A/N: I know. You're going to savagely rip me apart, limb by limb, watching my blood splatter to and fro, ignoring my screams of agony, and.....yeah. But I just wanna say I'M SO FRICKING SORRY FOR THIS HUGE, HUGE, HUGE, MONTH-LONG DELAY!!!!! The reasons are:
one: i had a lot of homework to do.
two: my grades were going down.
three: i had this MAJOR WRITER'S BLOCK, it's not even funny.
four: i lost inspiration, i had to e-mail it to one of my pre-readers halfway to see if he had any ideas. (and he did!!! thanks so much danny!!!)
five: i had so many ideas for this chapter, and to stick them all in here, and make them good, was not easy.
six: um...there are more.
In WordPerfect, this thing was about 17 pages long. And I hope, hope, hope you enjoy it, I hope it's worth the long wait. Thanks for all my faithful reviewers, my fans, and my prereaders: Danny and FinalMax. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!
In a metaphoric sense. (haha.)
Disclaimer: God, haven't done one of these in a million years. I do not own anything in this fic, except for coconut juice. Thus, Neon Genesis Evangelion/Shin Seiki Evangelion does not belong to me, but to the oh-so-talented Gainax Studios.
To Asuka
Chapter Four
Asuka sat on the couch, doing the wonderful sport of "channel-flipping". She paused on every channel, hoping to find something that was as amusing as when Shinji almost dropped the knife on his foot (we pause here for Asuka's laughter).
However, there was nothing on TV, nothing at all. Asuka yawned and ran her fingers through her tangled hair, a result from her pathetic emotions just an hour or so before. The letters she had grabbed before exiting her room were still clutched into her hand--she wouldn't dare to lose those. A giant Rei swould have to come and rip her to shreds before she'd give up those letters.
She scowled through her dry lips, yet another result of pathetic-ness. So, she'd asked Shinji--and he'd said no. Where did that leave her? At a completely blank spot. She didn't know who it was. She was left with nobody. An empty slot. One of those "Insert name here _________"
But she didn't have a name.
Damn, Asuka thought disgustedly as she flipped to another boring channel. I'm going to find out who sent me these things if it's the last thing I do.
----------------------
Meanwhile, while the skies above Tokyo-3 shone a radiant blue and the nonexistent birds chirped in a few people's minds, Ayanami Rei was trying to figure out a certain emotion that was currently inhabiting her brain.
She listed all the possible symptoms in her head:
Out of breath, one. Loss of words, two. Sudden actions, three...
Well, that got her nowhere.
She continued to walk alongside Shinji, who kept glancing at the blue-haired girl next to him from time to time. Every so often he noticed a puzzled or thoughtful look on her face.
No matter how normal Rei may seem to be one moment, she always gets so more mysterious...
Finally, Rei thought back to the moment in the classroom. Out of breath. Well, Suzuhara-san and Horaki-san had not seemed like they were breathing normally. If their irregular breathing pattern had continued, Rei thought, I might have had to perform CPR.
Loss of words. That was definitely one of them--Rei had stood there for a full five minutes before one of them said a word. Sudden actions--that was also definitely one of her "signs". She had never seen so many sudden reflexes before; none of which had seemed planned.
So much you can learn, Rei thought in the back of her mind, when eavesdropping on people.
Then she remembered what they had said "Tell me you love me..." "Aishiteru, ne?" "Are you in love with me?" Well, of course, the silent pandemonium of the moment had taken Rei by so much surprise she hadn't noticed that every sentence had one word in common-
Love...
Shinji glanced at Rei again, who was now squinting at the ground with such fixed concentration. He had to admit, he had never seen Rei so focused.
Actually, it was kind of scary.
He was about to tap her on the shoulder and ask her if she was alright when in a flash, the blue head turned towards Shinji in a sudden movement and asked--
"Ikari-san? What is love?"
Now this particular question caught Shinji off guard. Why wouldn't it? A teenage boy does not expect a girl to suddenly turn around and ask him, "What is love?"
Heck, Shinji didn't know what love is.
Shinji didn't even know how to explain his Eva.
He looked up at the sky, squinting, trying to look focused and concentrated like Rei had. She was staring at him intently, waiting for an answer, and Shinji was determined to give one. Not the right answer, of course, God, who could explain love? But a normal answer. An answer you would expect your average teenage boy to give you.
(But let us keep in mind that none of the Eva pilots are average teenagers.)
Shinji looked at a cloud and pondered over the possible answers he could give Rei.
'Well, love is happiness, and joy, and of course, sadness...'
Shinji shook his head. No, that's too confusing...I don't think Rei has ever experienced all three at the same time. That answer would have just left her with more questions.
'Love is complicated, and I can't explain it...'
He smirked. In other words, I don't know what the hell love is.
Sighing, he turned to Ayanami. She was looking at him with quite a fixed look, and Shinji could tell she wanted an answer. But there was a problem:
He did not have one.
Deciding that he had no idea whatsoever of what love was (I mean, who the heck would?), he stumbled for any words that sounded almost right.
"Well..." He started. "Love is, umm...well...it's...complicated..."
Rei, to his surprise, nodded seriously. "Yes. It is complicated." Then she stopped walking and turned to him. "But one like you must have an idea about what it is."
Shinji was, in a word, appalled. Rei Ayanami, First Child, Ms. Expressionless, Wondergirl, (and the list goes on), was actually encouraging Shinji to explain about something so delicate as....Love.
He opened his mouth and closed it again. No way. He couldn't do this. Shinji was too....caught up in his own hiatus to explain love. Hell, he was in a love dilemma. How in the world could he do this? It was too hard. Too difficult.
