People say I remind them of Ron Howard

by EGB Fan

Kylie is reunited with her cousin a bratty little kid grown into a deceptive young man with some kind of secret.

Disclaimer: I don't own Extreme Ghostbusters, and wouldn't dream of pretending I did. Ghostbusters (c) Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Columbia Pictures. John and Eden Spengler are creations of Fritz Baugh. All other original characters are creations of me.

Extreme Ghostbusters: People say I remind them of Ron Howard

Kylie Griffin was having one of those moments that you just want to freeze forever. It was eight o'clock on a Saturday morning and she was reclining in a hot bath. Standing at the basin beside her was her long-term boyfriend (she so hated the term "partner") Eduardo Rivera, shaving carefully around his goatee. He was wearing only jeans and standing in profile to her, allowing her a perfect side-on view of his concave stomach. Kylie wasn't so shallow as to believe that looks were that important in a relationship. Eduardo was very good to her and she loved him for who he was (despite the fact that they were almost incapable of agreeing on anything). The fact that he had a body that could make her toes curl was just an added bonus.

Diagonally opposite Kylie and behind Eduardo was their two-and-a-half-year-old daughter Conchita Rivera. She was sitting cross-legged on the closed lid of the toilet seat and cradling their black-and-white cat Pagan in her lap. Smiling fondly at her, Kylie thought that Conchita looked particularly cute that morning. Her long, dark-brown hair was still braided after the night and looked endearingly scruffy; and she was still wearing her sleep ensemble of pale-yellow shorts and a baby-pink t-shirt. She was a pretty little thing: comprising her mother's round face and big, dark-green eyes, and her Hispanic father's year-round tan. That was one thing that Eduardo and Kylie could agree on: their little girl was flawless.

It didn't seem so long ago that Kylie was lonely and miserable. Looking back on her old life, it seemed such a contrast to how happy she was now. This was all just so perfect. And to top it all off, her unborn baby was kicking inside her.

"Right." Eduardo spoilt the tableau by turning round and reaching for a towel. "I'm needed at the Firehouse today, Chita. Are you coming with me or staying home with Mommy?"

"I'll stay with Mommy so she won't be lonely," Conchita decided. "Grandpa isn't coming 'til after lunch."

"That's sweet of you, honey," Kylie smiled at her daughter. She was secretly wondering how she and Eduardo could have produced such kind and considerate offspring. He was moody and objectionable, and she was a bitter cynic. It must be the influence of Conchita's aunt Beth: Eduardo's sister-in-law and the nicest woman you could ever hope to meet.

"That's right – he'll be at the Firehouse," Eduardo remembered, in response to what Conchita had said. "Remember Janine's computer yesterday, honey?"

"Yeah," Conchita giggled. "It kept singing. Are you sure Grandpa can fix it?" she asked her mother. "Roland couldn't do it and even Egon couldn't do it."

"Don't worry, sweetheart," Kylie assured her daughter. "My dad's been staring at computer screens every day for the last thirty years. I'm sure he's seen this before."

Steve Griffin worked with computers in a big office block and hated it. His guilt-driven sense of duty towards his daughter had kept him working there these last twenty-odd years for the sake of a steady wage; but nevertheless Conchita wasn't the only one to doubt his ability to fix this particular computer. Egon's wife Janine was sure that if her husband couldn't remedy the problem, no one could. But as Steve had told her over the phone the other day: "There's not a computer in the world I can't fix. It's quite pathetic how much I actually know about those things."

Eduardo gently pushed Pagan from Conchita's lap and then lifted his small daughter into his arms, saying, "How about if you and I put some clothes on?"

"You've got some clothes on," Conchita pointed out, as she was carried from the room.

"You're right," Eduardo agreed. "Better put some more on, though. It's pretty cold out. Ok – what do you want to wear?" Kylie could now hear his voice through the wall beside her. "Jeans?"

"You're wearing jeans," Conchita's high-pitched voice replied.

"Well then, you'll look like me. Do you think people will be able to tell the difference?"

Conchita giggled. She was a notorious giggler. And she was a real girly girl. Every morning she had to go through this ritual of deciding what to wear. How, Kylie wondered, did that happen? She herself tended to dress down, and Eduardo was as out of touch with his feminine side as he was with his elementary school friends.

"Ok – which sweater?"

"That one. Grandpa gave me that one."

"Ah – clever. He'll think you like him."

"I do like him!"

"It was just a joke, Chi," Eduardo laughed. "C'mon. Let's do something about your hair."

Kylie's workload had decreased significantly since she found out she was pregnant. Eduardo had taken a little bit of convincing when she'd first suggested having another child – but now he wanted it as much as she did, and he was not prepared to subject his unborn baby to any kind of risk. To his mind, this meant allowing Kylie to relax as much as possible, which of course burdened him with doing most of the work around the flat himself: cooking, cleaning, laundry and now taking Conchita through her morning routine while Kylie enjoyed a long soak.

She continued to listen to the conversation going on in the next room, and couldn't help but feel particularly smug about her lot. Eduardo was just so sweet with Conchita, and seeing (or in this case, hearing) them together made her swell with pride. And speaking of swelling: her bump twitched again and reminded her that she had even more happiness to look forward to. She just felt great – especially when she considered that she might have let yesterday afternoon's phone call from her mother spoil it all:

"Kylie! What on earth are you playing at? Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"

"I didn't know where you were, Jill. It's over a year since you've been in touch."

"I'm in Portugal, sweetie. You could have found that out from Maddy."

"No I couldn't. Maddy doesn't bother with me."

"Because you don't bother with her – nor with your own mother, it seems. I'd like to be told when I'm about to become a grandmother, Kylie."

"You already are a grandmother. Remember how you reacted to Conchita?"

"Well, can you blame me? I'm all for picking up men at college, sweetie – you're living proof of that – but getting yourself pregnant before you've even graduated… I came to see you all though, didn't I? For all the thanks I got. Now look sweetheart, I do feel that as your mother I ought to advise you to be more careful."

"Careful? What's that supposed to mean?"

"This is the second time it's happened, sweetie. Once is bad enough – but can you and that man of yours really cope with two children?"

"Jill! It 'happened' because we wanted it to happen! We were planning to have a baby for three months!"

"Is that all? It took almost a year with you."

"Well, you know me: always out to ruin your life – even before I was conceived."

"Don't be silly, Kylie. Now listen: this baby will ruin you, simply because you can't afford it. When you were little your father was making enough money to support every child in the street if he had to, but you must realise how unstable your so-called job is. For heaven's sake, Kylie – you're not even married. He'll leave you like that. In fact I'm surprised he hasn't done it already. And when he does he'll have no legal obligation towards you or your kids; you'll be completely on your own. Honestly, sweetheart, you really are digging yourself into a rut here. It's just beyond me how a girl of your intelligence can manage to be quite so stupid."

If she had let it, all of that could have upset Kylie a great deal. But she was past caring what Jill Griffin thought. What if she'd listened to her mother's advice the first time around? Jill had been convinced that a termination was the only sensible option. Conchita would never have been born – and that didn't even bear thinking about.

As Kylie banished all thoughts of her so-called mother from her mind, Conchita trotted into the bathroom with a pink ribbon tying back her hair and a dimpled smile adorning her face. She was wearing blue jeans and a pale-pink sweatshirt. Hmm… her grandfather's preconception that little girls always wear pink might go some way to explaining why Conchita was quite such a girly girl.

"I'm off now," Eduardo announced, now fully dressed and making his way into the bathroom behind his daughter. "Have a nice day," he smiled at Kylie, stooping to kiss her.

"Eww," Conchita muttered disapprovingly, wrinkling her pert little nose in disgust.

"Guess you won't be wanting one, then," Eduardo grinned impertinently at her.

"I do!" Conchita cried, outraged.

Daddy's girl, Kylie thought. She was glad that her daughter loved her dad so much, but she couldn't help but feel a little bit jealous. She'd never had that kind of relationship with her own father.

"Ok." Eduardo crouched close to the floor and took Conchita into a crushing embrace, kissing her once on the cheek and once on the forehead. "Take care of Mommy for me."

"I always take care of Mommy."

"I know you do, sweetheart." He kissed her again, this time on the mouth. "I'll see you later."

Kylie felt a slight pang of regret when she heard the front door click shut. Eduardo had left, and not only that: the bathwater was getting cold. Her perfect moment was gone. But there would be plenty more in future – she knew that. Maybe she'd even have another one just like that tomorrow.

x x x

Matthew Fowler-Davies was returning to New York for the first time in six years. He hadn't been back since moving away with his mother, and now he was hopelessly lost. He'd managed to find the house he wanted all right – but it had thrown him completely when a woman he didn't recognise walked out of the front door with her little boy in tow.

He stood on the street opposite the house, his thumbs hooked into the straps on his backpack, and wondered what to do next. When was the last time he'd heard news of his cousin? Hardly anything since he'd left New York for Pennsylvania: just a scribbled note in a good-luck-in-your-new-home card from the grandmother they shared.

"Excuse me." Matt flagged down a young woman in tight jeans and switched on his cutest smile. "Can you please point me in the direction of the Ghostbusters?"

"Sure," the girl giggled coyly, grabbing Matt's shoulders and spinning him round sixty degrees. "Six blocks that way. You'd have to be blind to miss it. I must say, this is a novelty: meeting a man who's not afraid to ask for directions."

"I know exactly where I am, honey," Matt grinned at her over his shoulder. "That was just a pick-up line. Want my number?"

"Sure – why not?"

"Hmm… too bad. I don't have one."

"No place to stay?" the girl asked anxiously. "You poor thing. Here's mine," and she scribbled a phone number onto a tissue from her bag. "If you can't find anywhere to stay, give me a call and I'm sure we can… uh… arrange something."

"Thanks," Matt smiled angelically, impressed by his own speed. "Six blocks that way? You're an angel."

Six blocks' walk later, the youth sauntered into the foyer of Ghostbusters HQ and directed his childlike smile at the bespectacled redhead behind the reception desk. "Hi," he greeted her. "Does Kylie Griffin still work here?"

A metal locker slammed shut some twenty yards away. Matt turned reflexively to see a tanned man with Hispanic features and a goatee regarding him suspiciously, his arms folded across his chest in a hostile gesture.

"Hi," Matt greeted Eduardo chirpily. Then he cocked his head to one side and said, "Kylie Griffin. I don't think you're her."

"Who's asking?" Eduardo demanded.

"I'm Matt," Matt replied at once. "I'm her cousin."

"Ah-ha." Approaching the stranger, Eduardo took in at a glance the short, spiked auburn hair and green bush baby eyes. "On her mom's side, right?"

"Aw, fantastic!" Matt enthused. "I found her! Who are you?"

"I'm the father of her children," Eduardo replied evenly.

"Children?" Matt exclaimed in surprise. "Whoa! Nobody tells me anything!"

"You didn't know?" asked Eduardo.

"No."

"I've never heard of you either," Eduardo told the lad. "I didn't even know Jill had any brothers or sisters."

"Just one," Matt told him. "My mom: Maddy. I suppose I'm not surprised. She started to lose touch with Kylie as soon as Jill left – or so I'm told – and then when my mom and dad got divorced she really stopped bothering with anybody. And Kylie's always hated us anyway. I think she likes to pretend my mom and I don't exist."

Maddy Davies was Jill Griffin's younger sister. Like their own parents, both sisters were divorced – in Maddy's case from the selfish and neglectful Sean Fowler. Matt had always hated the double-barrelled surname his mother had insisted on giving him. It made him feel pretentious – and pretentious he definitely was not.

"So why are you here if Kylie hates you so much?" Eduardo wanted to know.

"Well, I'm nothing if not honest," Matt smiled sheepishly. "I happen to be a little bit homeless right now. My mom kicked me out when I dropped out of college and my dad doesn't wanna know."

"How long were you at college?" Eduardo asked, surprised. This kid looked like he should still be in high school.

"Only a few weeks," Matt replied. "I know what you're thinking. I'm eighteen – but I look younger because I've got really big eyes and I'm so damn short. So how many kids have you got?" he quickly changed the subject.

"Oh dear God no!" a voice behind Eduardo exclaimed.

"Steve!" Matt addressed the middle-aged man standing in the doorway. "It's been ages! Kudos to you for recognising me."

"You haven't changed much. You're just a little taller," Steve replied warily. "What are you doing here?"

"Visiting," Matt answered evasively. "Hey – did you know there's people living in your house?"

"Well, when I sold it to them I assumed they'd be using it to live in," Steve returned sarcastically.

"Weird. Everything's changed. Why didn't you tell me you had grandchildren?"

"Because you're nothing to do with me, like I used to keep telling your mother," Steve answered dryly. "I was only your uncle for ten days, remember."

"So why didn't Mom tell me?"

"How should I know?" Steve retorted. "Maybe she wasn't told. I mean, let's face it: Jill never really bothered with your mom even before she left the country."

"Aw – be fair." Matt feigned indignance on his estranged aunt's behalf. "Knowing Jill she probably just forgot."

Steve actually laughed out loud, shaking his head almost affectionately. Listening to their exchange, Eduardo suspected that these two had had a lot to do with each other in the past. It seemed a sort of love/hate relationship: Matt was a right royal pain in the arse, but Steve – against his better judgement – was fond of him.

"So." Matt turned back to Eduardo. "You didn't answer my question. How many kids?"

"One-and-a-half," Eduardo said sourly, not taking to this Matt at all. "She's pregnant."

"Really? How pregnant?"

"Five months."

"Hmm," Matt murmured thoughtfully. "Not a good time to drop a bombshell, then."

"Absolutely not!" Steve cut in. "What is it?"

"Nothing," shrugged Matt. "Just being hypothetical. Imagine how much trouble I could get into in a big city like this."

"You ought to stay away from me, Matt," Steve said sternly. "My doctor's so sure I'm going to have a heart attack. I'm supposed to avoid stress."

"Ha!" scoffed Matt. "You're predisposed to stress, Stevie – it's nothing to do with me. Still on the beta blockers?"

"Yeah."

"You oughtta come off those things and learn to chill out."

"You oughtta find something more constructive to do than annoy me," Steve retorted. "My grandmother always said you'd be back here scrounging after high school."

"She did? I thought she kinda liked me. Too bad she died," Matt remarked. "She really used to look out for me."

"That was good of her," Eduardo remarked. "Seeing as you were nothing to do with her."

"Yeah, it was good of her," Matt agreed. "So – come on. Tell me about your kid. How old?"

"Two-and-a-half."

"Name?"

"Conchita."

"Oh." Matt pulled a face. "Nice."

"It's Spanish," Eduardo told him curtly.

"Yeah, I know. So what are you?"

"Mexican."

"Cool. Two-and-a-half, huh? So Kylie must have still been in college when you knocked her up."

"Quick math," Eduardo observed dryly.

"The kid's a genius," Steve chimed in. "His whole damn family is. You don't think Kylie gets it from me, do you? I first met Jill in a physics class at college. She was taking it three years early. But they don't any of them have a clue what to do with it," he added contemptuously, turning his head to look at Matt. "What are you going to do with yourself, kid?"

"Aw, who are you – my mother?" Matt returned insolently.

"God forbid," Steve shuddered.

