Hey!
Thanks everybody that has reviewed. Its awesome. Hopefully by the end of my fanfic I'll have at least 50 reviews, so keep it up. I like to see how you guys think, especially on this chapter. It brings up several interesting issues, and hopefully didn't turn out too bad on the delivery. Oh yeah, you might want to download "Why" by Diffuser if you can. It adds way more dimension to the chapter if you do. Start playing as soon as it says "Louis nodded, finally seeing the pieces fit together." If you time it right, it should fit pretty well with the flow of the song. But yeah, if you can, it's a lot better. This is my longest chapter yet, so I hope you like it.
Ren117
********Why********
Weeks passed and soon, it was spring. First semester was over, and the second started. Lauren was moving out – and in with Louis. Louis and Tawny had one class together, Interdisciplinary Art Studio Emphasis (IDASE for short), and Jason and Louis had one together also. Jason had finally gotten the story out of Tawny (of course not the whole story) after days of resistance. He had asked her how she felt about the whole ordeal and she dismissed him, saying she couldn't be happier.
*
Tawny came up behind Jason and kissed him on the cheek.
"Hey cutie!"
Jason smirked. "Wow, you're in good mood. What's up?"
"Umm, I don't know. I guess I've been a lot happier since Lauren moved out. Plus, I passed my quarter exams." She beamed.
"That's great Tawn. What did you score?"
She paused. "You called me Tawn."
"Do you not like it?"
She shook her head, "No, it's fine. It's just what Louis calls me."
"Oh, sorry." An awkward silence passed. "What were your scores?"
"Oh, 91, 87, 78, 75, and 93." Another silence.
"Look Tawny, it's ok to still have feelings for him. I mean, God, you were with the guy for seven years. The only thing that worries me is that you might care for him more than you care for me."
Tawny bit her lip, trying to keep from busting out laughing. "That is the cheesiest line I have ever heard!" Jason blushed.
"Oh no, I'm sorry Jay." She rubbed his back, laughing. "You're just so...cute." They stopped walking. Jason paused, about to lean in for a kiss. Tawny glanced at her watch.
"Oh sorry, I have to go. Performance arts." He nodded and she headed out.
**
"Bruno? Are you here?"
Louis groaned in his pillow.
"Bruno?" her voice got closer. "There you are. Are you still sleeping?" he put his pillow over his head.
Lauren got in next to him and pulled off the pillow. As sexy as she was, she was starting to get extremely annoying. She licked his ear and began sucking on his neck.
"Go away."
"Oh come on Bruno. Be nice now."
He rolled away.
"Fine. I bet Travis will be nice to me." Why he was still with her, he had no idea. The door slammed behind her.
***
Jason and Tawny laid down to rest at his house on top of the covers after coming back from lunch at the park.
"Tawny," he said, tousling her hair slightly. She hummed and rolled over, facing him.
"Europe will be great. I'm glad you're coming with me."
"I'm glad too." She closed her eyes.
"Do you want to marry me?"
Tawny's head whipped up. "What?"
"I mean, not right away. But when we move to Europe." Tawny was speechless. The thought of marriage was baffling. She stared into his clear blue eyes, having no idea what to say.
"Jason..." he cut her off, enveloping her in a kiss. Thriving on the warmth of her lips he reached farther in her, rolling his body on top of hers. The sudden thrust of him grinding against her was alarming. He pinned her to the bed with his legs spread across her hips.
Tawny closed her eyes, the ecstasy of the moment pumping dangerously through her veins.
No, no don't do this.
Jason's hands slid down her body, reaching for the bottom of her shirt.
She tried to push him away. "...no." she whispered. Jason didn't seem to hear her, his hands now caressing her back. She fought the urge to let Jason.
His hands worked around her, reaching for the clasp of her bra.
She snapped. "No!!!" She screamed and rolled away, leaving a stunned Jason.
She sat upright at the edge of the bed.
"What is it?"
Tawny's heart was pounding. She looked down at the floor, breathing heavily.
"I just can't." She felt his body shift on the bed.
"You ok?" She nodded, her heartrate slowing. They were silent for a while.
"Tawn, has someone hurt you before, sexually?"
She shook her head. "No."
Jason's cheeks flushed. Was this some sort of a game to her? Teasing him, then throwing him off like some scoundrel?
"Then what the hell is your problem!"
Tawny stood, saying something he refused to hear. Jason held his head in his hands, trying to calm down.
"Wait, Tawny. I'm sorry." The door slammed behind her.
*
"She threw you off, screaming?" Louis laughed. "Wow, she never did that with me. You must be extra special." The professor at the front of the room glared at him, but continued. "Doesn't surprise me though."
"I mean come on. We've been going out for eight months now. Isn't that enough time?"
