---- - - - - --- - - - - - - - - ------ -- - --- - -- -- - ------ - - - -- --- -- - - - - -
Ryan walked back into his own room. Seth woke up with a jolt as he closed the door. "Jumpy much?"
"Hey. Where've you been?"
"Talking to Luke," Ryan replied.
"Dad got us a couple of bus tickets home. Are you sure I can't convince you to try flying?"
"Hell no," Ryan muttered.
"You're afraid of heights. I get carsick. Maybe we could compromise," Seth replied.
"Compromise? Like what, take a boat?" Ryan snapped.
"A train?"
"Fuck it, Seth, if you won't ride the bus, then just get a plane ticket and meet me there," Ryan sighed.
"But…"
"I'm not taking a plane. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry for bringing it up," Seth muttered, disappointed.
Ryan sighed again and turned to face Seth. "Look. I think you should call your dad and get a plane ticket. I don't want you to have to ride back to Newport on a bus if you're going to be sick all the way."
"I don't want you riding back alone," Seth said quietly. "I don't trust that you'll actually make it back."
"I'm packing now, Seth. Where else would I go? Teresa's dead, my mom's been MIA for like, a year now. Where else am I going to go?" Ryan snapped.
"Ryan…" Seth wasn't sure why Ryan was so angry. But any emotion from Ryan was surprising at this point. He'd been shut down so long that his flashes of anger were a welcome change.
"Whatever. You don't trust me, that's fine. But you better get out of my face before I decide to kick your ass."
"Ryan, why are you being like this? Are you pissed off that I'm ruining your binge drinking weekend? Or are you pissed off that it's me that came to get you? It was my decision, I begged Mom and Dad to let me come, so I could talk to you, so I could try to settle things between us…" Seth said urgently. "I'm sorry that Mom and Dad didn't come…"
"As you so kindly kept telling me this summer, the Cohens are your family. Not mine. But you better take a step back and get out of my face," Ryan replied.
Seth paled, stricken. "Ryan…"
"No. Teresa is dead. The baby is dead. I don't want your change of heart to be out of pity. You can go to hell."
"Ryan…"
"I'm going to hit you if you don't get out of my face."
Seth stepped back but refused to leave. "I'll let you hit me if you'll stop being such an ass…"
Ryan stared at him.
"Will it make you stop? If you beat the hell out of me, will it make you stop acting like this?"
Ryan met Seth's gaze with cold blue eyes. He turned away after a long moment and zipped up his dufflebag.
"Ryan. Please."
"Fuck you. I'll see you in Newport."
"What…"
Ryan slammed the door behind him as he rushed from the room with his bags.
---- - - - - --- - - - - - - - - ------ -- - --- - -- -- - ------ - - - -- --- -- - - - - ----- - - - - --- - - - - - - - - ------ -- - --- - -- -
"How could you lose him, Seth? You said he was coming home, the bus tickets are waiting at the station and…" Sandy said, worried.
"I pissed him off. He said he'd see me in Newport. I can't find him and Luke doesn't know anything…"
"Where the hell would he go?"
"As pissed off as he was, he'll probably walk," Seth muttered.
"Okay, Seth. I want you home. Stop looking for him and come home."
"But…"
"If he said he was coming home, I believe him. Use your credit card and get the next flight home."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I'm sure. He'll come home."
---- - - - - --- - - - - - - - - ------ -- - --- - -- -- - ------ - - - -- --- -- - - - - ----- - - - - --- - - - - - - - - ------ -- - --- - -- -
Seth had been home two days before anyone heard from Ryan. Kirsten was sitting on the patio watching Hailey talk to Jimmy a few yards away. They were trying to be friends again.
Jimmy loved Hailey. Kirsten could see it in his eyes when he talked about her. But Kirsten also knew that he'd never gotten over his love for her. Hailey was clearly a replacement for her. Even Sandy had seen it. Sandy would never say it out loud, but he knew that Jimmy was in love with her. And if he couldn't have her, he'd accept Hailey and love her just as much.
Kirsten cared about Jimmy. They'd shared too much for her to just throw him out of her life. Kirsten knew how Ryan must've felt when he left Marissa to take care of Teresa. He loved them both.
Now he loved her sister.
And no matter how many times she flipped it around in her head, she couldn't deny that the two had a connection. She'd never seen them together but her recent talks with Hailey had shown her that he'd actually opened up to her. Hailey had gotten Ryan to talk. She'd had actual conversations with him. He'd told her things that even Sandy hadn't known about.
So she was trying to put her motherly instincts aside and not think about how totally warped the situation was and think about what was best for her son. For Ryan. And if Hailey could get through to him, she wasn't going to force them to end it.
Her cell phone buzzed quietly against her waist and she put it to her ear.
"Kirsten Cohen."
"Hey."
She'd recognize his whisper anywhere. "Ryan. Where are you?"
