(A/N: Sorrry this update took so freaking long. My computer was being a bitch, and wouldn't let me log on for some weird reason. Anyway –
Congratulations to Alahria Silvermoon for being the first reviewer! Hugs and kisses, in a completely non-homosexual way! :-) Thanks to all my reviewers! You can find my replies at the bottom of the chapter!)
Much love! – H.M.
C'st la vie
Chapter 2: Strange Changes.
"......Kelsey?" Kristin asked her friend.
"Yep?" Kelsey asked thickly through a mouthful of pancake.
"Slow down, you're going to bust a gut."
"Ok....." She swallowed and grabbed some bacon, stuffing it into her robe pocket when no one was looking. Nick had been nice, and cooked breakfast for them. He seemed slightly humbled this morning, for some unknown reason. Perhaps it was because he hadn't had sex with Lora last night, Maura had suggested, making Kristin and Kelsey giggle.
There was a sudden muffled crash from the basement. Maura quickly covered the sound up by coughing loudly.
"There, there," Kristin said soothingly, whacking her on the back.
"Well I'm done!" Kelsey said brightly, standing up.
"Me too!" Kristin agreed, rising as well.
"And me!"
Before Nick could say anything, the three friends sprinted off to the basement, almost sinking to the floor under the weight of the bacon, hash browns, and eggs that were stashed in their pockets.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Kristin said loudly as the threesome ran down stairs. Sam had accidentally knocked over the big ornamental tree.
"Oh great," Kelsey said exasperatedly. Some water was flowing from around the leaves, moistening the carpet.
Sam was clutching a green plastic watering can and looked rather pale.
"I-I-I was just coming over to w-water the plant....... and it tipped over when I bumped into it!" Sam said, his lip trembling, his eyes filling with tears.
Maura suddenly started twitching.
Kelsey noticed her, "Oh, no."
Kristin saw too, and groaned, "Not again!"
"Better cover your ears," Kelsey advised the on-looking Hobbits, covering her own.
The dam burst.
"WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Maura shrieked. "A-A-A H-HOBBIT C-CRYING!!!"
Letting out hiccoughing wails loud enough to wake the dead, she ran upstairs to get a tissue, her hands over her face.
"...... Is she ok?" Sam asked nervously.
"She'll be fine," Kelsey told him reassuringly. "She acted like that when we all went to see the first movie. When Frodo turned and a tear fell down his cheek when you guys were out of Moria she almost had to be thrown out of the movie theatre, she was bawling that loud!"
".........................................................."
"I know," Kristin agreed. "We were all in shock."
Maura came back down stairs, a box of half-gone tissues in her hand.
"H-HERE Y-YOU G-G-GO." She wailed, plucking a few tissues and blowing her nose loudly, then offering the box to Sam. "F-F-F-FOR THE P-P-POOR C-C-CRYING H-H-H-H-H-HOBBIT!"
"Whoa, girl," Kelsey said, turning her around and steering her to the couch.
"HE'S JUST SOOOOO CUTE!!!!" She cried. "THEY'RE ALL JUST SOOOOOOO CUTE!"
"Is there a problem?" Gandlaf walked over, holding the small stuffed beagle, which Maura had given him to sleep with. She had christened the beagle Duke when she was nine, after getting him for her birthday.
"Maura is having an episode." Kristin explained.
"Oh."
"WAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!"
"Ouch!" Legolas exclaimed, covering his sensitive elf ears and wincing.
Kelsey tackled Maura and, clamping her hand over her mouth, snarled,
"SILENCE!!!! Legolas is in PAIN!"
Maura only sobbed louder.
Frodo walked over, his own hands over his ears as well. Maura froze and shut her mouth, her eyes wide.
"Sorry! I didn't mean to cause pain! Please forgive!"
"Uh... yes?" Frodo said, nervously.
"No," Kelsey said.
"Maybe so?" Maura asked hopefully.
"Absolutely not!"
"SILENCE!" Gandalf shouted, a gray cloud forming over his head. Everyone quieted at once. "Thank you."
Kelsey looked angry. "Look, Gandalf – I don't know who you think you are, thinking you can just boss me around like there's nothing wrong, but it really chaps my ass, all right? So STOP!"
"Kelsey!" Kristin shouted, grabbing her friend by the sleeve. "Be NICE to him, for God's sake!"
"Only if he's nice to ME!"
Kristin paused, and then stared at Kelsey in bewilderment.
"Kels...."
"WHAT?!" She snarled.
