I am who I am Because You Love Me
Disclaimer: Standard Disclaimer applied.
A/N: This is a RuHana songfic featuring Celine Dion's "Because You Love Me". I heard of the tune of this song two years back but I didn't know what song it was. I had been searching until now. Anyway, be warned that extreme OOC is to be expected and oh ya, this is an AU story. And also, sap is severely overflowing in this story (In My Opinion).
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
Sleepy eyes fluttered open and the raven haired pale boy stirred from his position on the king-sized bed. He let out a sigh of relieve as he realized that it was all a dream. His love did not leave him, it was only a dream. But, he was still afraid and his heart pounded against his ribcage.
/ What if one day he decided that he got sick of me and asked me to leave? What if he was just finding someone to satisfy his desire until he found his right one? What will become of me if he told me that he did not love me at all? / Slender eyebrows drew to a line on his forehead as his lips trembled. Scary, yes, those were scary thoughts. And they were thoughts that had been haunting him ever since he met this red head who was now snuggling beside him, asleep.
Rukawa turned slightly to face the innocent-looking face oh-so-close to his own. His sapphire eyes took in every line and every curve on the other boy's features.
"Beautiful," he breathed as he gently stroked a silky lock of red hair. "So beautiful..." / All beautiful things do not last, and how long is Hana going to last for me? How long before he decides that he doesn't love? How long before I'm going to be thrown back to my old life? /
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all
Gazing at his red-head, Rukawa let out another soft sigh. He was afraid, afraid that his Hana was going to leave him. He knew he would not be able to survive the old life now that he had known of happiness, truth, faith and hope. He knew he would just die if this blissful live now he led, for no more than a month, shattered with a word from those full lips on that peaceful face.
Rukawa's eyes stung as he felt something warm gathering at the corner of his eyes. He did not want to go back to that old bleak life, the life without this sun that now shone in his life, the angel who lifted him out of the darkness and into the light. Brushing his hands through the soft silky red hair that flowed from his love's head to his shoulder, Rukawa traveled down his memory lane.
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
----- 1 month ago -----
The autumn wind blew, threatened to tug the warmth of his scarf away from his neck. Pulling the coat tighter to his body, Rukawa trudged on the empty street. He felt extreme fatigue and his legs were heavy as lead. The 15-year-old boy had been walking for days with nothing in his stomach. He had run away from his new foster family.
The family consisted of only a pair of mean siblings around the age of 40-something and they were horrible. Rukawa was not surprised that both were still single.
The sister had made him do all kinds of chores from washing the toilet with a small brush to giving the dog a "bubble bath". She had never given him a decent meal, all he got everyday were leftovers that were worse than dog food. At the thought of food, Rukawa's stomach gave a feeble growl.
/ Maybe I should go back. At least I could get something to eat. /
But this thought was immediately snuffed out when the image of the brother came to his mind. The brother! He was the reason why Rukawa ran way. He could put up with all kinds of chores and all kinds of bad food, but he could not put up with humiliation. That old fag had called him all kinds of names and when he was drunk, he even tried to rape Rukawa. Enough was enough. Pride and dignity came above food and shelter. Though he was an orphan who constantly changed foster families and never had a real home, Rukawa was not a wimp. Though his whole life had been darker than the night sky, Rukawa strived and fight to get some light.
/ But I never did get any... / Rukawa thought and gritted his teeth as his stomach gave another protest. Everywhere around him seemed to darken by a shade, then another... and another... everything was swirling... and Rukawa's conscious slipped him.
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
When he next opened his eyes, he felt a soft bed under him and warm blankets on him. He blinked and blamed his hunger for giving him illusions.
"Oh good, you're awake."
Rukawa's neck twisted to his right and saw a patch of red before his eyes focused on a face. It was a face of a boy, no more older than him. This boy had a bright sunny smile and his red hair seemed like flame to Rukawa.
"Hey, do you want to eat something?"
Rukawa did not answer. He did not know if he could trust this guy. /Who knows if this guy was just a monster with a human mask? I need to leave. / The pale boy tried to sit up and get out of the bed, but his body betrayed him as he collapsed back.
"Hey, you're still weak, don't move. I'll go and get some porridge for you," the boy left the room.
