
"Exactly. And, if you let her keep trying, even if she stops falling for yours, you'll still have lots of chances to win more from her dares."
D.J. smiled. "Thanks, Joey. You're right. I guess I was kind of worried that could happen, her refusing to listen to my attempts to trick her. I mean, what I told her I'd be willing to do, I hated even thinking it. And yet, I know timeout works now, but there will come a time when it's harder for me to even hold her down in timeout."
D.J. smiled broadly as she and Joey walked into Michelle's room. Michelle was still seated in her chair, looking downcast. "But, maybe that's never going to be a problem," D.J. said happily. The fact Michelle knew to stay in timeout when told seemed very encouraging.
"Just keep thinking positively. I think you're doing the right thing; with her you do have to set firm limits right away so she doesn't need you to be tougher later. I think you're doing that. I have a teaching certificate, I don't know if you remember, but I have studied children some." He didn't like to set limits with Michelle, of course, either; he preferred to just be a kid in that household. But, after a year he had finally been comfortable grounding D.J. from something when she was late for curfew and didn't call. And, he imagined he might be ready to set limits on Michelle, too - someday.
"Thanks." They embraced, and D.J. walked over to Michelle's bed. She sat on it and turned Michelle toward her. "Are you ready to be a good girl?"
"I'll be a very good girl."
"Great. Listen, Joey gave me an idea, and I think it's a good one. How about we say you can try to trick me and win back your privileges, or win a chance to make me do your chores, too."
"That would make me very happy."
"Okay, now I want you to understand, if I win the dare, you lose the privileges." D.J. wrote "1 day of dessert" on the chart. "See, this is one day of dessert. Now, we'll say the timeout was your punishment for sneaking the dessert up here. But, you still need to lose that dessert because you lost it as punishment." D.J. realized she needed to explain a little more simply for Michelle, and did so. "Now, if you dare me, that's one dessert that's up for grabs. If you win, you get that dessert back. If I win, that's two days you don't have dessert. And they could happen any time. I might use them both right away. Or, I might save them on this chart for a long while."
"Okay, let's save them for Christmas."
D.J. laughed. "Sorry, Michelle, I still have control over when I use them. But, right now, you'll have one day less of dessert, and I'll still have one day without dessert to give as punishment."
She could tell it was still a little confusing, so she just told Michelle that she could try to trick her anytime.
"Look, there's Daddy."
D.J. grinned. "I'm not falling for that. What were you daring me?"
"Actually, I am in the doorway," Danny reported. "It sounds like you've got a good system there."
"Thanks, Dad."
"Joey told me what you decided. I think it's a good idea." He walked over to the bed, sat down, and picked Michelle up. "Oh, sorry, was her timeout over?"
"Yeah, technically."
"Anyway, Michelle, I just want you to know, I'm going to enforce the rules from now on. I guess I got a little carried away letting you get away with stuff because it was your birthday. I'm sorry."
"I didn't mind."
"Well, I won't say it can't happen again. Sometimes, just like before I was punishing you, I just want you to be my little girl forever, and not have to worry about correcting you. And, I'm going to try to be consistent now. But, even if I don't pay attention to your misdeeds, I don't want you to think you're allowed to misbehave. That's why I'm letting D.J. do this. And, whether she's dared you out of some privilege, or into chores, or you lost the dare yourself, I want you to understand, I'm letting her do this because I love you. And, so does she."
"Okay, Daddy."
Danny smiled. "It might not be the way most families operate, I don't know. But, I do know that I've got some great help in raising you. Not just your Uncle Jesse and Joey, but even D.J. quite often."
Four and a half years later:
D.J. looked at several college catalogs strewn about her room as she sat at her desk. The high school senior was a month from graduating, and had returned from a fabulous prom a few days before. And, as she began to write in her diary, she considered that she was glad she planned to stay at home and commute to college next year. A major era had come to an end a month earlier
"Dear diary," she wrote. "Sorry again that I haven't written for over a month before yesterday. I've been so busy; the final year of high school is so filled with hassles. And of course, there's the prom with Steve I wrote about yesterday.
