Til Death Do Us Part

Within Blue Eyes

Disclaimer: I make no attempt to contain my joy in saying that I ACTUALLY OWN SOMETHING!!!!! There is a new character, Dr. Turner, introduced in this chapter, and he's MINE. All mine. You can't have him! Mwahahaha.....evil laughter

A/N: Finally! It took me long enough, didn't it? I'm sorry that it took so long to get this up. For personal reasons, I had to stop work on this story for a while. Also, somewhere towards the end of writing this chapter, the entire storyline was altered. It's becoming more and more complex with every chapter I write, and I've taken to writing ahead to clear the confusion. Hopefully the result will be worth the wait. This chapter is a bit of a rarity, as Zander and Emily aren't present. The story still worked without them, and I wanted to post this sooner, so they were cut. But you'll be seeing them again soon!

(The website won't let me put dividers in between different parts of the story- which is annoying to no end- so I'll insert something to let you know when the setting changes)

Courtney, I'm afraid you have a brain tumor."

Monica's words sounded like an echo throughout the cold hospital room, taunting the horrified people within it; the pitiless sounds bounded off the white tiles of the floor, the ugly plaster of the walls, and the multitude of equipment serving as a reminder of the seriousness of the situation. For many moments after the sound vibrations had cleared, they could still be heard in the brains of the three who resided in room 620, as the diagnosis seeped deep into the crevices of their minds. Although both Jason and Courtney desired to question what they had just heard, to claim an error had occurred and demand a retest, they somehow knew there was no doubt behind Monica's statement; they could not deny that there had been no mistake.

"A b-brain tumor?" Courtney stuttered despite herself, more stating the fact than asking a question. Monica only nodded solemnly in response, not wanting to give life to the horror once again.

The young woman slowly pushed herself into a sitting position (all the while dodging Jason's attempts to assist her), thoroughly stunned. A brain tumor? How could this have possibly happened to her? Never, in all her life, could she remember having any serious health problems; by all rationalization, she should be in perfect health.

Suddenly, it was as obvious to Courtney as if someone had placed a neon sign inches from her face. The headaches, she thought desperately, condemning her own stupidity. She had never had problems with migraines before; she should have known that they weren't caused by the stress of the impending divorce.

Drawing a breath that was scarcely less shaky than the previous, Courtney, completely ashamed by the foolishness of her actions and staring intently at her hands, said, "I have been getting a lot of bad headaches lately."

For a moment, Jason simply stared at her, astounded. She had been sick? And she hadn't come to anyone about it, not even Carly? Although he felt a slight urge to scold his wife for her thoughtlessness, the desire was quickly overcome by his own feelings of guilt. For days now he had been pushing her for a quick divorce; he could only image how the added stress must have affected her health. Courtney seemed to have read his mind, because she refused to meet her husband's eyes.

"That doesn't surprise me," Monica said with a slight sigh, severing Jason's train of thoughts. With a motherly look at Courtney, who was now fingering the gold ring on her right thumb, she inquired, "Is that what happened tonight on the docs?"

Not raising her eyes, Courtney nodded. "But this one was worse than the others," she admitted softly, in a voice scarcely more than a whisper, as she struggled to recall the intense pain of the previous hours. "So much worse..."

Trying to find a way to fill the ensuing silence, in which every second pounded the grim diagnosis deeper and deeper into them, Jason said what he knew Courtney had been wondering. "What do we do now?"

"Well," said Monica slowly, sitting managing somehow to maintain a completely professional tone, "the first thing you need to know is that the tumor is a malignancy. That means that, if we don't treat it, it will spread to the rest of your brain."

Courtney took a deep, sudden breath; it was the only thing she could do to keep from crying.

"Ok," she started slowly, cautiously. "Then, um, how do we get rid of it?"

"Usually," Monica said, her voice remaining hard (Jason had the impression that it was to keep her own pain from scaring Courtney), "we would perform surgery to remove the mass, then follow up with radiation. But in your case, surgery is not an option."

