Da nuh nuh nuh I'm back! Miss me? Ok, so maybe not. I'm glad to hear that you people are enjoying my sadistic-that's-turning-humorous work. Or maybe just plain sadistic. Either one, really. My site's back up as of Friday (08/20/2004) but I have yet to update it. So, I think I'll keep working on this; I'm sure nobody out there's about to object, so I think that's my cue to continue! And now, the disclaimer!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Invader Zim. Jhonen Vasquez does, and that's a far cry from my own name. Easy to say that I don't own Invader Zim due to that fact alone.

Dib Snaps

Chapter 5: Showdown

Echoing throughout the skool was the repetitive noise of the fire alarm, its alerting tone warning all those both inside and outside the building that there was danger within. However, the danger that the alarm was designed for was not the reason that it was ringing. The real reason stood in the skool cafeteria clutching a blade of cold steel, gaze reaching across the room to meet the eyes of another, non-human being. Not far off was a young girl who was bleeding profusely from a hole in her right shoulder while tears rand down her face.

"Dib… why…?" her voice was nothing more then a whisper drowned out in the sound of the fire alarm. The person she only thought to be her brother wanted her dead. She had beaten him up before, numerous times, but never with such intent. And now his intent was set upon Zim; he would not escape twice. Zim was the first to move, he jumped onto a nearby table to gain a height advantage. Dib's evil self ran towards him, fading to the right, blade in a position that looked like he was dragging it while he ran. Frantic, Zim spied several trays of food on the table. He quickly picked one up and threw it at his approaching enemy. With a flash and a SHING, the food tray was cut in half from top to bottom by a charging dark Dib, who no sooner had cut up that one try to see several others flying at him.

"This is his battle plan? Throwing food?" He smirked as he cut through three more trays, "I'm afraid you're going to need far more then cafeteria trays to stop me, Zim!" He jumped onto the table and stabbed his katana into it to prevent himself from slipping off. He pulled out his weapon, nearly cutting off a portion of it in the process. He looked at Zim, standing close to him, to only see his blaster pointed straight at him. Franticly, he grabbed the barrel of the gun with his free hand and pointed it away from himself, while moving closer to Zim to execute a stabbing motion. The Irken Invader managed to grab the dull portion near the tip of the blade to re-direct the attack away from him while pulling his blaster free from Dib's grip. He stepped to the side and pointed his blaster at Dib's temple. Dib allowed his attack's momentum to continue carrying him in the same direction with a summersault. Immediately after landing on his feet, he turned around to see the blaster pointed straight at him – again. He quickly knocked the trajectory of the weapon away from himself while he dashed at Zim again, preparing to slash horizontally this time. Using his superior mind and technology, Zim sprouted his spider legs and retracted them fast enough to clear the slice without damaging anything, and aimed his blaster at Dib yet again. His weapon was met by the wide end of Dib's katana, preventing Zim from keeping accurate aim while dropping. With Dib pushing up on the blaster and Zim pulling down, they were left at a point of leering at each other for a moment. Finally, Dib gave way a little to gain enough leverage to push Zim away, then went in for another stab. Before striking Zim's torso, the alien blaster stared at him right between his eyes; they both stopped in an instant. If Dib were to complete his stab, Zim would see his sword move and shoot him, but if Zim were to try to shoot Dib he would see Zim squeezing the trigger and stab him.

"Stalemate…" Evil Dib's red eyes flickered with a sort of enjoyment in the adrenaline rush of combat. He could only wonder if the alien creature felt the same way. On Zim's end, however, the crafty Irken was trying to think of a way to end the stalemate which resulted in a blaster at Dib's head and a katana out of Dib's hand. None such luck so far, but he would think of something. Hopefully, sooner then later. They stood there for a moment which seemed like a lifetime; alarm buzzing and Gaz's cries in agonizing pain were ignored by the combatants, nothing more then a background noise in a moment of forever. Suddenly, Zim's eyes caught something that nothing other then an Invader's ocular implants could spot – Dib's hands on the sword's hilt tightened in the slightest way.

"Gotcha, Dib-human!" As Dib went in to stab, Zim quickly grabbed the blade like he had before, but instead of a gentle pull he gave a hastened yank, and managed to pull the sword out of the hands of his opponent. He quickly threw the weapon behind himself, and it was instantly forgotten. He had won. He gave Dib an evil smirk of victory; he'd make a big deal of it later, as now was not the time to shout in triumph. Instead, he'd rub it in the Dib stink's face.

