Ginny's Coffee Shop

By ME

It was a Saturday afternoon and Ginny's business was booming. Everyone loved coffee and couldn't seem to realize it was the cause of their insomnia. Nobody turned down coffee. Except stupid people.

"I love coffee, yes I do. I love coffee, so should you! Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, I love you!" Ginny sang to herself. It was a wonderful rendition of "I love Peaches" by Godiva which was a great rendition of "I love Jesus". They're all one and the same.

Suddenly, a hot hunky man entered the Coffee Shop. It was... gasp! Harry Potter and his scar. Ginny glanced towards him and sighed, he always came to her shop every single day and never bought coffee.

"It's the work of Satan you know," he had whispered into her ear the day she had opened it up.

Ginny continued to clean her countertops.

"It's the work of Satan you know," Harry whispered into her ear like he did every day.

Ginny glared at him, "I know, but it's so damn delicious."

"I know, but it's Satan's work," Harry said a bit louder. A few mothers covered their childrens' ears. How dare Harry Potter be a horrible role model for future coffee drinking kids!?

"Shh! Then you don't have to drink it!" Ginny hissed and scurried towards a customer to ask for his order.

Harry stood by the counter and leaned casually against it. His glasses were replaced by muggle contacts and his hair was gelled back. He looked French. But not really. He wanted to marry Ginny Weasley, but she just couldn't marry somebody who didn't like coffee. This caused hatred and conflict. And of course they would end up together.

Draco Malfoy entered the coffee shop and waved towards Ginny. He had a boyish grin plastered to his face. He was renewed. He was kind. He was just like Harry before Harry had turned into Draco.

"Hey Sweet Muffin Kitty! I looooooove you..." Draco kissed her on the cheek and Ginny grinned back.

"Oh Draco, you're so bad ass," she giggled and turned to see Harry glaring at her. She glared back and went to grab a cup of JOE for her future husband.

Harry came up to her from behind and whispered, "Those who drink the work of Satan are the followers of Satan," a pause, "Marry me?" There was a resounding crash of coffee cups.

"No," she trembled and bent to pick up the broken pieces that were like her life; broken and shattered, "I will not." Ginny let out a sob and dropped the pieces again so she could run out of her coffee shop and cry her eyes out.

"What did you do to her?" Draco yelled at him, suddenly angry. He leaned in and whispered to Harry, "Does she know?"

Harry shook his head, "She does not."

For the truth was, Harry was Satan. And he damn well loved coffee, but he had to hide his love of coffee to the rest of the world or else they would catch on to him. Plus, Voldemort liked coffee and continually wrote to Satan asking for the best kind. But Harry could not give it to him or he would know! And then Harry would have to befriend Voldemort and the world would come to an end.

Or at the least, England.

Maybe he would move to America. Then his coffee loving soul could come through and shine!

The door jingled and in came Voldemort himself. Oh, excuse me, You-Know-Who. He grabbed the nearest cup and drank from it. "Bam! This is the best coffee I have ever tasted in my entire life! Who makes this stuff?"

"Ginny Weasley, she's the owner of the shop," Draco called out.

"Ah," You-Know-Who looked around the shop, "And where is she? I must marry her and make her mine so I will have the greatest coffee every morning for the rest of my sad and pathetic life!"

"She's outside crying," Harry told him. You-Know-Who glared at him and dropped his cup of coffee.

"You," You-Know-Who cried out, "YOU'RE SATAN! I KNEW IT! MY ENEMY IS SATAN! Why...?" He broke down.

Draco shot out the killing curse. Voldemort died. Ginny came back in and walked up to Draco, "My hero! But I love Harry." Draco was rejected with a capitol R. Many costumers snapped in the Z formation and this story turned stereotypically awful.

"Harry, I will marry you. No matter if you are Satan or God, I will marry you because you know the truth. Coffee is the work of Satan and it's bad for you. But I love it anyway just like I love you," she kissed him.

Harry kissed her back even though her speech didn't make any sense whatsoever.

Draco sobbed.

And once again I have succeeded in making a D/G story horribly not D/G.

The wedding was held on a snowy slope in Antarctica. Harry was dressed to perfection and Ginny slightly less. She was wearing her mother's wedding dress from long ago and it was rather tight on her. Later, after Mrs. Weasley had passed out from shock that her daughter was actually getting married, Harry changed Ginny's dress to a red flowy thing.

Now she was perfect.

"Do you take Harry Potter also known as Satan to be your lawfully wedded husband?" the man asked. He dressed like the pope and Ginny wondered who he was.

"Er, I guess," Ginny answered, not really sure if she wanted to marry Harry/Satan after all. The man turned to Harry and asked the same question.

"Ginny's a girl, but I do," Harry nodded and grabbed Ginny. He forced a kiss on her and everyone cheered. Draco sobbed more. Harry had decided to make it up to him by inviting him as his best man.

Ginny turned to Draco, "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll find another love. Here, talk to Luna..." Ginny grinned and pushed Luna into Draco's arms. Draco took in her perfectly blonde hair and noticed that she was pureblood by the button pinned to her shirt: 'I am a PUREblood!'

"You're perfect," he breathed at her.

Luna nodded and smiled, "Sometimes. Father says I am like a Yandlefiddeliter on a blue moon." Draco quirked an eyebrow but shrugged and kissed her passionately. Luna, never having kissed anyone, giggled through out the whole thing.

"So, now we're married," Harry announced.

Ginny nodded, "I guess so."

"Let's have babies," Harry told her seductively. Ginny shrugged and lost her virginity. And was pregnant. And had three satanic coffee drinking children. Their names were Soy Bean Potter, Blended Decaf Potter, and Ground Starbucks Potter.

Once when they were visiting their grandparents at The Burrow, Blended Decaf was having coffee when her eyes grew red. Ground Starbucks thought it was funny and told her grandmother. Mrs. Weasley fainted again.

Harry Potter continued his coffee business and Ginny continued making the best coffee ever in the entire world. Draco and Luna married soon after and had perfect Malfoy blonde children. Five of them: Clandacera, Tantuliria, Supiglina, Ravynelia, and Bart.

They favored their daughters.

All of their children grew up to be the bestest of fwends. They were never apart and later they had mystical adventures too!

Ginny eventually committed adultery with Draco and Luna did with Harry. They all got divorced and married each other. But in the confusion, Draco married Harry and Luna married Ginny. They all shrugged, got divorced again and decided to have more coffee.

Their children were unaffected as Voldemort somehow rose to power again and because Harry was too busy with his Satanic Coffee business, they had to save the world instead. They did a right good job of it too.

Harry got jealous and murdered all of his children and Draco's as well.