AN Sorry, I'm empty of inspiration for Under Pressure. So this little fic is the best I can come up with. Just a little introspect fic from Relena's point of view. I think sometimes she's a little underappreciated. Which is a shame, becuase her character gives an equal amount of inspiration for fics as any other character from Gundam Wing. In fact, I got a little tired of all the Relena bashing found on the web so I tried to make her a little more humane.
Oh God, what have I gotten myself into? Why did I let myself be persuaded to do this?
Oh, right, they would have killed everyone in Sanc if I didn't come along peacefully. And they can still act on their threats.
Still, to be crowned as Queen of the World to take over Treize's uniting force at the fifteen...
I shouldn't be doing this. I should be like any other teenager, giggling with classmates, thinking shyly about dating, following the latest fashion. Instead of that, I'm hear, alone in this unfamiliar room on a bed too big staring at the dress I will be wearing for my coronation.
It looks uncomfortably tight. And I don't have the bust to fill that out! For Christ's sake, I'm only fifteen!
I won't cry, I won't cry. It could be worse. They could have forced Heero and Quatre to surrender, or they'd kill me. I wouldn't want that. Heero was acting strange, but I think he might have done that. I don't quite understand him. He is dedicated to his mission, but I don't quite understand his mission either. It seems to change constantly.
Then again, so does the world. I mean, yesterday I was the lost princess trying to bring an deceased kingdom back to life, to show the world what true pacifism is, tomorrow I'll bee Queen of the World, instated by Romefeller, the ones who attacked my country.
It's times like these I really long back to the simplicity of being the Vice-foreign minister's daughter. And life wasn't easy then, either. Well, it was difficult to try and have as normal a life as possible, what with my father having to run off to work at the oddest of times. But that didn't last.
And now things are worse. I really need someone around to hold on to. Someone to give me strength and tell it will all be alright. In other words, I need my mother!
What, thought I was going to say Heero? Heero is the reason I continue fighting my own way. He reminds just how wrong this world is, that we have to rely on fifteen year olds to protect us from the bad guys with their guns. I know I have called him my reason to go on, that I derive my strength from him. Well, that's nothing personal. I think I may like him as a person, but I don't really know him, now do I? I don't think anyone knows Heero Yuy, Gundam pilot zero-one.
If Quatre or Duo had been the first one I met, I would have transferred my feelings to one of them. It doesn't really matter who I envision I fight for, as long as I do fight. To prove war is wrong.
It's not a crush. It's more of a certainty that what I'm doing, what I'm giving everything else up for, is worth it. And seeing Heero like that gives me confidence.
That doesn't mean I don't need the occasional mental pick-me-up. And Heero can't give me that. I mean, he's nice and all, but socially rather inept. Can you tell I'm already used to diplomacy? I hope someone will be able to crack that shell of his. Whatever position that someone will take in his life. As long as they wait until this mess is cleared.
I know it is selfish, but until fighting is no longer necessary, I need him to continue. And I don't think he'll be as good a soldier without that shell of his.
God, am I turning in the same kind of monster as the ones I'm fighting? I just wish that Heero and all of the Gundam pilots can just stop and live normally. I've met Quatre. He's so nice. And so different from Heero. That is of course also part of the strength of the pilots, the fact that they're so different. It makes their methods of operating different. I've grown into quite the tactician. Thanks to Quatre. And of course my recent experiences at politics.
Anyway, back to Quatre. It's hard to imagine that he's considered the same as Heero, a Gundam pilot. He's too nice. He's so kind and friendly. Easy to talk to. We had a few conversations that were completely meaningless. Well, unrelated to the world's events. They were meaningful to our sanity. Sometimes it can all become too much and then to be able to talk about normal things like books and theater is a relief, no matter how short lived it is.
See? That is what I mean. I need some normalcy, some humanity around me, in order to keep going. And my mother is as close to that as possible.
Tomorrow I'll be put on a pedestal for the world to see. I'll be a figurehead, not a person. Having a mother means I still am a person. I need something to keep me from drowning in everything. At times it can be too much.
But frankly, I have no idea where mother is. I've asked whether Romefeller can trace her for me, but they refuse to. Not with those words, of course. They just say that they tried, but can't really spare the men right now. Stupid really. If I can find Heero, without all those modern gadgets, then why can't they find somebody who isn't trying to hide.
Of course, it's all part of their psychological game. They know I need her, thus they keep her from me to keep a means of control over me. Stupid really, there's not much I can do right now. If I make one wrong move, Sanc really is history that can no longer be recovered. I can only hope there are some supporters of mine amongst Romefeller politicians. But gathering support will be a painstaking process that will take years. I don't think the Gundam pilots can hold out as long.
Damn, am I in bind here. The only thing I can do to benefit my cause, will most likely kill the ones already on my side. Can I do that? Can I be so heartless as to sacrifice five teenagers for a greater goal?
What am I saying!? They're my age! And they would do the same in less than a heartbeat. I know they would sacrifice themselves for the colonies, I've seen what Heero did. And I know I would do the same.
I will try and win supporters from among the Romefeller followers, and if it takes me ten years, then so be it. I will do everything in my power to obtain my goal, even if it means...
You understand my reasons for wanting my mother around? I have to make one fo the hardest decisions in my life and there's no-one around I can lean on. I guess there's nothing to be done about it.
Still, I can start my protest come tomorrow. Duke Dermail handed me my speech that I have to read tomorrow. I don't agree with the words, but who says I'm actually going to read them. My 'coronation' will be broadcasted live all over the world. I will directly reach as many people as possible. If I change my speech, there's nothing anyone can do. Not with the camera's rolling, and not off screen either, because it foolish to take down a recently coronated 'Queen of the World' because she didn't do as her citizens told her. At least that's what the public will think.
There is still a risk attached to it, but I'll handle that. I can not tell lies, I can only hope my speech won't be cut short before I can really say what I want to.
Luckily I won't have to walk much. Those shoes look more lethal than Deathscythe in a bad mood. Hn, Gundam humor. I better try and get some sleep tonight, tomorrow will be an exhausting day. I wonder how this all will affect the Gundam pilots. They won't really believe I've gone over and abandoned my ideals, will they?
Will they?