Lying on the bed, Rukawa tried moving his limbs but they were too weak. Hell, he had not eaten for days and the thought of food brought saliva to his mouth. A short while later, the red-head returned with a bowl of steaming porridge on a tray. After helping Rukawa to sit up with a pillow to prod on, he placed the tray on Rukawa's lap, then gestured for him to eat.
Eyes kept on the stranger, Rukawa tried holding the spoon but his fingers could not grip and the spoon fell to the tray.
"I guess you are still too weak. Never mind, I'll feed you."
Saying so, the red-head spooned some porridge and delivered it to Rukawa's mouth. Rukawa kept his gaze on the boy and ate the food. It tasted great, the best food he had ever had, not that he had tasted any good food ever since he was born. The red haired boy kept smiling as he fed Rukawa. He never seemed to stop talking but Rukawa did not really listen to what he was blabbering. He could only remember that he replied the boy when his name was asked.
"Rukawa Kaede."
"Kaede. Nice name! I'm Sakuragi Hanamichi."
Rukawa nodded but continued staring at the red head. / Somehow this name suits him. And I don't know how but I feel that he's not a bad person. /
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
---- 1 month later -----
/ And now I am here beside him, my angel. The angel who brought me out of the darkness. The angel who showed me the meaning of life, hope and faith. This red haired angel brought me to heaven and let me roamed the sky and reached for stars. / Rukawa thought as he lay beside his love and listened to the even breathing.
/ Hana... thank you for giving me the strength to believe in people, to express myself, to love and be loved by you. /
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you
"Kaede?" Hanamichi murmured as he stirred in his love's arms. "What's wrong? Why are you not sleeping?"
"Nothing."
"Oh come on, I know you. You never give away any chance to sleep."
Rukawa sighed. Indeed he could not hide from his love.
"I just had a dream."
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
"About what? Tell me tell me!" Hanamichi's eyes gleamed like a child's.
"About you..."
"What about me? What was I doinging your dream? Was I teasing you? Oh oh! Were we making out?" Hanamichi grinned as he sprawled himself on Rukawa.
"Do'aho. I dreamt... I dreamt that you were... leaving me and told me that you never loved me."
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
Hanamichi suddenly became serious. He looked at Rukawa in his eyes and Rukawa turned his head away. The red head held Rukawa's chin and made him looked at himself, before plunging into a fierce kiss. Rukawa's eyes widen at this sudden action.
Breaking their kiss, they both panted.
"Who is the do'aho here?"
You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you
"Hana..."
"Baka! How could you even dream of such things? Can't you see that I'm head-over-heels, truly, madly and deeply in love with you? Ever since the day I brought you home? Can't you feel my passion, can't you hear my heart scream you name whenever we made love, or simply when we are together? Can't you... can't you feel my love?" Hanamichi's voice dropped down to a soft sad whisper.
"Hana... Hana... I'm sorry. It's just that you... you are so important to me that I am constantly afraid to lose you one day," Rukawa paused.
"You... you are my strength in living. You brought life to me, you brought light to my life. You are the first person to love me for me and you are the first and last person I have ever loved. You..."
Rukawa was broke off as Hanamichi sealed his lips again, but this time softer and gentler.
"Sh... don't need to say anymore. I know how you feel, for it is the same with me," Hanamichi gave Rukawa another brush on the lips. "You, when you first appeared in my life, I know it's you whom I'll spend my life with. You're so beautiful, so fragile at times, but strong at the same time. You're like a fallen angel and YOU took my heart away to paradise the day you said you love me... how could I even bear to turn my back on you? I had my doubts sometimes. I was afraid that you don't really love me. I said to myself, 'maybe he is just trying to repay you for helping him back then.' But when I look at you, into your eyes, I saw the love and it reassures me that you're the one."
"Hana."
"Is that your only vocabulary? Not that I don't like the way you say my name. In fact, I love it. But... I want to know what do you think of me now."
"Hana... I am who I am because you love me and I want to continue to be who I am. The Rukawa Kaede loved by you."
"I promise you that you'll always be that Kaede, forever."
The two leaned closer and lips met in a soft sweet kiss.
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me