Satoshi sat on his bed, stunned, tears gathering in his eyes
involuntarily. He saw and felt fragments of those memories that washed
out of a deep, dark swamp of despair.
I was his first freedom after centuries of being chained and locked away, he thought. He was going mad with pain and need, the coldness and the loneliness.
None of his ancestors, except the one who had breathed life into his work, had cared for Krad. They had used him, had abused him, had kept him on a short leash and kicked him whenever the entity had tried to rise.
Satoshi's stepfather had used that desperation, the hunger for freedom and warmth. He had used him just like all the others.
'You are my everything.'
Now he understood those soft, enticing words. Back then, Satoshi had cringed away from the possessive emotions, from the needy grasp the demon had had on his life and the sultry voice. Today, now... he understood.
He had been Krad's everything. He had been Krad's last chance, his only chance, his ticket out of Hell. He had been the living, breathing soul the demon had missed ever since the first Hikari had died, ever since the vicious cycle had started. Not because he wanted to possess it. He wanted to coexist. He needed the partnership to unfold, to be alive, and he had been given nothing but emptiness.
'I care for you.'
In his own sick way he had because he hadn't been able to express it any other way. After such a long time of abuse, his concept of love and affection had been completely warped.
Krad had been jealous of whatever had been perceived as a rival to Satoshi's affections. Objects or people, it had been the same to him. Daisuke, for instance. Satoshi had wanted to be friends with the other boy, but Krad had whispered into his ear, had told him that there was only one person who truly loved him.
He had been craving the warmth of another soul and he had wanted it for himself.
I understand, Satoshi thought, throat tightening. Gods, I do. Now I do...
He turned to the presence inside him, the presence that had tried to touch him before and which he had pushed back. He was no better than his ancestors... but he hadn't known.
'I won't let you go.'
Of course not. Satoshi was Krad's last chance. Dark had lived and had a true life because the Niwas had accepted him. Krad had had nothing but suffering. For close to three hundred years. You're more like a child than a demon, he thought. You were thrown into a world you didn't want to live in. Your first host adored you, nurtured you, and then the hatred started. It's a small wonder you're still as intact as you are. It's more than a miracle that you didn't turn into a complete psycho.
Satoshi leaned back and gazed at the ceiling. He had no idea how to handle this, how to approach Krad now that he knew the truth. He felt sympathy but the old distrust was hard to dissolve.
Someone had to make the first step, and it appeared it had to be him. He smiled slightly. Well, maybe jumping over his own shadow could be done.
So he turned to the presence inside his mind. What he found was actually no surprise, given the things that had happened, the truth that had been unveiled.
Krad's shields were down and he was completely exposed. One strike from the sharp, agile mind and it would shatter him, tear deep wounds into him.
"Krad," he murmured.
There was a little gasp and golden eyes widened in fear. Their roles were reversed, he mused. Years ago he had been cringing away from the cold contact. Now it was Krad.
"I won't hurt you."
"Leave me alone!" The voice was shaky, pleading, but some anger flared.
It was like a last defense.
"I can't."
Krad closed his eyes, shivering. "Then do what you want. I don't care anymore. Kill me if you want." He spread his arms wide.
"No." Satoshi looked calmly at him. "You said you care for me." That brought the demon up sharp. "Do you?"
Krad nodded. "Yes."
"More than being your vessel, a potential body?"
Anger flared once more, briefly lending power to the entity. "You know I don't want this any more!"
"No, I don't. You only said so. All you told me in the past were lies."
"I always cared for you, Satoshi."
"I suppose so. You cared for me because my body was promised to you as a reward by my father. Your aim was to kill me."
A tremor went through the demon.
Satoshi studied him, noticing how unraveled he looked, how desperate, and a small part took a sick kind of pleasure from it. A much larger part wanted to reach out and touch the hurting entity, soothe the pain.
"Is it true? What my family did?" he finally asked.
Krad's face turned bland, the eyes darkening. "It's gone. The past. Forget it."
"No, I won't. So it's true?"
Krad swallowed, turning away, avoiding his gaze.