"Hey – for all her faults, Mom knows what she's talking about," Matt defended his mother. "She told Jill not to marry you."

"Jill told her not to marry your dad," countered Steve.

"Really?"

"Really."

"They should have listened to each other. So where's Kylie anyway?"

"Home," Steve replied. "And I don't think she'll be very happy to see you. I want you to stay out of her way until I've warned her you're here."

"Ok, can do," Matt agreed smilingly.

"Hey!" a coarse female voice suddenly shouted across the room. "Kylie's dad! You done chatting yet? Because my computer's still bust over here, in case you'd forgotten!"

"Sorry, Janine," Steve said meekly, shooting a sorry-gotta-go look at Matt as he made his way over to the reception desk.

"There's really no bombshell?" Eduardo asked Matt sceptically.

"No, not really. I won't be any bother, I promise," and Matt flashed Eduardo a dimpled smile that was alarmingly similar to Conchita's. "You won't even notice me. Whoa! Awesome!"

Eduardo guessed that Matt had caught sight of Slimer. Seconds later a globule of cool, thick liquid hitting the back of his neck told him that he was right, as Slimer brushed past him to greet their visitor.

"Isn't it cute?" Matt cooed delightedly.

"Cute?" echoed Eduardo. "He's a nightmare!"

"What's his name?"

"Slimer."

"I wonder why," Matt smiled wryly. "Hey," and he extended a hand towards the floating apparition. "Matt. I'm Kylie's cousin."

Slimer took Matt's proffered hand in both of his and shook it vigorously. He then lunged forward suddenly and wrapped his arms around Matt's neck. A moment later he pulled away and shot up through the ceiling above faster than the eye could see, singing unintelligibly to himself.

"That's so sad," Matt remarked, heedless of the fact that he was dripping thick slime from his neck onto the shoulders of his bottle-green hoodie.

"How d'you mean?" asked Eduardo.

"It's always sad when a kid dies," Matt replied, with a sorry little shrug. "How old was he?"

"I don't know," Eduardo confessed. "I never really thought about it."

"Makes you realise how lucky you are," Matt added poignantly. "I'm not sorry I dropped out of college, but when you think some people never even get the chance…"

"Aw… stop, you're too depressing."

"Just makes you think, that's all."

"Does it?" Eduardo asked, with a humourless smile. "I try not to do that too much."

x x x

As the morning progressed, Steve managed to pinpoint the problem with Janine's computer – but he needed the help of both Egon and Matt to get it fixed. He had been going to ask Roland – but while Steve was in the middle of communicating this intention to Egon and Janine, Matt had suddenly descended from above like Superman (only this time with the aid of a pole) and announced brightly, "I'll do it!"

Come to that, Matt had been bright and helpful all morning. He'd even cooked everybody lunch and washed up afterwards. Janine was visibly impressed, and even Eduardo seemed to be reconsidering his opinion of Kylie's obscure relative. But to Steve's mind, all of this could only mean that Matt wanted something. And not just anything. It was bound to be something big.

It was an interesting novelty, though: having the kid around again after all this time. The number of times Steve had gone home to Kylie and his grandmother Rose Lockyer and found that Maddy had offloaded her small son onto them… well, he'd lost count. In fact Steve had to admit that he'd grown fond of his former nephew – although Matt really was best taken in small doses. So Steve was grateful when one o'clock came and he knew that Kylie would be expecting his visit soon.

When he arrived at his daughter's apartment, he was touched by how pleased to see him Conchita was. Kylie fed his caffeine addiction with instant cappuccino, and then Steve sat down in the middle of the sitting room floor with his granddaughter and they did a brightly coloured alphabet floor puzzle together. He was surprised by how relaxed this made him feel, and he suddenly felt the urge to take his blood pressure. It always felt like such an achievement when it got below triple figures.

Maybe this is the way to avoid that heart attack I'm supposed to be having, Steve thought to himself. In fact I should just quit my job and get an apartment out here – and do something easy and stress-free for a living like stack supermarket shelves. Hell, Kylie's not financially dependent on me anymore. Why the hell don't I?

"Want some more coffee, Dad?" asked Kylie.

That was the other thing his doctor had told him to do besides relax: cut down on caffeine. Steve often joked that he was addicted to the stuff – but he was beginning to suspect that this might actually be true. In the week just passed, he'd woken up on Monday morning and decided not to drink any coffee that day. This good resolution had lasted an impressive twenty minutes. He had forgone the cup of coffee he drank first thing every morning, only to find that he couldn't quite bring himself to go to work.

"No thanks," he said to Kylie. "My doctor told me to cut down."

"But you like coffee," Conchita chipped in.

"Yes honey, but it's very bad for me," Steve smiled at her. "Maybe I should get hooked on apple juice like you."

"I've arranged for Chita to go out with Beth later," Kylie told her father. "I want you to tell me about this H-E-A-R-T A-T-T-A-C-K you're going to have."

"I'm going to try not to have it, sweetie," Steve told her, with a small smile of amusement. "Actually there's something else I need to tell you."

"Oh." Kylie pulled a face. "Will I like it?"

"Almost certainly not. So." He turned back to Conchita. "Where's Beth taking you?"

"Shopping," Conchita answered smilingly. "She's doing lunch for Yaya's birthday."

"That's nice of her," remarked Steve. "Mommy wouldn't do that – would you, Ky."

"Too right," Kylie asserted. "She's Eduardo's mother, not mine. I don't know why Beth's bothering. If she refused to do it, Eduardo or Carl would have to – and so they damn well should."

"Beth's good at lunch," Conchita ventured quietly.

"I know," Kylie replied, shaking her head in apparent wonder. "She's so domesticated. She spends all her time catering to the needs of her husband and her son – there's nothing really in her own life. I don't understand how anyone can be happy like that."

Steve bit his tongue. Kylie was more like her mother than she would ever admit.

x x x

"Hey, Blondie." Matt tilted his head to one side and looked down at the little girl who was skim-reading the TV guide (her finger was on the column headed "Discovery Channel"). "You're not related to me, are you?"

"Not to my knowledge," Eden Spengler returned primly. "And my name is not 'Blondie'."

"Yeah!" another young voice came from the doorway. "Carrot-top!"

"Huh!" Matt exclaimed indignantly, staring at the little boy who had just entered the room. "Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Or ginger, as the case may be."

"My brother Jonathan," Eden stated matter-of-factly. "He can be very immature."

"Well that's a relief," returned Matt, regarding the girl strangely. "How old are you?"

"Four," Eden told him.

"You guys must belong to that geeky guy and the hothead at reception."

Eden and John both shot him a disapproving glare.

"Sorry." Matt held up his hands. "I'm not so hot on names. Speaking of which: what do I call you, kid?"

"Eden," the blond girl told him, throwing down the TV guide in a gesture of defeat.

"And are you quite sure you're only four?"

"Positive."

"Born June thirteenth, nineteen-ninety-nine, at one thirty a.m," John chimed in. "Five minutes before I was - "

"Yeah yeah yeah," Matt interrupted impatiently. "But you're pretty smart, right? I mean – you obviously know a lot of words, but do you know some other stuff too?"

"Is there something you want to know?" Eden enquired politely.

"I thought you were supposed to be some kind of genius," John cut in, his voice etched with suspicion.

"That's what people say," Matt shrugged, "but I still manage to get myself into some pretty stupid shit – excuse me – stuff."

"Is that why you're here?" Eden asked dryly.

"Well... kind of, but that's not important. I was sort of hoping to find out some stuff from my cousin about vampire cults; but since I'm apparently a risk to pregnant women, I figure I might as well ask you. Know anything?" Matt smiled hopefully down at Eden.

"Vampire cults..." she mused. "Well, I know all I need to know: which is that they're very dangerous and something you'd do better to steer clear of."

"Yeah, right." Matt didn't miss the meaning that was loaded into Eden's voice – and he was not at all sure he liked being lectured by a four year old. "So… you kids are only a couple of years older than Conchita."

"I can see why everyone thinks you're so smart," Eden said sarcastically.

"Lighten up, Edie. This guy's ok," John defended their guest.

"Aww - thanks." Matt was touched. But he quickly forced himself back on track, not wanting to miss the golden opportunity he had spotted. "So do you guys hang out with Conchita much?"

"Yeah, sure," John replied with a shrug. "Sometimes Kylie and Eduardo bring her to work, so we don't have much choice. We both like her ok, though, so it's not a problem."

"So you know her pretty well, then. What's she like?" asked Matt.

"Pretty," Eden answered at once. "Daddy's girl. And she giggles a lot. And I think she might be clever like Kylie. She's quite fond of books."

"Mostly ones about princesses," added John.

"Really?" Matt was carefully storing this information away for future reference. "So what else is she into?"

"Puppies and kittens..." John started to count the items off on his fingers. "Flowers, dresses, animals... the usual girl stuff. When her mom goes out Conchita likes to help her pick jewellery."

"Ah-ha..." Matt nodded thoughtfully. "What if I wanted to take her out for something to eat? Where would we go?"

"She's very into ice-cream," John answered at once. "But she prefers to eat her aunt Beth's food rather than go out. Beth is a very good cook – and Conchita likes going there because - "

"Jonathan!" Eden suddenly interrupted. "Stop!" She looked at Matt and adopted a cock-eyed expression – an expression whose similarity to one of her father's was wasted on this particular audience. "You're her cousin, aren't you?"

"Yes," Matt confirmed. "Well – once removed."

"Fine. The point remains that you ought to know all of this already," Eden pointed out.

"You're right, Eden," Matt sighed despairingly. "I feel awful. Really!" he added, catching Eden's look of disbelief. "She's my cousin's little girl and I've never even met her. I should make more of an effort with my family. I'm eighteen years old. My mother's ineptitude is no longer an excuse."

"Until today I'd heard nothing of you or your mother," Eden told him curtly. "I don't think Kylie can like you very much."

"No, I don't suppose she does," Matt forlornly agreed. "I didn't even know that little girl existed until today. I'm a terrible cousin."

"You're also a terrible actor," muttered Eden.

"What's that supposed to mean?" demanded Matt.

"You're painfully transparent," Eden told him knowingly. "You just want Kylie to put you up, as you would otherwise be homeless."

"That's stupid," frowned John. "Have you seen the size of their apartment?"

"Have you seen the size of Matthew?" Eden japed. "He's probably small enough to sleep in the linen closet."

"Short jokes now, is it?" Matt rolled his eyes. "If you will compare me to your dad..."

"Not just him," Eden said seriously. "But I wouldn't let it get you down."

"I don't," Matt returned darkly, his big green eyes narrowing slightly.

"Good," Eden approved. "Your cousin doesn't pay much heed to society's prejudices either."

"Yeah," Matt nodded slowly. "We're more alike than she'd ever admit."

"I'll tell her you said that," John grinned impishly.

"Don't you dare!" exclaimed Matt. "I'm turning over a new leaf. I need to try and get on everybody's good side."

"Well," Eden returned tersely. "You'll get on my god side if you stop asking inane questions. It makes me think you're up to something."

"You only think I'm up to something because I'm a college dropout and I spike my hair," Matt retorted. "How prejudiced is that?"

"What did I just say about inane questions?" Eden asked patiently.

"Not inane, Blondie. Rhetorical."

Eden shot him a warning glare.

"All right, all right." Matt held up both hands in defeat. "I'm going. Boy, everybody in New York really is a jerk…" he muttered as he sloped off.

"That was mean," John derided his sister. "That guy's cool."

"Why?" demanded Eden. "Because he loathes his parents and conforms to the styles and behaviours of the modem youth? Jonathan." She shook her head despairingly. "I would have expected more from you."

x x x

"Oh dear God no," Kylie groaned into her hands. "Anything but that."

"You've hardly spoken to him in six years, honey," Steve pointed out. "Maybe he's matured."

"He dropped out of college after a few weeks," Kylie retorted. "How mature does that sound to you?"

"College isn't for everyone," Steve reasoned soothingly. He felt compelled to defend Matt, calling upon the old ideal of "innocent until proven guilty". The lad had been absent from both his and Kylie's lives for six years and may since have shed his more obnoxious side.

"He's just like his mother," spat Kylie. "Maybe it's a good thing Jill did walk out on us. I could have ended up like that too."

Steve cut a glance at his daughter's Goth-style makeup and thought of the number of times he'd seen Conchita with black lipstick marks on her face. Kylie seemed to have escaped her feckless mother's worst flaws, but she certainly hadn't turned out as her father might have hoped. Still, at least she had a fairly conventional family now. Ok, so she wasn't married to the father of her children – but this was progress, wasn't it? Maybe one day she'd start dressing like a normal person.

"Honey…" Steve ventured timidly. "Matt sort of gave me the impression that he might want to stay with you for a while."

"I'm sure he does," Kylie agreed. "And just how long is 'a while', I wonder? I told you about that call I got from Gran."

Two summers ago, Steve's mother had phoned Kylie asking for advice on how to get rid of Matt. Apparently he had popped round for coffee and a chat and he was still there two weeks later. Steve couldn't help feeling sorry for the kid. He thought it just went to show how little the Davies clan bothered with each other, if Matt was seeking refuge with his aunt's ex-in-laws.

"He doesn't have anywhere else to go," Steve reminded Kylie. "I'm not at all surprised that Maddy won't have him – and you must remember what his father's like."

Kylie shook her head. "He can't stay here. What about Conchita?"

"You think she'd mind?"

"Of course she'd mind! She's two! Two year olds don't like strange men suddenly moving into their homes. They find it very disruptive."

"Hmm… maybe I should let him come home with me," mused Steve.

"Oh Dad, no!" Kylie exclaimed. "Why should you? He's my relative, not yours."

"But if you won't take him…"

"He'll just have to go back to Maddy," snapped Kylie. "She may be a total cow, but she wouldn't let her son go homeless. And he's got four grandparents, all living in totally separate states as I recall. Chances are one of them would take him in. In fact I would have thought he'd go to Grandma first. She's not so bad; she only married a Davies, same as you."

"Maybe Matt already tried her," suggested Steve.

"Well, I guess we'll find out," Kylie shrugged dismissively. "When I've told him there is absolutely no way on God's Green Earth that he will ever be allowed to spend even a single night here. So, come on then." She decided to change the subject. "When did your doctor say you'd be having this heart attack?"

x x x

Matt was beginning to wonder just how long his luck could last. Simply to stay on side with Janine Spengler (he couldn't have too many friends right now), he'd volunteered to go out and get some groceries for her. She had been extremely grateful and even given him some money for cab fare – so Matt had successfully hailed a taxi and asked to be taken to the nearest supermarket.

He'd seen her in the meat and poultry aisle: the little girl with the pert nose, round face and dark-green bush baby eyes that he knew only too well. The child's bronzed skin and dark-brown hair might have thrown him a little off-track – if he hadn't seen those exact same features on somebody else that very morning.

"Hi, sweetheart." Matt crouched down to Conchita's level and smiled warmly at her. "You must be Conchita."

"Who are you?" the woman she was with asked sharply.

Matt stood up and directed his smile at the middle-aged blonde who was regarding him with deep suspicion. Ok: time to take a chance. He extended his right hand towards her and said politely, "Hi, I'm Matt: Kylie's cousin. You must be Beth."

