Give A Part of Me I Thought I'd Never

A/N: It's all Joss's. I don't like Joss. But I do like his creations. Hope you like my lovely fluff. If you do not like fluff, I would leave.

"Buffy, love, you're going to have to do it eventually," Spike sighed as Buffy dropped the phone back into it's holder for the fourteenth time in fifteen minutes.

"Eventually as in say, thirty years from now? Would that be good?" Buffy asked meekly, they were sitting on her bed, she was leaning up against Spike's bare chest, and, supposedly, they were calling Giles to confront him. In reality, they were edging closer and closer to a fight.

"Slayer," Spike warned, putting on the face he used to put the fear of God into Dawn and, for that matter, Buffy.

"Let's not fight," Buffy sighed letting her head fall back onto his shoulder so she could look him in the eye.

"I don't think I could stand being mad at you too at this point in the day." She'd already fought with Xander about talking to Giles, Dawn about going to a club that night and Dina about the new vampire boyfriend. Who had killed someone the previous night, this was not exactly good meet-the-Watcher behavior, and Buffy was pissed.

"I wasn't going to start anything, pet," Spike said, lying like a rug.

"Spike."

"Err, anything that would end in fisticuffs is what I meant."

"Spike."

"Just phone the Watcher." Buffy sighed and picked up the phone, "don't worry about it, pet, and don't bloody hang up this time. The phone bills are going to kill you when they get here."

"Nice to know I'm being taken care of," she murmured while she dialed.

"Like you'd let me take care of you, I'd just get a lecture on what a chauvinistic bastard I am," Spike complained.

"Shut up," Buffy commanded. Spike obeyed and pulled her down so she was lying on top of him, with his arms encircling her waist tightly. The phone was right by his ear and he could hear both sides of the conversation.

"Look, Mrs. Phaedros, I don't give a damn if you don't think this is 'respectable' for your daughter, it is her calling, and she will be part of it. She's a Slayer and that will always be part of her life- the most important part of her life," Giles snapped before Buffy could speak.

"I know that's the way you think, Giles," Buffy said, "but not all Slayers agree."

"Buffy, how are you? It's great to hear from you," Giles said, happy not to have to deal with the insane mother of the Greek Slayer that he and Faith had found a few weeks before. "Not all Slayers have the wisdom you did."

"I wasn't all that wise back in Sunnyhell," Buffy said, "I have news!"

"Really, Buffy what's that?" Giles asked, hoping that it had nothing to do with Buffy's Slayer, who he had briefly trained, and hated with passion.

"I found my man," Buffy said, Spike placed a delicate kiss on the side of her neck as she said it.

"I'm glad, Buffy, in the past you've made some very bad decisions about your love life."

"Yeah, that I have," as Buffy agreed Spike slid another kiss along her shoulder.

"I do hope he's significantly less demonic than your last... erm," Giles stumbled, not knowing quite how to refer to Spike.

"Than the last person I slept with, you mean, don't worry about it, you can say it, hell, just say fuck-buddy if you feel like it. No regrets," Buffy smiled softly as she felt Spike tense beneath her, "well, one. And, yes, this one has a soul."

"That's a definite improvement. How did you meet?"

"Actually, he tried to kill me," Buffy said offhand, chuckling as Spike's body shook under hers.

"This is sounding familiar. Is he at least nicer than your last..."

"Honestly, just spit it out Giles. And yes, he is the kindest, most handsome, most loving, best, noblest and

bravest man," Buffy emphasized more for Spike than for Giles, "I have ever had the luck to find."

"Are you in love with him?"

"Yes, completely, head over heels," Buffy squirmed a bit as Spike kissed the back of her neck again, a bit harder. She covered the phone with her hand and whispered, "later, promise."

"How long have you known him?"

"Oh, God, about," Buffy quickly counted on her fingers, "seven years, give or take a few months."

"You... you knew him in Sunnydale?"

"So did you- he was sort of just outside the Scooby unit," Buffy grinned, waiting for realization to dawn.

No one ever said Spike's sadism wasn't catching.

"How long has Riley been in London then? And wasn't he married?" Buffy burst into giggles.

"It's not Riley, Giles."

"Oz?" He suggested, the hope very clear in his voice.

"Don't think he's really my type."

"And since when have you even had a type?"