"Your eyes.... They're really, really, really...... Blue." Kristin said, leaning down and examining Kelsey's eyes.
"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Kelsey said. "They're ALWAYS blue!"
"I know but they look different," Kristin insisted. "Go and look!"
"Fine, you twerp." Kelsey jumped up and sprinted to the bathroom.
"OH MY GOD!" She screamed.
There was a thump. Maura and Aragorn both ran upstairs. Kelsey had fainted on the tile, either from happiness or shock, they couldn't tell which.
"What is it with you people and fainting?" Aragorn asked.
"Hey, we're feeding you, so don't be getting an attitude." Maura snapped. She stooped down to pick up Kelsey. "Come on, help me."
Aragorn took Kelsey's feet and they carried her downstairs. Kelsey, who was already fairly tall, seemed even ganglier then before. Her ears also seemed to be turning almost pointy at the tip tops. Aragorn and Maura lay Kelsey on the couch. Aragorn flipped one of her eyelids open. Kelsey's eyes looked glazed- but they were a vivid, gorgeous blue.
"Cerulean, mixed with indigo... and maybe a little bit of silver." Maura classified, being the artist of the group, as well as their very own Mrs. Literal. She frowned. Kelsey's were usually pale blue. So what was with this?
"Legolas," Kristin said suddenly, "Come here," Legolas walked over. Kristin stood on tiptoe slightly and peered into his eyes. They were a light sky-ish blue, not as dark as Kelsey's but just as lovely.
"Hey, Maura, check out Legolas's eyes," Kristin said. Maura walked over and looked into his eyes as well. Legolas seemed a little embarrassed to have everyone looking at his peepers.
"Baby blue, with some cornflower..... and a touch of sky." Maura said literally.
"I thought my eyes were darker." Legolas said with a small frown.
"Describe," Maura ordered.
"Well... I guess they had some periwinkle... and some ocean-like color too... and cornflower."
Maura rushed to get her sacred colored pencils. She grabbed them and a piece of paper. She sat down and started drawing, then coloring furiously.
"Done," She said triumphantly after a few minutes, hurrying over.
Kristin and the Fellowship compared the eye color on the paper with Legolas's eyes. His eyes were lighter and more crystal-like then the eyes on the picture.
"What's up?" Kristin asked, her eyebrows furrowed.
"I know," Kelsey whispered. Everyone jumped and turned. Sam had given her some water and she was now sitting up.
"Know what?" Merry asked.
"Know what's up with Legolas's and my eyes." Kelsey said, standing up and grabbing the Lord of the Rings Book. She opened the page and showed her friends the page with the strange writing.
"I know," Gandalf said heavily.
"Know what?" Maura asked.
"Know what this means."
"Everybody sounds like such a freaking broken record around here," Maura grouched. Gandalf glared at her. Meekly, she added, "Would you mind elaborating?"
"It means," Gandalf continued. "That we shall all lose our unique feature, such as I will lose my magic, and Legolas will lose his eye color and pointed ears. And the hobbits will lose their feet."
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Pippin screamed.
"There, there," Maura said, patting him on his head soothingly. Pippin sniffed loudly.
"This also means that you three will be getting some of our unique traits." Gandlaf added.
"Cool!" Maura said happily.
"It is not!" Kristin snapped, hitting her friend's shoulder. "This means they'll all be pathetic humans and we all know what a drag that is!"
"Yes," Aragorn sighed in agreement. They all looked at him. Aragorn grinned sheepishly and shrugged.
"So Kelsey is turning into an elf..." Maura said slowly. "And you hobbits all have to lose something, along with Gandalf..."
She suddenly clutched her foot. "Ow! Ow! OW!" She shrieked, jumping up and down.
"What?!" Kristin and Kelsey asked, hurrying over. Maura pulled off her fuzzy blue slippers she was wearing and threw them both across the room, screaming, "STUPID SATANIC SLIPPERS!!! DIIIIEEEE!!!"
The room was suddenly silent.
"What?" Maura asked.
They all pointed wordlessly and in unison at her feet. She looked down and gasped. Her feet were enlarging slowly and blondish-reddish hair was popping up. In a minute they were huge and she had Hobbit feet... AND THE OTHERS DIDN'T!!!!
"HOLY CRAP I HAVE HOBBIT FEET!!" Maura screamed, hugging them. "I'M GOING TO BRAID THE HAIRS AND PUT PRETTY BOWS IN!"
"MAURA!!" Both Kristin and Kelsey screamed, slapping her around the head.
