She didn't mean for anything serious to come of it. But she enjoyed talking to him. More than she should. He'd call and she'd be alone and they'd listen to each other. His quiet words gave her more comfort than hours of conversation with Jimmy would yield. He'd stopped coming by the house for Marissa after their first encounter. They'd stuck to motels until she got her own place. She'd left Jimmy two weeks ago, unable to cope with his inattention or Marissa's rebellion. Ryan would call sometimes after visiting her sister and he'd stop by. They talked on the phone almost daily, but when they were together, they barely spoke. They didn't need words, they needed comfort. They understood each other. They were both failures. Trying to make things right when the only things that felt right for them was wrong. It was like they were always trying to fix their mistakes but they couldn't stop making them.
No one knew about their friendship. She still saw Jimmy and was Kristen's confidant. But she knew more about Ryan than she could ever tell. She trusted him. And she knew that he trusted her, too.
She cared about him. More than she'd ever cared about Jimmy. They had a connection that was stronger than their ages or their familial relationships. It was like electricity.
It was late. She was watching the Valley on DVD and cursing the rain when she heard the timid knock. She opened the door and didn't recognize the dead look in his eyes. He was soaked.
"What happened?" She pulled him inside.
"I caught her. With Eddie," He whispered.
"You're freezing…" She realized that he was shivering.
"I gave up everything for her…" He murmured, not listening. "For nothing…it was all for nothing…"
She ushered him into the bathroom and undressed him as she warmed up the shower. His cell phone rang incessantly as she bathed him, trying to get the cold out of his flesh. Finally, he stepped out and slung the phone against the wall, shattering it. She didn't scold him, but gently pulled him back into the stall so she could finish rinsing him.
She'd never seen him so angry. He was physically incapable of relaxing, his anger ran as deep as his bones. She wasn't afraid that he'd hurt her, she knew better, but she was afraid his anger was going to replace the caring and goodness that she loved about him. She was worried that he'd never look at her without anger in his eyes. She pulled him out of the shower and dried his dripping body.
He didn't look like a kid to her. His muscles were well defined and well earned. She knew he worked hard, his hands were like sandpaper. He was still shivering and she led him into her bedroom.
He'd never stayed the whole night before. She pulled the covers back and he sat down on the bed. He lowered his face to his hands.
"Honey…it's going to be okay…"
"You really believe that?" He muttered. He knew she didn't. He'd been around long enough to know that things rarely turned out okay. They never turned out okay. She climbed in beside him and wrapped her arms around his bare chest. She held him until he finally fell asleep.
The next morning, he wasn't beside her. She walked into the kitchen and found him standing in front of her stove, cooking.
"Ryan?" She called timidly.
"Morning," He replied.
"What's going on?" She asked suspiciously.
"I wanted to say thank you. For letting me stay last night." He returned his attention to the food.
Hailey narrowed her eyes, aware that he wasn't saying everything. "You're not going back to her, are you?"
"I won't let her be with Eddie."
"If she wants to be with him…"
"She wants me," Ryan said, not looking up.
Hailey sighed. "What do you want?"
"I want this child to have a decent life. And I'll do whatever I have to do." He glanced at her for a long moment. "If I have to be with her…completely…then I'll do it…"
She knew he would. He would sacrifice everything to help Teresa's child, whether it was his or not. He was trying to cling to his life, his life with the Cohens but he kept letting himself get pulled further away. He didn't want to be with Teresa, he didn't love her that way but he'd give up his chance at happiness completely to keep her safe.
"Hungry?" He asked.
"Sure. Thanks," She said. She sat down at the table and he served her a plate of eggs, sausage, bacon and a cup of coffee the way she liked it.
He didn't sit down across from her. He sighed. "I have to get back."
"I can't believe I'm asking you this, but…will you still come and see me?" She sounded pathetic. Desperate. She didn't want him to think that she needed him but she wanted to see him. She wanted him to be around.
He hesitated. "You have become my best friend, Hailey…but I have to…"
"I don't care if you're with Teresa," She said immediately. "It doesn't change anything between us."
"Are you sure? Because I don't cheat…" He said quietly. She didn't respond immediately. She knew that he hadn't been sleeping with anyone else…but she didn't know he was so adamant about monogamy.
"We're not cheating. We're friends."
"Friends," He stated, searching her face with his piercing eyes.
"Call me, Ryan. We're friends. If you need anything…"
"I'll call, Hailey."