He shook his head, smiled a little, and turned to Rei. "Im sorry, Ayanami," He said. "I just...can't....explain it."
Rei stared at him with a blank expression, but in her mind she was a bit angry. Shinji was a....normal person, at least to Rei. He was born with real parents. He knew what emotions were and could tell what he was feeling (most of the time). He was not cloned and did not have someone else's DNA implanted into him. He was...a real human. So why could he not at least give her a small definition of love? It was all she asked for. A definition of a four-letter-word that sounded so flimsy and small. Was that too much to ask?
But she could not get mad. She was not used to getting so angry, after all. She sighed and put her fingers on Shinji's shoulder.
"I suppose that is alright."
Shinji looked at her fingers, then back at her. Rei was certainly acting strange. First, she had bumped into him, which was unusual since she did not run outside that much. In fact, Shinji didn't think she ran at all. Then, she had asked him what love was. Very unusual. And again, she had placed her fingers on his shoulder...now that was something to think about.
But there was no time for thinking, for they had reached the store. Shinji turned to Rei, her fingers slipping off his shoulder, and opened the door.
"Here we are," He said, smiling. "You go in first."
That expressionless look pasted back on her face ("Damn," Shinji thought), she walked in cautiously and waited for Shinji to follow.
For a second, Shinji stood there, looking at Rei. Such a mysterious girl. So full of secrets, so full of answers that she didn't even know she had. That beautiful mysteriousness surrounded her like an aura--Shinji could almost see it. It warped around her like a thin sheath. It gave her that almost-smile, that direct gaze...that....that beauty....
He cocked his head and stared at her a little more as Rei stood there solidly, not moving, her gaze fixed on a random spot. He couldn't tell her what love was. He just couldn't...
Because every single time he tried to find an answer, the only thing that came up that was associated with that word, that was fixated with that word, that Shinji could think of, was Asuka.
But in the back of his mind, he knew that Asuka wasn't the only one. That stupid window of opportunity in Shinji's head was opening its drab curtains once more, and letting something in. The poorly sewn curtains knew Shinji well. And they knew, as they let this new thing in–that they were making the right decision.
So as the ugly curtains let in a blossoming love for Rei, slightly--but not all the way--pushing aside the love for Asuka, Shinji closed the door behind him and walked into the store.
---------------------------------
'So come
take my hand
we'll walk
through life
together...'
Letters swam before her eyes, words lost their form and scrambled underneath her placid gaze. A sigh escaped her dry lips and blew on the crinkled pieces of paper. She grabbed the remote by her side and, with a single yet intricate flip of her hand, switched the television off.
Asuka stood up and walked into the kitchen. She narrowed her eyes. She was confused, bored, angry, frustrated, and probably insane. There was a lone can of opened orange juice on the kitchen table.
Aah, so we do have some more, she thought with the thinking of a fox who has spotted their prey. Baka Shinji, he cannot see.
With a single gulp, she downed the sweet, sticky, and supposedly nutritional liquid. Then she flexed her long, rubbery-feeling fingers and crushed the can in her hands, a loud crack ripping through the silence of the apartment.
That, she growled, was for whoever wrote those letters, leaving me in such pain and agony, leaving me a pathetic mass of skin.
She threw the can in the trash and walked into the foyer. She looked evilly at the door, and with a swift movement, kicked it harshly.
And that, she thought, rubbing her foot at the same time, was for writing such beautiful things about me when they weren't true!
Looking around once more, she spotted a pole on the wall. She didn't know what it was doing there, and frankly, didn't care. She picked it up, held it in a striking position in front of the stupid, stupid door, and narrowed her eyes so far that she could feel her eyebrows touching her nose.
And this, She scowled violently, Is for not just telling me who you are!
The pole went straight for the door, but it did not hit it. Instead, it opened suddenly and a hand reached out and grabbed it.
"Damn!" Asuka growled. She tried to pull the pole back, but the hand held firm.
"What the hell are you doing, Asuka!?" The hand's owner demanded. "Trying to stick a hole through the door? We only got one door, you know."
Asuka let go of the pole, but it held straight by the other hand. "Misato. You're home, I see."
Misato let the pole go and it made a clank on the ground. She shrugged and closed the door behind her.
"Well, I decided to come home early."
She kicked off her shoes and made her usual route to the Land of Beer (the fridge). In a suggestive gesture, she threw open the door, grabbed a can, opened it with a satisfying *pop*, and drained it sloppily.
"Ugh..." Asuka stood by the entrance to the kitchen and wrinkled her nose. "Misato, that is disgusting...."
Beer drops hit the floor with a splash as the last of the beer was digested. Thoroughly satisfied with her swigging, Misato turned to Asuka and gave her a lazy thumbs-up.
"Well, that's my job," Misato said casually, already cracking open five more beers. "Trying to dirty the minds of young people by drinking obsessively in front of them. Are you inflicted yet, Asuka?"
Asuka just stared at Misato like she was a lunatic. She probably was, anyway–she was downing three beers at a time.
"No, I'm ever so sorry, you haven't," Asuka said sarcastically. "I'm too busy puking over a certain wimpy-assed boy named Ikari Shinji, I haven't noticed your torrid love affair with beer."
Misato shook her head and cracked open about three more. "Asuka, that was cold. Shinji may be a little....uh...you know..." She waved her hands in the air, trying to find an answer. "Um...let's see..."
"Shall I find a thesaurus for you?" Asuka said flatly. "Or will your vocabulary be freed from alcohol any time soon?"
Misato just stuck her tongue out, then snapped her fingers. "Oh! I got it. Shin-chan's just a little shy. You know? He's not very....open. Like you," She said matter-of-factly, pointing a finger at Asuka.