"It's true," Satoshi murmured.
All the memories flooding him had been truly Krad's. All that pain, that loneliness...
"I understand."
"No, you don't!" Krad snapped, furious. "No one can! No one! Go back to hating me, Hikari! I don't want your pity! I don't want his either! All of you just... leave!" Satoshi came even closer, studying the slender form. Krad looked like a cornered animal, desperate and without many options left. "Leave..." the demon begged.
"I won't."
Wide, golden eyes stared at him and without warning, from one second to the next, Krad struck out. Satoshi was easily able to counter the blow. The demon was too weak, but he still managed to get a decent strike in. Catching the wrist, he held on. A whimper escaped the once so nightmarish creature.
"No..."
Flashes of past memories rushed past Satoshi, catching him in a whirlwind of fear and desperation. His family had tortured this being for close to three hundred years. Now Krad was so close to the edge, past and present collided, Satoshi's image overlapping with those of his prior tormentors, as well as the only person who had been kind to him. The artist who had created the Black Wings, the human who had truly loved him.
"Let go..." Krad begged, breaking apart under the pressure.
"No. We're one, Krad. I won't let you go."
The golden eyes shone with agony. "Please..."
Satoshi wasn't even aware of his actions at first as he pulled the blond into his embrace, felt the very solid form fall against him, and he closed his arms around the demon. The struggle was brief and then he found himself with an armful of Krad, sinking to the ground, cradling the surprisingly solid and heavy form. Satoshi ran a tentative hand over the blond hair, felt the shivers, and for the first time a strange kind of warmth blossomed.
It felt right. Strange, but right. Was this what Daisuke experienced with Dark? Was this how it should be?
"I won't hurt you, Krad," he murmured.
The demon shivered more.
"I won't."
It was a promise. He wouldn't fall into the trap of continuing what his ancestors had done. He had to live with the result of their actions, but he would make the best of it.
"I won't," he repeated.
Krad pushed back a little, those fascinating, cat-like eyes so open and vulnerable as they looked at him. Satoshi smiled a little, touching the pale face. Krad flinched violently and Satoshi sighed. This would need work. He framed the demon's face and tried to radiate this promise.
I won't hurt you. I know they did. I won't. You hurt me in the past, but this isn't revenge. You're not malevolent, just... jaded and damaged.
Krad closed his eyes, unable to meet his gaze. His shoulders fell and he sagged. Satoshi cradled him close, crooning softly, and when tentative arms curled around his waist, Satoshi smiled a little. Memories touched him again, from very long ago. He felt the child-like amazement, the curiosity of a new-born entity inside a human body. He felt the hesitancy of the host, then the acceptance, the sheer joy and later love.
Satoshi…
Blue eyes widened. Krad's first host had born his name, he had been Hikari Satoshi, too. A young genius, an artist who had created so much beauty…
"You loved him," Satoshi whispered, realization finally coming through.
Krad didn't reply, just lay there, seeking comfort.
"You loved your host."
"He was mine," the demon finally whispered, voice distant, full of memories. "My host, my everything…"
Things became clearer now. Those words…
Mine… You're my everything…
Krad had said the same to Satoshi, but at that time their meaning had been warped beyond their original interpretation.
He stroked over the soft hair, pushing a long strand away from the pale, handsome face.
"Is that what you meant when you said it to me?"
Krad inhaled deeply. "I don't know any more."
"But you know you loved your original host?"
A nod. "He was truly everything to me."
Satoshi forced the golden eyes to look at him. "You love me?"
"I don't know what love is," Krad confessed.
"Do you feel the same for me that you felt for the other? You claim me as yours, that I'm everything to you…"
"You are. I feel… something and… I see him."
Satoshi smiled. "I'm honored."
Krad stared at him. Hikari pulled the unresisting form into an embrace, felt the weight settle against him.
Things made sense now. All his life made sense now, as did Krad's declarations of possessiveness. He didn't know what love was, had only these feelings of needing Satoshi, wanting him solely for himself, and he clung to him with a vengeance that had stirred nothing but hatred and fear in the boy he had been before.