"You obviously don't know Tawny. I've known her for seven years and we've never slept together. I'm pretty sure she's still a virgin."
"Can you talk to her, please? I think she'll kill me if I ask her."
"Yeah, whatever. We'll see."
**
Louis knocked on Tawny's door. He heard a faint "coming" and she appeared moments later.
"Oh hi Louis." She said, surprised. Even though they had a class together, they hadn't really talked since they got back from Sacramento since Lauren was in there too. His hair was quite a bit shorter and his cast was gone, his foot fully recovered.
"What's up?" he shook his head. "Not much. Just came by cause Lauren said she left a few things." Tawny frowned slightly at her name.
"Yeah, of course. Come in."
Louis smiled, walking in. "Nice. Diffuser, right?" he commented, reffering to the music playing.
"Yeah," she nodded, starting to gather some things she knew were Lauren's and setting them in a box.
"So," Louis said, remembering his mission. "How's the thing with Jason going?"
She laughed. "Fine," she responded crisply. "How's Lauren?"
"Fine." He put his hands in his pockets. "So...nothing happened between you two?"
Tawny rolled her eyes, knowing what he was getting at.
"If Jason wants to talk to me, have him do it himself." She set down the box of things and sat on her bed. "Well, I think that's about it."
That was it. He asked, and she wouldn't tell him. He could go now. But he wanted to know why.
Louis sat down next to her. He looked around the room, noticing how different it was from when he was in there last. Lauren's side was now completely cleared out. Tawny's side was considerably cleaner also. The pictures around her mirror cleared, and their homecoming picture replaced with a new one of her and Jason.
"So are you going to break up with him now?"
"No, why?" she asked.
"Oh, no reason. That's just one of the reasons we..."
She shook her head. "No, Jason's a good guy. I just don't want to have sex with him."
"Why not?" he asked, cautiously. He didn't want her to get pissed, but he honestly didn't get it. Jason didn't cheat on her like he had, but she didn't want either of them.
Tawny ran her fingers through her hair, contemplating whether to tell him or not. She couldn't even tell Jason. But it wasn't just about Jason. It was about all of them, and he deserved to know.
"Sophomore year, after you and me broke up I started going out with Damian. He gave me my first deep kiss, and he really made me feel like a woman."
Louis looked away, not knowing what to say.
"Then one day, at my house when my parents were gone..." She looked away. "I thought I loved him, and he loved me back. Then he dumped me and I found out he was sleeping with four other girls besides me." Her voice started to shake, but no tears came.
"I had hit an all time low. I felt so dirty, so cheap. I started slitting my wrists. My mom got really worried about me, so she started taking me to church."
Louis glanced over at Tawny, subconsciously rubbing the scars he hadn't noticed before on her wrists. He took her hand and squeezed it slightly.
"At first I thought it was all crap, a bunch of churchy people forcing their ideas on me and preaching on how I was a sinner. But then, one day it all started making a whole lot of sense to me." Louis scrunched his nose. This all seemed very untawny like.
She laughed at his expression. "I know I don't seem like a 'christian'. My language is terrible, I don't go to church very much anymore, and I'm not a virgin. But...that day I made a promise to myself and God that I wouldn't hurt myself like that again, and wait until the time was right."
Louis nodded, finally seeing all the pieces fitting together.
"I'm sorry Tawn. I didn't know." He felt numb, almost sick about all that she went through. All that time he thought she was just messing with his mind not sleeping with him. And now, all he could do was sit there as Tawny suffered.
The song changed on Tawny's boombox. Louis, not knowing what else to do to comfort her, held out his hand. She looked up for the first time and smiled. He gracefully pulled her in with the beat.
Tawny let her head rest on his shoulder. Louis held her, rocking her slowly.
Don't ask me why,
My mouth is dry,
Can't find the words I must confide
Don't ask me why
My tongue is tied
Without you here, I can't survive.
The fact that Tawny tried to commit suicide was mindblowing. He couldn't imagine his life if Tawny wasn't there. It made him so angry that Damian hurt her so badly. How could he not have known?
Tawny felt her heart racing. She was slowly losing herself in his arms, forgetting her pain. Jason didn't matter anymore. She just wanted to be there, holding the only guy she ever loved.
Don't ask me why,
My mouth is dry,
Can't find the words I must confide
Don't ask me why
My tongue is tied
Without you here, I can't survive.
A chill ran down his spine. He felt a sudden need for her, an aching pain he knew so well. If only he could rewind this whole year and redo everything.
Everything around them faded. She breathed in his colone, loving his sweet scent. All she wanted was to hold him, soak in his warmth. She lifted her head and looked him Louis in the eyes, the space between them closing.