Just as the counter attack in Asuka's larynx made its way to her lips, she noticed something. Her hands–they were empty. Now, to a normal, average, day-to-day person, empty hands are nothing out of the ordinary. But as Asuka looked open-mouthed at her hands, she noticed there was something....missing.
"Gott in Himmel!" Asuka screamed. "Where are they?"
Misato looked up from her beer. "Did you lose a finger?"
Asuka threw one of her "I-Can-Make-Flies-Drop-Dead" looks that consists of daggers, knives, and ugly things, and Misato quickly looked back to her cans, scowling about the dysfunctional teenagers she lived with.
While evil things were coming out of Misato's mouth, Asuka was running around frantically, trying to look for her letters, retracing her steps. Unfortunately, her laughter and fatigue had left her mind sort of cloudy, and she couldn't exactly retrace her steps the way she'd have liked to.
"Oh God," She murmured, "Oh God. Gott in Himmel...where did I leave those two frikin'...little...oh scheisse..."
She stopped in the middle of the hallway and stopped to think. Well, Shinji got me out of my room, and then I made fun of him, oh God that was good...and then....and then he left for juice...so what was I doing...?
Her eyes drifted into the living room, where Pen-Pen had scuttled over to the tv and was flipping channels with his wing.
Tv....channel-flipping?
A-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. There you go.
"Oh yeah!" She ran over to the coffee table, and there they were: two pieces of paper, crumpled up to the nines, wore down and torn in a zillion places–but overall readable. (Sort of.)
"Oh God, I'd thought I'd lost them...whew," She sighed, and knelt down to Pen-Pen's level, her gaze softening. "See, you stupid arse penguin, if I hadn't seen you, I wouldn't have noticed–"
Yes, it was true. If Asuka had not seen Pen-Pen flipping channels, she would not have found her letters. But as she talked to him now, she noticed something. Something...not healthy.
"Geez, I'm talking to a penguin," Asuka snarled, quickly pulling away from Pen-Pen, who exhaled in relief. "I can't believe myself..."
And with that, and the letters tucked away safely in Asuka's hand, she flounced off into her room, leaving Misato behind drinking the new six-pack of beer that Shinji had hidden under the sink.
Oh, you're clever, Shin-chan, Misato thought, cracking open a few more. But the beer always comes through....don't you, wittle wubby dubby wuns...? Oh yes, you do...
And down the sweet, sweet liquid went, while Misato raved on, telling her precious baby beers that they would always be important to her, even more than Shinji and Asuka, Kaji-san, NERV, and the world....
-------------------------------------
"Would you like coconut?"
Shinji pointed to a can with a drawing of a rather deformed coconut on it. Rei stared at the drawing, then turned to Shinji.
"Ikari?" She asked quizzically.
"Yes, Ayanami?"
Rei pointed to the deformed drawing of a coconut on the can. "What is 'coconut'?"
Well, if someone just happened to have a feather, they could have knocked Shinji over, causing the other rows of groceries behind him to fall on people, causing grotesque, food-involving deaths, with blood splattered all over cans of corn and instant ramen and daikon radish and–okay, I'll stop now. But Shinji was taken aback by Rei's un-knowledge of the coconut. He knew she wasn't normal, knew that she didn't know most emotions that she had, knew that she didn't even know what tears were when she had them–but to not know a coconut?
"You don't know what a coconut is?" Shinji asked, trying to hide his shock.
Rei shook her head. "No. No one has ever introduced me to such an....edible." She picked up the can and studied it. "What is it exactly?"
Shinji gulped and luckily found a decent answer that did not say "Well, it's a kind of food. And you can eat it."
"Um...well, it's a tropical fruit that...it's round, and the outside is hard, but if you open it, there's coconut juice and coconut meat inside. It's white," He finished finally with a sudden burst of inspiration. "Yes...it's white."
Rei nodded and closed her eyes thoughtfully. "I see." Then she picked up the can and examined it once more. "Alright. I will take this...coconut...and see how it tastes." Then she thought for a moment. "But I do not enjoy the taste of meat."
Shinji mentally slapped himself in the head. Of course, you stupid, stupid, STUPID (repeat 5x) boy, she doesn't know that coconuts have meat.
"No, it's not meat like beef or chicken. It's a...it's a different kind of meat. It's fruit meat!"
Fruit meat?
Rei looked at the can again and then nodded. "Oh. I see. I still wish to taste this 'coconut', then."
Shinji exhaled and took the can from her. "Okay, I'm done with everything. Let's go pay."
They stood in line, Rei occasionally looking at things and asking Shinji what they were. Though he was, of course, shocked, he was nonetheless happy to be taking part in Rei's education of...the social world.
Rei, you don't get out much, do you? He asked her inside his head, looking at her while she examined the coconut can once more. Well, I'd be glad to show you everything you don't know...
And as he said this, he became even more confused than he usually was. Every day since he realized it, he thought about her–the one who called him stupid, had no real mother, talked in her sleep, had nightmares almost every single night–but now, as he looked at Rei, he thought–maybe he could start thinking about her–this one, who always had that mysterious aura around her, who had some weird affair with his father, who seemed to not know the simplest thing. It was if he was trying to decide between two cocunts--one of which had an outer shell that was as fiery as hell, but once opened, was soft and delicate, and the other, having a shell that was cold and expressionless, but once opened, was open to learning everything. So now, after his analogy of coconuts, he wanted to know--who was he supposed to go after–the one who he first loved, who he still loved, or the one he was starting to fall in love with, out of his own will....?
He sighed. What a stupid life. No wonder he couldn't understand love.