We'll get there. Together, he thought. We'll find a way to sort this out for you and for me.
I was his first freedom after centuries of being chained and locked away, he thought. He was going mad with pain and need, the coldness and the loneliness.
None of his ancestors, except the one who had breathed life into his work, had cared for Krad. They had used him, had abused him, had kept him on a short leash and kicked him whenever the entity had tried to rise.
Satoshi's stepfather had used that desperation, the hunger for freedom and warmth. He had used him just like all the others.
'You are my everything.'
Now he understood those soft, enticing words. Back then, Satoshi had cringed away from the possessive emotions, from the needy grasp the demon had had on his life and the sultry voice. Today, now... he understood.
He had been Krad's everything. He had been Krad's last chance, his only chance, his ticket out of Hell. He had been the living, breathing soul the demon had missed ever since the first Hikari had died, ever since the vicious cycle had started. Not because he wanted to possess it. He wanted to coexist. He needed the partnership to unfold, to be alive, and he had been given nothing but emptiness.
'I care for you.'
In his own sick way he had because he hadn't been able to express it any other way. After such a long time of abuse, his concept of love and affection had been completely warped.
Krad had been jealous of whatever had been perceived as a rival to Satoshi's affections. Objects or people, it had been the same to him. Daisuke, for instance. Satoshi had wanted to be friends with the other boy, but Krad had whispered into his ear, had told him that there was only one person who truly loved him.
He had been craving the warmth of another soul and he had wanted it for himself.
I understand, Satoshi thought, throat tightening. Gods, I do. Now I do...
He turned to the presence inside him, the presence that had tried to touch him before and which he had pushed back. He was no better than his ancestors... but he hadn't known.
'I won't let you go.'
Of course not. Satoshi was Krad's last chance. Dark had lived and had a true life because the Niwas had accepted him. Krad had had nothing but suffering. For close to three hundred years. You're more like a child than a demon, he thought. You were thrown into a world you didn't want to live in. Your first host adored you, nurtured you, and then the hatred started. It's a small wonder you're still as intact as you are. It's more than a miracle that you didn't turn into a complete psycho.
Satoshi leaned back and gazed at the ceiling. He had no idea how to handle this, how to approach Krad now that he knew the truth. He felt sympathy but the old distrust was hard to dissolve.
Someone had to make the first step, and it appeared it had to be him. He smiled slightly. Well, maybe jumping over his own shadow could be done.
So he turned to the presence inside his mind. What he found was actually no surprise, given the things that had happened, the truth that had been unveiled.
Krad's shields were down and he was completely exposed. One strike from the sharp, agile mind and it would shatter him, tear deep wounds into him.
"Krad," he murmured.
There was a little gasp and golden eyes widened in fear. Their roles were reversed, he mused. Years ago he had been cringing away from the cold contact. Now it was Krad.
"I won't hurt you."
"Leave me alone!" The voice was shaky, pleading, but some anger flared.
It was like a last defense.
"I can't."
Krad closed his eyes, shivering. "Then do what you want. I don't care anymore. Kill me if you want." He spread his arms wide.
"No." Satoshi looked calmly at him. "You said you care for me." That brought the demon up sharp. "Do you?"
Krad nodded. "Yes."
"More than being your vessel, a potential body?"
Anger flared once more, briefly lending power to the entity. "You know I don't want this any more!"
"No, I don't. You only said so. All you told me in the past were lies."
"I always cared for you, Satoshi."
"I suppose so. You cared for me because my body was promised to you as a reward by my father. Your aim was to kill me."
A tremor went through the demon.
Satoshi studied him, noticing how unraveled he looked, how desperate, and a small part took a sick kind of pleasure from it. A much larger part wanted to reach out and touch the hurting entity, soothe the pain.
"Is it true? What my family did?" he finally asked.
Krad's face turned bland, the eyes darkening. "It's gone. The past. Forget it."
"No, I won't. So it's true?"
Krad swallowed, turning away, avoiding his gaze.
"It's true," Satoshi murmured.
All the memories flooding him had been truly Krad's. All that pain, that loneliness...