"Um… yes, I am." She accepted his handshake, but didn't relax just yet. "Kylie's never mentioned you."

"Well, we're not as close as I'd like," Matt confessed, not taking his eyes off Beth's face. She had cropped blond hair and pale-blue eyes. Given Eduardo's appearance, there was really only one way in which this woman could possibly be Conchita's aunt. "My cousin probably has more in common with you than she has with me – never having been with a Rivera brother myself. I wish we were as close to this one as your family is," and he tilted his head down towards Conchita. "She's very pretty, isn't she?"

"Yes, she is," Beth smiled indulgently. "Our kids were lucky. They got their looks and our brains."

"Our kids", huh? Too bad Matt knew nothing about Beth's own offspring. Perhaps he would have learnt about it/them from John Spengler if Eden hadn't cut him off mid-flow. Oh well, better move on and use the stuff he did know.

"Don't you look like your mommy," he smiled down at Conchita.

"You look a bit like my mommy too," Conchita remarked.

"She's right: you do," observed Beth.

"See?" Matt smiled angelically at her. "I am who I say I am. Anyway, I won't keep you. I'll probably see you later, sweetheart," he said to Conchita. "Maybe your mommy will let me take you out for ice-cream. I'm sure it wouldn't compare to whatever your aunt Beth is going to do with all of that food" – he nodded towards the generous contents of Beth's shopping cart – "but it'll have to do. I'm a disaster in the kitchen."

"Chita won't mind that," Beth told him. "Ice-cream always does as far as she's concerned. I don't know where she puts it all, though."

"Yeah, well – look who her mother is," Matt smiled comically. "And Eduardo's not exactly what you might call fat. I really like him. It'd be nice to get to know your family too. Like I said, my lot don't tend to bother with each other much. Kylie's lucky to have you guys," he went on sincerely. "She used to be so on her own… but let's not get into that now," and he looked poignantly down at Conchita.

"Well, it was nice meeting you." Beth returned his smile. "We have to get on, though. It's my mother-in-law's birthday tomorrow, so these guys won't be around much. Just to warn you," she finished, before grabbing Conchita's hand and moving off down the aisle.

"Bye, Matt!" Conchita called over her shoulder, waving enthusiastically at her newfound relative.

"Bye, Chita!" Matt called after her. "See you later, I hope!"

x x x

"Ok." It was getting on for five o'clock. Eduardo had just located Matt down in the basement, staring at the containment unit from a safe enough distance. "I'm going home. Are you going to follow or not?"

"Sure," Matt replied chirpily, making his way up the metal staircase. "Visiting hours have started now, have they?"

Half an hour later they arrived at Eduardo and Kylie's apartment. Eduardo opened the front door and was greeted with a touching domestic scene: Kylie was ironing a miniature white sweater; Steve was sitting on the sofa with Conchita on his lap, reading aloud from Roald Dahl's "The BFG"; and to complete the picture, Pagan was decorously licking his left front paw on the floor by the ironing board.

"Whoa!" Matt exclaimed in surprise. "Pagan's still alive?"

Steve, Kylie, Conchita and Pagan all looked up reflexively. Kylie's grip tightened on the iron and Steve braced himself for the worst. Pagan sized up the stranger, seemed to decide Matt was no threat and so continued to wash himself. Conchita's reaction was by far the most spectacular – and the most unexpected.

"Hi Matt!" she beamed delightedly, jumping from her grandfather's lap and running towards Matt with her arms outstretched.

"Hey you," Matt smiled in welcome, squatting and catching the child in a tight embrace. "Told ya I'd see you again."

Kylie was so astonished that she almost burnt a hole in Conchita's sweater – but she checked herself just in time and put the iron down safely on its flat end. She then stared at Eduardo over the top of Conchita's ponytail and Matt's spiked red hair and mouthed in horror, "What the fuck…?"

Eduardo shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, looking equally bemused. Then they both turned their heads to look at Steve. He too shrugged his ignorance, but he didn't look overly surprised. He knew that Matt was just like that. Conchita had been out of her mother's sight for a whole hour that afternoon. There was no reason to assume that Matt wouldn't have found her and got his claws in.

"Nice place you got here," Matt remarked, letting go of Conchita and rising to his full height (such as it was). "After what little Johnny Spengler said I was expecting some kind of hovel."

Kylie's green eyes narrowed dangerously on her cousin's face – but if Matt noticed, he didn't seem to care. He simply looked down at Conchita and asked smilingly, "Wanna give your cousin Matty a tour?"

"Ok," Conchita agreed, slipping her hand into Matt's. "This is the living room."

"I never would have guessed," japed Matt.

Conchita giggled as she led him off towards the bedrooms and the bathroom. Once Matt was out of the room, Kylie seemed to lose the adrenaline rush that her cousin had produced in her and had to sit down on the nearest armchair.

"Well." As he stood up and went to turn off the iron, Steve just had to break the strained silence. "He's asking for trouble. That's Kevin's territory he's walking all over."

"I can't believe he's using my daughter to get to me," Kylie scowled darkly. "He's trying to make her fall in love with him so I won't have the heart to turn him out on the streets. How does she even know who the hell he is anyway?"

"You tell me," shrugged Eduardo. "You were the one who was with her all day."

"Well, you were with him all day!" retorted Kylie. "Didn't you keep an eye on him?"

"What do you mean 'keep an eye on him'?" Eduardo returned scathingly. "He's not a child. He's not even my relative – he's yours! OW!"

In his astonishment at seeing Conchita greet Matt like her favourite relative, Eduardo had forgotten to shut the front door. Hardly the crime of the century – but he might have been more careful if he'd known that this act of negligence was likely to result in a short, sharp slap on the back of the head.

"When are you going to learn some manners, huh?" Carlota Rivera demanded angrily. "I don't need to remind you that this woman is carrying your child. And I certainly hope you weren't talking to her father like that."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Mama," Eduardo muttered bitterly.

"Ah, the birthday girl!" Matt declared brightly, suddenly appearing from the master bedroom with a smiling Conchita in tow. "I wouldn't dream of asking, of course – but I can't believe you're old enough to have a twenty-four-year-old son."

Eduardo's jaw dropped as though his goatee were made of lead.

"I know you don't mean that," Carlota told Matt sternly. "It so happens that my other son is forty-one. I suppose now you're going to tell me I look young enough to be his daughter."

"Well, I wouldn't want to insult you by making you think I was lying," Matt smiled lopsidedly. "Maybe only young enough to be his sister. I met his wife earlier today. Looks like quite a party you guys are planning."

"Beth certainly is generous when it comes to special occasions," Carlota agreed. "I wonder if you got around to telling her your name."

"Gosh, sorry!" Matt slapped his forehead in self-rebuke. "Matt Fowler-Davies: Kylie's cousin."

"Carlota Rivera: Eduardo's mother." Carlota accepted Matt's proffered handshake. "Although you apparently know all about me. I take it my daughter-in-law betrayed me."

"We just had a little chat," Matt replied casually, silently wondering how to win this dogmatic woman's favour. He took a few moments to watch her. She in turn seemed to lose interest in him completely as she held out her arms for Conchita. The sombre woman's expression broke into a smile of delight as her little granddaughter toddled into her arms and craned her neck for a kiss.

"You seem to have gained an inch every time I see you, Conchita," Carlota declared brightly. "You've always got a smile for me, haven't you, sweetheart. Your father never used to smile like that."

Of course. That was the answer: pour praise on the woman's precious grandchild. Matt silently derided his own stupidity as he chimed in, "It's a real pretty smile too. And she's a gorgeous colour."

"Yes, she's a pretty girl," Carlota agreed smilingly, tousling Conchita's dark-brown hair. "I'm not surprised. No one can convince me my son's aren't handsome, and so they produce handsome children. Have you met Kevin yet?"

"Can't say as I have." Who the hell is Kevin?

"You might get along," Carlota continued. "Come over tomorrow and I'll introduce you. I'm sure Beth won't mind setting an extra place at the table."

Eduardo was beginning to look like that infamous character in "The Scream". Kylie was still on the armchair, her long painted fingernails making quite an impression in her palms; and even Steve was surprised by just how shrewd Matt had become during his six-year absence.

"Aw… gee, Mrs. Rivera, I'd love to," Matt began slowly, not wanting to spoil his opportunity by pouncing too soon. "But I may not be here tomorrow."

"Oh no!" Conchita exclaimed, wrapping her arms protectively around Matt's baggy jeans. "Why not?"

"Because I don't have anywhere to stay," Matt answered regretfully. "My mom kicked me out. I took the opportunity to come and visit Kylie, but I wouldn't dream of forcing myself on you guys, what with you having a kid and another one on the way and everything…"

"But I don't want you to go," Conchita almost sobbed. "You just got here!"

"I know, sweetheart." Matt placed a hand on the little girl's shoulder for effect. "It would have been nice to get to know you a little bit better. But I'm sure Mommy doesn't want me hanging around."

This rhetoric was having the desired effect. Matt could feel Conchita's face moving against his thigh as she turned her head to look imploringly at her mother.

"Your mother turned you out?" Carlota asked incredulously. "What kind of a mother do you call that? Sorry Matt, but I must speak my mind. Now, I am sure Kylie isn't so heartless. You could at least ask her if she wouldn't mind having you – if only just for tonight."

"Where else would he go, Mommy?" Conchita added beseechingly. "He's not very big. He'd fit on the couch."

"Have a heart, Chita," Matt smiled comically. "Where would the cat sleep?"

"Pleeeeeeease, Mommy," Conchita begged, blinking her big green eyes across the room at Kylie.

Steve cut a glance at Eduardo, who was a sucker for a pretty face – especially his own daughter's. He looked ready to pull sheets and blankets out of the linen closet and make up a bed on the sofa that very second. Kylie, on the other hand, wasn't quite so taken in – but her father could see that she was wavering. With the exception of Matt himself, Kylie and Steve were the only two people in the room who knew what this lad was really like.

But Steve couldn't bring himself to intervene. Whenever Conchita was unhappy, he couldn't help but look at those familiar green eyes and see his own shortcomings as far as Kylie was concerned. And if Matt left now, Conchita was definitely going to be unhappy.

"Don't be silly, Matthew," Kylie smiled insincerely, speaking forcibly through clenched teeth. "Of course you can stay the night. I wouldn't dream of turning you out on the street… you leach," she added under her breath.

"Aw – thanks, Ky!" Matt beamed. "You're the best! I won't be any bother, I promise."

Yeah right, Kylie thought bitterly. I'll believe that when I see it.

x x x

THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUNP, THUMP, THUMP… "The faster we're falling; we're stopping and stalling; we're running in circles again…"

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" Kylie yelled irately, sitting bolt upright in bed and clutching both hands to her head.

"Sum 41," Eduardo murmured sleepily beside her.

"It's eight o'clock on a Sunday morning!" bellowed Kylie.

"Don't yell at me," Eduardo mumbled into his pillow. "I'm not playing it."

Kylie threw back the covers and jumped out of bed. She was wearing an old pair of tracksuit trousers and a loose-fitting grey t-shirt. Her dark hair was falling over her face in a tangled heap, and her facial muscles were as tense as the atmosphere in a Hitchcock thriller. She hoped she looked intimidating. Boy, was she going to give that cousin of hers hell…

A familiar churning sensation in her stomach stopped her train of thought dead. If she found that Matt was occupying the bathroom, "dead" simply wouldn't cover how he was going to end up… but fortunately the room was empty. Only after Kylie had finished the bout of sickness for that morning was she able to take in the terrible state in which the bathroom had been left.

The first thing she noticed was that she was holding onto the porcelain sides of the toilet bowl instead of the wooden seat. Eduardo was certainly not to blame for that. He never left the toilet seat up; he knew what would happen to him if he did. Granted that was his razor lying skew-whiff in the middle of basin – among a blend of malleable substances made up largely of hair gel – but the tiny auburn hairs surrounding it put Eduardo well out of the frame. And just to complete the effect, virtually every towel in the place was soaking wet and lying on the floor.

When Kylie got to the kitchen, she was astonished to see that Conchita was sitting in her highchair with a bowl of oatmeal in front of her. She was even more astonished to see that her daughter was dressed. It was hard to imagine Matt seriously considering style options with a two-year-old girl – and yet an awful lot of thought had obviously gone into this. Conchita was wearing a light-pink tank top and a white denim skirt – both of which were complemented by the matching two-tone ribbons tying her brown hair into bunches.

"Doesn't she look pretty?" Matt shouted over the music, just as he was setting down a dish of cat food for the impatient Pagan. "We figured we might as well make the effort, seeing as today's a special occasion and everything!"

Kylie marched over to the small portable CD player on the kitchen surface and pointedly turned it off.

"Prude," Matt said accusingly, smiling at winking at Conchita.

"If I find the bathroom in that state again I'm kicking you out," Kylie told him threateningly.

"Oh. Sorry," Matt smiled carelessly. "I'll go and clean it up. But hey – at least I'm making you guys breakfast. Keep an eye on that bacon, ok?"

"I don't want your stupid bacon," Kylie returned churlishly, curling her top lip at the thin slices of meat that were sizzling and curling on the hob.

"Now now, Kylie!" Matt called out from the bathroom. "You are eating for two!"

"Eduardo's mother says that and it pi-… it really annoys me!" Kylie yelled back. "I've just been throwing up, and with the stench coming off this stuff I'm likely about to do it again!"

"Hey." Matt reappeared in the kitchen doorway with a wet towel in his hands, suddenly looking a lot less cheery. "I am trying, you know. You don't have to pick holes in everything I do."

"Why are you trying so hard?" Kylie demanded angrily. "I know you want something from me, Matt. What the hell is it?"

"I don't want anything from you!" shouted Matt.

"Except a place to live!"

"Well obviously that but… aw, why do you have to be so suspicious? We're family, aren't we?"

"Depends what you mean by family," retorted Kylie.

"I'm going to remember this the next time you tell me not to bicker with Carlos," Eduardo yawned sleepily, drawing up behind Matt.

"Morning," Matt smiled dryly. "I was just taking care of your daughter, feeding the cat, making you guys breakfast and cleaning up the mess I unfortunately left in the bathroom. Excuse me," and he barged past Eduardo.

Conchita put down her spoon and held her arms out to her father, her round face breaking into a smile.

"Morning, sweetheart," Eduardo smiled back at his daughter, smacking a kiss onto her cheek. "You look pretty. I hope those two aren't going to be like this all day. They bicker worse than me and Uncle Carl."

"Not really," Conchita disagreed.

"Well, as bad as," Eduardo shrugged. "Hey – promise me when this baby comes you'll be nice to it."

"Of course I will."

"It was nice of him to make us breakfast," Kylie mumbled sheepishly, on the other side of the room. "He doesn't know what it's like to be pregnant, and he has no way of knowing that fried food really turns me over. Maybe I should give him a chance. Aw, but the music…"

"Got a headache, honey?" Eduardo asked sympathetically.

Kylie nodded forlornly.