"Close. I'm in town."
"Why haven't you come home?" She asked, walking around to the front of the house.
"Because."
"Can I see you?"
"Yeah. I'd like that," He admitted. "I think…I think I need some help."
"Okay. Where are you?"
"I actually got a hotel room at the Mermaid. I'm sorry that I didn't come home first but…"
"I'm on my way, honey. What room are you in?"
"109."
Kirsten didn't say anything to Hailey or Seth, she got into her car and left without a word. She was pleased that he'd admitted that he needed help but she was also intensely worried. He rarely admitted that he needed help. She parked her car outside the hotel and tried to get her concern under control before she went to him. Finally, she thought that she'd be able to see him without crushing him with her worry.
She knocked timidly on the door. After a short pause, it opened.
"Hey," She said before pulling him into an embrace.
"Hey, Kirsten…"
"Thank you for calling, we've been so worried…"
"I'm sorry…" He whispered. When she released him, she realized that he was crying. And from the look of his face, he'd been crying a while.
"What's wrong?"
"It's…it's everything…" He said. Kirsten put her arm around him and guided him to the bed. She could smell the alcohol on his breath as she sat down beside him and pulled him into a hug. She rocked him as he cried.
"It's all going to be okay…"
Ryan didn't speak, he just cried. Kirsten had never seen him this emotional. He kept his emotions inside and they'd finally forced their way to the surface.
"Honey…"
"I'm sorry…" He murmured. "I couldn't help her…she wouldn't let me…she loved him and she didn't believe that he'd hurt her…"
"Ryan…" She realized that he was talking about Teresa.
"I was so mad at her…I know that she loved me, too…she made me go back to Chino, she made me promise to marry her…but I couldn't save her…I couldn't give her what she needed…and now…and now she's just dead and it's my fault…"
"It is not your fault. You did everything that you could for her, you gave her everything you could, Ryan, it is not your fault…"
"People keep saying that…but it is my fault…Don't you see? It's all my fault, everything…"
"No, honey, you haven't done anything wrong…" She had to make him believe it. "You couldn't save Teresa, she made her choice, you couldn't have done anything differently…"
"But…"
"No, Ryan. Eddie almost killed her and she still wanted to be with him. She was so guilty after finding out that she lost the baby because of him that she couldn't take it. She wasn't strong enough…"
He shook his head and pulled away from her. "I'm not strong enough either…not anymore…"
"Ryan, you have to let yourself grieve…"
"I should've been with her instead of being here…I should've done what she wanted and left all of you alone…then she'd still be alive and you wouldn't…"
"I wouldn't what?"
"You wouldn't hate me…"
She took his shoulders in her hands and shook him gently. "I don't hate you. I love you. You're my son."
"I'm not…"
"Yes, you are. Maybe not by blood but you're my son. You're a member of my family and I will do whatever you need to help you get through this."
"I'm so tired…"
"I know, honey…why don't you lie down and try to sleep?"
"I…"
"You're drunk. I'm not going anywhere, I'm not calling anyone, I just want you to sleep."
"You don't have to stay…"
"Yes, I do. Please, Ryan. Just lie down." She brushed his shaggy hair from his face and gently pushed him to lie down. He sighed and covered his face. "Just rest, honey."
He was asleep within minutes.
---- - - - - --- - - - - - - - - ------ -- - --- - -- -- - ------ - - - -- --- -- - - - - -
"Where's Kirsten?" Sandy asked, dropping his briefcase as he walked into the house.
"She's not answering her phone. She left a couple of hours ago," Hailey said. She was sitting with Seth in the kitchen.
"She didn't say where she was going?"
"Nope," Seth answered solemnly.
Sandy pulled out his phone and dialed his wife. She answered immediately. "Honey, where are you?"
"I'm with Ryan."
"Where is he?"
"He's sleeping. He's really upset, Sandy and he called me…I don't want to leave him."
Sandy understood. "Can I come join you?"
"We're in room 109 at the Mermaid by the pier. He's been drinking, Sandy and…and he was crying. Tell Seth that I'm sorry I didn't answer when he called, but Ryan's in such a rough place right now that I didn't want to tell him where Ryan is."
"I'm on my way."
"Thanks, Sandy."
Sandy closed his phone.
"Ryan's back, isn't he?" Seth asked quietly.
"I'm going to go be with Kirsten."
"Is he okay?" Hailey asked.
"She says he's upset. And he's been drinking. I'll call as soon as I know something, okay?"
"Can I come with you?" She whispered.
"I'm sorry, Hailey, but not until we know he's okay."
"Okay. You're right," She sighed. She wanted to see him. She needed to see him. But she could wait.
"I'll call as soon as I get there."
---- - - - - --- - - - - - - - - ------ -- - --- - -- -- - ------ - - - -- --- -- - - - - -