Courtney simply stared at Monica, stunned. "Why?" she asked, a bit louder than she intended. "Why can't I have the surgery? I need it to get rid of the tumor, don't I?"

"Courtney," Monica said in a suddenly soothing voice, sounding much like a mother talking to a young child, "the blood tests show that there has been significant damage done to your liver. More than likely, it was caused by an acute intake of drugs. With the techniques available, it would be too risky for you to have the surgery with your condition. It just can't be done."

Of everything that had happened in the last few hours, of all the fear and anxiety and heartbreak, this was undoubtedly the worst. Jason knew it, and his grasp on Courtney's hand tightened. However, she did not respond; she was far too preoccupied with the dark thoughts suddenly swirling through her brain, clouding her senses. Surgery wasn't a possibility because her liver was damaged. Because of drugs; because of the drugs she had taken by choice, the drugs she had succumbed to because she was not strong enough to handle the loss of her daughter. She could be dying right now, and she had no one to blame but herself.

"Is there anything you can do?" Courtney asked in a hushed voice several minutes later, the tone of her voice almost desperate, her eyes not making contact with anyone or anything.

"Yes," said Monica, trying and failing to sound upbeat. "The surgery increases the chances of survival, but it isn't necessary. We're going to give you a few days to stabilize, and then we want to begin radiation treatment. I've referred you to Dr. Turner; he's an expert in this field and I can assure you that you couldn't be in better hands. He'll be in to tell you more about the specifics of your treatment later, but I thought for now you could use some time to absorb all this." Monica took a few steps over to Courtney and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry," she said, trying to give her daughter-in-law some measure of comfort. "We're going to do everything we can to get you better." And with that she left the room, leaving husband and wife to pick the pieces of the life that had just been shattered.

Instinctively, Jason gave Courtney's hand, which he had yet to release, a gentle squeeze. Looking up at him, her blue eyes bore into his, almost daring him to look into her, to see what she was feeling. The sapphire orbs challenged him, almost demanded him try and reach her, to try and save her from what he could not. Looking deeper, he could almost see the bitter laughter in her eyes, the cold knowledge that he would not succeed if he tried. And it was so; there was something present in Courtney that had not been there but a half hour ago, when she had awoken from her sleep and gazed at him in confusion. Now there was a barrier between the world and her being; now she would not let him see her emotions as she so readily had before. Some part of Jason speculated that this must be what he looked like to most of the world. The larger part, however, feared for Courtney, and drove his voice to utter the most idiotic, unnecessary question he had ever asked.

"You okay?" he questioned softly, all the while knowing how redundant it was.

Courtney made an indistinct head motion, which could not be taken as a yes or a no. "I just...I just need some time alone right now," she said after a moment, finally breaking the eye contact she had held so vigilantly. "I need to think about some things."

Jason nodded, understanding her feelings completely. Letting go of her hand, he began to rise from the chair and, although he wasn't sure it was a wanted gesture, he swiftly bent down and kissed Courtney's forehead tenderly. "I'll be outside if you need me," he said, though he had a distinct feeling that she would not.

As he turned and walked towards the door, Courtney suddenly called out, "Jason?" He turned toward her questioningly, and she felt great shame and guilt well up inside her, forcing her to again avoid his eyes. "I guess you're going to call Sonny and Carly. When they get here, would you tell Carly that I want to see her?" Although she still didn't look up at Jason, she knew he had nodded yes before he turned and left the room, the last thing that either of then wanted.

Alone for the first time since walking to the docs, Courtney finally allowed her mask fall, and promptly began sobbing into her pillow.

(The next morning, at Sonny at Carly's penthouse)

Slowly, Carly's eyes fluttered open, gradually adjusting to the pale sunlight of the morning. Rolling over in her bed, she could see that her husband lay next to her, sleeping soundly; he must have snuck in sometime after she had gone to sleep.

For a moment, Carly thought about waking him up and yelling at him for getting in so late, for making her worry. But the Cheshire cat grin that spread on her face showed that she had devised a different plan for her husband.

