"You know what this spaceship needs?"
"No," said Dabura.
"Well, I'll tell you!" said Pui-Pui enthusiastically. "You know how we have that big clanky metal thing in the ship, taking up all that space?"
"The engine?"
"Yeah, that. We should take it out and replace it with a giant theme park. We could call it Pui-Pui Land. It'd be under ten times gravity, of course."
"Pui-Pui?"
"Yes, Dabura?"
"If I killed you, Master Babidi would get angry at me, and he'd probably give me a mild headache. I don't like having headaches, so let's just pretend that I killed you, and that it hurt. It hurt a lot."
"Yes," said Pui-Pui meekly. "Okay."
---
Krillin was ready. Stepping onto the ring, he walked into the cheering and adulation of the crowd. Is adulation even a word? I remember reading it somewhere. As he stepped into the centre of the ring, his opponent waddled before him. This large, vaguely Arabic fellow had a portly belly and a ridiculous accent, suggesting that his only real goal in life was to be minor comedic relief. To prove this, the fat man fell over and bounced hilariously.
"Is daddy going to be okay?" said the yellow-haired creature clinging to #18's sleeves. They were seated in the stands, high above the ring. Yamcha smiled.
"Well, yeah! He's one of the strongest guys in the world!" Strongest human, that is, he thought to himself. Somewhere in the mountains, Tenshinhan screamed and tried to psychically strangle Yamcha with his thoughts.
Krillin raised his fist. "Are you sure you want me to hit you?"
"You can't hurt me," said the cocky fighter. "I'm big and fat and hilariously funny. Look at my chins wobble! Ho ho ho!"
"Okay! Here it comes!" Krillin's fist gracefully smacked into the fighter's stomach with the elegant grace of cement slapping into a wet balloon. The big man crumpled into a small ball and stayed there.
As Krillin walked out, hearing the cheers of the crowd, he wiped a tear from his eye. It had been so long since he'd actually got to win a fight without running away. It made him proud. All he wanted to do now was get #18 home and show her how proud he was.
By cooking her dinner.
This is a G-Rated story, after all.
----
"You're up next, Piccolo," said Goku cheerfully. "Think you can handle that little guy?"
"Yeah." But Piccolo seemed nervous. "Goku, don't you think his ki is very strange?"
Goku nodded and lowered his voice. "But not as strange as Vegeta's," he hissed. "I'm getting some seriously strange ki from Vegeta. And he's just standing over there, staring at us. See his blank expression? His cold, cold eyes? I don't trust him."
"Goku, that's not Vegeta. That's the wall."
"What?! Oh! Silly me! Yeah, that would explain it."
"Although Vegeta is standing over there staring at us with cold, blank eyes," added Piccolo.
"Don't look at me!" snapped Vegeta. "I'm planning my amazing victory over Kakarotto!"
Goku smiled. "Oh, that's so nice of you Vegeta! I'm always in your thoughts!"
"Must... kill.... Kakarotto!"
"Hold him back," said Piccolo to Gohan, and they grabbed his shoulders. "Don't kill him, Vegeta! Think happy thoughts!"
"Okay, Ma Junior and Shin, please come to the ring!" Piccolo loosened his turban as the voice finished ringing through the speakers, then moved towards the archway. The announcer chuckled. "Don't destroy the ring this time!" Piccolo nodded, and kept walking. Shin stepped beside him, smiling mysteriously.
"What are you looking so mysterious about?" wondered Piccolo.
"Oh, I'm always like this," said Kaioshin. They took their places on the ring. Kaioshin smiled mysteriously.
"Would you quit being so mysterious? I'm supposed to be the mysterious one!"
Kaioshin smiled mysteriously again, proving that the adjective 'mysteriously' should not be used more than once in any fan fiction. Piccolo stared at him. How could he handle somebody this mysterious? Somebody more mysterious than himself? Could he be the most mysterious being... in all the heavens?
The announcer cleared his throught. "Ma Junior? Shin? We need a fight here..."
Piccolo shook his head. "I forfeit the match."
