How do I say goodbye.
Anna sat down with the pen and paper that they had brought to her. She needed to do this, but she wasn't sure how she was going to get it to him, she would cross that bridge when she came to it.
Max,
You know that this isn't easy for me, it never has been easy. In fact I don't know if I can do this now. How don't know how to say goodbye, but I am going to have to try to find the right way to say this to you with out it coming out all wrong. Let me start by saying that no matter what I still love you and this has nothing to do with that. You had my heart from the start and you were the only one to ever hold my heart. I think that's what makes this so hard. I have given you the past five years of my life, everything that I am, everything that I could be, I gave to you.
I have wanted to always believe you when you said that it was the last time. The last time we would fight like that, the last time you would end up in rehab, the last time that I would have to hide the bruises. But it never was, something always managed to happen to start this cycle over again. It has to stop and I know that I have to be the one to stop it. This isn't how I pictured my life with you to be. I would say all of this to you in person, but I know that my resolve wouldn't hold and I would be sucked in by your charm, by your looks, by your words and I can't let that happen again.
My eyes have opened a little; the accident has put things in perspective in a way for me. Right now I know that I am lucky to be alive, that here I am safe and have people around me who really do care about what happens to me. Leaving you the way that I am is killing me inside right now, but to stay with you would kill me too. Love shouldn't hurt like this, it never should hurt. But yet somehow you made it hurt, you found the one way to make me cry, to make me break, to make me want to surrender.
I don't know where I am going to go from here or what I am going to do, thinking about starting over again scares me to death but I have to. So please just find it somewhere inside you to let me walk away. Don't try to find me to talk me out of this cause I won't be found this time. I am not coming back to Philadelphia; I will find a way to tell my family that I love them but that I have to do this before something terrible happens.
Anna stopped writing for a minute wiping the tears away from her eyes as she looked over what she had written so far. This was hurting more than she ever thought it would. But she knew the statistics; she knew that no matter what he said since it had happened more than once now, she was in over her head. And if she didn't let Carter help her out of it now, she would never be able to get out on her own. Max had too hard of a hold on her. She started to write again.
I know that somewhere inside you, there's an undying love for me, and the man that I fell so much in love with is in there, but I can't stand by and wait for you to find that man, or that man to find his way back to me. It's better is we just make a clean break from each other. No more letters and no more phone calls, no dropping by to see how we are doing. Clean break Max, please maybe someday you will understand why I have to do this. I will find a lawyer to get the divorce going so that you don't have too; well I know that you never would. If you need to contact me, it will have to be thru him. But you won't be hearing back from me. There is not just one person to blame for this; it's just as much you as it was me. Maybe I wasn't the wife that I should have been, but you weren't the husband that you should have been either I guess that I have found the right words, there is only one way to say it.
Goodbye, Anna
Anna finished writing the letter and laid her head back on the pillow. She was tired, more tired than she had been in a long time. She was emotionally drained from all of this, and to think that this was just the start of what was going to be a very long road.
Anna sat down with the pen and paper that they had brought to her. She needed to do this, but she wasn't sure how she was going to get it to him, she would cross that bridge when she came to it.
Max,
You know that this isn't easy for me, it never has been easy. In fact I don't know if I can do this now. How don't know how to say goodbye, but I am going to have to try to find the right way to say this to you with out it coming out all wrong. Let me start by saying that no matter what I still love you and this has nothing to do with that. You had my heart from the start and you were the only one to ever hold my heart. I think that's what makes this so hard. I have given you the past five years of my life, everything that I am, everything that I could be, I gave to you.
I have wanted to always believe you when you said that it was the last time. The last time we would fight like that, the last time you would end up in rehab, the last time that I would have to hide the bruises. But it never was, something always managed to happen to start this cycle over again. It has to stop and I know that I have to be the one to stop it. This isn't how I pictured my life with you to be. I would say all of this to you in person, but I know that my resolve wouldn't hold and I would be sucked in by your charm, by your looks, by your words and I can't let that happen again.
My eyes have opened a little; the accident has put things in perspective in a way for me. Right now I know that I am lucky to be alive, that here I am safe and have people around me who really do care about what happens to me. Leaving you the way that I am is killing me inside right now, but to stay with you would kill me too. Love shouldn't hurt like this, it never should hurt. But yet somehow you made it hurt, you found the one way to make me cry, to make me break, to make me want to surrender.
I don't know where I am going to go from here or what I am going to do, thinking about starting over again scares me to death but I have to. So please just find it somewhere inside you to let me walk away. Don't try to find me to talk me out of this cause I won't be found this time. I am not coming back to Philadelphia; I will find a way to tell my family that I love them but that I have to do this before something terrible happens.
Anna stopped writing for a minute wiping the tears away from her eyes as she looked over what she had written so far. This was hurting more than she ever thought it would. But she knew the statistics; she knew that no matter what he said since it had happened more than once now, she was in over her head. And if she didn't let Carter help her out of it now, she would never be able to get out on her own. Max had too hard of a hold on her. She started to write again.
I know that somewhere inside you, there's an undying love for me, and the man that I fell so much in love with is in there, but I can't stand by and wait for you to find that man, or that man to find his way back to me. It's better is we just make a clean break from each other. No more letters and no more phone calls, no dropping by to see how we are doing. Clean break Max, please maybe someday you will understand why I have to do this. I will find a lawyer to get the divorce going so that you don't have too; well I know that you never would. If you need to contact me, it will have to be thru him. But you won't be hearing back from me. There is not just one person to blame for this; it's just as much you as it was me. Maybe I wasn't the wife that I should have been, but you weren't the husband that you should have been either I guess that I have found the right words, there is only one way to say it.
Goodbye, Anna
Anna finished writing the letter and laid her head back on the pillow. She was tired, more tired than she had been in a long time. She was emotionally drained from all of this, and to think that this was just the start of what was going to be a very long road.