Throwing the covers off of her, Carly crawled over to Sonny's sleeping form. Gently, she stroked his hansom face with her hand, tracing his defined jawbone with the tip of her finger. Her lips closed the space between his, caressing him out of sleep. Within moments, she felt him beginning to groggily kiss her back.

"Mmm," he mumbled, still captive of sleep's stupor. "Why don't you wake me up like this every day?"

"You don't deserve it," she said as she separated from him momentarily. "Do you have any idea how worried I was last night when you didn't come home?"

Fully awake now, Sonny looked meaningfully into his wife's brown eyes. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "It was just business."

"It's always 'just business'," Carly grumbled, pulling away from her husband and hugging her knee's to her chest.

"Hey," Sonny pulled her back towards him, taking her small body into his embrace. "You know that I don't have anything going on today. I can stay here with you and the kids." A grin, so similar to the one Carly had worn minutes before, overtook his mouth. "Maybe I could make it up to you..."

Unable to resist her husband's charm, Carly once again brought her lips to Sonny's. Their kiss grew more and more passionate, each becoming completely enthralled with the other. She wildly grasped the hairs at the nape of his neck, pulling him closer to her body as he caressed her slight curves. Suddenly, she recalled someone else grabbing at her body, and the memory of his touch made her freeze; the man from her vision. For a moment, her nausea caused by the prospect of visualizing another man touching her halted her desperate pursuit of her husband, an action that did not go unnoticed. Feeling Sonny begin to pull away, and being in no mood to tell him about her dream from the night before, she dived into him with a zealous kiss, pushing away his concern. At that moment, the unmistakable and unwelcome sound of the telephone interrupted them.

"Leave it," said Carly breathlessly, as her fingers tore at his undershirt. "Whoever it is can wait."

For a moment Sonny seriously considered following Carly's orders; there was certainly nothing he desired more. But the rational part of his brain knew that, more than likely, whoever was on the other end couldn't wait. Reluctantly, he pulled away from his wife's desperate grasp, giving her a look that plainly apologized for what he had to do. Striding over to the phone, Sonny smoothly picked up the receiver and answered, "Corinthos."

"Sonny, it's me." 'Me' was clearly Jason, although Sonny wondered why he was calling; he hadn't been given a job that day.

"What's up, and this better be good," he said, casting a wanting look at Carly, who was scowling indignantly.

"It's Courtney. Sonny, she's in the hospital."

A cold panic washed over Sonny like icy water. "What happened?" he asked, only just managing to keep his voice steady. Carly did not miss the anxiousness in his voice, and immediately focused her attention to his end of the conversation.

"I—I can't really talk about it over the phone. Will you and Carly come down to the hospital? She's on the sixth floor."

"Yeah, sure," replied Sonny, his concern growing with every passing second. Why couldn't Jason tell him what had happened to his sister? Was it that bad? "We'll see you there in an hour."

As Sonny hung up the phone, Carly prepared to bombard him with questions, but never got the chance; as he frantically began getting dressed, Sonny said simply, "Courtney's in the hospital. We have to go there now."

Something in the tone of his voice told Carly not to say anything, and simply get out of bed and dressed as quickly as possible. And she did, holding her tongue when she most desired to speak, pushing her own fears aside.

(At the hospital)

Exactly one hour later, Sonny and Carly arrived on Floor 6 of General Hospital. Almost immediately, they spotted Jason sitting in a waiting room. Both were taken aback by his appearance; his eyes were red and swollen, as if he had not slept for many hours, and his face remained unshaved. Even beyond his outward weariness, his closest friends could see that he was burdened by a terrible weight, one that had put him dangerously close to the edge.

"Jason!" Carly called fearfully, practically running into the startled man's arms. "What happened? Is Courtney okay? God, you look terrible!"