The line moved fairly quickly, and soon, Rei and Shinji were outside the store on their way home. It was mostly in silence–Shinji cursing himself for being such a hormonal 15-year-old boy, Rei thinking about everything she'd just learned. Finally, the walk ended at the intersection where they had to part.
"Well.....I guess you have to go home now, Ayanami...." Shinji said, rather uncomfortably. "Um...good-bye–"
He was about to turn on his heel and just leave her there, standing helpless and alone (at least in his eyes), when he felt a tug on the back of his shirt. Surprised by this, he turned around, and to his even greater surprise, saw Rei lightly holding onto his shirt, looking very sad and scared (once again, in Shinji's eyes).
"Ayanami....what..."
She looked at the ground, then looked up again. "I do not....I do not wish to stay at my home alone."
Well, Shinji's brain cells melted at approximately that moment.
WHAT IN THE HELL..!? He thought to himself as his eyebrows twisted in an array of designs. What is she saying...!?
As if reading his mind, Rei continued on. "If it is alright with Major Katsuragi....and....Second Child...." She let go of his shirt and turned to her side, so she was not facing Shinji. "I wish to come to your living space with you."
Once again in the same day, you could have knocked Shinji over with a feather. He could have died on the spot. Melted. Evaporated. Disappeared in some way, as if by a freak Eva accident. (Ahem.) But he still couldn't believe it–and nonetheless understand it. Ayanami Rei was asking to come home with Shinji.
He shook his head slightly so she wouldn't think he was saying no and thought about it some more. Well, Misato would be okay with it, Shinji figured. She always wanted to see how Rei was holding up on her own. And Asuka.....let's just forget about Asuka's reaction. She'd probably sulk, and scream, and yell at me for bringing 'Wondergirl' home without her permission. Shinji sighed.
It's either a matter of making Rei happy or keeping Asuka happy, he thought tiredly. Damn.
Actually, when it all boils down, it's more a matter of keeping me alive.
Finally, he came to a conclusion. He was going to bring Rei home. And Asuka–she always calmed down, might it take a few hours or a few weeks. He loved Asuka, that was true–he'd do anything for her. He'd write her the most beautiful poem and watch her read it and his life ambition would be fulfilled (okay, not really...). But he was slowly but surely falling in love with Rei...and any man who was falling in love would want to make their girl happy.
Shinji intended to do just that.
He straightened up, and Rei turned back to him, a slight look of worry in her eyes. But he ignored that, and smiled.
"Okay, Ayanami," He said, taking a step towards the apartment building. "Let's go."
The worry in Rei's eyes disappeared and in its place stood one of slight joy. That almost-smile on her face was back; the expressionless face had put itself away. Shinji so far was the only one, besides Commander Ikari, who could make Rei smile, who could make her act so out of character, who could make her put that expressionless mask aside....
And that, my friends, is what we call making progress.
------------------------------
Meanwhile, back at les Katsuragi household...
The letters, Asuka made sure, were locked away in one of her safes and stashed in her underwear drawer amidst the many bras and panties, all in a jumble.
Whoever has the NERVE to look in there, Asuka thought nastily, has to answer to the powerful wrath of the Great Sohryu Asuka Langley!! Perverts!! Hentais!! Echhis!! Panty raiders...all of you...BEWARE!
Suddenly, a red aura appeared around Asuka, steam escaped from her nostrils, and she was bigger than the high-rise apartment building.
Fear me, Tokyo-3.
But alas, this is not Alice in Wonderland, nor is it some weird fanfic where Asuka becomes Godzilla. (Though it is a weird fanfic.) This is a story where everyone is normal-sized. If you're looking for abnormally sized Evangelion characters, please look elsewhere.
Asuka stomped out of her room, slammed the door shut, and walked into the living room, where Misato was slumped at the kitchen table, making out with a beer can. (Symbolically, of course.) Asuka made a face and stuck out her tongue in disgust.
"MISATO!!" Asuka screamed, shielding her eyes. "THAT IS JUST GROSS!"
Misato looked up from her hot lovin' and glared at Asuka. "D'ya miiiiind!?" She slurred, obviously drunk.
And with that, she turned back to the frisson between her and her beloved beer.
Asuka just rolled her eyes and went to the fridge for some more orange juice.
I swear, this household ought to be rated NC-17, she thought to herself as she searched among the beer cans for a decent drink–but couldn't find any.
Then she remembered that Shinji had gone out to buy some. That's right...she closed the refrigerator door and looked outside–it was nearly dark, and the baka wasn't home yet. It usually only took him a usual half hour to go to the store and back, and when he had left, the sun was shining with all its shining-might....so where was he?
The answer to her question was immediately answered as the doorbell rang.
"Shinji's home!" Asuka said enthusiastically–a little too enthusiastically, for some. Misato looked up and giggled with a slight air of buzz.
"Asuuuukaaaa's got a lil' lovin' fer Shinnnn-channnn," She said, slapping the table with her hand, the beer can quickly forgotten. "Whass next, Asuka...? Gonna give him a lil' somin' somin'?"
Asuka turned red and turned to Misato. "No way! I'm just thirsty! It's not like that!" She screamed, her finger pointed in defense. "I'm not full of hormones and sex, like you! Always thinking about Kaji in bed! Don't lie! I can hear you at night!"
However, the recipient of these words had fallen dead-like on the kitchen table, the result of too much beer. Asuka just scowled fiercely at her so-called guardian and turned back to the door. In a single thrust, she reached for the doorknob and flung open the door quite...violently.
"Hey, Baka Shin–"
She stopped dead. For standing next to Shinji, holding another bag of groceries, looking quite sheepish and meek, was that–STUPID–WONDERGIRL!
