Author's note: … What can I say really? I am a loser. I should update more often and …err… not update less? I'm sorry and I will try to update more regularly but my blasted school exams are taking over my life right now. I am, once again, sorry. kicks self

Disclaimer: Still not mine

I didn't think he had it in him

As Sirius' back disappeared out of the classroom and the door clicked shut, the classroom erupted into a commotion of voices and craning necks, but there was a strange absence of any questions. Everyone of course knew why Sirius was going to see the headmaster; the only even slightly worthwhile question there really remained was what was going to happen to him, and everyone seemed quite certain what that punishment would be.

"He's so out of here," said a slightly smug looking Ravenclaw that Remus recognized as Tobey Harris, captain of the Quidditch team.

"Oh shut up," Remus heard James tell him, "Sirius has done far worse than this and he's still here."

"Yes, but this'll be the final straw, the icing on the cake. He's not going to recover from this, add up all his previous offences, and the only answer you can really get is expulsion. He's dead." Tobey folded his arms across his chest to indicate an end to the matter.

Remus glanced over his shoulder and saw James shaking his head, clearly pitying poor Tobey's lack of knowledge on this matter.

Remus sighed. He wished he could be as certain as James about Sirius getting off, his attendance at Hogwarts remaining intact.

"SILENCE!"

The roomful of chattering students turned back to Professor Enchantment, who had become slightly red in the face from the effort he had had to put into regaining control of the room. They fell silent, only one or two giggling at their teachers resemblance to a tomato. "Thank you. Continue with your work. Mister Black's disappearance is not of any note as far as you are concerned. It will not effect whether or not you pass your exams at the end of this year, but whether or not you understand how to carry out a basic combustion spell will!"

The class stared at him in mock humility. "Well carry on with the notes then!"

There was an immediate hubbub as hands scrabbled for quills, shifted sheets of parchment and caused general commotion. Professor Enchantment looked quite pleased at the level of control he appeared to have over his class, and checking that the board was still being covered in a never-ending stream of notes, sat back down at his desk, quickly reabsorbing himself in the Daily Prophet crossword.

Kara watched quietly from her desk behind Dinkerella, who seemed completely unfazed by the fact that Sirius had left the room, despite the fact that she may be partially to blame for his summons to the headmaster. After all, it was her he had been visiting. But to Dinkerella, all this merited was a brief, uninterested glance at the door and no other form of recognition, not even a shrug. Kara sighed and continued to stare despondently at Remus and Annie, the latter of which was now quite shamelessly trying to attract his attention. Kara was pleased to note, however, that she was also failing quite miserably. Remus continued to copy notes his brow slightly furrowed and his eyes squinting at the paper as he tried to see what he was writing. He was worrying, Kara could tell, and it was obviously about Sirius. She sighed and turned around in her chair, a drop of blood on her lip where she had been chewing it for the majority of the lesson. She supposed she should make an effort to copy down some of the notes that Professor Enchantment held in such esteem.

Sirius followed his tiny Hufflepuff guide in silence staring about himself as though he had never seen the inside of the Hogwarts castle before. He grinned at the first year whenever she chanced a glance at him, but the fear in her eyes did not seem to diminish to match her height. She stopped by the gargoyle that stood at the entrance to Dumbledore's office and twitched nervously, glancing at Sirius' face very quickly.

"He told me tell you to wait here, he'll come down when he's ready to see you." She scuttled off very quickly after saying this.

"Thank you!" Sirius called out. She had already gone. Sirius let out a breath and leant back against the wall beside the gargoyle. He pushed his hair back out of his eyes and slid down to the floor, staring at the wall directly in front of him. He was very familiar with this patch of wall, having stared at it a great many times during his school career at Hogwarts. The mortar holding the bricks together knew his face intimately and Sirius almost felt obliged to greet it.

He didn't. He wasn't that crazy just yet.

Sirius was broken from this bizarre train of thought by the gargoyle leaping aside. He rose to his feet slowly, assuming that Professor Dumbledore had come for him, having finished whatever business it was he was dealing with currently.

He was mistaken.

A tall, striking redheaded witch came down the stairs, leaning rather heavily on the arm of an attractive blonde wizard, an expression of disbelief on his face.

"I don't believe it, I just don't believe it… How can it be possible…?" The witch sobbed again and again, the wizard shushing her soothingly.

"How could she have been so stupid?" she broke into a full-blown wail.

"Shh, my dear, shh. At least he was pure blood. Imagine if it had been a," he shuddered, "a mud blood! At least we aren't total failures as parents, though I cannot imagine what she was thinking when she chose that specimen…"

"I'm going to have ugly grandchildren!" the witch wailed sorrowfully, "What have I done to deserve this? What have I done?"

"We should have sent her to Durmstrang. I knew it. Didn't I say so dear?" the wizard said distractedly. He shook his head in disgust, "We've spoilt that girl. Spoilt her." He stopped dead. "Where is she anyway? Skulking with that pathetic excuse of a headmaster. What kind of headmaster allows this to happen? What kind of…" He looked like his head was about to explode. "Mosephine Eugenia Hyacinth Monroe! Get down here immediately!"

Sirius watched in complete bemusement as another tall redheaded witch fell down the stairs. She was considerably younger than the first witch and also slightly plumper around the mid-drift. She was casting longing looks over her shoulder and nearly fell over Sirius. He recognized the name now he had the face in front of him. She was in the same year as him but in Slytherin, so, obviously, not one of his favourite people. He could tell that she had been crying.