Jason closed his eyes, trying to find patience with Carly's endless stream of questions and restless statements. This did not go unnoticed by Sonny, who gently pried his wife out of his best friend's arms. Free from Carly's desperate grasp, Jason flopped, exhausted, into an uncomfortable plastic chair. "You two should sit down," he said simply, adding a horrible sense of foreboding to the air around them, already so heavy with gloom and disinfectant. Instantly husband and wife pulled two more plastic chairs around Jason and sat, silently demanding to know what had happened to Courtney.

"Zander Smith found Courtney collapsed on the docs last night," Jason began in an exhausted voice, rubbing his eyes with his fingers as he spoke, half to fight the sleep that clung heavily to his eyes and half to keep from looking at Sonny and Carly. "He brought her in..." he trailed off suddenly, unable to bring himself to tell his two best friends that Courtney, their sister and closest companion, the woman that they all loved in one way or another, was so sick. He was rapidly gaining a greater respect for Monica; he couldn't imagine informing people that there loved ones were ill on a daily basis.

"Jason," started Sonny, the infamous edge present in his voice, mixed awkwardly with fear and anxiety he could not keep hidden. "What's wrong with my sister?"

Jason brought his eyes up to meet Carly and Sonny's, and with a sigh uttered the words that had shouted through his brain, preventing sleep, for hours. "Courtney has a brain tumor."

Carly's hand flew to her mouth, stifling a cry of shock and terror. Sonny simply stared at Jason for a moment, looking as though the man had punched him in the gut.

"Wh-what did you say?" he choked out, his eyes full of fear and denial. But before Jason could answer, Carly interrupted with the nervous blabbering that had become associated with her.

"No, that can't be right. Courtney's healthy, she's always kick-boxing and running and doing all sorts of things like that. There must have been a mistake, right Jason? You're having the doctor's re-test her, right? There was a mistake...My best friend can't have a brain tumor..." She could no longer continue, as she had dissolved into a fit of brokenhearted sobs. Sonny numbly put his arms around her, pulling her into his chest.

"My baby sister..." he muttered under his breath, but not quietly enough for Jason's keen ears to miss. Although he was looking straight at him, Jason now got the impression that Sonny could not see him at all, that he was instead looking far away, into another time or place.

For many long, anguished minutes, the trio sat in this broken state, unaware of the sympathetic and pitying looks the other occupants of the waiting room were giving them. Finally, Carly removed herself from her husband's arms, trying frantically to wipe her severely tear stained cheeks. "Wh-where is she?" she questioned shakily, as if she was liable to break down in tears at any second."

"Room 620," Jason said quietly, gently, trying to soothe both Carly and himself. "She asked to see you when you got here."

Carly nodded, and rose from her chair. On an impulse, she bent over and gave Jason an engulfing hug, trying to sum up every comforting and maternal instinct within her. Wordlessly, she held him for a moment, and they both took solace in each other. Pulling away, Carly gave a half-hearted smile before squeezing her husband's shoulder and walking to Courtney's room.

Presently, Sonny had his head in his hands, sitting soundlessly and seemingly oblivious to Jason's presence. Leaning forward slightly, Jason put a hand on Sonny's shoulder in a brotherly way. Raising his gaze from the floor, Jason could see that Sonny's chocolate eyes were swimming with unshed tears.

"My baby sister," he repeated softly, before losing control completely and falling, sobbing, into the embrace of the only man whose sorrow was greater than his own.

(In Courtney's room)

Entering the room cautiously, Carly looked upon her friend, who sat up the moment she arrived. Something had changed in her, Carly was certain of it. Her gaze, once so warm and loving, now seemed almost icy. Her face bore no trace of a smile, or any symbol of happiness. Still connected to a multitude of tubes and machines, Courtney gave Carly the impression of a china figurine, of which the lightest touch would break.

"Hey sweetie," Carly said soothingly as she approached her best friend. "Jason said that you wanted to see me. He, um...he told us about the tumor." Tears sprung to Carly's eyes, but she refused to let them fall.