"Well, if it's any consolation, you probably would have had it anyway," Eduardo went on. "I'll bet it's not so much the music as the prospect of spending almost an entire day with my family."

x x x

Kevin answered the door, and instantly had Matt seething with jealousy. The most apparent thing about this kid was that, at just fifteen years of age, he was tall. Very tall. Eduardo was tall too, so Matt supposed that was only to be expected. And so was the tan, come to that. If Kevin was a slightly different shade of brown to Conchita, nobody could tell. Matt was a redhead. If he wanted a tan, he had to wait until the summer and then find somewhere he could lie down flat in his boxer shorts for a few hours.

It was getting towards winter. Kevin had covered himself up with a black sweater, but it was only too obvious that underneath it was a lean, lightly muscled body. He had been one of those kids that started off skinny, but surprised people by filling out as he got older. He got that from his father – as Matt was about to learn. Kevin certainly wasn't as gigantic as Carlos Rivera and had no desire to be – but nevertheless, the gradual rise of his pecs and biceps had been turning more and more female heads at school over the years. Only Kevin knew at that particular time that his romantic interest lay solely in one curvaceous young blonde. But when he saw his infant cousin beaming up at him from the doorstep, he forgot his libido for the first time in days.

"Hey you!" Kevin exclaimed delightedly, stooping and hoisting Conchita into his arms. "How's my favourite cousin?" (Kevin was Conchita's only first cousin, but she was not his. He had two on his mother's side that Conchita grudgingly referred to as "your blond cousins".)

Great, Matt thought bitterly. This guy isn't just tanned and buff; Conchita loves him. And I'll bet his grandmother thinks the sun shines out of his perfect tight little ass…

Those two looked like some kind of orphan appeal poster, what with their perfect skin and matching Hollywood smiles. Matt instantly sensed a rival in young Kevin Rivera. The guy was too good to be true. Fifteen and not a blemish on him!

It came as a surprise to Matt when he followed the procession through to the sitting room and saw Steve Griffin chatting with Carlota Rivera on the sofa. He caught Steve's words mid-sentence, and a little four-word phrase about burning ears crept into his mind.

"…always been a charmer – especially with women of more… uh… mature years."

"Your tact impresses me, Steve," Carlota smiled wryly.

"I knew it would," Steve returned jokingly. "Anyway, he could wrap my grandmother around his little finger when he wanted to. My sister-in-law wasn't quite so partial for some reason – and neither was Jill on the rare occasions when she - "

"Ah – there you are!" Carlota interrupted loudly, when Eduardo and Kylie followed Matt, Conchita and Kevin into the room. "Hello again, Matt. I see you've met my grandson."

"Well, not quite," Matt smiled politely. "Seems all of the men in your family are suckers for that smile."

"Ah yes," Carlota smiled sadly. "My husband would have been as well. He's missing so much of your life, Eduardo."

Matt shot an enquiring look at Kylie. She returned it with a warning glare and mouthed silently, "Dead!"

This too came as a surprise to Matt. He had assumed that he would be meeting a Mr. Rivera senior – but apparently the man had been prematurely taken from his family. What a terrible thing to happen. Carlota didn't look more than sixty-five, and Matt had to assume that her husband hadn't been much older than she was. And his widow's words to their son seemed to suggest that he hadn't died all that recently, if he had never even seen his granddaughter. Matt's heart went out to Carlota in particular when he noticed that she was still devotedly wearing her wedding ring.

"Hi, Uncle Carl!"

"Hello sweetheart." The large, moustachioed man who had just entered the room accepted the welcoming hug from his niece, who was stretching out precariously from her cousin's arms. "Don't drop her, Kevin."

"I will try not to, Dad," Kevin said solemnly, winking at Conchita and producing a trademark giggle. "So anyway – Matt. Um… hi."

"Hi," Matt smiled falsely, deliberately not offering a handshake – and not just because Kevin's arms were full of little girl. "Nice to meet you. I met your mom yesterday."

"Yeah – she said."

"It's really awfully nice of her to make room for an extra guest at such short notice," Matt went on, in sickly sweet tones. "I do hope she wasn't too put out."

"Yeah – an extra person to cook for that she doesn't even know," Carl cut in dryly. "You'd think she might mind that a little bit."

"Carlos!" snapped Carlota. "I thought we agreed that everyone would pander to my every whim today. This young man is a guest in your house. You must make him feel welcome."

Kevin switched his smile back on when Conchita suddenly turned her head sharply to look up into his hazel eyes. Being so close to him, she must have sensed the bad vibe that was filling the space between her mother's cousin and her own. Lucky really that she had no way of knowing what Kevin was thinking:

What. A. Smarmy. Creep. Just why is he so chummy with my grandmother anyway? He was bound to find out she was widowed, but she didn't have to make it quite so obvious. He'll be hitting on her next – and if she carries on like this she might even fall for it. Am I the only one who can see how utterly fake this guy is?

"I'll go and see if Beth needs a hand," Kylie volunteered.

"Oh Ky, no!" Matt placed a restraining hand on his cousin's elbow. "When that bacon made you wanna barf this morning, your body was obviously trying to tell you something. You stay here and relax. I'll go." He turned to Conchita and added smilingly, "Wanna come and help me help Aunt Bethy?"

"Yeah!" Conchita exclaimed delightedly, practically launching herself out of Kevin's arms.

Kevin reluctantly handed his little cousin over, trying not to let his face betray his mutinous thoughts: Aunt Bethy. Where in God's name did he get that from? Conchita's obviously been taken in by him as well – and if he starts on my mom too, I am so gonna make him wish he'd never been born…

"Hi," Matt smiled pleasantly at Beth, who was simultaneously kicking the oven door shut and stirring a pan-full of something of the hob. "Need a hand?"

"Oh, you don't have to do that." Beth sounded surprised. "You're a guest."

"Yeah, so?" shrugged Matt, gently lowering Conchita to the floor. "Whenever my mom has visitors she makes them move her furniture around. She and I can't quite manage the heavy stuff on our own. I'm not as strong as I look."

Beth laughed.

"What's so funny?" Kevin demanded sharply, suddenly appearing in the kitchen doorway.

"Oh, nothing." Beth flapped her hand around dismissively. "Honey, can you organise some cutlery for everyone please?"

The phone started ringing out in the hallway.

"Sure." Kevin wandered over to one of the kitchen drawers and wrenched it open. "How many of us are there?" He started counting on his fingers, muttering under his breath, "Me, Mom, Dad, Yaya, Steve, Kylie, Eduardo… Matt," he fairly spat. "And the blunt stuff for Conchita."

"Kevin," Carl barked roughly, suddenly appearing in the doorway. "Phone."

"Who is it?" asked Kevin.

"Some girl called Kelly."

"Aw, fantastic!" Kevin's stony face lit up and he raced out into the hall.

"Girlfriend?" Matt asked Beth.

"I've never heard of her," Beth replied. "But that doesn't necessarily mean anything."

"Right." Matt made his way over to the drawer that Kevin had left open. "Eight of us and the – uh – 'blunt stuff for Conchita'." His mind wasn't on cutlery, though. He'd just been reminded that he still had that girl's phone number in his pocket. "Smells great. Conchita said you were a good cook. So did John Spengler, come to that."

"Really?" Beth looked incredibly pleased. "Have I ever cooked for him in my life?"

"Obviously," Matt smiled at her, on his way out into the hall. He didn't know where the dining room was, but since he had already been into the sitting room and the kitchen, this narrowed the field and he found it quite quickly. He was careful to keep one ear tuned in to Kevin; he just had to know if the guy was as popular with girls as he was with his own family.

"Shut up, that was fun!" Kevin was laughing into the phone. Leaning casually against the stairwell and playing absently with his mop of chestnut hair, it was almost as though he was trying to look good for this Kelly. "Ok, ok, I promise I won't make you do it again. Killjoy."

Matt pursed his lips in thought as he carefully laid out the cutlery on the immaculate white tablecloth. Kevin obviously thought he was God's gift to the tenth grade. But so what? Did Matt really need to concern himself with Kevin Rivera's self-image? He supposed he was doing this guy something of a wrong: muscling in on his family and expecting him just to make way. Perhaps the instant dislike he had felt towards Kevin was totally unjustified. After all, the kid couldn't know he was reminding Matt of some people he would far sooner forget…

Matt sauntered casually past Kevin and made his way back to the sitting room, where there was evidently some kind of debate going on. Kylie was pensively examining the bump under her dark-grey sweatshirt while Steve said knowingly, "That's just an old wives' tale. It's drivel."

"No, it's true," Carlota was insisting. "My bump pointed both times. So did Beth's when she was expecting Kevin – but Conchita was round. And so is she," and she nodded towards Kylie's bump.

"Or maybe it's just that you're always pointy and I'm always round," Kylie suggested. "It's nothing to do with the baby's gender. There's no logic to that at all."

"Maybe, but it's all we've got to go on," Eduardo pointed out. "We really need to ask Dana Venkman. She's had one of each."

"What about those little Spenglers?" Matt jumped in. "They're one of each but they're twins. What did Janine's bump look like?"

"Hmm…" Kylie screwed up her face in thought. "I didn't pay that close attention. I really can't remember."

"I hope the baby's a boy just to prove you wrong," Steve smiled crookedly at Carlota.

"Then you'll be disappointed," Carlota retorted. "I'm telling you: it's a girl."

"Well, we'll find out in about four months – if not sooner," Kylie cut in, evidently now sick of the discussion. "Can you all stop staring at me now please?"

Matt wandered back to the kitchen, unable to resist a venomous look in Kevin's direction. Kevin didn't notice; he looked so head-over-heels for this girl on the phone that he probably couldn't even remember his own name. But as far as Matt was concerned, that was the problem. Kevin's rugged good looks had been bad enough – but the way he was flirting with some anonymous member of the fairer sex was bringing back yet more unpleasant memories…

"Anything else I can do, Beth?"

"No, we're fine," Beth smiled reassuringly. She was referring to herself and to Conchita, who was standing on a stool at the kitchen counter and cheerfully dropping bits of chopped carrot into a glass bowl.

"Ok if I use the bathroom?" asked Matt.

"Of course," Beth smiled at him. "Upstairs on the right."

Once in the bathroom, Matt unzipped the pocket on the knee of his baggy jeans and pulled out the phone number he had obtained the day before, as well as the cell phone that his mother had insisted he take to college – and forgotten to confiscate when he announced to her weeks later that he'd dropped out.

"Hello?" a faintly familiar female voice answered his call.

"Hi," Matt returned brightly. "It's the guy who wasn't afraid to ask for directions."

"Oh," the girl responded blandly. "Hi."

For the moment at least, it was easy enough to know what to say: "Sorry I didn't call yesterday. I met up with my cousin and… well, to be perfectly honest, I sort of forgot about you. The thing is she's pregnant – my cousin, that is – and it's ages since I've seen her. So long that I hadn't even met her little girl before yesterday, and now I'm at her boyfriend's mother's birthday party… and it's all been a bit hectic really."

"That's ok. I understand," the girl reassured him, relaxing her tone of voice. "So what's your name anyway?"

"Matt."

"Diane."

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Wanna meet up tonight?" asked Matt.

"Sure," Diane agreed at once. "I don't need to be at college until eleven tomorrow. We can do whatever you want."

"That sounds good," Matt smiled cutely. He needn't have been so hard on Kevin; it was easy to forget that the girl you were trying to impress over the phone couldn't actually see you. "But you must know the area better than I do. We can go wherever you think is best."

Ten minutes later they'd established a time and a place to meet. Matt felt pretty good about himself for a change. He'd managed to get a date on looks and charm alone. He was fairly attractive – he knew that. But in his experience, most women seemed to want to mother him. He wasn't handsome; he was cute. That was why Kevin annoyed him so much. This Kelly of his was probably struggling to keep upright wherever that phone connection ended up. The very thought of seeing her suitor at school the next day probably made her stomach turn somersaults faster than an Olympic gymnast.

Ok – Matt was prepared to concede that he might be jumping to conclusions here. He knew nothing about this Kelly, and there was every chance that she wasn't anywhere near as smitten as Kevin was. But still, there was no doubt in Matt's mind that Kevin's general effect on women was far preferable to his own.

Kevin was waiting impatiently outside the bathroom. Matt considered making a tasteless joke at his expense: "Phone call that exciting, was it?" But at eighteen years of age, he really was beyond that. Matt simply shot a false smile at Kevin and then made his way back downstairs. He headed straight for the kitchen in order to ask Beth if she was absolutely sure there was nothing that he could do. He did feel genuinely guilty about the extra work his last-minute invitation had created for her.

A sort of vehement hissing noise greeted Matt's ears when he reached the bottom of the stairs, and he couldn't resist glancing into the dining room to find out exactly what the sound was. Oh – interesting. It was Eduardo and Carl, the former wielding a serving spoon and the latter a soup ladle, both in a strangely threatening manner.

"Look!" snapped Eduardo. "I'm getting sick of telling you that there's no way I'm ever going to join the fucking police!"

"Neither of you has any kind of job security, Eddie!" the older brother retorted. "What's going to happen to those kids if that so-called business collapses? It happened before and it could easily happen again!"

"Isn't that for me to worry about?" Eduardo hissed back.

"Hey!" a third voice chimed in, and Matt was nearly knocked off his feet as Carlota swept past him and into the dining room. She seemed totally oblivious to his presence as she slapped both of her sons sharply on the side of the head, and then descended into a babble of very fast, very angry Spanish.

Jesus Christ, thought Matt, retreating hastily to the kitchen and the reassuring presence of the apparently sane Beth. Trust Kylie to find the only family as crazy as ours. And not just that; she's breeding with it! Those kids'll be lucky if they only go as crazy as I did!

Beth wouldn't accept any more help from Matt. She was only too happy to have him as a guest in her home. She and Carlota both seemed to have fallen for his boyish charm, and Conchita seemed pretty smitten as well. But Carl, Eduardo and Kylie had all noticed the hostility surrounding Matt and Kevin – and Steve was particularly aware of it. He also thought it was hilarious. Through lunch, he found it a struggle to keep a straight face.

"So Matt," Kevin ventured casually, while he absently speared peas and fragments of meat on his fork. "Why exactly did you drop out of college?"

Steve bit his lip, pretending not to have noticed Matt's eyes flickering belligerently on his face – for he had been the one responsible for Kevin finding out that little snippet of information.

"Well," Matt began, equally cool and casual, "I wasn't finding it as challenging as I'd hoped. I know I didn't give it much of a chance, but I knew within the first few weeks that I wasn't gonna stay so I didn't see any point in wasting my time there. And since it didn't work out, I figure I might as well shed the academia for a while and spend some time in the real world. I was getting a reputation for being a geek. People assume that just because I had Yale and Harvard fighting over me I don't know how to have fun."

Smooth, thought Steve.

"So Kevin – tenth grade," Matt went on. "How's that going?"

"Great," Kevin answered through gritted teeth. "I was made captain of the basketball team last month."

"Ah, basketball," Matt smiled forcibly. "I never really went in for sports myself. I suppose I didn't want people to think I was getting an easy ride. A lot of dumb kids get into college that way."

"Nobody your size could ever have an easy ride on a basketball team," retorted Kevin. "And personally I don't care what people think. I wasn't even thinking about college when I took up basketball. I do it for fun – and to keep in shape."

"Well, looks like it's working," Matt smiled serenely. "There's nothing wrong with your shape, Kevin. It's all for your own benefit, I suppose – seeing as you don't care what people think of you."