"Shinji! What the hell is Wondergirl doing here?!" Asuka demanded loudly. She pointed a finger in Rei's direction. "Who the hell said you could come and bring Wondergirl home!? I asked for orange juice, not lifeless dolls!"
Shinji sighed and pushed past Asuka in his ONE act of bravery (okay, there are more, but...). "Asuka....just let it go, okay?"
He walked into the kitchen, leaving a shocked and open-mouthed Asuka behind, and for about the third or fourth time that day, cursed himself for being such a prick. He seemed to have grown something similar to a backbone and ignored Asuka's wrath for once–the second act of bravery performed by Shinji Ikari that day.
The little Asuka that was in Shinji's head immediately turned on the little Shinji in his head, also known as his conscience, and screamed in a high-pitched voice, "But don't you love me, Baka Shinji!? Don't you care for me!? You write me love letters and call me the goddess of red and tell me I'm just like you. So what the hell are you doing now, baka Shinji!?! Trying to weasel your way out of this and get yourself a little yum-yum from WONDERGIRL!? Geez, Third...how low can you go!?"
Shinji's conscience faltered, powerless and weak, under Asuka, who was know rambling on about him lying to her about everything. He closed his eyes and sighed.
Asuka had finally let Rei in too, as the formerly dead Misato had woken up and somehow snapped out of her drunkness and told Asuka to let Rei in, or else...and now Asuka was standing in the corner, watching Rei out of the corner of her eye, that evil, nasty, pending look in there. He had to admit it to himself and to the little Asuka in his head–he wasn't doing a good job at this whole falling-in-love thing. He loved Asuka. He was falling in love with Rei.
Both out of his own will.
The next groceries that hit the shelves were slammed down, shoved in, or kicked into their proper place. Shinji was mad. Mad at himself for being like this, mad at Asuka for hating Rei and having to exist, mad at Rei because she existed at all, and mad at Misato because–okay, well, he was just plain mad at her for no reason.
Finally, all the groceries were put away and Rei had finished her coconut juice, saying it was "...very exciting." Shinji had no other choice but to chuckle at this. Who else did he know who would say that coconut juice was 'very exciting'? As he laughed at her words, though, in the corner of his eye he swore he could see a red aura erupt violently into flames.
As would every other person who had seen the wrath of Asuka ignite, Shinji cringed.
BAKA! Asuka thought in her nasty little mind full of impending evil thoughts (at the moment). Stupid doll! Who in the hell does she think she is, barging into my home and invading the only privacy I have in this world. It's not like she knows what privacy is!!! She does everything in front of Commander Ikari! And Shinji! She thought, swinging her head viciously towards Shinji, which made him jump in alarm, as it is not every day that redheads full of venom swing themselves in Shinji's direction. That stupid hentai! Baka! Shinji-sama, the invincible! She growled. Bringing home this bitch! Of course, though. He can't bring home any bacon, so he brings home the bitch. Ha!
She snickered at her little joke, then quickly snapped back into evil composure.
I am NOT leaving my room until this little doll goes home, Asuka thought, standing up. Everyone except Rei turned towards her, expecting a) the worst, b) an attack of fury, or c) hell.
"I am not leaving my room until this doll–" She pointed at Rei, who did not look back. "–Leaves the house!" She snapped at Misato and Shinji. "I refuse to stay in the same room as her!" Then she once again turned onto Shinji. "And you! It's all your fault! I refuse to look at you until this doll goes home! Maybe not even then! Maybe I'll never look at you again!!!"
Apparently, the answer was d) all of the above.
"Didn't you hear me?!" She screamed at everyone, who apparently had no reaction. "What? So are you just choosing to ignore me now?" She scowled ferociously. "Well–fine then!" She screamed, stomping over to the hallway door. "If you like dolls better than energized people, you can all just go to hell!"
And with that, she slammed the door shut so hard that one of the cups on the table fell. Pen-Pen, seemingly at rest in the corner, scuttled over to it and nudged it under the table.
Misato sipped her beer (she was pretending it was tea, so she was drinking it out of a coffee mug) and looked up, a bit tiredly, but still with that natural leader-ish composure. "So, Shinji," She said casually, "When will dinner be ready?"
Shinji stared at Misato like she had just refused beer (in other words, he stared at her in some sort of shock.)
Is that all she can think about? He thought to himself. One of her so-called children nearly broke the hallway door in a burst of anti-Reiness and all she can think about is food? He made a disapproving noise in his head. Well, that's what you'd expect from her in her off-hours. Always thinking about food, beer, se–...and that, he thought, turning a bit red.
"It'll be ready as soon as I can make it, Misato," he said, getting up and walking into the kitchen. It was too bad he couldn't get out of the task by implying that there was nothing decent in the house to make food of, but he had just gone to the grocery store, and the house was chock-full of edible things.
I guess I have to do it, he grumbled to himself, crashing a pan down on the table much harder than he intended. Damn.
He sighed at his situation. I guess Asuka was right, maybe I am 'Shinji the invincible,', he scowled, throwing a bag of tomatoes onto the table. I cook, I clean, I scrub, I wash, I....I do everything in this house, don't I?
Well, no, not everything, Shinji. You don't bring home any money.
Just as he was about to smash the bag of onions he was holding against the table, he heard a quiet voice call to him from the living room.
"Ikari."
He looked up towards Misato and Rei. Misato was still sipping her beer as if it were a normal cup of tea and Rei...Rei was looking at him.
Was that Rei?
"Uh...Rei? Was that you?" Shinji asked.
She nodded. "I...I was wondering...if....it seems that you are having trouble with your cooking. May I be of....assistance?"