"Anyway, remember when I used to write about that huge ledger of chores and privileges that I could punish Michelle with when our dad was too lax?"
She looked at the sheet on her desk. Michelle owed her five weeks and three days of chores. If D.J. took off the four weeks Michelle had won in a dare last month - Michelle won a month of chores in a limbo contest after two "double or nothing" dares - it would be down to a week and three days. And, of course, there were always privileges she could revoke.
Then again, as she pondered the fun she and Stephanie had had about a month ago with Michelle all weekend, she thought of the weekend before that. Michelle had wanted to spend time with her, and she hadn't taken her to the concert she'd wanted to go to. They'd made up for it in her mind, her and Steph both. But, D.J. decided that she still hadn't fully made up for it, because of the way Stephanie considered tricking her.
"Well, last month there was a day that marked the end of that era. Michelle managed to figure out a way to beat me in a dare. I figured it was a fluke, but she got me in a dare recently, just a few days after recovering from her amnesia after her riding accident. And, she hasn't needed me to use these chores on the ledger to discipline her for months! Not because Dad's been 100% consistent, but just because she's been quite good.
"I could just take a month off of that ledger for the last time; I thought about it, then decided to keep it on. I didn't know if I'd need it. But, now I think maybe I should take it off, along with the week she got out of today. Then, I'd only have three days of chores I can give her if she needs punished and Dad won't do it; because, she just doesn't fall for it if I try to dare her anymore. I haven't had to use this ledger for many months now, and I doubt I'll need to much again.
"But, though I never was truly proactive with her, except for those three weeks at camp when she was six, I have been kind of like a mom. And, she respects that. What Steph and I did a few weeks before that first dare that she won wasn't very nice. So, I'm going to enforce a few weeks of Michelle's chores on myself, too. If I do a week or two, and Steph does, too, that'll even things out, and help her, too. She still shouldn't be doing everything after her concussion. Michelle's so loving, so forgiving. She really took those messages to heart about Chrsit's love and forgiveness at camp last summer; she not only received Him, she really tries sometimes - as much, I guess, as you can expect an eight-year-old to do - to use that WWJD bit, at least as far as forgiveness is concerned. Nicky and Alex bugging her, Joey breaking his promise to her club, Steph's fight with her. She's not as mature as she might be, but she's rounding into a pretty nice girl.."
Michelle, now eight and a half, walked in D.J.'s door just as D.J. was closing her diary. "Hey, D.J.. I just wanted to say, you don't have to do my chores."
"Oh, I know. But, I'd like to."
"I know. But, you never made me do yours. Unless I was bad," she added lowly. D.J. put a arm around her. "How many weeks do I owe you?"
"Five and three days; though with the five weeks I owe you...."
"It's been a while since you had to use that."
"Yes, it has. I still remember the first time I did."
Michelle chuckled. "And then at camp, you made me sit down and write a postcard just so I could go to lunch."
D.J. nodded. Michelle had written a postcard home a couple years ago that had said just that. "You're a good kid. I don't mind clearing this ledger and doing some of your chores, too."
"Yeah, right. You'll never do anything that bad now. Besides, Dad would ground you if you did something wrong, even if he usually wouldn't ground me," Michelle said. She'd become a really good girl. And, while she would have had a lot more self-control earlier had D.J. been proactive fromt he start, she'd still wind up mature enough to be a great senior class president in high school.
D.J. agreed. "You know, hearing you say that makes it all the more amazing that you have become quite well-behaved over the last couple years."
"Of course; I'd sure rather obey Dad than you. Especially that summer after Disneyworld, I learned my lesson. You're way tougher."
"I guess I've done a pretty good job, huh?" D.J. said as she hugged Michelle.
Michelle agreed. "If I couldn't have a mom, I'm really glad I have a big sister like you," she exclaimed as they embraced.