"Of course." Kevin returned the smile with a dazzling one of his own (he took good care of his teeth as well as his body). "It feels good to know you're healthy and not about to drop dead from osteoporosis."

"So." Beth had evidently realised that this was more than just a friendly chat, and decided that the time had come to intervene. "Anyone want seconds?"

x x x

Eden Spengler would have a fit. Not that Matt much cared what she thought of him – but he was sure that whatever her opinion would be, it couldn't be much worse than what he thought of himself right now. Kevin had the excuse of being only fifteen – besides which the battleground had been his territory, and arguably he had a duty to himself to defend it. But at eighteen, a childish fight dressed up to look like polite conversation was just unacceptable. Matt now reflected that it might even have been more dignified for them both to say what they really meant: "I'm better-looking than you." "So? I'm smarter than you." "Well at least I'm not short…"

But never mind. That was in the past: seven hours over and nothing could be done about it now. Never one to dwell on the past, Matt thought instead of what he had to look forward to – or rather what he hoped he had to look forward to. He was on his way to meet Diane in a college bar. The very location provided the perfect conversation starter – and from there Matt thought it shouldn't be too difficult to end up where he wanted…

"My cousin used to go here. She's been so good to me, letting me crash on her couch after I just turned up out of the blue like that – especially with her being pregnant and everything. And her boyfriend and their kid have been so understanding. Hey – what time is it? Aw man, I can't roll in now and wake them all up. I wonder if I've got enough dough left over to get a motel room for the night…"

Matt regurgitated these rehearsed lines almost word for word, with the odd contribution from Diane in between. And then finally, when he got to the bit about motel rooms and started pulling a few pathetic coins and a piece of string out of his pockets, Diane said the words he had been hoping to hear: "Hey, that's ok. You can come back to my place."

Matt was flooded with even more unpleasant memories when Diane took him to her dorm room at the college. It wasn't exactly like the one he had occupied in those few weeks in September, but all student accommodation is similar: too small for the inevitable guests; bits of paper strewn across a desk; full bookshelves; a plank for sleeping on…

Diane sat down on said plank, which was covered with a vibrant red quilt cover, and Matt took a seat beside her. He felt himself flinch as she reached out a hand to his spiked red hair and petted him like a dog. Perhaps he wasn't going to enjoy this as much as he'd hoped. What he'd hoped, in fact, was that this Diane would somehow see him differently from how other girls did. No such luck, though.

"You're so cute," she giggled girlishly.

"That's not all I am," Matt told her firmly.

"That's all I care," tittered Diane. "You remind me of - "

Matt quelled her speech by grabbing her face in both hands and kissing her deeply. Whatever he reminded her of, he didn't want to hear it. He knew it was bound to be one of three things. He had heard countless times that he reminded girls of puppies (specific and general); Ritchie Cunningham from "Happy Days" and – worst by miles – their kid brothers.

"Mmm," Diane murmured her approval.

"Still think I'm cute?" Matt whispered seductively.

"Sure," Diane answered smilingly.

"Great," muttered Matt, so quietly that Diane probably couldn't hear him. Nothing was ever going to change for him, it seemed. Even if he took up basketball like Kevin Rivera and worked out at the gym every morning, a muscled body would look ridiculous on him. What he really needed was to gain six inches in height and for his eyes to shrink down a bit. No – make that a lot. At least enough to stop him from looking like a startled faun. He silently wondered how Diane would react if he grabbed her by the throat, forced her against the wall and demanded menacingly, "Still think I'm cute?" On reflection, she would probably react by screaming and threatening to call the police. It wasn't even worth a try, Matt decided.

Diane was leaning in to kiss him again when something small but sturdy threw itself against the outside windowpane. It jumped them both. Diane leapt away from Matt in her surprise and squeaked anxiously, "What was that?"

"Probably just a pigeon," shrugged Matt. "Haven't you ever seen a bird do that before?"

Just as he finished speaking, it happened again. Matt watched the suicidal creature over Diane's shoulder and instantly panicked. One thing was for sure: this was no pigeon. The animal currently flailing in the air just below the window was covered with a downy black coat of fur that Matt recognised only too well.

On its third attempt, the bat actually penetrated the glass of the window and flew shrieking into the room. Diane screamed. Matt felt more terror than she possibly could, but he managed to keep his head and grab a pencil from the desk tidy across the room.

But a pencil wasn't going to be enough, for at that moment the creature metamorphosed into a handsome grey wolf. It lowered its ears and head; the hairs on the back of its neck stood erect and it snarled menacingly at the duo sitting cross-legged on the bed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" Diane shrieked – with some justification, it has to be said.

Matt glanced quickly around the room and caught sight of three wooden coat hangers suspended from the handle on the wardrobe just beside him. Seeing a glimmer of hope, he grabbed one of the hangers and then bravely reached out towards the wolf. He received a severe bite on the arm for his trouble – but he blocked out the pain and grabbed the creature's scruff. He then dragged the protesting wolf down to the ground with a strength he had no idea he possessed, and plunged the wooden coat hanger into its heart.

"Oh my God!" squealed Diane, as the wolf began to decompose rapidly before her eyes until it looked as though it had been dead for months. "What just happened?"

It took several minutes for Matt to find his voice. He stood with his back to Diane, panting heavily and staring down at his lifeless attacker, seemingly oblivious to the blood tricking steadily from his right forearm. Then finally he turned sharply to stare at Diane. The look in his green eyes was one of terror mingled with insane rage, and his jaw was set like steel.

"Still think I'm cute?" he yelled frantically.

"W-w-what?" stammered Diane.

"WELL?" shrieked Matt. "I just killed a vampire with a coat hanger! How hard am I? There could be any number of these things after me! My life is in danger from a gang of insane bloodthirsty monsters! Does that make me a big man? DOES IT?"

"Um…"

"Of course it doesn't!" yelled Matt. "It makes me a complete and utter moron! Why did I let people convince me to go to college? How could I let myself get desperate enough to believe this would make things better? God, I'm an idiot!"

"Are you crazy?" Diane squeaked in apparent terror.

"No." Matt calmed down after his outburst and turned his attention back to the rotting corpse on the floor. "Not anymore. Or at least not yet. I'm sorry, Diane. This wasn't quite how I planned for tonight to end up. I'd better go."

x x x

It was nearing one o'clock in the morning. Garrett Miller was in the kitchen at the Firehouse, tucking into a scrambled egg and tomato ketchup sandwich, while Roland Jackson looked on with an expression of sheer disgust.

"What are you grimacing at?" demanded Garrett. "We all gotta eat, don't we?"

"Yes. To live. That'll more likely kill you," retorted Roland.

"You're beginning to sound just like my mother," Garrett returned dryly, just as a panicked looking youth burst into the room. "Hi Matt."

"Hi!" Matt responded as though on autopilot, glancing nervously around the room like an alerted cat. "Are you guys the only ones here?"

"Yes," Roland confirmed.

"Good." Matt breathed out for what felt like the first time in hours, and took a seat at the table beside Roland. "I need help. But I can't ask them."

"Them?" Garrett echoed questioningly.

"Eduardo and Kylie," Matt panted, struggling to catch his breath. "They'd kill me. I spent last night on their couch. Turns out we could have expected a visit from an enraged undead beast. I didn't know it might happen, though – I swear. Otherwise I never would have asked to stay with them – or at least not after I found out they had a kid and another one on the way. Thank God it took until tonight for them to find me…"

"What are you babbling on about?" Garrett asked sharply.

"Calm down," Roland advised, taking a more kindly tone. "Would you like a glass of water?"

"Yes please," Matt nodded despondently.

"Ok." Roland filled a half-pint glass at the sink and then handed it to the troubled youth. "Now tell us what the problem is."

Matt was looking more childlike than ever. His big green eyes were downcast and he seemed on the verge of tears, the effect completed nicely by his oversized jeans and hoodie. Perhaps that was why Roland felt so inclined to be nice to him. He had seen this look in all six of his younger siblings at one time or another – and he was very aware that his own little brother Marcus was almost exactly the same age as Matt.

After he had gulped down the water, Matt buried his face in his hands and muttered dejectedly, "People have been telling me I'm a genius so long that I almost believed it. But it's not true. I'm an idiot. Ok, so I did well in school – but I wasn't cut out for college. I went there in September and before classes even started I just flipped out."

"That's ok," Roland said soothingly. "People do. If you weren't happy you were right to drop out."

"Oh no." Matt shook his head, still holding onto it with both hands. "Nothing's ever that simple with me. I think I actually went crazy. I went out onto the campus one morning and everybody looked ten feet tall. I'm not exaggerating. I actually felt physically smaller. I got this crazy idea that everybody must hate me because I was short. Everywhere I went some muscle-bound jock was ramming his tongue down a girl's throat. And I just thought: I don't belong here. College isn't about grades and study – it's about who can get the most notches on his or her bedpost. I wasn't so much a fish out of water as a goldfish in a shark tank. I would have been eaten just like that if anybody had taken the time to actually notice me."

"Ok," Roland cut in. "So you dropped out."

"No," Matt sighed forlornly. "That was only day three. I wanted to drop out, but more than that I wanted to make it work. It never occurred to my dad that marrying a stick insect might mean having a slight son, and I'm sure he resents me for not looking like a comic book superhero. And my mom never seemed that taken with me either. I wanted to make them proud. Looking back now, though, that seems the craziest part. Why should I bust my balls trying to please them? They're my parents. They're supposed to love me no matter what."

"I'm sure they do," Roland ventured quietly.

"Ok – enough of the sob story," Garrett charged in. "Where's this going?"

"Garrett!" Roland exclaimed, horrified.

"No, he's right," Matt murmured quietly, finally emerging from behind his hands and looking up at the ceiling. "All of this is just dressing up a very stupid thing I did, for which there is no excuse. I never should have let myself go so crazy, but given that I did I should have left straightaway. But I was fool enough to try and make myself fit in there. I went to bars and chatted up girls. They seemed to like me ok, but they all treated me like some kind of pet. They said I was cute and their mothers would love me. I got sick of being told I was cute when I hit double figures. People say I remind them of Ron Howard. It makes me feel like shit – and in that place it made me feel even worse."

"So where does this 'enraged undead beast' fit into all of this?" Garrett wanted to know. "What did you do?"

"Wait a minute. Your arm!" Roland exclaimed, suddenly noticing the thick, dried blood clinging to the torn fibres of Matt's bottle-green hoodie. "What happened?"

"Vampire," mumbled Matt.

"Vampire?" Garrett echoed in alarm. "Did it kill you?"

Matt simply shook his head.

"You need to get that looked at," Roland asserted. "Shall I call Egon?"

"No!" Matt exclaimed. "Please. Don't call anybody. I don't want anybody else to get involved. And besides, I may have put his kids in danger too. Please." He stared desperately into Roland's eyes. "Just tell me what to do."

"You need to grow up," Garrett told Matt scathingly. "College itself wasn't the problem. You just weren't ready to leave your momma. Tell yourself what to do, kid. You're eighteen years old. You have to take responsibility for your own actions."

"Garrett. Stop," Roland said sternly. "He's just a kid and he's obviously made some kind of mistake. That's allowed, isn't it?"

"There's mistakes and mistakes, Roland," retorted Garrett. "He's developed some kind of stupid inferiority complex that's somehow ended up with him being chased by a vampire. He got himself into it and he can get himself out."

"What sets you apart, Garrett?" Matt asked coldly, his voice choked with emotion. "The paraplegic athlete from the nice end of Brooklyn who overcame society's prejudices and made it in the big scary city. That's right, isn't it? You weren't so hard to figure out. Well, I've got news for you: we aren't all like you. College was just a walk in the park for you and you loved the independence. I wasn't so lucky. I thought I wanted to get away from my mother, but all it did was leave me with no one. And now you're not going to help me because I'm not quite as clued up as you are. Well, fine." He got to his feet. "You don't have to. You've known me no time at all and suddenly I show up in the middle of the night with a vampire-wolf bite on my arm. That's ok. I can go somewhere else."

"Oh yeah?" Roland stood up as Matt started to leave. "Where?"

"Steve," Matt replied simply. "He and his grandmother were always good to me. I guess now he's the only one left. Aw… damn it; I don't know where he's staying. I suppose if I try the nearest hotel to Kylie's apartment…"

"I wouldn't go to Steve," Roland advised. "However unwittingly, you placed his grandchild and his pregnant daughter in danger. You may have been family once, but you're not blood. Do you think he can forgive you that?"

"Maybe," shrugged Matt. "Probably. He knows how moronic I can be when I really want to, and he's forgiven me enough stupid things in the past. I suppose you're right, though. Maybe Garrett's right too: maybe I should try to help myself. I'm just a whiner. Kylie was no worse off than me when she started college, and now look at her."

"Had you and your mom already left New York when Kylie started college?" Roland asked, with a humourless smile. "I guess she never told you the first thing she did after we started Egon's paranormal class."

"Can't have been stupider than what I did," Matt mumbled miserably.

"So what did you do?" Garrett jumped in. "Come on – tell us. I still think you're an idiot, but we're all allowed one mistake. Of course I'll help you if you're in trouble."

"Ok." Matt retook his seat at the table. "I was walking home after a disastrous date. Actually I think I was considering joining the gym. I was, in fact – because I got this warped image of myself six inches high and covered in muscle. Ever see that cartoon 'Mighty Mouse'? And then I thought: forget it. I'll never fit in. Tomorrow I'm dropping out and going home. But I guess I forgot all of that when I met Sasha."

"A girl." Garrett rolled his eyes. "Of course."

"Not just any girl," Matt went on. "Not just any beautiful, sexy blonde hanging around a college campus and seducing unwitting freshmen. She was a vampire. She grabbed me, pinned me against a wall, bit my lip and told me I tasted like a rainbow lollypop. Then she laughed at me. I told her to piss off and tried to get away from her, but she was too strong for me. I couldn't move. I felt ridiculously weak, which didn't help my crisis of confidence much. And that was when David showed up."

"Another vampire?" asked Roland.

"He was huge. You know that movie 'Hulk' with the CG monster – the part where he gets really really big? David was like that. He came up behind Sasha and started doing I-don't-know-what to her neck, but she seemed to enjoy it – and she was still holding my arms so I just had to stand there and watch. Then he apologised for her."

"How d'you mean?" asked Garrett.

"He said sorry she laughed at me. She thought I was cute and I looked like a child – but he said he could change that. He said he could make me look like him: make me fit in. It was like he was reading my mind. He said everything I wanted to hear: I'd be big and strong; women would love me; men would fear me; I could have everything I wanted. My life at the college would be what I wanted it to be – not the other way around. I wouldn't have to try to fit in anymore. Everything would just mould itself around me. I know I was stupid to listen. I even knew there must be a catch – but I was so far gone I just didn't care."

"Figures," Roland nodded thoughtfully. "You say this Sasha bit you?"

"Yes," Matt confirmed.

"She may have performed some kind of enchantment on you – or possibly made it so that she and this David could connect with you telepathically. I don't know that much about vampires, but I do know they can play some very effective mind games."

"What happened next?" Garrett wanted to know. "I know you're not a vampire. You've been walking around in broad daylight."

