Hailey paced. She couldn't stop thinking about Ryan. She wanted to take care of him, to tell him that it wasn't his fault. She knew he needed her. She wanted him to need her. Because she needed him. She was a bad, awful person.

It was wrong. Sandy was right. Kirsten would never forgive her and she might hold it against Ryan who needed all the love he could get. He needed a mother, he needed Kirsten and Hailey wouldn't do anything to take him away from her.

So why did she hurt from the lack of him? She knew he was in pain so she had to suffer, too. She deserved it. She made everything worse. She threw another complication into Ryan's life. She wouldn't go to him.

------------------

Sandy walked slowly to the poolhouse with a tray of food. He was going to make Ryan eat. It had been two days since they'd seen him eat anything. Two days since he'd spoken or acknowledged them. Three days since he'd found Teresa hanging in the hospital bathroom.

Sandy stepped inside, not bothering to knock. Ryan was lying on his side, exactly where he'd been the last time Sandy had left him. "Ryan. You have to eat."

Ryan didn't respond. He didn't blink or react in any way. Sandy put the food down on the chair and sat down beside Ryan. He grabbed him by the shoulders and hoisted him to a sitting position.

"Ryan. You have to snap out of it. You have to eat. You have to take a shower. You have to get out of this bed…"

Ryan's blue eyes were glazed but when Sandy released him, he didn't lie back down, he continued sitting.

"Am I going to have to spoon feed you?" Sandy asked. "Ryan?"

Ryan gave him a blank stare.

Sandy dipped his hand into a glass of water that was sitting on the nightstand. He splashed water on Ryan's face. Ryan didn't react.

"Goddammit, Ryan…" Sandy snapped, frustrated. He looked back over and saw Ryan's eyes focused on him for the first time in days.

"Hey…" Ryan murmured. "What's going on?"

"Ryan…"

Ryan glanced around him, curiously. "How the fuck did I get here?"

"You've been here for a couple of days, kid…" Sandy wasn't sure how to react to Ryan's sudden return to lucidity.

"Days?" Ryan asked. He put a hand to his face. "Why am I wet?"

"We've tried everything to get you to respond to us. How're you feeling?"

"What do you think? Teresa's dead. The baby's dead. And if Eddie ever gets out of jail, he'll be dead, too," Ryan muttered.

"Ryan, stop…"

"I need to get out of here…" Ryan said suddenly, standing up before Sandy could stop him.

"Wait…"

"I can't…"

"You're going to go to Hailey's?" Sandy asked quietly.

Ryan froze. He didn't say anything.

"It's not exactly the best time for us to have this conversation, but let's try it. Sit down. Talk to me." Sandy kept his voice even.

Ryan sat down. He put his face in his hands. Sandy put a hand on his back.

"You're not in trouble, kid…"

"Really?"

"It wasn't a good decision, Ryan. Sleeping with Hailey…"

"She told you?"

"No. I heard her talking to you on the phone."

"Shit…I'm sorry, Sandy."

"Tell me what happened."

"She…we…we're friends. We were friends. I…"

"Its okay, Ryan. I'm just trying to understand."

Ryan sighed. "Sometimes, it's like, nobody understands but Hailey. I can't explain it, I know its wrong, I know that it would fucking kill Kirsten…but it helped, Sandy…"

"It has to stop, Ryan."

"I know."

"But you were still going to go to her?" Sandy asked.

"No…"

"Where were you going to go?"

Ryan started to breathe shallowly. "Teresa's dead…"

"I'm sorry, Ryan, but it wasn't your fault…"

"The baby, it wasn't mine, Sandy, but I would have done anything to keep her from going back to Eddie…I had to try and protect her…but if I hadn't…if I had left her alone, she'd still be alive…"

"Ryan…"

"And Hailey…it just happened…"

"Relax, Ryan." Sandy patted him on the back again but Ryan was still visibly upset.

"I don't think I'd make the right choice if it bit me on the ass…it all turns out wrong…" Ryan muttered.

"You made a mistake…"

"All I ever make are mistakes…"

"Ryan…"

He stood up again, shaking off Sandy's hand. "What are you going to do? What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to rest. Relax. Sit down, Ryan, don't run. You are safe here. We're your family and we love you. You're home…"

"I don't have a home, Sandy…not anymore…I walked away from this…"

"And now you're walking back to it," Sandy said, standing up and taking his shoulders so the boy would look at him. "This is your home. Everything else is trivial right now…"

"Kirsten…"

"Doesn't know about you and Hailey. And she won't as far as I'm concerned. I need you to promise me that you'll think about what you're doing with her…"

"It has to stop."

"Are you going to be able to deal with that?"

Ryan met his gaze steadily. "I have no choice. I would never intentionally do anything to hurt Kirsten. And this…"

"It should never have happened."

"I'm sorry…"

"I want you to eat something," Sandy said. "Sit down."

"I need to go for a walk…"

"I'll come with you," Sandy replied. "I don't want you to be alone…"

"I need a cigarette…" Ryan sighed.

"Can't help you there," Sandy replied. "What can I do for you?"

"Let me go. I'll be back in a few minutes. I'll eat, I'll shower, I'll be fine if you can just give me a few minutes to myself…" Ryan whispered.

"Tell me where you're going?"

"I'm going to walk down the path to the beach."

Sandy handed him his cellular phone. "Take this. And answer it if it rings. You hear me?"

"Thanks." Ryan nodded.

Sandy pulled him into a hug and after several moments, Ryan returned it, grateful.

"Sorry I'm so out of it…"

"You're talking now. One step at a time."

--------

Hailey answered the phone on the first ring. "Hello?"

"Hey."

"Hey, kid…" Her voice shook. "How're you doing?"

"Not so good. I guess…I guess you heard…"

"I'm so sorry, baby…"

"Don't. Sandy talked to me…" He couldn't take her endearing words right now.

"Yeah, me, too. It was fun while it lasted, right?"

"Hailey…"

"I know. It's done," She sighed, grateful that she got to hear his voice.

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't be sorry. You…I care about you, Ryan. I will always care about you. And we're still friends…"

"We're family. We can't be friends anymore. Not for a while."

She knew he was right. She had to leave him alone. She had to walk away.

"Hailey. I care about you, too. But we can't do this anymore. I'm sorry…"

"Yeah, me, too. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah. Are you?"

"Yes. Absolutely. Don't worry about me, kid, I'll land on my feet…" Hailey laughed nervously.

"I have no doubt. I'll see you around, Hailey."

"Yeah. You will." She waited until he hung up before closing her phone.

She wished he hadn't called. She preferred the limbo to the closure he'd just offered her. She had to stay strong and do the adult thing for once in her life. She'd let him go. She'd let him grow up and maybe one day…he'd come back to her.