"No," said Dabura.
"Well, I'll tell you!" said Pui-Pui enthusiastically. "You know how we have that big clanky metal thing in the ship, taking up all that space?"
"The engine?"
"Yeah, that. We should take it out and replace it with a giant theme park. We could call it Pui-Pui Land. It'd be under ten times gravity, of course."
"Pui-Pui?"
"Yes, Dabura?"
"If I killed you, Master Babidi would get angry at me, and he'd probably give me a mild headache. I don't like having headaches, so let's just pretend that I killed you, and that it hurt. It hurt a lot."
"Yes," said Pui-Pui meekly. "Okay."
---
Krillin was ready. Stepping onto the ring, he walked into the cheering and adulation of the crowd. Is adulation even a word? I remember reading it somewhere. As he stepped into the centre of the ring, his opponent waddled before him. This large, vaguely Arabic fellow had a portly belly and a ridiculous accent, suggesting that his only real goal in life was to be minor comedic relief. To prove this, the fat man fell over and bounced hilariously.
"Is daddy going to be okay?" said the yellow-haired creature clinging to #18's sleeves. They were seated in the stands, high above the ring. Yamcha smiled.
"Well, yeah! He's one of the strongest guys in the world!" Strongest human, that is, he thought to himself. Somewhere in the mountains, Tenshinhan screamed and tried to psychically strangle Yamcha with his thoughts.
Krillin raised his fist. "Are you sure you want me to hit you?"
"You can't hurt me," said the cocky fighter. "I'm big and fat and hilariously funny. Look at my chins wobble! Ho ho ho!"
"Okay! Here it comes!" Krillin's fist gracefully smacked into the fighter's stomach with the elegant grace of cement slapping into a wet balloon. The big man crumpled into a small ball and stayed there.
As Krillin walked out, hearing the cheers of the crowd, he wiped a tear from his eye. It had been so long since he'd actually got to win a fight without running away. It made him proud. All he wanted to do now was get #18 home and show her how proud he was.
By cooking her dinner.
This is a G-Rated story, after all.
----
"You're up next, Piccolo," said Goku cheerfully. "Think you can handle that little guy?"
"Yeah." But Piccolo seemed nervous. "Goku, don't you think his ki is very strange?"
Goku nodded and lowered his voice. "But not as strange as Vegeta's," he hissed. "I'm getting some seriously strange ki from Vegeta. And he's just standing over there, staring at us. See his blank expression? His cold, cold eyes? I don't trust him."
"Goku, that's not Vegeta. That's the wall."
"What?! Oh! Silly me! Yeah, that would explain it."
"Although Vegeta is standing over there staring at us with cold, blank eyes," added Piccolo.
"Don't look at me!" snapped Vegeta. "I'm planning my amazing victory over Kakarotto!"
Goku smiled. "Oh, that's so nice of you Vegeta! I'm always in your thoughts!"
"Must... kill.... Kakarotto!"
"Hold him back," said Piccolo to Gohan, and they grabbed his shoulders. "Don't kill him, Vegeta! Think happy thoughts!"
"Okay, Ma Junior and Shin, please come to the ring!" Piccolo loosened his turban as the voice finished ringing through the speakers, then moved towards the archway. The announcer chuckled. "Don't destroy the ring this time!" Piccolo nodded, and kept walking. Shin stepped beside him, smiling mysteriously.
"What are you looking so mysterious about?" wondered Piccolo.
"Oh, I'm always like this," said Kaioshin. They took their places on the ring. Kaioshin smiled mysteriously.
"Would you quit being so mysterious? I'm supposed to be the mysterious one!"
Kaioshin smiled mysteriously again, proving that the adjective 'mysteriously' should not be used more than once in any fan fiction. Piccolo stared at him. How could he handle somebody this mysterious? Somebody more mysterious than himself? Could he be the most mysterious being... in all the heavens?
The announcer cleared his throught. "Ma Junior? Shin? We need a fight here..."
Piccolo shook his head. "I forfeit the match."