"I knew he would," Courtney replied, her voice remarkably hard. The younger woman noticed Carly's concern at her tone, but could not find the energy within herself to console her. Instead, she reached for several pamphlets that rested on her bedside table, while Carly took the seat that Jason had occupied the night before.

"My new doctor gave these to me," she said, indicating the pamphlets in her hand.

"They're supposed to help me 'better understand the treatment and recovery process ahead of me,'" she said, her voice dripping with mockery of the doctor she was clearly not very fond of. Suddenly, Courtney looked from the booklet to Carly, her eyes burning into her friend as if made of fire. "I can't have surgery, Carly," she said emotionlessly, as if she had repeated the same sentence to herself many times. She didn't even wait for Carly to ask why she couldn't have surgery before launching into an explanation. "My liver's not strong enough. You want to know why?" Again she didn't wait for an answer; in fact, she seemed indifferent to Carly's very presence. "Because of drugs. Because I took drugs."

At once, Carly understood the significance of Courtney's words. "Oh my God, Courtney," she said, reaching for her friend's hand. "You have to know this isn't your fault. You made a mistake; who could blame you, after what you'd been through?"

"I was stupid, Carly," said Courtney, pulling out of Carly's grasp. "What was I thinking? I knew that something like this could happen, that the pills could hurt me, but I didn't care. If I die, it's my own fault!"

"Don't talk like that!" Carly said fiercely, a lump rising in her throat. When Courtney continued to avoid her eyes, she grasped her best friend's face and turned her head toward her. "Don't talk like that," she repeated, emphasizing her point, all the while feeling tears flow down her cheeks. "You're not going to die, Courtney. Everyone is going to do everything they can for you; me Sonny, Jason--"

"No!" Courtney cried, as she knocked Carly's hand away with a swift movement. Something in her eyes flashed, but it was so quick that Carly could not identify it. "No, Jason, he can't help me Carly. I can't see him."

For what was perhaps the first time in her life, Carly Corinthos was speechless. Several moments passed while she was in this state, her mouth slightly widened as primitive sounds rose sporadically from the depth of her throat, trying to comprehend what she had just heard.

"What do you mean, you can't see him?" Carly questioned at last, trying not to allow the slight annoyance she felt creep into her voice; it didn't seem wise to chastise Courtney for ignoring Jason, who was sitting in the waiting room looking as though he had just risen from the dead (and most likely feeling the exact same way), at this time. Courtney was, after all, bordering on hysterical, whether or not she tried to conceal her panic; this was quite obvious to her closest friend.

"Carly," Courtney began with somewhat of an exasperated sigh, "this doesn't change anything between us. We're still getting a divorce, and I can't keep depending on him for everything. I need to be strong on my own."

"Do you honestly think he'll accept that?" exclaimed Carly, louder than most would have but more quite than she would have preferred. "Honey, he's worried sick about you, and he's going to want to help you through this. He loves you!"

"This isn't about love!" Courtney shot back. "It's never been about love with us, Carly! I know he loves me, and he knows I love him! But I can't be with him, and I can't change that fact just because I'm sick!" She paused for a moment to calm herself; she couldn't allow herself to get this upset.

She looked again into Carly's eyes and for only a moment let her barrier down a bit. Suddenly, Carly was staring into the eyes of her old friend, the woman she had laughed and cried with, the woman who had been her first real girlfriend. A look of desperation and pleading was clearly written on her face, and Carly saw fully for the first time what the divorce had been doing to her. "Carly, I would love to run into Jason's arms right now and just cry my eyes out. I would love to feel his arms around me again..." She trailed of briefly, her gaze suddenly dropping to the golden ring around her thumb, which she had begun to twist. "But I can't. I can't let myself go like that, or I'll never be able to handle this. I can't be strong for myself around Jason, Carly, because he makes me want to give in to him. I can't let this change anything for us, because everything else is still the same." Presently, she brought her eyes back up to meet Carly's, and the older woman could see the barrier begin to rise again. "Please understand Carly. I know what's best for me. And--" her voice faltered momentarily. "And it isn't Jason."