"Oh, I've got a type, strong, taller than I am, blue eyes, blonde hair- well, not so much blonde as white- pale, relatively tan-resistant, holy-water challenged, wonderful- you know, the standard," Buffy had been getting bored, and she wanted the conversation over with. And as soon as she heard the intake of breath on the other end of the line, and the distinct pause while Giles wiped off his glasses, she bit down on her lips hard enough to draw blood, this was not going to be fun. Spike slid out from underneath her, intending to leave her alone to have this conversation, but she grabbed his hand and pulled him back down on the bed.

"Buffy- how did you... when did- why- who?"

"Xander told us. He found it in your Watcher notes," She was halfway between anger and tears, "I can't believe you would do this to me. To us."

"He's not good for you, Buffy. This can't end well."

"And the only way to find that out is by not even letting us try."

"Did this work out last time? Slayer and Vampire?"

"Spike isn't Angel. Angel isn't Spike. I highly doubt Spike is going to suck the world into hell any time soon. Did Angel know about this, by the way? I was hoping that not ever man I trust- or trusted- was involved."

"He's a vampire, Buffy, evil, ringing any bells here? No, Angel has no clue."

"He got his soul for me, he's not just a vampire any more. He may be that, but he's also William, a man."

"No, Buffy, no matter how much you delude yourself, he will always be a vampire. And constitutionally incapable of love."

"If you would just get your head out of what your damned books say for one second, Giles, you would realize that Spike saved the world and Spike saved me, more times than I can count. And I am not 'incapable of love'- even according to your stupid books- and I loved him. I love him. And you... you put me through pure hell because of what you thought. You hurt two people because of an insensi-"

"Now, Buffy, I think you're overreacting just a little bit."

"OVERREACTING!" Buffy screeched, making Dawn and Dina, who'd been in Dawns' bedroom chatting, jump at the unexpected noise. Xander shook his head in the kitchen, he'd known this would end in someone fighting, he just wondered who. Giles might have deserved it, but he doubted that Spike, who was also in the bedroom, did.

"Bloody hell, Slayer, that used to be my eardrum," he heard Spike groan. So it was Giles than, if they'd been that close together. "And stop eavesdropping, Whelp." Damned vampiric hearing, "now, Slayer," Spike said, in his most patronizing tone, the one that made Buffy's inner five-year-old cringe, "give me the phone. It will not help to make him deaf. Calm down a minute and you can have it back."

"Spike, you're not my father," she groaned.

"Damn straight. I'm not going to leave you any time soon, and I'm going to take care of you. Which means making sure than you don't break the Watcher. Now, give me the phone," Spike looked into her eyes, and she handed him the phone without another word.

"But I want to break the watcher," Buffy whined, half-teasingly. Spike sighed, pulling the phone to his ear and wrapping an arm around her waist. He deserved a few punches at Giles as well.

"Watcher," he greeted.

"Spike," it was terse, he knew Spike's temper well, and was wondering just what, exactly, he was in for.

"Look, I know you're not going to give a flying damn that you hurt me, which also doesn't matter in the slightest to me. But you hurt Buffy and that does matter to you, and, however little you want it, me."

"I didn't hurt her as much as you will, someday."

"Do you really think I'm that selfish?"

"You're a vampire. You take what you can get. You've fooled her into taking your obsession for love, it won't end well."

"Perhaps it won't, but do you think that I would have come back to Buffy if there was even the slightest chance that I would hurt her? Do you really think that little of me?"

"Yes and yes."

"At one time, that was true, Watcher. I won't lie about that. I've been a monster. I continue to be a monster. But, I've come a long way, and, I'd like to believe that I'm more man than monster now. And I think Buffy will agree with me when I give you a chance. Apologize, let her lead her own life, for once, or leave. Those are the options. Here, talk to her." Spike held out the phone to the blonde glaring daggers at him.

"I could open those curtains right now," she threatened, still glaring at him.

"But you wouldn't."

"Why are you so damned calm?"

"'Cause, now take the phone."

"I hate you."

"I know. Take the phone."

"Why me?" Buffy said, and took the phone, "you heard him. Why he said it, I don't actually know, but you heard him. And I guess I've sort of got to go along with the whole thing now."

"Thank you, Slayer, I was even using Red's resolve voice," Spike groused.

"I can't support this choice," Giles told her.