"I came to my senses before I let that happen," Matt replied solemnly. "David and Sasha took me back to this kind of crypt that same night. It was just full of vampires – and some half-dead victims too – and they showed me how they could transform themselves into bats and wolves. I made a deal with them: I'd bring them a virgin every night, and they'd make me one of them."

"Why did they need your for that?" asked Garrett. "Couldn't they get their own virgins?"

"Well… no. Apparently virgin blood is the best, but in college it tends to be the virgins who stay home at night," Matt explained. "It's not just a myth that vampires can't come in unless they're invited. And yeah, a lot of virgins do go out at night – but the semester was already two weeks old and they'd got 'em all by then. So the next night Sasha smeared her blood on my mouth. She bit her own lip and then kissed me. I'd never felt so alive. She said it'd get better every time, and all I had to do if I wanted more was go into one of the rooms and grab a sleeping virgin. I felt strong. Really strong. I could easily overpower some feeble-minded girl."

"Did you do it?" Garrett asked sharply.

Matt shook his head. "It was an awesome feeling, but the further I got from the vampires the less intense it became. I still felt good and I still felt strong – but something was nagging at me. I didn't want to be responsible for an innocent girl's death; it'd be a much better idea to go to a bar and use my newfound confidence to practise my flirting technique. So that's what I did. I got a girl, and I enjoyed being with her in a way I'd never known before. The place was full of big beefy guys, and I felt like I was better than all of them."

"So you took advantage of the vampires," Garrett surmised. "You took their gift and used it to your own end without giving them what they wanted. Pretty dumb move. Is that when you ran away?"

"No. I was scared of what they might do to me, but what they gave me was like a drug. The high was great; the low was the pits. I felt really down and I wanted more. I went back to Sasha the next night and I told her the truth: I couldn't do it. My conscience was nagging me. I was sorry, and I'd bring them their virgin but I needed more than what she'd given me. That time she forgave me – and she persuaded David to forgive me too. I went away feeling even better than I did before. And I almost brought them their virgin: pretty little blond thing called Alicia. But I couldn't do it."

"How long did this go on for?" Roland asked.

"A few more nights – but it wasn't always like that," answered Matt. "I went back and said I needed more. David was furious. He said I wouldn't get any more until he had his virgin – but Sasha had a soft spot for me. Because I'm cute," he spat vehemently. "Do you know what she did? She turned me into a baby wolf and spent a whole hour just petting me on her lap. I resented her for it – but then she turned me out into the night and suddenly I wasn't a cub anymore. I was still a wolf, though, and I had this incredible feeling that I just wanted to go everywhere and do everything. So I did. I went everywhere – or I felt like I did – and I did whatever I wanted. It felt fantastic. And then at dawn I went back to Sasha. She said I'd feel that way all the time if I kept my side of the bargain."

"Sounds like you were pretty suckered in," remarked Roland. "Why did you leave?"

"Sasha tried to make sure I always went back for more. She showed me a great time – and then just like that she took it away again. And then I suddenly realised that the highs weren't worth the suffering. I stayed in my room all night and avoided the vampires – and I might as well tell you that I actually thought about killing myself. But by the morning I almost felt like my normal self again, and I realised that I was caught up in something terrible and evil and dangerous. That was when I decided to leave – for definite this time. I packed up my things and got out of there.

"I went home and called the college to let them know I wouldn't be going back. An hour later my mom came home and found me. Obviously I didn't tell her about the vampires; I just said I wasn't happy and I dropped out. We had a row and she kicked me out. I went to my dad; he was even madder than my mom. But after what I'd just been through, it didn't seem so bad. I knew Steve would help me if I had nowhere else to go. That's why I came here. It just never occurred to me that David and Sasha would send one of their minions after me. Hold on…" He stopped to consider. "Diane never invited it in. How did it get through the window?"

"If there's questions you want answering, we've a very rigorous process," Garrett smiled wryly. "For starters Roland will want to analyse that bite on your arm, and then maybe we'll be able to tell you what to do."

"And in the meantime…?" asked Matt.

"Sit tight, surround yourself with garlic and try not to get killed?" Garrett suggested helpfully.

"We need Egon…" Roland muttered to himself.

"I don't really want too many people in on this," Matt said, though he sounded a lot less despondent now. Discussing this with somebody had made him feel a lot better. "Are you sure we need to bring him in on it?"

"We'll discuss it in the morning," Roland decided. "Right now we might still be in danger from your vampire friends, Matt. Normally I'd say they probably couldn't enter the Firehouse, but if your attacker came through a girl's window…"

"Weird," Garrett surmised. "Unless… Hey, this Sasha turned you into a wolf, right? What exactly came through the window?"

"Bat," Matt replied simply.

"Right. Maybe it was just a regular crazy guy like you," Garrett suggested. "The vamps know you can take sanctuary in any old private property, so they get some gullible alive kid to go in after you."

"In which case, garlic and crosses may not cut it…" mused Roland. "Oh Matt. What have you gotten us into?"

"Nothing we can't handle," Garrett was adamant. "Don't sweat it, kid. We'll get you out of this."

"Thanks," Matt smiled weakly. "Sorry to be so much trouble."

"Hey, we deal with this kind of thing all the time," Garrett returned breezily. "So… anyone else hungry?"

Predictably these words brought Slimer hurtling into the room, babbling excitedly, "Yeah, yeah, yeah!"

"He sure does eat a lot," Matt smiled fondly at the glutinous ghoul. "That's one advantage of being dead, I suppose: you can eat whatever you want and get away with it. Mind you, I had a phase of going to Burger King at least twice a week and I never gained a pound."

"Lucky you," Garrett muttered grudgingly.

"Aw… don't." Matt pulled a face. "A lot of guys would kill for a physique like yours. I should know. Not so long ago I was one of 'em."

x x x

Matt was grateful for the fact that he woke up in the morning. He had no memory of collapsing onto the sofa and falling asleep – but he must have done, unless this was some kind of vampire mind trick to make him think he was going mad.

"Oh. Hey," a faintly familiar voice cut into his thoughts. Roland threw himself onto the sofa the moment Matt had pulled himself into an upright position. "I've analysed that bite."

"Already?" Matt yawned sleepily.

"Garrett was right," Roland went on officiously. "As long as I haven't made a mistake, that is. It was someone like you: a regular guy who'd been gifted by these vampires."

"Someone almost exactly like me, I shouldn't wonder," Matt theorised. He started raking his fingers through his auburn hair and realised that his precious Wella Shock Waves hair gel was still at Kylie's place. "It was probably some kid who wanted to be perfect – or at least feel like an adequate human being. Sasha and David must have made another of their deals: kill me and they'd make this kid superhuman. But I killed him… or her…" and his voice started to tail off.

"It was a wolf when it bit you?" Roland checked.

Matt nodded distractedly.

"That's what I thought," Roland went on. "That's not a bat bite. What happened to the wolf?"

"I killed it. With a coat hanger actually. I was assuming it was a regular vampire and I'd have to use wood. Funny thing: it started to decompose and it got all maggoty and everything. Why do you think that was?" Maybe you're wrong and I didn't murder an innocent…

"The effects of the spell, I suppose," Roland hazarded. "I think what we ought to do next is try and find this Sasha and David of yours and then kill them. They're the ones that are after you. If they're dead, I shouldn't think anyone will take up their legacy. Vampires aren't like that. No other one would begrudge what you did to those two. Once they're out of the picture, you'll be safe."

Matt nodded his understanding. He was still tired, and he was having a tough time getting his head around everything that had happened lately. He became suddenly aware of the cold, and looked down at the flimsy black t-shirt hanging loosely off his gaunt frame. Then his eyes dropped to the floor. His green hoodie lay in a heap at his bare feet, his old white Nikes positioned haphazardly beside it. It had been a cold night, but the dried blood clinging to his forearm had just been too uncomfortable, and too big a reminder of all the trouble he was in.

He looked down at his pale, gangly arm and examined the wound. It wasn't as bad as he'd expected. Matt suddenly remembered that Garrett had helped him wash away the blood and put various healing chemicals on it during the night. Garrett had said that he was a trained physiotherapist. Washing bloody arms wasn't his usual line of work, but he could do it as well as he could fix a twisted knee, thank you very much.

Matt was reminded of his mother. For all her faults, Maddy Davies had always been the one to wash the blood from his knees and kiss his skinned elbows. He hadn't told her quite how miserable he was at college. He'd just shouted at her; told her that dropping out was his decision to make and it was nothing to do with her. You can imagine Maddy's response: if his life was nothing to do with her then he could damn well stop expecting to be allowed to live in her house.

"Hi Matt." Steve wandered into the room with his small granddaughter trailing from his left hand, Carlota Rivera completing the chain on the other side of her. "We were wondering where you'd gotten to."

"What happened to your arm?" Carlota asked sharply.

Matt hastily withdrew the arm that had been sprawled across the back of the sofa and laughed nervously, "Mom was right about New York. Even the dogs want a piece of you."

"Your hair isn't spiky anymore," Conchita observed, her pretty little face creasing into a frown of disapproval.

"I left my hair gel at your place, pintsize," Matt told her, a warm smile lighting up his drained features. "You didn't think my hair just grew that way, did you?"

"I s'pose not," Conchita shrugged. Then she seemed to lose interest totally in Matt's hairdressing habits and changed the subject by saying, "Grandpa and Yaya just took me to the ice-cream place."

"Lucky you," Matt grinned lopsidedly. "I wish someone would take me to the ice-cream place. What have you done with your mom and dad?"

"They went to hospital," Conchita replied casually.

"WHAT?" Matt's wide eyes widened further in alarm. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Carlota said soothingly. "We hope. It's just a scan."

"Yeah," Steve put in, smiling dryly to himself. "Maybe it'll prove me right about the whole boys-point-girls-are-round thing being a complete pile of garbage."

"It's true," Carlota was adamant. "You'll see in four months' time when we have another granddaughter."

"Maybe sooner," Matt pointed out.

But when Eduardo and Kylie returned from the hospital with a fuzzy ultrasound picture, they were none the wiser as to the gender of their second child. Matt caused some amusement when he grabbed the picture and insisted that he could figure it out, but couldn't even identify the baby's head. And it felt good to him. He was sharing in their joy as though the family tie between Kylie and himself had always been strong.

x x x

"Hey." Kylie found Matt brooding alone on the roof, and went to lean against the low wall beside him. "It hasn't escaped my attention, you know. I've noticed that you've really been making an effort. I guess you have grown up."

Matt shook his head. "Not really. Didn't you hear me sniping at Captain America yesterday?"

"Huh?" Kylie asked confusedly.

"Sorry. I mean Kevin."

"Oh – Kevin. Yes, I did notice that. You shouldn't have. He's a nice kid."

"I'm sure he is," Matt shrugged dismissively. "I lied to you all yesterday when he asked me why I dropped out of college. I was trying to save face. I dropped out because I couldn't hack it."

"Oh," Kylie responded blandly. "Well, that's ok. People do."

"I was so unhappy," Matt confided. "I know I didn't give it much of a chance, but I almost went crazy. I just had to get out of there."

"Hey, it's your life. We all just assumed you'd go to college, though – being so hyper-intelligent and everything. What are you going to do now?" asked Kylie.

"I don't know." Matt turned round and lowered his eyes to the deserted street below. "Get a crummy desk-job. Find a Ron Howard fan and marry her. Have a few kids."

"I wouldn't marry her," Kylie advised. "You know what happens when members of our family get married."

"Is your mom the reason you don't want to marry Eduardo?"

"Sure. Not just her, though. Her sister and their parents got divorced as well."

"Right," Matt nodded slowly. "Ever the pessimist, Ky. When you want to leave him you won't have any complicated paperwork to deal with – is that it?"

Kylie shook her head. "It's not like that. I won't marry him because I think it gives us more chance of staying together. My family all get divorced, but I can't divorce him if I'm not married to him. There's absolutely no reason for us to split up."

"I don't think it works like that," Matt said dryly.

"Worth a try," Kylie shrugged. "Hey… you should go home."

"Home?" Matt pulled a face. "Where's that?"

"To your mom."

"She doesn't want me there, Ky," Matt insisted. "I can't be what she wants me to be. She was the one who threw me out in the first place, remember."

"Does she know how unhappy you were?" asked Kylie.

"I didn't go into too much detail. I just said I didn't like it there and I dropped out. But does she really care about my reasons?"

"She cares about you."

"Not enough," Matt was adamant. "She made me homeless because I'm not what she wants in a son. She's always been a lousy mom. I think she only wanted me to go to college to get rid of me."

"Hey." Kylie grabbed his chin and pulled his head sharply around to face her. "Don't talk to me about lousy mothers. I wasn't what Jill wanted me to be, and she abandoned me. Maddy stuck around for you."

"Until now," argued Matt. "Until I left school. I'm a grown-up now; she doesn't have to bother with me anymore. Maddy and Jill are practically the same person. They look the same, they act the same and they make the same stupid mistakes. Mom would have walked out eventually if Dad hadn't thought of it first."

Kylie shook her head and said firmly, "Maddy was never as bad as Jill. My mother doesn't even love me. She doesn't care if I went to college or not. At least yours knows what she wants for you."

"Which isn't for me to be happy."

"But… oh, I'm not going to argue." Kylie released her grip on Matt's jaw and broke eye contact. It felt strange looking into his wide green eyes. She saw the same eyes in the mirror every morning – and a far more naïve and candid version of them in her own daughter. "That's my advice, ok? I really think Maddy would listen if you told her how you feel. When you dropped out it probably just took her by surprise. But now she's had some time… It's got to be worth a try at least."

"I suppose you're right," Matt relented. "I don't think anything will come of it – except a whole lot more yelling – but anything's worth a try."

"Are you ok?" Kylie asked suddenly. "This is the only thing bothering you, isn't it?"

"Sure," Matt lied through a disarming smile. "Hey, look – you've been really terrific. There's none of Jill in you. You really know the meaning of family."

"I did have to learn," Kylie smiled slightly, absently placing a hand on her swollen stomach.

"You've done well," Matt went on. "Especially when you consider what you started out with. Kinda makes me think maybe I can do it too."

"Of course you can," Kylie said encouragingly. "Now, are you going to come back in? Chita's been asking for you."

"She's really terrific," Matt remarked, pushing away from the wall and making for the staircase that would lead him back down to civilisation.

"Yeah, I know," Kylie frowned thoughtfully, making to follow her cousin. "If she didn't look so much like Eduardo's and my child, I'd think they made a mistake at the hospital and sent us home with the wrong baby."

x x x

"This is too weird. I feel naked. No – more than that. It's like I've lost an essential organ. Or a limb. Or both. Aw… I dunno. It just doesn't feel right. It's only three o'clock in the afternoon. Surely it's safe to nip back to Eduardo and Kylie's place for my hair gel."

"You remind me of my sister that time she forgot to take her eyeliner on vacation," Roland returned dryly. "Didn't that crisis of confidence you had teach you anything about yourself?"

"Aw, c'mon!" reasoned Matt. "Look at me! It's like I've got wild carrots growing out of my head!"

"Well, if you will keep playing with it like that…"

Matt pulled a face and raised his eyes as though trying to see through his skull to the top of his head. He hadn't even realised that he'd been ruffling his hair and raking his fingers through it in all directions, as though hoping to find some way in which it didn't feel completely alien to him.

