Author's note, very important:
Yes, I know, I screwed up royally with the formatting on the last chapter! What a ditz, that chapter was like twice as long but because of the DAMNED FORMATTING it was all tiny and in one line. I was going to reformat it and then just write the next bit but I decided that I'd put the second half of the last chapter at the beginning of this chapter instead, it all works out the same anyway. I really am very sorry, but I'm stupid and I didn't check it, blah!
All right, it's disclaimer time who shall we have? Looks around, Trowa is munching on the apple pie and gives the author the finger Not Trowa, he did it last time. Looks around again aha! Wufei! You cannot escape your duty.
Wufei: Dishonourable onna! Can you not see I'm stalking Barton's apple pie! Trowa looks vaguely alarmed and runs away with the pie Damn! That pie would have tasted good with my M&M cookies.
Me: Shut up and do the disclaimer, you can rant about injustice and stuff.
Wufei: SQUEE! Everyone stares I did not just say squee… Know this, intolerable fools, Lil, or Lucas, whatever, does not own Gundam Wing or Disney because she is a dishonourable, justice-less onna who….
Me: Hey! I resent the implication that… oh… wait… your right, carry on.
Wufei: nods Be warned that this fic is 6X2, which means it's yaoi. If you are too weak of mind to deal with this then do not read.
Heero: Hn, this from the guy who gets a nosebleed when he sees two men kissing even though we know he has a thing for Treize and…is gesturing with peach pie
Wufei: Silence! All flames will be used in the ultimate weapon of destruction and then used on flamers. Lucas does not promise to not release Duo on said flamers; you will be squeezed to death. Gets tackled by Duo in a flying glomp attack
Duo: Gimme a cookie! Is holding the Shinigami plushie and beating Wufei over the head with it
Wufei: Injustice! You had a whole Devil's food cake to yourself you fat baka! Get off me!
Me: pries Duo off of Wufei Now for the thank you's to the reviewers, and the explanation for all the food ^.^
Karina - Thank you for pointing out that the line had decided that the east of the screen seemed like a good holiday destination, I wouldn't have realised and the whole fic would have been messed up Gives karina a large slice of cake and some milk
Graymyst - Thank you too for pointing out my crap formatting! Gives Graymyst a large slice of cake and some milk
PATTY 40 and Jillian - We thank you for all our presents of food! Know this other reviewers, the cake you receive is all courtesy of PATTY and her daughter Jillian who are kind enough to feed my cast and me! Trowa loves his apple pie… maybe a little too much. Duo inhaled his cake, which means he loved it, but is now poaching everyone else's food. Quatre cried when he saw his cake he said he wants to give you this hands PATTY a lovely pink shirt don't ask me why. Wufei is defending his cookies with his life, although he wants Trowa's pie. Heero thanks you for your kind words about him being the bad guy and says thank you for the cake and ice cream, though he gave some of the ice cream to Duo to make him go away. I must admit, I took some of Zechs' sugar cookies, but only two 'cause they looked yummy. He said they were indeed yummy and can he have more. Bear in mind PATTY that he was doing this with a chibi pout and bishounen sparkles and everything. Relena thought the dirt was chocolate, and ate the pie; no one stopped her… oh well! Thanks again for the cake and milk! My cast LOVE you! Gives PATTY loads of cake and milk for her and Jillian
Kurai Kaiba – Everyone loved their plushies, especially Duo, though he occasionally uses it as a weapon to get cookies from Wufei shrugs oh well. Gives Kurai Kaiba a large slice of cake and some milk
Yu~ki~ko – Be prepared, Zechs is almost here! Gives Yu~ki~ko a large slice of cake and some milk
After that long and vaguely pointless ramble, here's the actual fic.
Enter the BeastSome time later, Duo was stood before a giant castle.
"How come I didn't know this was here?" Duo questioned as he stared through the giant gates. Deathscythe was restless and attempted to get away.
"Hey, calm down," Duo soothed as he slid off the horse's back. He spotted something between the gates and pushed them open. He picked up the hat.
"Professor?" he questioned as he stared at the front doors of the castle.
"Just couldn't keep quiet could we?" the clock hissed at the candle, "Just had to invite him to stay didn't we? Serve him tea, sit in the Master's chair, pet the pooch," the clock raged.
The candle merely shrugged, "I was trying to be hospitable," he explained. A creaking sound quieted them.
"Professor?"
The candle and the clock stared at the door as a beautiful young boy came inside.
"Hello?" the boy called again as he moved passed the table where the candle and clock stood. He moved on calling for the Professor at regular intervals and moved out of their sight. They were silent for a short while before the candle turned to the clock.