"OW!! What was that for?"
They looked at Frodo and the other hobbits. Their feet were getting smaller and the hair was slowly disappearing. They were all also becoming skinnier and their curly hair was slowly becoming straighter. Maura, in the meantime, was growing much shorter then she was and her normally long, thick and wavy red hair was getting curled and growing down to her waist. Though she was already plump, Maura was also gaining a little weight too.
"AAAHHHHHHH!!!" She yelled, pulling at her now very long and corkscrew-curly red hair. "I'VE CUT MY HAIR FOR A REASON, PEOPLE!!"
Kelsey screamed too. Everyone looked at her. Kelsey was becoming MUCH taller and curvy and her ears were all the way pointed. Legolas now had normal blue eyes and ears he was also a little shorter. Kristin gasped loudly. Everyone looked at Kristen and then Legolas. They all gasped as well. Kelsey screamed.
"Oh my God!"
Legolas was also getting slowly older...his perfect skin was snail slowly getting grayer and slightly wrinkled.
"HE'S DYING!" Kelsey screamed, her hands over her mouth. "HE'S NOT IMMORTAL!! OH MY GOD! I'M KILLING HIM!!"
Legolas, gasped wheezily, clutching his throat. The Fellowship closed in slightly, frantically asking him what was wrong. Kelsey looked around, saw the book lying towards the sleeping bags and lunged at it.
"Please, please!" She begged of it. "Please stop!! I don't WANT to be an elf! I don't want Legolas to die!"
"You mussssst stay," A hoarse voice whispered. "Either you sssstay on Earth and Legolassssss perishessss or you go with them and remain magical."
"You mean, go to Middle Earth?" Kelsey gasped, pure blue eyes widening in shock.
"Yessssssssssss......."
Kelsey looked at Legolas. He was now quite wrinkled. His perfect blonde hair was graying. She looked back to the book.
"Ok," She whispered. "How?"
"Once the lasssst isssss through...... you musssst go to the mirror.... When the firssssst lightning strike appearsssss...... You will be in Middle Earth......"
"Who is the last one?!" Kelsey asked loudly. "Tell me! WHO IS THE LAST ONE?"
"The one...... with golden hair.... With the magic...."
"Do you mean.......Kristin?" Kelsey asked slowly.
"Yessssssssssss....." The book closed suddenly and lay still.
"Kristin!" Kelsey yelled on a sudden inspiration.
"What?" Kristin called back.
"YOU SMELLY, UGLY WANNABE! YOU ARE A SLUTTY WORTHLESS SLUG! AND GUESS WHAT?! YOU CAN'T WRITE FOR CRAP!!" Kelsey screamed.
"Why you little..." Kristin screamed. Out of the blue, a long wooden staff appeared, a giant white-gold jewel the size of a cantaloupe set into the top of it. Without thinking, Kristin fired a swarm of golden, red-hot light beams at Kelsey. Kelsey ducked them narrowly. Kristin's eyes widened.
"I-I did.... Magic!" She exclaimed, staring at the staff.
"Very good," Kelsey snapped, standing up.
She explained what she had heard. Legolas, meanwhile, was becoming frailer. Everyone was rushing to get him water, blankets, and food, anything to keep their friend alive. Kristin looked out the window quickly after hearing what had happened. Dark clouds were swirling in rapidly and they could hear thunder.
"Everyone! Listen to me!" Kelsey screamed. They all looked at her quickly. "We all need to get to the bathroom! Hurry! If we do we can save Legolas!"
They all nodded and hurried to pick up Legolas. They crowded into the tiny bathroom, struggling to hold up their elf friend.
"Come on..." Kristin whispered, her eyes on the windows. It had started to rain, hard, and it pounded on the windows like the rhythm of ten thousand drums. "Come on.... One lightning bolt...."
There was a roll of thunder, loud and deep. Then, a huge flash of forked, purple lightning lit up the sky. Kristin, Kelsey, and Maura screamed as an electric shock pierced their skin. The mirror was glowing white, sucking them all into its depths. Kelsey clutched someone's arm, having no idea who it was. The white light was blinding and the electric pain was so great! The three friends blacked out, and knew no more.
The first thing that Kelsey heard when she awoke were voices.
"We made it...."
"We're in Moria, am I correct?"
"Yes.... Where are Kelsey, Kristin, and Maura?"
"I don't know......"