"I can't stop you going to their apartment," Roland pointed out. "You'll have to ask one of them if it's ok."

Five minutes later Kylie was handing her front door key over to Matt.

"Bring it straight back, won't you," she requested. "I don't really want you loose in Manhattan with anything of mine. I don't know why you can't wait a couple of hours for us to go home, though."

"No point," Garrett chimed in, swivelling to face them from his position on the sofa. "Matt's out tonight. Aren't you, Matt."

"Um… sure," Matt passively agreed.

"Hey Ky – nice earrings," Garrett remarked.

"Thanks," Kylie smiled dryly. "Good of you to notice after seeing me wear them every day for six years."

"Got any more crosses lying around your apartment?" Garrett asked casually.

"Yeah – you never know when you might need them," Matt muttered quietly, shooting a cautioning look towards Garrett.

"What are you two drivelling on about now?" Kylie asked confusedly.

Matt shook his head and answered jadedly, "Nothing. I'll be back soon, ok?"

"Ok," Kylie shrugged disinterestedly. "Just make sure you leave the apartment exactly how you found it."

x x x

Shock Waves. It just sounds so incredibly cool, doesn't it, Matt thought dryly to himself, as he worked his auburn hair into tiny vertical spikes. And you know the other reason this stuff is cool? The bottle is a slightly different shape to most other bottles. And that's why putting this stuff in my hair makes me cool. Except it doesn't work quite like that really, does it. It's not like wearing a jacket with a big Nike logo on it. How do people know just by looking that it's Wella Shock Waves keeping my hair in place and not my own earwax or something? I'm going to switch to a cheaper brand. Maybe that way I'll still be able to afford food.

As satisfied as he ever thought he could be with his appearance, Matt washed his hair gel and stubble out of the basin and then made his way into Eduardo and Kylie's bedroom. He'd seen it before during Conchita's tour, but only briefly. Now, taking in the warped poster prints of God-knows-what staring down at him from the walls, he shuddered. How could Eduardo sleep in that bed without being constantly plagued by nightmares? Perhaps he couldn't. Maybe he was troubled by bad dreams, but he deemed it worth the sacrifice to sleep beside Kylie every night.

But what about their children? As he picked through the contents of the wooden casket he had located in a dresser by the bed, Matt's mind was invaded by an image of Conchita standing between her own bedroom and her parents', clutching a soft toy to her chest in a desperate attempt to find some sort of comfort while she debated with herself whether she would rather endure the thunder storm alone, or climb into the bed underneath the poster of the ashen-faced woman crying blood. It was a funny sort of life that child had born into. Kylie was arguably the original twenty-first century girl and, if Matt knew his cousin, she was probably experimenting with all kinds of very controversial parenting techniques. What's more, if Eduardo wanted to keep her and their kids, he couldn't question any of Kylie's methods. If that's true, thought Matt, it must drive that backwards mother of his mad.

Apparently the silver crosses currently stretching Kylie's earlobes towards her shoulders were not the only ones she possessed. But Matt really didn't want to steal the spares, nor yet the silver pendant sporting a cross of the same design. He felt morally obliged to leave his cousin's possessions be, but only because he was sure she'd notice if they went missing. It suddenly occurred to him that he had seen the pendant on Steve's grandmother on several occasions in the past. If that went missing, Kylie would certainly notice. And she'd probably guess what had happened to it, which would undoubtedly result in Matt having another confidence crisis – this one involving severe irreparable scarring.

x x x

"I can take a hint, you know," Matt told Garrett churlishly. "But I'm not going to steal, borrow, whatever from my cousin, not least because I know she'd find out and I quite like my face the way it is."

"Am I supposed to understand what you're talking about?" Garrett asked dubiously.

"I'm supposed to gear myself up for a vampire hunt," returned Matt. "I take it that's why you were twittering on about crosses earlier. I do hope at least one of you is planning to come with me. I can't even overpower an amorous puppy on my own, never mind x number of fiendish vampires – or even bewitched minions."

"Roland and I have discussed it," Garrett told him seriously. "We're really hoping your David and Sasha have already come after you, but of course there's absolutely no guarantee. We could have to fend off any number of minions before they come looking for you themselves."

"It is an awful long way to come just for one skinny little redhead," Matt agreed. "I doubt if they'll even bother. From their point of view, I'm such a weakling it shouldn't take too much effort to bump me off. Hey," he went on. "I really appreciate you guys helping me. You totally don't have to. I didn't even think Kylie would, and she's my cousin."

"Kylie isn't helping you," Garrett pointed out.

"Yeah, I know," Matt shrugged carelessly. "I was planning to tell her about all of this, but when I found out she was pregnant I thought she probably had enough on her plate."

"You said you weren't expecting the vampires to come after you," Garrett reminded him. "I suppose you were hoping she'd tell you there was nothing to worry about and they'd probably leave you alone."

"Yeah, I suppose I was," Matt agreed. "I really hate myself for this, you know. I was so sure I wasn't going to screw up my life like my parents did theirs."

"Well, you can always try again," Garrett said reassuringly. "You're eighteen. You've got your whole life ahead of you. All you need to do now is kill those vampires and then sort yourself out."

"Killing the vampires is the easy part," Matt returned, with a humourless smile. "What the hell am I going to do with my life? I'm no good for anything. I have a knack for facts and figures, which makes me the perfect candidate for some crummy desk-job, but I definitely don't want to end up like Steve."

"Stuck in a dead-end job, guilt-ridden about the daughter he hardly knows and on the verge of a heart attack," Garrett remarked dryly. "Well, if you can't figure out what you do want, you might as well know what you don't what. You'll find something, kid. Everybody does."

x x x

It was nearing midnight. Kevin was standing on the front porch of the Williams household and having some very impure thoughts about the buxom blonde currently attached to his lips.

"Thirty seconds to midnight," Kelly Williams smiled bashfully, after bringing their first kiss to an end. "I'd better get in or I'll be grounded for the next forever."

"Bummer," Kevin remarked, with a small smile.

"We were lucky," Kelly told him. "If my dad hadn't found out today that he got that stupid promotion, he never would have let me stay out 'til midnight on a school night. Anyway – see you at school tomorrow," and she smacked another, much briefer kiss onto his mouth before disappearing into her parents' house.

Kevin felt fantastic. As he was walking home he couldn't feel the ground beneath his feet. Nothing could spoil his mood now… except maybe an impossibly strong young woman with long, sharp fingernails grabbing him by the throat and pinning him against a wall in a side alley.

"Hmm," the woman crooned smilingly. "Very nice. Had a nice night, have we, sweetheart? You're simply pulsing with hormones: the kind that make your blood taste particularly rich."

Kevin was speechless. The woman was not quite as tall as he was, and nowhere near as wide. The arm pinning her captor to the wall could belong to a six-year-old child – and yet Kevin hardly had the strength to struggle against her grip.

"You're very handsome," the woman remarked, flicking a stray lock of ash-blond hair back from her forehead as though to allow herself a clearer view of her quarry. "A big boy too. I'll bet you work yourself to the point of collapse to keep your body looking that way. Wouldn't it be nice if you didn't have to work for it?"

Kevin was speechless – not least because this freakishly strong madwoman's grip on his throat was uncomfortably tight. His hazel eyes widened as she parted her thick, pouting lips to reveal two sharp fangs. The revelation made it only too obvious what this woman was, and Kevin felt terrified. Unless he was very much mistaken, he was actually about to die.

The vampire leant forward and kissed Kevin's mouth. He stopped being scared just for a moment. Suddenly he could only think of Kelly. This kiss just didn't compare. It wasn't just that he had never felt attracted to a woman of such a slight build as this. She could curve in and out like a winding country lane and the kiss wouldn't be much better. Her lips would still be as cold and lifeless as ice. It was only too obvious to Kevin that he was being kissed by a corpse.

"Mmm!" he exclaimed, his voice muffled by her mouth, as the vampire bit sharply into his bottom lip.

"Mmm," she echoed, licking a tiny trickle of Kevin's blood from the corner of her mouth as she pulled away. "You taste good. Someone has already sent the blood rushing to your lips tonight, it seems."

"Oh great," a voice that was faintly familiar to both of them cut in. "Even you think this guy's the bee's knees. He doesn't taste like a rainbow lollypop, I'll bet. So what does he taste of, Sasha? Beer and testosterone, I suppose."

"Matthew!" Sasha exclaimed delightedly, releasing her grip on Kevin and spinning on her heel to face the new arrival. "I have found you. How pleasing. David has been such a grump lately, knowing you're still walking around with all of your limbs attached and all of your vital organs in perfect working order."

"I had hoped I'd be safe from both of you," Matt told Sasha dryly. "David's such a big wolf on campus. I'm surprised he cares so much about an insignificant little runt like me."

"Well," Sasha shrugged. "You did break a promise, Matthew, and you will have to face the consequences. Isn't responsibility one of the lessons that college life is supposed to teach you? I must say, though: I'm terribly sorry that I'm going to have to kill you, because I do think you are awfully cute."

Matt's eyes narrowed on Sasha's face as he said darkly, "Enough of the pleasantries, sweetheart. Let's get this over with."

Sasha's full, fleshy lips stretched into a cruel smile as she began to saunter gracefully towards Matt. The small dribble of blood from Kevin's bottom lip had reached her chin and stretched slightly towards the ground in a teardrop shape. Suddenly Sasha lifted her head, directing the droplet of warm liquid back towards her mouth, and licked it slowly away.

"Shame to let it go to waste," she smiled sinisterly. "As you already know, virgin blood is quite exquisite."

"Aw jeez. Thanks," Kevin muttered under his breath, his eyes narrowing angrily.

Matt was sick of playing games. He reached into his jeans pocket and whipped out a freshly sharpened wooden stake – one of those things that it was just stupid not to leave lying around the Firehouse for emergencies.

"More effective than a coat hanger," Sasha remarked, her voice becoming chary, though not altogether concerned. "Rumour has it that's what you used to kill my minion."

"Your minion," Matt muttered distractedly. "Who was it?"

"Not a vampire, sweet cheeks," Sasha crooned softly. "Killing your own kind, Matthew. Now as I understand it, that makes you a murderer."

Matt shook his head and whispered pathetically, "I didn't know."

"You should have worked it out," Sasha returned sharply. "Our kind are incapable of breaking through a person's private windows, as you well know. I wouldn't feel too guilty about it if I were you, though. She planned a suicide for the following day anyway – unless I decided to reward her by making her one of us. I had hoped she would have delivered you to me, which is certainly worthy of reward."

"You bitch," Matt intoned darkly. "Of course I feel guilty. I hate myself. I wish you would have come for me straightaway. I have no qualms about killing you."

Sasha advanced slowly towards him. Matt held his shaft of wood defensively in front of his chest, using his free hand to delve into another pocket and pull out an ebony crucifix (another one of those bare essentials). Sasha hung back, furrowing her brow as though in thought. Matt knew he was safe for now. They were in an alley. There was a high wall behind him and a furniture shop on the other side of it. There probably weren't any other vampires in hiding nearby.

"Come on," he said coolly to Sasha. "Come closer. We haven't got all night. One of us is going to have to kill the other."

Sasha continued to stare at Matt. Then she suddenly twisted round at the waist to check on Kevin, just to make sure he wasn't sneaking up behind her with an even bigger cross or an even sharper piece of wood. She needn't have worried. He hadn't moved an inch, his understandable shock and surprise having fixed him to the spot.

"You're no match for David," Sasha told Matt confidently.

"That's hardly news," retorted Matt. "Don't worry, Sasha. I'll think of something. Or he'll kill me. Either way things couldn't get much worse for me."

"Are you so unhappy?" Sasha smiled serenely. "Poor baby. Our offer is still good, you know. I can make you very happy, little one."

Seething with anger and hatred, Matt took a step forward and Sasha shrank away as the crucifix burnt away a loose strand of her delicate fair hair. She bore her fangs and hissed like a cat, for all the good she knew it would do her. She was defeated… for now. She took a few steps back from Matt, and then suddenly broke into a run. Matt followed her to the end of the alley and watched as she disappeared into the night.

"Why didn't you kill her?" Kevin wanted to know.

"It's not so easy," retorted Matt. "She's stronger than I am. And besides, I got a little flustered. I should have killed her several times before now, but I can never quite seem to manage it. Are you ok?"

Kevin flicked out his tongue snake-style in order to dispel the last of the blood from his mouth. He then looked at Matt and nodded slowly. As their eyes met, both of their expressions were loaded with meaning: Matt wouldn't injure Kevin's pride and let slip that he'd had to be saved from a she-vampire by someone half his size; and Kevin wouldn't betray Matt's secret that – guess what, Kylie – he'd been associating with vampires, and anyone who so much as went near him could have been in grave danger.

"You should go home," asserted Matt.

"What about that vampire?" demanded Kevin. "She said there was another one. Can you handle it?"

"I'm not on my own."

"What about my family? Are they in any danger?"

"Why should they be?" asked Matt.

"Because you've been hanging around them since you got here," Kevin bit back. "And your vampire friends probably know it. What's going on with you anyway?"

"If they're indoors they're safe," Matt told him flatly. "If not then they're in as much danger as everyone else in this city. Except me. No one's in as much danger as I am. But as to how I got there – is that any of your business?"

"I suppose not," shrugged Kevin.

"Go home."

"Who's with you?"

"Garrett and Roland," answered Matt. "They're around." Somewhere.

"Figures," Kevin returned flatly, before backing out of the alley and making his way through the darkness towards home.

"MATT!" Roland's voice called out anxiously. "We told you to stick with us! Don't go running off like that!"

"Well you didn't have to go wandering off in totally the opposite the direction," Matt retorted, spinning on his heel to face Roland and Garrett as they approached. "I saw Sasha."

"Sasha?" Garrett echoed excitedly. "Where is she?"

"I lost her," Matt answered shortly. "Aw – don't look like that. I'm no athlete at the best of times, and especially where she's concerned. She had a bit of bad news for me. The creature I killed last night was human. Most of the time, anyway," he added.

"Oh Matt." Roland's face fell into an expression of horror mingled with sympathy. "I'm sorry."

"I should just let them kill me," Matt mumbled dejectedly.

"Aw, cut it out!" snapped Garrett. "It was an honest mistake. You didn't know. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and let's get after her!"

"This way," instructed Roland, frowning meditatively at his PKE meter.

The unlikely trio set off at a brisk pace, following the PKE trail that Roland had spotted. They had been using Roland's Mustang until they picked up some trace of vampire activity, and then decided it would probably be easier to pursue their quarry on foot (or, in one case, wheel).

"I'm really sorry about this, you guys," Matt apologised, for at least the tenth time that night, as they neared the harbour. "I'm such a numb-nut. I should have gone to see the student counsellor like everybody else."

"Yeah, you shoulda," snapped Garrett. "But you didn't. There's no point moping about it now."

"Garrett's right, Matt," Roland put in. "Anybody can make a mistake. Stop beating yourself up over - "

"Yieee!" Matt exclaimed, as a large hirsute animal suddenly shot out of nowhere and pounced on him.

"Where did that come from?" squeaked Roland, as the dog-like creature brutally pinned Matt to the ground and slashed at his chest with razor-sharp claws.