"Then you'll have to leave. Because I can't make another one. Not this time. I'm sorry, Giles, but Spike's

right. It's my life, it's my choice, and I've made it. Giles, I've been hurt a lot, by love, if I've learned one

thing about it- it's leaves. Angel left me, Riley left me. So I promised that I'd never do it again, never give

myself entirely to another person. But, without knowing it, I've given that part of me that I've kept from

everyone else, including you, to Spike, and I can't take it back. I can't let him leave. I can't live without him, my heart would stop. You, I can live without. It'll be damn hard, but I can.

"Goodbye, Giles." She put the phone back in its cradle.

"You alright?" Spike asked, knowing she wasn't, hoping she wouldn't lie about it.

"No," Buffy murmured rolling into his cool chest, "did I do the right thing?"

"Do you think it was what was right for you?"

"Yes."

"Giles?"

"At the moment, I don't really care."

"Me?"

"Yes."

"Then you did the right thing. You're a Slayer, love, you've made hard decisions before."

"For the better of the entire world. Not for me," She sighed, "this isn't 'serving the greater purpose' or

whatever it is that I always say when I have to hurt someone I love, this is just about me being happy. This is going to sound really egotistical, but that feels bigger."

"You're my world," Spike whispered, "every time you have to make a decision, remember that. It's your job to save the world, and you're mine. So, take care of yourself, alright?" He couldn't actually tell her how long he'd been wanting to make her promise to do that- Buffy liked to put others before herself, it never turned out well. Not for her, anyway, the others always did relatively well out of it.

"Spike?" Buffy asked after a minute of silence.

"Yeah, love?"

"You know that rain check I just gave you?"

"Yeah."

"Could it be for tomorrow? Right now I'd like to sleep and just forget for a few hours."

"No problem, pet."

"And Spike?"

"What now, love?"

"If you're going to be like that I'm not telling you."

"Buffy."

"You're my world," she smiled as she felt him take a few unnecessary breaths and lean down to kiss the

top of her forehead.

"God, Slayer, I love you."

"Love you too."
Buffy woke up later to see Spike in the recliner by the window of her room, fast asleep with a book on his chest, dressed in one of the many black silk dress shirts they'd picked up from his room that afternoon and a pair of black jeans. She'd never watched him sleep before, Spike wasn't naturally a deep sleeper, and the sound of her heartbeat quickening in the slightest would have him awake before she was really conscious. But then, since he'd been here, he hadn't been sleeping that much, a few post-coital naps with her, but then he'd go talk to Dawn or read. Which had been, apparently, what he'd chosen to do now. She climbed out of the bed and made her way over, quickly noting the beginnings of Dawn and closing the curtains before settling herself on his lap. Spike stirred slightly as she removed the book and placed it on the floor, her head taking the books place on his chest.

"Hey," Spike said softly, reaching out to stroke her hair, "didn't hear you."

"You were really out of it, you should sleep more. Insomnia doesn't suit you."

"It's not insomnia, I'm nocturnal."

"And you're up all day as well. That's called insomnia."

"Not if you go back to the roots of the word, which have a lot to do with night, in which case I've been nocturnal since Dru turned me," Spike defended himself.

"This is not about roots of words, this is about you being idiotic and never sleeping for more than half an hour at a time," Buffy snapped.

"I'm not being idiotic, paranoid, maybe, idiotic, no."

"And what the hell have you got to be paranoid about?"

"That if I close my eyes I'll open them again and be back in that hotel room and you and Peaches will be happily shacked up, mostly," Spike admitted, "then there's the whole apocalypse thing, death, the Big Bad, etcetera, etcetera."

"What whole apocalypse thing? For once we haven't got one hanging over our heads." Spike nodded, "ah, you are paranoid. Just because the world isn't currently at it's worst, doesn't mean you've got to worry about it going bad. What happened to living for the moment? I've never seen you actually worry before. Well, except about Dawn."

"Just got a few more reasons to care about the world ending now, love," Spike replied, kissing the top of her head.

"But you're exhausted," Buffy protested, "you should sleep, I swear I'm not going anywhere. Well, maybe out on patrol," she ran a hand through her hair "and definitely a shower, but that's it, honestly, no need to worry about me going all poof."

"There may be no need, but I still will," Spike grumbled, but followed Buffy as she pulled him over to the bed. She pushed him down, and actually pulled the covers up around him before turning to leave the room.

"Sleep," she ordered as she opened the door, "until noon at least." Spike opened his mouth to protest, "and I'll try to dig up my old handcuffs." He immediately closed it. Buffy smiled to herself as she closed the door. It was good to have him home.