"Did you see that?" he questioned excitedly, "he's the one, the one who's come to break the spell!" He jumped off the table and followed the boy down the hall,
"No, Trowa! Stop!" the clock hissed as he ran after the candle.
Elsewhere in the castle, the teapot was busy filling a metal bowl with hot water and soap.
"Sally, Sally!" the handsome cup called as he shuffled up to her, "There's a beautiful boy in the castle!"
"Nonsense Treize, I won't let you make up such stories," the teapot scolded.
"Like you could stop me," Treize snorted, "But I saw him," he exclaimed.
"Not another word," the teapot said, "Into the tub," she stated as she flicked the cup into the metal bowl.
"You treat me like a child!" Treize exclaimed from somewhere in the bowl, "And I'm fairly sure I'm older than you!"
"Sally!" another voice called. The teapot looked up and saw the feather duster above her, "There's a boy in the castle!" he exclaimed as he ruffled off.
"See?" the handsome cup said as he peered over the edge of the bowl, "I told you."
Duo moved farther into the building, calling for the Professor. The candle and clock moved stealthily behind him until they came to a door. As Duo walked passed they opened it and moved inside, the door shut with a bang. Duo whirled round.
"Hello? Professor?" he called as he opened the door. He could see a staircase that climbed out of sight and a light that was moving steadily up the stairs.
"Excuse me!" he called, "Can you help me? I'm looking for my Professor! I…" as Duo moved around the curve he saw no one, only a candle sat on a ledge.
"That's freaky," Duo said as he stared at the candle, "I'm sure there was someone."
He moved on up the stairs.
"Hello?" he called again as he pulled a flaming torch from a bracket on the wall.
"Duo?" a croaky voice called. Duo jumped and stared into what appeared to be a prison like room. He saw an arm slide out of the bars at the bottom of one of the thick wooden doors.
"Professor G!" he yelled as he ran forward to the door and knelt down. He grabbed his hand.
"How did you find me?" G questioned and then broke into a coughing fit.
"Oh, your hands are like ice," Duo said as he clutched the old man's hand, "We have to get you out of here."
"No, Duo. I want you to leave this place," G said quickly.
"Who's done this to you?" Duo said angrily.
"No, Duo, you must go, now," G said desperately. Duo felt a large hand on his shoulder and he was pulled away from the door and thrown to the floor, he dropped the torch in a puddle and he was plunged into darkness.
"What are you doing here?" a harsh voice asked. Duo looked around for the owner of the voice, but could see nothing in the dark.
"No! Duo run!" G yelled as Duo turned his head warily.
"Who's there?" Duo said into the darkness.
"The Master of this castle," the voice said.
"You have to let him go. Can't you see? He's sick!" Duo said desperately as he moved closer to G's cell door.
"Then he shouldn't have trespassed here!" the voice roared.
"Please let him go, I'll do anything," Duo said as he stood up.
"There's nothing you can do," the voice stated, "he is my prisoner."
"Oh there must be some way I can…" Duo started. He stopped as an idea struck him.
"Take me instead," Duo said as he moved into the only little bit of light that was coming from a small window.
"No, Duo, you don't know what you're doing!" G yelled.
"You," the voice said scornfully, "You would… take his place?" the voice continued more softly.
"No, Duo," G said angrily. Duo ignored him.
"If I did," he said quickly, "would you let him go?"
"Yes," the voice said quietly, "but you must promise to stay here forever."
Duo glanced down at the floor and the lifted his head, "Come into the light," he said into the darkness. Something in front of him shifted and he saw some animal-like feet followed by large legs, inadequately covered by ripped trousers, an even larger chest with a cloak draped over the broad shoulders all covered in hair of a dark blond shade. Then the face of a beast, with horns and fangs could be clearly seen. Duo's eyes went wide in shock as he covered his mouth with one hand and he fell to the floor clutching at the bars of the Professor's cell.
"Never thought of waxing?" Duo blurted out before he could top himself. He beast raised a would-be eyebrow if the rest of his face wasn't equally as hairy.
"No, Duo, I won't let you do this," G said to Duo's bowed head. Duo stood up again and moved back into the light. He lifted his head high and closed his eyes.
"You have my word," Duo said.
"Done!" the beast said as he moved past him. Duo clutched at his chest and fell to his knees, as he sank fully onto the floor, he place one fist on the ground as he let his head fall. As the cell door opened G leapt out and put his arm around Duo's shoulders.
"Duo, no. I'm old, I've lived my life," he said quickly, Duo looked into his eyes. Suddenly G was being dragged away by the beast.
"Wait," Duo called.