Many, many times that day, you could have knocked Shinji over with a feather (I bet all your pillows are empty now, huh?). And this time was not an exception. Feathers, sheets of paper, USB cables, laptop computers, very sharp pencils–just a little poke to the noggin, and Shinji would have been face-flat on the floor.
He shook himself out of his amazement, hoping he hadn't looked too stupid, and replied, as calmly as possible, "Oh...of course, Rei. You can help."
And, much to his enjoyment, the almost-there smile made its appearance again.
The rest of the night was spent teaching Rei how to cook spaghetti. It shouldn't have been hard–not too hard–but to Shinji, it was. He wasn't used to telling people what to do–it was more like he was used to people telling him what to do. It was a bit of a challenge, telling Rei to peel, to crush, to drain....but it got easier overtime, as the two prepared their own dinner.
"That's good," Shinji said to Rei as she crushed the garlic evenly and without that usual slamming sound that Shinji usually made when he crushed garlic. "Nicely done."
Rei nodded, as if she didn't know Shinji had just paid her a compliment–but that was Rei for you.
It was silent. Too silent, it seemed. Rei was peeling a tomato, and Shinji was mixing the spaghetti in the pot. Misato had since passed out from her "tea", and Asuka seemed to be asleep, as there was no noise coming from the hallway or her room.
Eerie.
They say too much silence can make you go crazy, and Shinji felt this was his case. Imagine yourself, standing in a kitchen, making spaghetti...your guardian is passed out on the living room floor....one of the loves of your life was either sleeping or dead in her room...and the second love of your life was standing next to you, peeling a tomato, not saying a word...throw in the ticking of the clock and your maniacal breathing, and...*shudder*
Yup, it's enough to make you crack.
"Ikari, may I ask you a question?"
Shinji looked up from his mental crack and sighed. Well, there goes my dream of wearing a straightjacket. "Yes, Rei?"
"Do you...do you recall when I had inquired to you about 'love'?" She asked, a bit timidly, Shinji had to add.
"Yes," He replied. "Why?"
"Well...." Now she was slicing the tomato, carefully but expertly, the knife cutting solidly through a thick layer of fruit. "It seems to me that the Second Child...she is in love with you?"
I won't even bring up the feather thing again, so let's just say that Shinji nearly collapsed--no, did collapse--onto the counter before him. He wanted to scream, to laugh, to cry--to scream "HOW DO YOU KNOW!? ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!" at Rei, to laugh in absurd disbelief, and to cry because it wasn't true and God, how he wanted it to be...
Instead, he fell forward onto the counter.
Rei, however (but not surprisingly) did not freak out, like most people would (except Asuka, she'd start laughing). She leaned down, and said monotonously, "Ikari? Are you alright? Have I said something that was perhaps, wrong?"
WRONG!?! Shinji wanted to yell. Wrong? No, of course not, Rei. Not wrong. You said something that was completely absurd, incorrect, asinine, stupid, and unreal. The day when Asuka loves me is the day that I finally figure out my stupid Eva, it will be the day when I understand myself, it will be the day when I can see my mother again, it will be the day I choose whom I--
He stopped there. It wasn't Rei's fault, after all, Shinji reasoned with himself--she was just making an inference. A wrong one, but it was an inference.
He straightened himself up and smiled at Rei, who actually did have a tint of worry twisted into her eyebrows. He dusted himself off and then looked up at Rei again.
"Well, Rei, I guess you could say you were wrong," He said. "Where'd you get the idea that Asuka would--" he swallowed deeply, as if to reassure him it wasn't true--"l-er...love me...?"
"It seems that she wants to be alone with you, for when I visit you, she does not appreciate my presence and asks me very inpolitely to leave. Does this not seem to you that she wants to be alone with you? She also looks at us strangely when we are in each other's company; it as if she is...jealous of it."
Now, to Rei, this all seemed very logical. To Misato, it might have seemed logical. To me it seems very logical. But Shinji-man knew better. He knew how Asuka's very smart and very rude brain thought. He knew that German girl, how she thought and acted.
Oh, he knew. He knew that Rei was ABSOLUTELY WRONG.
"Well, Rei..." Shinji replied, a bit hesitantly. "I can assure you that you're wrong. In fact, I know you are. Asuka doesn't love me, Rei, she doesn't even like me. To her, I'm just the scum under the sewers, just a speck, a water flea that she was to live and work with. That's all. She doesn't like me, no matter how logical the reasons may seem.....alright?" He looked at her gently.
But he didn't get that confused type of reaction that he had so blatantly expected. Instead, Rei gave him a look of.....relief!? Shinji's eyes bulged. Was that relief!? Was Rei Ayanami showing relief at the fact that Asuka didn't like him? Or did she just have a twitch in her eye that made her look that way!? Was Shinji happy to see it!? What if Asuka found out!? A million questions bounced around in his head.
"Well," Shinji said quickly, to put an end to that awkward moment. "The spaghetti is almost done, I bet Misato will wake up if I kick her in the stomach or something....here, give me that tomato."
As Shinji reached for the tomato, he took a quick glance up to Rei's face--and sighed.
Expressionless.
-------------------------------------------
Shinji had thought that Asuka was asleep in her room, but he was wrong as usual. Sure, she was silent--seething angry waves of mad at Wondergirl and Shinji, but silently.
She stared at the ceiling, her blue eyes frozen over, her mouth a firm, straight line. Her thoughts were not intended for the young, as they contained many vulgar phrases and was profanity-ridden, but since the author doesn't care about your pure mind, she will put them here.