Don't.......ask me why
Don't.......ask me why
He pulled her in, kissing her slowly and steadily as the song ended
********************************
Thanks everybody that has reviewed. Its awesome. Hopefully by the end of my fanfic I'll have at least 50 reviews, so keep it up. I like to see how you guys think, especially on this chapter. It brings up several interesting issues, and hopefully didn't turn out too bad on the delivery. Oh yeah, you might want to download "Why" by Diffuser if you can. It adds way more dimension to the chapter if you do. Start playing as soon as it says "Louis nodded, finally seeing the pieces fit together." If you time it right, it should fit pretty well with the flow of the song. But yeah, if you can, it's a lot better. This is my longest chapter yet, so I hope you like it.
Ren117
********Why********
Weeks passed and soon, it was spring. First semester was over, and the second started. Lauren was moving out – and in with Louis. Louis and Tawny had one class together, Interdisciplinary Art Studio Emphasis (IDASE for short), and Jason and Louis had one together also. Jason had finally gotten the story out of Tawny (of course not the whole story) after days of resistance. He had asked her how she felt about the whole ordeal and she dismissed him, saying she couldn't be happier.
*
Tawny came up behind Jason and kissed him on the cheek.
"Hey cutie!"
Jason smirked. "Wow, you're in good mood. What's up?"
"Umm, I don't know. I guess I've been a lot happier since Lauren moved out. Plus, I passed my quarter exams." She beamed.
"That's great Tawn. What did you score?"
She paused. "You called me Tawn."
"Do you not like it?"
She shook her head, "No, it's fine. It's just what Louis calls me."
"Oh, sorry." An awkward silence passed. "What were your scores?"
"Oh, 91, 87, 78, 75, and 93." Another silence.
"Look Tawny, it's ok to still have feelings for him. I mean, God, you were with the guy for seven years. The only thing that worries me is that you might care for him more than you care for me."
Tawny bit her lip, trying to keep from busting out laughing. "That is the cheesiest line I have ever heard!" Jason blushed.
"Oh no, I'm sorry Jay." She rubbed his back, laughing. "You're just so...cute." They stopped walking. Jason paused, about to lean in for a kiss. Tawny glanced at her watch.
"Oh sorry, I have to go. Performance arts." He nodded and she headed out.
**
"Bruno? Are you here?"
Louis groaned in his pillow.
"Bruno?" her voice got closer. "There you are. Are you still sleeping?" he put his pillow over his head.
Lauren got in next to him and pulled off the pillow. As sexy as she was, she was starting to get extremely annoying. She licked his ear and began sucking on his neck.
"Go away."
"Oh come on Bruno. Be nice now."
He rolled away.
"Fine. I bet Travis will be nice to me." Why he was still with her, he had no idea. The door slammed behind her.
***
Jason and Tawny laid down to rest at his house on top of the covers after coming back from lunch at the park.
"Tawny," he said, tousling her hair slightly. She hummed and rolled over, facing him.
"Europe will be great. I'm glad you're coming with me."
"I'm glad too." She closed her eyes.
"Do you want to marry me?"
Tawny's head whipped up. "What?"
"I mean, not right away. But when we move to Europe." Tawny was speechless. The thought of marriage was baffling. She stared into his clear blue eyes, having no idea what to say.
"Jason..." he cut her off, enveloping her in a kiss. Thriving on the warmth of her lips he reached farther in her, rolling his body on top of hers. The sudden thrust of him grinding against her was alarming. He pinned her to the bed with his legs spread across her hips.
Tawny closed her eyes, the ecstasy of the moment pumping dangerously through her veins.
No, no don't do this.
Jason's hands slid down her body, reaching for the bottom of her shirt.
She tried to push him away. "...no." she whispered. Jason didn't seem to hear her, his hands now caressing her back. She fought the urge to let Jason.
His hands worked around her, reaching for the clasp of her bra.
She snapped. "No!!!" She screamed and rolled away, leaving a stunned Jason.
She sat upright at the edge of the bed.
"What is it?"
Tawny's heart was pounding. She looked down at the floor, breathing heavily.
"I just can't." She felt his body shift on the bed.
"You ok?" She nodded, her heartrate slowing. They were silent for a while.
"Tawn, has someone hurt you before, sexually?"
She shook her head. "No."
Jason's cheeks flushed. Was this some sort of a game to her? Teasing him, then throwing him off like some scoundrel?
"Then what the hell is your problem!"
Tawny stood, saying something he refused to hear. Jason held his head in his hands, trying to calm down.
"Wait, Tawny. I'm sorry." The door slammed behind her.
*
"She threw you off, screaming?" Louis laughed. "Wow, she never did that with me. You must be extra special." The professor at the front of the room glared at him, but continued. "Doesn't surprise me though."
"I mean come on. We've been going out for eight months now. Isn't that enough time?"