Kelsey blearily opened her eyes. She was in a dark and dank passageway. Rats and skeletons were everywhere, and shone slightly in the bleak, like ghosts. With a slight moan, she got to her feet and followed the voices through the dark, her arms outstretched.
"I do hope they are alright. They were kind to let us stay for a short while at their home."
Ahead, Kelsey could see figures standing around a fire. She ran as fast as she could to them, her eyes filling with tears, her hands grasping for something familiar.
"Yes...." Aragorn and Gandalf were talking. The hobbits were talking to Borimor and Gimli, telling them about their adventure in the real world. And over, sitting next to the fir, was Legolas. He looked young again, his ears were pointed and his eyes looked more like they used to. Kelsey squealed and leaped at him. He yelped in surprise and looked at the newly elf girl who had lodged herself around his waist.
"YOUR ALIVE!" She said, squeezing him. He gently forced her off his waist.
"Yes I am." He said curtly. "You are still an elf, I see."
"HUH?!" Kelsey looked down. Sure enough, she was still very tall. To her surprise she was also wearing a comfortable, dark green dress, with a leather vest, and boots. She felt her ears and they were pointed. She had a bow and arrows slung over her shoulders, and she took them out to examine them with wide eyes.
"Well, whadaya know." She said, amazed. "I guess the rest of the hobbits are normal?"
"Yes, but we can't seem to find your companions." Legolas said, looking worried.
"Maura and Kristin are missing?" Kelsey asked, jumping up at once. "Well then we have to find them!"
"Calm down, Kelsey, we will," Aragorn said, coming over.
There was a muffled screaming form somewhere. Kelsey turned and saw Maura, wearing a Shire-like pink and blue flowered dress, and Kristin, wearing gold and white robs, sprinting towards them.
"THE BALROG!!! OH MY GOD!!" Kristin screamed, tripping over her robes. Maura stopped and forced her friend to stand. Maura too was having problems with her overly large feet.
"HURRY! THIS WAY!!" Borimor yelled, motioning them down a hallway. They all ran down some long and large steps, and then they ran over a dark reddish brown bridge.
"RUN!!" Kelsey screamed as they ran.
"WE ARE RUNNING!" Maura screamed at her.
Part of the bridge thingy collapsed, and Aragorn stopped short just in time. Legolas jumped it easily. Borimir jumped as well, then the hobbits. When Gimli jumped, he fell slightly short and Legolas grabbed his hand and pulled him up. Kelsey jumped it easily as well, as did Kristin. Maura stood there, stock still, staring down the deep crater.
"GO!" Gandalf urged loudly.
"I...... I can't......" She gasped.
"Why not?" Merry shouted to her.
"I'm afraid of heights!" Maura wailed, about to burst into tears.
The Balrog suddenly appeared, roaring and lashing out with the whip. Maura screamed and leaped for the other side. She fell too short, shrieking, and she grabbed the edge of the other side with both hands, he feet dangling into endless black. Legolas swiftly helped her up, and shoved her back with the rest of the group. Gandalf jumped over and faced the Blarog.
"GO!" He shouted. Aragorn turned and made them all start moving.
"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!" Ganflaf roared at the Balrog, forcing him back with his staff.
"Gandalf!" Frodo shouted, and tried to run to help the wizard, but Maura and Aragorn grabbed his arms, holding him back.
A brilliant light exploded from Gandalf's staff. The Balrog fell back into the hole. The Fellowship breathed a collective sigh of relief. Gandalf turned, but from the blackness of the void, the whip emerged, and wrapped itself around Gandalf's ankle. Maura let out a scream as Gandalf was thrown the ground and dragged to the edge of the cliff.
"FLY, YOU FOOLS!" Gandalf shouted at them as he fell.
"GANDALF!!" Frodo yelled. "GANDALF!! NOOOO!"
"Come on, Frodo!" Maura said, tugging at his arm. She had seen the movie and read a little of the book, so she knew this would happen... but this was real life. And Frodo's pain was obviously, and achingly real. The group ran from the bridge, dodging Orcs arrows, and they sadly left Moria.
Reviews =
Alaharia Silvermoon: Please don't hit me with a bowling pin! ducks You won't have to worry too much about updates, unless I get really busy with schoolwork. I just got back to school TODAY, and I find the updating system on to be slightly confusing. But anyway, I plan on updating either every Monday night, or every few days. It just depends on my mood. So, check in!
2 lazy 2 log in: Thank you. The first beginning chapters aren't as funny as the ones to come. You just wait and see!
Shadow929: Thank you very much, and you will receive more quite soon!