Damn Wondergirl, Asuka's inner mind screeched. What the hell does she think she's doing!? Stomping into MY house without MY permission. I thought she was a bitch before but now I KNOW she's a bitch. Fucking doll! Fucking Shinji! Fucking...fucking life....
She scowled fiercely at the ceiling above her, which shrank back in fear. Her whole body was tense, her mouth was stuck in that scowl, her hair seemed not only to be the color of fire, but on fire. It was strange, though, Asuka thought--she would never react this violently to Wondergirl before. Sure, violently, but not like this. It wasn't normal that she would retire to her room and then think about her and Shinji, Shinji and her, Wondergirl and Shinji-sama-the-Invincible. So why, now, would she do it?
Her head was hurting and she didn't feel like pondering the situation any more, no matter how strange.
No, the Great Sohryu Asuka Langley isn't giving up, she thought to herself. She's just...giving the problem some...some space.
Sighing, she flipped around on her stomach, closed her eyes, and calmed her jumpier-than-usual nerves--by thinking about her masked man, her writer anonymous, her dot, her potential soulmate, her lover.
------------------------------------------
Shinji had managed to awaken his female gaurdian, who snapped up in frenzy and started shouting, "BUT WHERE'S THE BOOZE!?" When she saw the just-finished spaghetti, though, she ran over to the pot and grabbed a fork.
"This is why I love you, dear Shin-chan," She said as she dived in, not even bothering to put her portion on a plate. The fork dived into the spaghetti viciously and came up with a heaping amount of noodles. "Because you make such good food for meeeeeeeee...."
And the fork was shoved into Misato's mouth.
Shinji winced at the sight of a grown woman devouring spaghetti like she hadn't eaten in fifty-seven years. Now that's scary, he thought, turning around--and found himself face to face with Rei.
He smiled. He couldn't believe that he had just spent the last 2 or 3 hours practically alone with Rei Ayanami. Of course, he'd spent way longer times with her--but those were only "work" times, they hardly had time to do anything else but follow Ritsuko-san's orders. But in the last 3 hours, Shinji had seen Rei smile, he had seen Rei been worried (at least he thought that was worry), and he had even taught her how to cook. And even though it was late, she was still here--in his house.
Wow, he gushed.
"When will I be leaving your home?" Rei said in her flat monotone. "It is already the hour of ten-fifty-two."
"Uhh, well, ummm..." Shinji turned towards Misato, who was still eating like a cannibal. "I...don't know...it all depends on Misato."
Misato then looked up from her ravenous chore and swallowed half a ton of spaghetti. "I don't know, Shin. I'm very tired." With that, she shoved another half ton of spaghetti into her waiting mouth. "And hungry." Perhaps it was a quarter ton. "So maybe just once, Rei could sleepover." Oh--now it was a ton.
Shinji almost hyperventilated. Wh-WHAT!?! He thought, clutching at his heart. (No use of the feather thing for now.) "Mi-Misato!! You-you can't be serious!" Think of the havoc this will cause Asuka!!! He thought, envisioning a scene where Asuka, emerging from her room with a skin-tight red suit, horns, a spiked tail, and a spear, came to stab Rei. He shook his head. Think of my havoc!!! Having the two people I love in the SAME HOUSEHOLD!!!! NOT EVEN TWO METERS AWAY!!!! How could this be!?
"What's wrong, Shin?" Misato said, scraping up what was left of the spaghetti. "You don't want Rei to stay?"
At this, Shinji faltered. He turned towards Rei, who had an eyebrow raised, as if to say, "Yes, Ikari, you do not want me in your presence?" He envisioned that devil-Asuka sight again, except this time the spear was going through his heart. Then he turned back to Misato.
"No, Misato. It's fine."
"Great!" Misato said cheerily, putting the pot down on the floor, at which Pen-Pen scuttled over to. "Is that fine with you, Rei?"
Rei nodded slowly, her eyes closed. "If you cannot accompany me to my own home, then I will be your guest as of tonight."
"That's settled then! You can sleep on the couch. Shinji, go to the closet and get a sheet and a pillow."
Shinji walked over to the closet, randomly picked out a pillow and a sheet, and walked mechanically back to the living room and handed them to Misato.
"Oh, silly boy," Misato said, picking up the pot and turning it upside down. (Pen-Pen had fallen in it, trying to snatch up a tomato.) "Don't give it to me, give it to Rei."
Shinji turned around to see Rei already walking towards him. She stopped, then held out her arms. Without a word Shinji placed the neatly folded towel over the pillow and plunked them gently onto her hands.
"Goodnight, Pen-Pen," Misato cooed to the penguin as it continued to wipe spaghetti sauce off its fur.
Yeah, yeah, see you later, babe...I mean...Misato-chan, Pen-Pen thought irritatedly.
"Goodnight, Shin-chan," Misato said to Shinji as she walked lazily with five six-packs of beer cradled in her arms. "Goodnight, Rei."
Shinji nodded a reply to his gaurdian, who lazed off to her room, her sweet sweet babymuffins in her arms. Then he looked at Rei.
"Goodnight, Rei--" He said, then stopped.
He had just noticed something. When he first met her, and from then on, the only thing he had called the girl was by her last name--Ayanami, which was formal to the Japanese custom. But later on--once she had been in his house, cooked dinner with him, talked to him like a normal person--he started to call her Rei, which by Japanese custom was casual, and often meant that you were comfortable with this person. Shinji's mind flared. Am I so comfortable with Ayanami--I mean, Rei--that I could call her by her first name, finally? He thought quizically. I've been calling Asuka Asuka from the beggining, but that was only because, well, she wasn't really Japanese. But I called Rei by her last name at first because I was kind of....scared of her. And I still kind of am. But...now that I can call her Rei...what does this mean?