"You obviously don't know Tawny. I've known her for seven years and we've never slept together. I'm pretty sure she's still a virgin."
"Can you talk to her, please? I think she'll kill me if I ask her."
"Yeah, whatever. We'll see."
**
Louis knocked on Tawny's door. He heard a faint "coming" and she appeared moments later.
"Oh hi Louis." She said, surprised. Even though they had a class together, they hadn't really talked since they got back from Sacramento since Lauren was in there too. His hair was quite a bit shorter and his cast was gone, his foot fully recovered.
"What's up?" he shook his head. "Not much. Just came by cause Lauren said she left a few things." Tawny frowned slightly at her name.
"Yeah, of course. Come in."
Louis smiled, walking in. "Nice. Diffuser, right?" he commented, reffering to the music playing.
"Yeah," she nodded, starting to gather some things she knew were Lauren's and setting them in a box.
"So," Louis said, remembering his mission. "How's the thing with Jason going?"
She laughed. "Fine," she responded crisply. "How's Lauren?"
"Fine." He put his hands in his pockets. "So...nothing happened between you two?"
Tawny rolled her eyes, knowing what he was getting at.
"If Jason wants to talk to me, have him do it himself." She set down the box of things and sat on her bed. "Well, I think that's about it."
That was it. He asked, and she wouldn't tell him. He could go now. But he wanted to know why.
Louis sat down next to her. He looked around the room, noticing how different it was from when he was in there last. Lauren's side was now completely cleared out. Tawny's side was considerably cleaner also. The pictures around her mirror cleared, and their homecoming picture replaced with a new one of her and Jason.
"So are you going to break up with him now?"
"No, why?" she asked.
"Oh, no reason. That's just one of the reasons we..."
She shook her head. "No, Jason's a good guy. I just don't want to have sex with him."
"Why not?" he asked, cautiously. He didn't want her to get pissed, but he honestly didn't get it. Jason didn't cheat on her like he had, but she didn't want either of them.
Tawny ran her fingers through her hair, contemplating whether to tell him or not. She couldn't even tell Jason. But it wasn't just about Jason. It was about all of them, and he deserved to know.
"Sophomore year, after you and me broke up I started going out with Damian. He gave me my first deep kiss, and he really made me feel like a woman."
Louis looked away, not knowing what to say.
"Then one day, at my house when my parents were gone..." She looked away. "I thought I loved him, and he loved me back. Then he dumped me and I found out he was sleeping with four other girls besides me." Her voice started to shake, but no tears came.
"I had hit an all time low. I felt so dirty, so cheap. I started slitting my wrists. My mom got really worried about me, so she started taking me to church."
Louis glanced over at Tawny, subconsciously rubbing the scars he hadn't noticed before on her wrists. He took her hand and squeezed it slightly.
"At first I thought it was all crap, a bunch of churchy people forcing their ideas on me and preaching on how I was a sinner. But then, one day it all started making a whole lot of sense to me." Louis scrunched his nose. This all seemed very untawny like.
She laughed at his expression. "I know I don't seem like a 'christian'. My language is terrible, I don't go to church very much anymore, and I'm not a virgin. But...that day I made a promise to myself and God that I wouldn't hurt myself like that again, and wait until the time was right."
Louis nodded, finally seeing all the pieces fitting together.
"I'm sorry Tawn. I didn't know." He felt numb, almost sick about all that she went through. All that time he thought she was just messing with his mind not sleeping with him. And now, all he could do was sit there as Tawny suffered.
The song changed on Tawny's boombox. Louis, not knowing what else to do to comfort her, held out his hand. She looked up for the first time and smiled. He gracefully pulled her in with the beat.
Tawny let her head rest on his shoulder. Louis held her, rocking her slowly.
Don't ask me why,
My mouth is dry,
Can't find the words I must confide
Don't ask me why
My tongue is tied
Without you here, I can't survive.
The fact that Tawny tried to commit suicide was mindblowing. He couldn't imagine his life if Tawny wasn't there. It made him so angry that Damian hurt her so badly. How could he not have known?
Tawny felt her heart racing. She was slowly losing herself in his arms, forgetting her pain. Jason didn't matter anymore. She just wanted to be there, holding the only guy she ever loved.
Don't ask me why,
My mouth is dry,
Can't find the words I must confide
Don't ask me why
My tongue is tied
Without you here, I can't survive.
A chill ran down his spine. He felt a sudden need for her, an aching pain he knew so well. If only he could rewind this whole year and redo everything.
Everything around them faded. She breathed in his colone, loving his sweet scent. All she wanted was to hold him, soak in his warmth. She lifted her head and looked him Louis in the eyes, the space between them closing.
Don't.......ask me why
Don't.......ask me why
He pulled her in, kissing her slowly and steadily as the song ended
********************************