"Duo!" G yelled as he was pulled out of sight.
"Wait!" Duo shouted again. The beast dragged G all the way through the castle and outside.
"Please, please spare the boy," G said as he struggled against the beast's grip.
"He is no longer your concern," the beast growled as he threw him into a horse-less carriage.
"Take him to the village," he told the carriage as he made his way back inside. The carriage creaked and groaned and moved off, away from the castle.
"Let me out! Please let me out!" G called from inside, but his calls went unheeded.
The beast was climbing back up the tower he came to the ledge where the candle was stood.
"Master Zechs?" the candle said tentatively.
"What?" Zechs growled.
"Well, since the boy will be staying with us for quite some time, I was thinking that maybe you could offer him a more comfortable room?" the candle said before having all of his flames blown out by one loud roar. Zechs moved on up the stairs.
"Then again, maybe not," the candle said quickly.
Duo was on the floor of the cell looking out the tiny window. Zechs moved into the room.
"You didn't even let me say goodbye," Duo said, he turned around to stare at Zechs and there were tears in his eyes, "I'll never get to see him again, and I didn't get to say goodbye."
Duo dissolved into tears as Zechs scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.
"I'll show you to your room," Zechs said to Duo's form.
"What?" Duo asked as he looked up, "But I thought…"
Zechs rolled his eyes and gestured around the room, "Do you want to stay in the tower?"
"No," Duo said, pouting.
"Then follow me," Zechs stated. They moved through the castle, Zechs leading the way. He had the candle in his hand acting as the light. Duo was staring around at all of the twisted gargoyles that adorned the walls of the castle.
"Who was your interior decorator?" he muttered under his breath.
"Say something to him," the candle encouraged.
"Oh," Zechs said quietly, "My name is Zechs Marquise, this is my castle… I, er, hope you like it here," he said then continued to walk in silence. The candle made gesturing motions at him.
"The castle is your home now, so you may go anywhere you like, except the West Wing," Zechs said.
Duo looked up, "What's in the West…" he began.
"It's forbidden," Zechs said quickly as he glared at Duo. Duo looked taken aback. Zechs growled and continued to lead the way. Eventually they stopped at a large door. Zechs pushed it open and allowed Duo to enter. Duo stared around. It was a large, beautiful room; richly decorated and comfortable.
"Nice digs," Duo said before he could stop himself.
"If you need anything, my servants will attend you," Zechs said from the doorway.
"Dinner!" the candle hissed, "Invite him to dinner."
Zechs stood up straighter, "You will… join me for dinner," he said grumpily, "That's not a request!" and with that he slammed the door shut. Duo gasped and leant against the door before running forward and throwing himself face down onto the bed. He sank several feet into the mattress. He squirmed and sat up.
"I could suffocate in that!" he gasped as he took deep breaths, "How am I meant to be all dramatic and desolate-heroine-ish if the mattress is trying to kill me?" He chuckled for a little while but they changed into sobs as he covered his face with his hands and started to cry.
In the small town of indiscriminate French origin, Heero was sitting in his tavern, brooding… so what else is new? Relena came over with two flagons of mead (fancy talk for two pints of beer).
"Who does he think he is?" Heero muttered, more to himself than Relena, "That boy has tangled with the wrong man! No one says no to Heero Yuy."
"Heh, darn right!" Relena said as she raised the beer in a toast.
"Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly humiliated!" Heero growled as he snatched both beers from Relena's hand, just as she was about to take a sip, "Why, it's more than I can bear," Heero said as he threw the two glasses into the fire in front of him.
"More beer?" Relena asked, perhaps trying to change the subject, but it's more likely that she misheard… because she's stupid.
"What for?" Heero huffed, "Nothing helps," he sat and sulked in his big chair, "I'm disgraced."
"Who, you?" Relena said in genuine astonishment, "Never! Heero, you've got to pull yourself together!"
[Relena:] Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Heero
Looking so down in the dumps places her hands on his mouth and pulls his lips up into a smile, Heero punches her
Every guy here'd love to be you, Heero
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Heero
No one's quick as Heero
No one's genetically engineered like Heero
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a great man on show
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley Slaps several men on the head
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on Gets snatched back and lifted up by the four men at the table
[Chorus:] No one's been like Heero
A king pin like Heero
[Relena:] No one's got deep Prussian blue eyes like Heero
[Heero:] As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating
[Chorus:] My what a guy, that Heero
Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
[Relena:] Heero is the best
And the rest is all drips Somehow manages to throw beer all over Heero's face, she gets punched again. Heero jumps onto a table and starts a brawl.