It wasn't really a big deal. But in Japanese custom it is. A person who is called by their last name is formal. A person who is called by their first name and then "-chan" or "-san" just indicates normal casual respect. But if you call somebody by their first name, without the suffix "chan" or "san" at the end, that indicated a very high casual respect for that person, or a very high level of comfort. (And that, my friends, was your Japanese lesson of the day.)
Really, when you think about it, it could change a lot.
"Goodnight, Aya--...Rei," He said finally.
Through her red window glass eyes, Rei looked at Shinji. She didn't just look at the stupid wimp--I mean--the boy standing in front of her, but she looked at the person inside Shinji--the one that didn't call her by her last name anymore, the one that could understand her, the one who talked to Rei like she was a....a normal person.
After a slight pause, Rei slightly smiled.
"Goodnight, Shinji."
With that, she turned around to the couch with her pillow and sheet, leaving Shinji behind, even more confused--but also happier--than usual.
-----------------------------------
A can fell to the ground, making a soft clunk on the ground. Thick snores began. A lustful murmuring began along with the snoring. The bed creaked.
Shinji sighed.
It's midnight.
Every single midnight in the Katsuragi household, if Misato was off, didn't have company over, wasn't having a party, and the like, then every single midnight, a beer can would fall to the ground. Snoring would start. And then a slightly disturbing murmur would begin. After a few minutes, the bed would creak.
The boy needed no clock, for he had a woman to tell him the time.
Even though he had to go to school the next day, and even though he was tired, and confused, and overall just sleep deprived, Shinji was still awake. His arms behind his head, he stared at the ceiling. No, he wasn't even thinking. He was just....staring.
Trying to shoo all his problems away.
He sighed. Why can't I switch lives with someone who has an easy life? Indeed, Shinji, why can you not? I mean, take Kensuke for example. All he does is be a nerd. And moan about computers. And Evas. And electronics. And technology.
..............
Well, maybe not Kensuke.
How about Touji? He thought then. Touji's strong. And quite....stupid. And he likes Hikari, who I have to admit is a little cute. And he's....a jock. And...stupid.
Well, maybe not Touji either.
He narrowed his eyes. This isn't working.
He tried to think of other people, just for the fun of it. Misato? Nah. Kaji? Nah. Hikari? No. That guy in his class who always had a runny nose? Um....no.
However, his thoughts were interrupted by a whimper. And then a louder wimper. And then a sob.
The adrenaline rose in his body, and he winced slightly. Asuka.
Without thinking, he rose into the cold darkness of the early morn and tip-toed over to Asuka's room. As he approached, the sobbing and whimpering grew louder. It was then that he noticed his chest was hurting. He cringed.
It's not my pain, it's hers, he pleaded. Leave me be, I'm only here to comfort her!
But his heart knew better. And as he quietly slid open the door, his heart tightened even more.
There she was. Huddled in a ball. Her face covered with her hands. Cold. Clammy. Confused. Crying.
"Nein..." She sobbed, shivering violently. "der Aufenthalt! Halt den Mund! Ich kann ihn nicht leiden...*"
(*No....stop! Shut up! I can't stand him...)
She sobbed loudly and cradled herself. As Shinji approached the bed, he could feel himself sweating with nervousness.
"Asuka," He said quietly, reaching out for a lock of her limp red hair. "Asuka--"
"der Aufenthalt!!" She screamed, slapping his hand away. "No...no..."
Shinji knew that he could do nothing if all he did was sit there and watch Asuka push him away. So, slowly, trying to push down his increasing adrenaline rate, he reached out and brushed a strand of hair away from her eyes.
She winced, and Shinji immediately regretted doing it. But she had stopped sobbing. She was still shivering, and whimpering, and rubbing her shoulders, but she had stopped sobbing.
That was good.
With soaked eyes she looked up at Shinji and sniffed. He looked back, just staring, not knowing what to do. Why was he so restrained!? He cursed himself. Why couldn't he just reach out and take her in his arms!? He could have, if it wasn't for....you-know-who. Shinji's shoulders slumped. Oh, how he wanted to make Asuka better. How he wanted to just reach out and stroke her hair. Hug her. Do anything...anything to reassure her...that it would be okay.
Suddenly, she spoke. Her lips moved only a little, and her voice cracked. But she spoke.
"I'm....scared..."
Shinji just looked deep into her blue eyes, and knew, that as long as he lived, he would never see such a blueness as hers. Clear. Deep. Sometimes icy. But right now, they just looked like pools--wet, blue, alone. And he wanted to dive into them. To understand its waters. To calm the waters. To reassure the waters that they were not alone, that other oceans and seas and lakes and pools and ponds were just like them. And maybe what she had said was just a little one-time thing, a side note to her nightmares and dreams and tears, but it didn't matter, because Shinji wanted to know.
"I am too," He whispered.
And he dived right in.
----------------------------------
'Stop
Shut up
I can't stand him...'
i want to tell you a thousand things
maybe a thousand more
to your face
words you say
but don't mean
i'm so confused
are you?
you said you were scared
i said i was too
but the thing i'm most scared of
is actually you
i think i love you
i might love her
or yes
to both.
-------------------------------------
End Note: The poem at the end didn't mean anything, perhaps it was just there because I needed to spice up the ending a bit. For those of you who have gotten this far, then I will assure you, the sap-filled ending part was there because I sensed a lot of Rei x Shinji action going on, and even I am not a big Rei x Shinji fan, so I included the last bit to reassure you that this fic is not going into any particular direction.
Love,
xoxo
ladyxkodomo
(3/19/04)