"It would appear that I have won this fight, earth filth. I can't help but say that you will be missed in my mission of doom, but you had it coming!" Dib's other half gave the Irken soldier a despising look. Inside their mind, Dib was actually surprised in fear.

How on earth did you let Zim beat you? I thought you were some sort of psycho killer.

I'm not beat yet.

How can you say that? You're unarmed, and he's got his gun pointed right at you!

I can't help but wonder why he hasn't taken a shot yet…

"Now!" Zim continued, "enjoy your last moments of life, stink-filth!" He laughed manically as he pulled the trigger on his blaster. Above Dib's head in the dark world of swirling chaos passed all the events of his life in a single moment. His mother, his father, his sister… his sister…

Gaz… I'm… I'm sorry…

Dib's evil half opened his eyes slowly. He had felt something hit him hard, and then spread all over. He had expected some sort of alien acid-like substance, but nothing was happening. He noticed he had shielded his face with his arms from the blast. Little good that would do him, considering he was just shot. But with what? He lowered his arms slowly, inspecting his trench coat, which was now covered in something globby and brown. Zim stared at him in confused disbelief, yet he managed to speak.

"Is that… what I think it is…?" Dib ran one of his fingers along his alternate sleeve, collecting some of the goop, and tasted it. Then he stuck his finger in his mouth and pulled it out clean with an agitated look on his face.

"Chocolate pudding." He looked at Zim with a calm but angry, and yet a little mocking expression, "You expected to kill me with chocolate pudding?!?" He wasted little time in beginning to clean himself off; it didn't look like Zim was ready to fire it again anytime soon. Zim kept looking from at the blaster to the brown puddle of chocolate pudding that it had left from where Dib was standing.

"But… how?" He couldn't figure it out. And then it hit him. Actually, he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it sooner.

"GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIR!!!!!!" He shouted in his furious and screaming voice. It was the only logic that worked. Gir had a thing with putting food into machinery; his own body was no exception. It was the only option that made sense – plus, it was chocolate pudding. Achocolate pudding blaster. He tried to shake off his fury against Gir as he locked and shoved the gun back into his Pak. He couldn't let his fury get the better of him now, especially since Dib now had the upper hand – a chocolate pudding blaster wasn't going to do him any good. Now he had to-

"I'm getting tired of playing around," Dib's voice had switched yet again, from being agitated to sadistic, as he held his sword over his shoulder, "I think I've had my fill of this kiddy crap. Time for you to die." He jumped onto the table again, sword ready. Zim sprouted his spider legs in an attempt to get away, and started crawling away from Dib. Alerted by Zim's fleeing effort, Dib dashed one last time and jumped, swinging his sharp blade below the Pak and cut off all the spider legs, causing Zim to drop to the ground. Landing beside him, Dib quickly grabbed his neck with his free hand, continued running, and slammed Zim's head into the wall ahead of them. Overwhelmed with pain and the shortage of circulation, Zim instantly passed into unconsciousness. Dib's evil self laughed in an insane way, as he dropped the lifeless Irken to the ground like a rag doll. He had heard it the entire battle. The moving and shifting of a certain skull amulet against the cold cafeteria floor. He turned around to see Gaz trying to drag herself out of that horrid room with he legs and free arm, but she had lost a lot of blood and was more incoherent then competent. Dib trotted over to Gaz with the same old sadistic look of pleasure grin on his face. Well, it's better to have an agenda to this sort of thing; it left a lot less injured people waiting for death to reach them instead of bringing it to them. As he stood over her, he couldn't help but laugh. Such a gutsy person, until someone enacts rage.

"I apologize for you prolonged death. I promise I won't make you wait any longer!" He raised his blade over Gaz, clutching the hilt with both his hands as his face's expression twisted into blind, murderous fury.

"NOW DIE!" He knew what was supposed to happen, as he commanded the shell to drive the blade downward through Gaz's torso; he could see it in his mind. The only problem was, his body didn't respond. Confused with rage, he tried again. His hands shook at the command, but didn't move. His eyes opened wide in fury as he gathered all his energy – his command would not be denied! He forced the blade downward with everything he had, and stepped back twitching weakly.

"B… but…" he worriedly spoke with a mixture of weakness, shock, and pain in his voice, as he pulled the katana out from his stomach. "…how?" He dropped the blood-stained blade and collapsed to the floor.

End Chapter 5