[Chorus:] No one fights like Heero
Douses lights like Heero
[Cronie:] In a wrestling match nobody bites like Heero Heero bites his leg
[Bimbettes:] For there's no one as burly and brawny Heero lifts up the bench that the three girls are sat on
[Heero:] As you see I've got biceps to spare
[Relena:] Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
[Heero:] (That's right!)Drops the bench on Relena's head.
And know my chest isn't even covered with hair opens shirt to reveal smooth chest
[Cronies:] No one hits like Heero
[Townsman:] Matches wits like Heero
[Relena:] In a spitting match nobody spits like Heero
[Heero:] I'm especially good at expectorating
(Ptooey!)Spits into a spittoon that Relena is holding, and she somehow manages to drop it on her head
[Chorus:] Ten points for Heero!
[Heero:] When I was a lad I beat four dozen men
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I beat five dozen men
So I'm roughly the size of a barge
[Chorus:] No one shoots like Heero shoots at a beer barrel
Makes those beauts like Heero Men fill cups from the now hole-filled barrel
[Relena:] Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
[Heero:] I use antlers in all of my decorating
[Chorus:] Say it again
Who's a man among men?
And then say it once more
Who's the hero next door?
Who's a super success?
Don't you know? Can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down the 4 cronies pick up the chair Heero's sitting in and raise it, they then move around and drop it on top of Relena
[Chorus:] Heero!
Just as the song ended, Professor G burst through the doors of the tavern.
"Help, help, someone help me!" G cried out as he ran into the bar.
"G?" the bartender said in disbelief as a waitress poured a drink into a punter's lap.
"He's got him," he said desperately as he grabbed the front of some guy's jacket, "He's got him locked in a dungeon!"
"Who?" the harassed man asked as he was let go of. With the release of pressure he fell off his chair.
"Duo!" G screamed, "We must go, now!"
"Calm down old man!" Heero shouted from his chair, "Who's got Duo locked in a dungeon?" he said it with some amusement and raised his eyebrow, awaiting the answer.
"A beast! A terrible, monstrous beast!" G yelled out. Everyone stared at him for several minutes before laughing heartily.
"Is it a big beast?" one man asked as he stood up and raised his arms in a ghoulish way.
"Huge," G answered, moving away from the man and into someone else.
"With an ugly snout?" the second man asked.
"Well…" G thought, "It was quite cute looking… but vicious!"
The second man pushed him into a third, "With sharp cruel fangs," he asked as he mimed biting motions.
"Yes, yes, yes," G said, exasperated, "Will you help me?"
"All right old man," Heero said with amusement, "We'll help you out," he made gestures to his cronies who grabbed G under the arms and dragged him to the front door.
"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!" G said as he was thrown out of the door into the snow.
"Crazy old G," one of the cronies said as they moved back inside the tavern and walked passed Heero.
"Yeah, he's always good for a laugh," another said as they all chuckled and moved to the bar.
[Heero:] Crazy old G, hmmm?
Crazy old G. Hmmm. Looks to Relena who's still under the chair
Relena, I'm afraid I've been thinking
[Relena:] A dangerous pastime
[Heero:] nods I know pulls her from under the chair
But that wacky old coot is like Duo's father
And his sanity's only "so-so"
Now the wheels in my head have been turning
Since I looked at that loony, old man
See, I've promised myself I'd be married to Duo
And right now I'm evolving a plan
If I . . . {whisper}
[Relena:] Yes?
[Heero:] Then we . . . {whisper}
[Relena:] No! Would he . . .
[Heero:] {Whisper} Guess!
[Relena:] Now I get it!
[Both:] Let's go! Start to ballroom dance around the room
No one plots like Heero
[Heero:] Takes cheap shots like Heero
[Relena:] Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Heero
[Chorus:] So his marriage we soon'll be celebrating Heero imitates walking down the aisle with Relena
My what a guy!
Heero!
Outside in the freezing air, G wrapped his arms around himself.
"Will no one help me?" he asked into the night then frowned, "Now I'm really losing it, I'm talking to no one, there I go again, I just can't stop…" he continued to mutter in this vein as he walked home.
Another important author note:
I know this was long but I needed to catch up. I'm going skiing on Sunday, so it's unlikely that there'll be another update before I go away, so It'll be at least a week and a half, but probably longer because I have exams for two weeks when I get back. I only have four exams though, so I'll try and do some more at some point in those weeks. So the point of that was look out for an update after the 20th of January. Hope you won't all abandon me ^_^ My cast are threatening to walk out, but I've placated them with the remaining cake and milk that PATTY gave me. You're a lifesaver! Till I get back then! Ja-bye-bye!