"I understand."
"No, you don't!" Krad snapped, furious. "No one can! No one! Go back to hating me, Hikari! I don't want your pity! I don't want his either! All of you just... leave!" Satoshi came even closer, studying the slender form. Krad looked like a cornered animal, desperate and without many options left. "Leave..." the demon begged.
"I won't."
Wide, golden eyes stared at him and without warning, from one second to the next, Krad struck out. Satoshi was easily able to counter the blow. The demon was too weak, but he still managed to get a decent strike in. Catching the wrist, he held on. A whimper escaped the once so nightmarish creature.
"No..."
Flashes of past memories rushed past Satoshi, catching him in a whirlwind of fear and desperation. His family had tortured this being for close to three hundred years. Now Krad was so close to the edge, past and present collided, Satoshi's image overlapping with those of his prior tormentors, as well as the only person who had been kind to him. The artist who had created the Black Wings, the human who had truly loved him.
"Let go..." Krad begged, breaking apart under the pressure.
"No. We're one, Krad. I won't let you go."
The golden eyes shone with agony. "Please..."
Satoshi wasn't even aware of his actions at first as he pulled the blond into his embrace, felt the very solid form fall against him, and he closed his arms around the demon. The struggle was brief and then he found himself with an armful of Krad, sinking to the ground, cradling the surprisingly solid and heavy form. Satoshi ran a tentative hand over the blond hair, felt the shivers, and for the first time a strange kind of warmth blossomed.
It felt right. Strange, but right. Was this what Daisuke experienced with Dark? Was this how it should be?
"I won't hurt you, Krad," he murmured.
The demon shivered more.
"I won't."
It was a promise. He wouldn't fall into the trap of continuing what his ancestors had done. He had to live with the result of their actions, but he would make the best of it.
"I won't," he repeated.
Krad pushed back a little, those fascinating, cat-like eyes so open and vulnerable as they looked at him. Satoshi smiled a little, touching the pale face. Krad flinched violently and Satoshi sighed. This would need work. He framed the demon's face and tried to radiate this promise.
I won't hurt you. I know they did. I won't. You hurt me in the past, but this isn't revenge. You're not malevolent, just... jaded and damaged.
Krad closed his eyes, unable to meet his gaze. His shoulders fell and he sagged. Satoshi cradled him close, crooning softly, and when tentative arms curled around his waist, Satoshi smiled a little. Memories touched him again, from very long ago. He felt the child-like amazement, the curiosity of a new-born entity inside a human body. He felt the hesitancy of the host, then the acceptance, the sheer joy and later love.
Satoshi…
Blue eyes widened. Krad's first host had born his name, he had been Hikari Satoshi, too. A young genius, an artist who had created so much beauty…
"You loved him," Satoshi whispered, realization finally coming through.
Krad didn't reply, just lay there, seeking comfort.
"You loved your host."
"He was mine," the demon finally whispered, voice distant, full of memories. "My host, my everything…"
Things became clearer now. Those words…
Mine… You're my everything…
Krad had said the same to Satoshi, but at that time their meaning had been warped beyond their original interpretation.
He stroked over the soft hair, pushing a long strand away from the pale, handsome face.
"Is that what you meant when you said it to me?"
Krad inhaled deeply. "I don't know any more."
"But you know you loved your original host?"
A nod. "He was truly everything to me."
Satoshi forced the golden eyes to look at him. "You love me?"
"I don't know what love is," Krad confessed.
"Do you feel the same for me that you felt for the other? You claim me as yours, that I'm everything to you…"
"You are. I feel… something and… I see him."
Satoshi smiled. "I'm honored."
Krad stared at him. Hikari pulled the unresisting form into an embrace, felt the weight settle against him.
Things made sense now. All his life made sense now, as did Krad's declarations of possessiveness. He didn't know what love was, had only these feelings of needing Satoshi, wanting him solely for himself, and he clung to him with a vengeance that had stirred nothing but hatred and fear in the boy he had been before.
We'll get there. Together, he thought. We'll find a way to sort this out for you and for me.