Matt obviously didn't have a chance. This thing was literally three times his size. But fortunately it was no match for a full-force proton stream. Garrett did the honours, hurling the enormous animal against the nearest wall.

"Holy crap," Matt muttered, sitting up and looking down at the three jagged, diagonal gashes in the front of his hoodie where the wolf's claws had penetrated his clothing – and his skin too, it seemed, for a small amount of blood was slowly seeping from his chest. "I think this hoodie has definitely come to the end of its life."

"Like you almost did just now," Garrett pointed out, as both he and Roland helped Matt to his feet. "Are you ok? You're bleeding."

"I'm fine," Matt insisted. "It's just a flesh wound."

"Pity," a voice intoned somewhere in the darkness behind him. "I had no idea that killing you was going to be so challenging, Matthew."

"David," Matt muttered, turning slowly to face his foe. "I'm glad you found me. I was really hoping we could get this over with tonight."

Roland and Garrett stared in amazement at the man emerging from the shadows. He was a daunting sight. He was just enormous. His muscles bulged grotesquely out from his tight black leathers, and he had to measure in at seven foot at the least.

"You can kinda see why that guy made Matt feel small," Garrett muttered to Roland.

"Do women actually go for that?" Roland asked incredulously.

"I think it depends on the individual woman," answered Garrett. "Ah jeez – what are we going to do?"

"Ooh, sweetheart!" a new voice suddenly butted in, and Garrett looked up to see a skinny woman with white-blond hair smiling serenely down at him. "Don't you look pretty from the waist up. Too bad about your lower half. That's my favourite part. But never mind. No problem is insurmountable. David!" she called shrilly.

"Sasha!" David exclaimed delightedly, brushing past Matt and scooping the tiny woman into his impossibly huge arms. "Would you like to do the honours, my darling? You always cared more about this one than I."

"Forget him," shrugged Sasha. "The remorse he feels for killing that poor little economics student is worse than death as far as he's concerned. He has no one. Why not make him suffer by letting him live?"

"You've changed your tune, my love," David remarked.

"I don't care about… oh, what was his name?" asked Sasha, wrinkling her nose in thought.

"Matthew, my pet."

"Oh yes. So it is. Well, I don't care about Matthew anymore. See: I have found a new plaything. We can make his legs work again, can't we, Davey?"

"Get your facts straight, Blondie," snapped Garrett. "From the top – this time without the 'again'?"

"Have you always been that way?" David asked sympathetically, absently running a finger over Sasha's left earlobe and making her giggle childishly. "You poor, poor man. But don't despair."

"I don't," muttered Garrett.

"Sasha is quite correct," David continued. "We can get you on your feet… for a price."

"Ah jeez." Matt rolled his big green eyes despairingly. "Don't listen to it, Garrett!"

"Don't worry!" Garrett shouted back. "I won't!"

"We can alter your mind as well as your body, you know," Sasha grinned evilly, slipping free of David's grasp and sashaying towards Garrett. "David, would you do me a favour and kill his friend, please?"

"Of course," replied David, advancing menacingly towards Roland.

Garrett drew back instinctively as Sasha leaned in towards him, the shiny points of her white fangs just visible between her spongy pink lips. Smiling menacingly, she grabbed the wheels on either side of the chair and pulled Garrett towards her. She leaned in slowly and took his bottom lip between her teeth. However she could only make a slight impression – no more than a pinprick – before she was distracted by the noise of proton fire and David being thrown against the nearby wall. Again.

"DAVID!" she screamed, backing rapidly away from Garrett and then turning to run towards her injured lover.

"Ouch," Garrett murmured, running the pad of his forefinger over his slightly bleeding lower lip, while Roland holstered his proton gun.

"What are you complaining about?" asked Matt, his upper lip curled derisively, as he reached into a pocket for his stake. "She barely even broke the skin. Will you look at what her boyfriend did to me?"

"That looks nasty," Roland agreed. "We should get some iodine on it."

"Later," Matt said pointedly, walking silently to where Sasha was leaning over David. Without a moment's hesitation, he plunged his stake deep into her back.

Sasha screamed as the wood penetrated her heart. Matt felt slightly relieved – but he knew that was the easy part. There was worse to come – and sure enough, Sasha's rapidly decaying body fell away to reveal David's scorched face (scorched from the proton fire) twisted into an expression of horrified anguish.

"Sasha!" he exclaimed, in tortured tones. "What have you done to her?"

"Duh," muttered Matt, elevating the stake in his right hand above David's mountainous pecs.

Sadly it wasn't that easy, as Matt had anticipated. David reached up sharply and engulfed the youth's bony wrist in his enormous hand. Matt reflexively dropped his stake, and screwed his face up in pain as he felt the vampire's thickset fingers begin to crush his fragile bones. Oh yikes. This was really going to hurt. Matt couldn't help but cry out as he felt his carpals, radius and ulna begin to give way. Any second now, his wrist was going to snap clean off.

"Argh!" David cried out, withdrawing his arm as a proton stream hit his elbow.

Matt expelled all the air in his lungs and backed rapidly away from the enraged vampire, nursing his throbbing wrist with his left hand. It was hurting him. A lot. But he didn't seem to have sustained any broken bones. It could have been much, much worse.

"Well that was risky," Garrett remarked, managing to advance on both wheels while holding a large ebony cross in one hand and a wooden stake in the other.

"Worth a shot," shrugged Matt.

Garrett drew to a halt beside where David lay on the ground, and held his cross in front of the vampire's face. David snarled and pulled his head sharply away. Fighting the pain in his arm, Matt reached out for his dropped stake and secured his fingers around it, invoking a sharp pain as the movement of his carpals tugged on the bones and muscles in his wrist. He flinched – and when he unscrewed his eyes, he saw that his help hadn't been required after all. David's grotesquely muscled body was rotting at impossible speed, a long finger of wood protruding from his chest.

x x x

It was eight thirty on Tuesday morning. Eduardo was standing under the jets of hot water cascading from the shower attachment in the bath, and lathering anti-dandruff shampoo into his hair. Kylie was brushing her teeth at the basin and telling him to hurry up or he'd be too late to see his mother off at the station.

This was the last day of Steve's visit – he was wanted back at work bright and early the next morning – and he had vowed to make the most of it. While Eduardo and Kylie bickered in the bathroom, he helped Conchita pick her outfit for that day (elephant-grey trackies and a bubblegum-pink sweater) and then chatted to her while he prepared her breakfast.

Steve was sure that his blood pressure had gone way down. And he'd managed to leave his hotel an hour before without his morning fix of coffee. Amazing! His resting heart rate even felt slower than normal as he chopped up a banana and asked his granddaughter what her plans for the day were.

"Yaya's going home today," Conchita babbled happily away. "Daddy's taking me to wave to her train, and Kevin said after that he'd take me to meet his Kelly and her dog…"

Steve smiled indulgently as he pulled a bottle of milk out of the fridge. Pagan was head-butting his shins impatiently, so he took out a tin of cat food while he was there, and thought of how grateful he was that Kylie was finally happy. Maybe now he could start worrying about himself instead of her. He must be an idiot, he thought, to jump on a train that would take him away from his pregnant daughter, away from his wonderful granddaughter and to a job that he had detested even before he grew utterly sick of it. Steve flinched when he considered that he had been working in that place since Kylie was little: more than twenty years. Ok, so he'd received the odd promotion – but essentially he was just doing the same mind-numbingly dull job for a couple more dollars an hour.

The phone started ringing in the next room. Kylie's voice called shrilly from the bathroom, "Da-ad! Can you get that please?"

Steve dumped Conchita's breakfast in front of her on the highchair, and then wandered out to the sitting room and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Steve! Hi!" Matt's voice exclaimed delightedly. "Still not back at work?"

"Not until tomorrow – unless I do the sensible thing and quit," Steve answered dryly. "Where are you?"

"Firehouse."

"Good night?"

"Um… I've had better. OW – jeez, can you be careful with that stuff?"

"Iodine is a law unto itself," Garrett's voice retorted faintly into the phone. "I warned you it would sting. Now pipe down and don't be such a baby."

"Are you ok?" asked Steve.

"Yeah, pretty much," shrugged Matt. "Ouch!"

Truth be told, Matt wasn't feeling his best at that moment. He was sitting on Janine's desk with his skinny, ashen chest exposed to the cold and Garrett dabbing iodine into his three matching crimson vampire-wolf scratches. His wrist was still throbbing slightly, despite the bandage that Garrett had skilfully wrapped it in. But nevertheless, his answer to Steve's enquiry had been truthful: he was pretty much ok, when he considered what might have happened to him the night before.

"Hey, listen," Matt went on. "I wonder if somebody could bring me my backpack. I think I left it down by the couch. Ouch!"

"Yeah, you did," Steve confirmed, glancing down towards the space between the sofa and one of the armchairs. "What does that mean? Are you leaving?"

"Aw jeez, I – OW! – don't know. Where would I go? Grandma, I suppose. Although I did tell Kylie I'd try my mom again. To tell you the truth, Stevie, I wasn't thinking that far ahead. I just really need some of my stuff ASAP – most pressingly a replacement t-shirt. OW! And my hair gel, obviously."

"Well, Eduardo's seeing his mom off at the station, and I think he's taking Conchita with him. But Kylie and I don't need to join in with that. We'll bring it over."

"Thanks," Matt smiled into the phone. "Ow! Eduardo's mom leaving? Bummer. I like her."

"She likes you," Steve returned wryly. "All women over thirty do. Never mind – Beth's still here. And Janine."

"Janine didn't seem quite so taken with me," mused Matt. "Doesn't – OW! – matter though, does it. I can't stay here."

"Want me to call your mom and talk to her?" offered Steve. "Despite the fact that she didn't think I should marry her sister, I think she got quite fond of me. She even called me for a chat a couple of weeks ago."

"What would you tell her?" asked Matt.

"I don't know," shrugged Steve. "But I'm going to call her, ok?"

"Ok."

"Good. See you soon."

"Bye," Matt muttered quietly, suddenly sounding subdued, before hanging up.

x x x

By four o'clock in the afternoon, Steve still hadn't managed to reach Maddy Davies. His train was due in just over half an hour. He was going to have to set off and then try her again on his cell phone once his train had left.

"Bye sweetie," he said to Kylie, hugging her carefully out in the Firehouse foyer. "I'll be back Christmas at the latest – probably sooner – ok?"

"Ok," replied Kylie. "Remember to take it easy. Are you sure you don't want me to go to the station with you?"

"That's ok, honey," Steve assured her, loosening his embrace and crouching down to where Conchita patiently awaited her turn. "Bye Chita," he said, dropping a kiss onto her forehead. "See you soon."

Steve then got to his feet and said a quick goodbye to Eduardo and Matt, who were both casually leaning against Janine's desk and watching the touching scene, quietly exchanging opinions that the guy must be crazy to go back to work. What he ought to do was call his boss, quit without notice and then spend a few weeks on Eduardo and Kylie's sofa while he sorted out a less stressful life nice and near his family.

"Wow! Hi!" Steve's startled tones wafted in through the front door, moments after he'd supposedly left. "I've been trying to call you."

"Oh. Sorry," a sarcastic female voice returned. "I'll have to give you my cell number. Is he here, then?"

"Right through there," Steve replied. "I'm impressed. I never would have guessed you even knew Kylie worked here."

"Save it, Steve. My mother had to remind me – as soon as she'd told me that Matt wasn't staying with her."

"Well, it was nice seeing you," Steve lied. "But I've gotta dash."

"You've always gotta dash," the woman retorted. "You'd live a lot longer if you weren't always in such a hurry. Give my love to Jill if you hear from her. Can't be long now before she's presumed dead."

Kylie had listened to this exchange, and began ushering Conchita towards Eduardo in order to clear the floor for the showdown that would surely follow. However Eduardo and Matt had not been within hearing distance, and they both adopted curious expressions when an auburn-haired woman of slight build wandered into the foyer.

Eduardo looked confused, thinking: That's Kylie's mom, but it's not. And then, catching sight of Matt's wide-open mouth and even wider eyes, he suddenly clicked and realised exactly who this woman was.

"Mom!" Matt exclaimed, pushing away from Janine's desk and approaching the new arrival. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you, hon," Maddy Davies shrugged casually. "My mother said she thought you'd be here if you weren't with her, since Steve and Kylie were always your next choice. Whoa!" she exclaimed, suddenly catching sight of Eduardo, Conchita and a noticeably pregnant Kylie standing some yards behind her son. "My sister tells me nothing!"

"Eduardo and Conchita: thank them for making your niece happy at last," Matt smiled slightly. "Why'd you come after me?"

"I was worried," Maddy shrugged disinterestedly – a somewhat inappropriate gesture, considering the words that went with it. "I didn't know where you were. I was so sure you'd go to your grandma, but when you didn't… well, I just couldn't sit still until I knew you were ok."

"You didn't have to come all the way out here, Mom," Matt pointed out. "You could have just called me on the cell."

"Cell?" Maddy echoed, with a puzzled frown.

"Yeah. You know: the one you gave me for my eighteenth birthday."

"Oh, that one!" Maddy exclaimed, in sudden realisation. "You still have that?"

"Yeah," Matt shrugged casually. "So like… what does this mean? Can I come home?"

"Of course you can, you moron. But I'm still not happy that you dropped out of college in just a few weeks. When we get home, you and I are going to have a serious talk about what you're going to do with your life, ok?"

"If we must," Matt returned dryly. "So what about you? What are you going to do with the rest of your life?"

"Ride it out and see what happens," shrugged Maddy. "But that's not important. You are. You're the only good thing I ever did, Matt, and we're having this conversation now because I don't want you to end up a failure like me. You're a clever boy. We'll find some way to justify your existence."

Kylie caught sight of her cousin's awkward smile of gratitude, and instantly her own face fell. Eduardo caught sight of this immediately – so he leaned in close to her ear, and asked in tones too quiet for Conchita to hear, "Are you ok?"

"Jill would never do this for me," Kylie murmured in reply.

"I'm sorry, babe."

"Don't be," shrugged Kylie. "It's not your fault."

"So." Maddy directed her gaze towards her niece as she started strolling towards the little family gathering. "I'm a great-aunt. Now I feel really old. Hi there," she smiled awkwardly down at Conchita. She had never been exactly good with children. "I'm your mom's aunt Maddy."

"Hi," Conchita smiled dazzlingly up at her. "Are you Matt's mommy? You look like him."

"Lucky her," Matt grinned lopsidedly, drawing up behind Maddy and draping an elbow on her shoulder. "So what's the plan, Mom? Do you wanna go home now or stick around for a while?"

"Might as well stick around for a while," shrugged Maddy. "Seeing as I came all this way."

"Cool." Matt's grin was fixed for a good while yet. He'd solved his vampire problem – with a lot of help, of course – and now his mother had come through for him after all. "We'll climb the Statue of Liberty and then you can meet my new best friend Kevin."

Maddy didn't fail to notice the sarcasm in her son's voice. She rolled her dark-green bush baby eyes and asked dryly, "Have you been making enemies for yourself again, Matthew?"

"Me? Making enemies?" Matt's eyes widened in plea of innocence. "Mother. You don't know me at all, do you?"

THE END