"Come here you stupid, stupid girl! You're going to have to go and live with your aunt." The wizard barked gruffly, grabbing her by the wrist and dragging her along after him. "What did he say to you Mosephine? That claptrap he was on about upstairs? Well he won't look after you and he doesn't love you, how could you believe that?"

Sirius listened as the wizards shouting died away down the corridor. He blinked. James, Remus and Peter were not going to believe this.

A sound to his left brought his attention back from the family disappearing down the corridor. A tall foreboding man had just swept down Dumbledore's staircase. He had a large hooked nose and a black beard to match his black soulless eyes. His hair was lank and greasy and a petite, kindly faced witch walked along beside him, clutching his arm, worry written on her face like the pages of the book. Sirius could tell that she had once been beautiful, but years of worry and agony had practically erased it from her face. She too was staring over her shoulder, just as Mosephine had. The man did not glance at her once, sweeping down the corridor and looking through Sirius as though he was not there. Sirius felt his jaw drop open. This man was the spitting image of- Snape! The lanky, awkward enemy of Sirius slunk down the stair. He looked at the couple sweeping down the corridor, smiling tightly at the witch, then craning to look beyond her, apparently looking for something or someone. He gave up, slinking down the corridor in the direction of the Slytherin common room.

Sirius gawked. Had that been a dream? Had he got his facts straight?

He shook his head. No, that had to be nonsense. Snape couldn't have possibly… could he? It was hard enough to believe that Snape actually had parents. He was the sort of person you imagined to have sprung from the ground fully formed, in all his greasy glory.

But apparently he did. Seeing was believing, and all Sirius knew was that Snape's father looked about as much fun as Sirius' own father, though his mother looked considerably nicer, not that appeared to have got her very far. He could feel empathy for Snape rising in his gut in spite of himself. And a newfound respect. He was impressed. It sounded like he had actually stood up for himself… though it still totally escaped Sirius how Snape had got a girl in the first place.

"Ah, Mister Black."

Sirius was gently jerked back to reality by the soft, authoritative voice of Dumbledore.

"I see Miss Turner found you. Follow me."

Sirius stood, rubbing his hands through his hair and shaking his head slightly to remove the repulsive thoughts about the size of Snape's manhood, which was really a thought enough to turn the stomach of even the strongest individual. He joined Dumbledore on the winding escalator that took him up into the round and eclectic room that was the Headmasters office.

Dumbledore took his seat behind the desk and smiled at Sirius, who took his usual red velvet seat in front of the desk. He folded his legs comfortably and relaxed back into the chair, which was like a second home to Sirius. He had probably sat in it more than any other student during his time at Hogwarts.

"So Mister Black, what is it that you would like to tell me about this time?" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he lent his whiskered chin on his hands, which he laced together. The misadventures of Sirius Black where getting to be a bit of a soap opera for the old wizard.

Sirius expelled a breath of air and began, flicking his hair out of his eyes.

"Well Professor…" He stopped. For some reason he felt awkward telling his Headmaster what he had done last night. Of course, he had told him of multiple capers he had participated in to woo ladies, but normally, well, they had worked, which made this situation unchartered territory and more than a little embarrassing.

"Mister Black?" Dumbledore's eyes shone as he verbally prodded Sirius.

"Err… Well see, the thing is…" Sirius stopped again, feeling a little like the first year that had been sent up to the headmaster for 'accidentally' pouring invisibility potion on Snape's robes.

Sometimes Sirius wished Dumbledore spoke more, shouted even. It was incredibly unnerving to have someone looking into your very soul without saying a word.

"Right well, yesterday night, I kind of flew round to the Ravenclaw dormitories to see… err… Dinkerella Pop and I kinda went in and gave her a shoe because of Cinderella. You know, Cinderella, Dinkerella? … Anyway, and then I went, and that's it really." Sirius flushed and then flushed even more, realizing how stupid he was for blushing, especially considering that he had been able to tell Dumbledore about the incident involving the transfiguration of Professor McNasty's chair into a Giant Horklump while he was still sitting in it, without so much as blinking.

Dumbledore was still sitting quietly, smiling in mild amusement and Sirius was beginning to squirm.

"Thank you Mister Black, you may go now."

Sirius blinked. This was also a first. He had definitely never ever got out of Dumbledore's office without so much as being mildly chastised.

"That's it?"

Dumbledore nodded slowly and looked steadily back at Sirius over his half moon glasses.

Sirius shook his head and stood, walking towards the door of the office. He pulled it open and turned back to the Professor.

"Are you sure? You don't want to give me detention or anything?"

Dumbledore sighed.

"Mister Black, I have to say that your story has amused me more than anything I have heard in a long time, and as unbelievable as it might seem, I can remember pursuing my fair share of young ladies." Dumbledore grinned as he reminisced. "I remember one particularly feisty witch who went by the name of Ruby Tuesday…"

Sirius blinked slightly as Dumbledore went vaguely misty eyed.

He wondered whether he should slip out of the room and leave Dumbledore undisturbed, but at that moment Dumbledore came back to life.

"Anyway Mister Black, might I suggest to you that just strike up a conversation with Miss Pop? Maybe the grand gestures of affection should come later when she's got used to your… dramatic ways?"

Sirius nodded dumbly. He could not believe he was getting advice on his love life from his Headmaster, it had to chart as one of the most surreal incidents in his life. Sirius turned and started down the stairs.

"Oh and Mister Black?"

Sirius stopped.

"Good luck."

Author's note: I will try and not make it as long until chapter 8… I promise