It was like a nightmare coming true. You could see it on their faces, not only hers but his as well. He was shocked to see her, to hear her voice again, to see her panic. For her it was exactly the same, at the sound of his voice she shivered, at the sight of his dark brown eyes she trembled, at the feeling of his touch she felt numb. How could this happen? How could they, in the end, still end up with each other? Well that wasn't true, they weren't together.
A week passed and nobody seemed to notice, they knew each other of some time ago. They didn't act like it either, nothing had ever happend between them, nobody knew about their past togheter. They just avoided each other and when they didn't have another choice, they just kept up the act. They kept the conversatons light, talks about the weather and about the news. As long as they didn't have to remind themselves of a year before.
At night she layed awake, trying to figure things out. She felt the person beside her wrapping her arms around her and every memory she blocked out came back. The reason why things happend, how they had happend and how they ended. She never truly believed it but she was the reason she's here, if it hadn't been for her, Chris wouldn't be the man lying beside her.
"So you wanted to talk to me, spill it"
"Dean, can't we just be civilized about this?"
"Look, I thought you were finally over that jerk and now you're going to tell me that after everything he did, you're back together with him?"
I know that at some point he's right, he was a jerk but I truly believe he has changed.
"Dean he wasn't a jerk and yes I'm back together with him, I love him"
"No Rory, you don't love him. You love me, you've always loved me"
"Dean...please, we broke up, that wasn't Jess' fault. It could have been anybody"
"Rory I know you still want me, I can see it everytime you look at me, everytime you speak to me"
He's talking crazy, I don't want him. I probably never truly wanted him. Yes, he will always be an important part of my life, he was my first love. But he's not the one I'm in love with. Not anymore.
"Dean I don't want you I-"
Everything is black, the world starts spinning when his lips are crushed on mine. The old familiar, save taste of the past are entering my body. It is representing everything I turned my back to. Then it's all over, his lips are gone, the taste too, the save taste left my body...it's wrong, it's oh so wrong, but I want it He looks like he knows what he's doing when he lifts up my shirt and pulls me into my bedroom. I get lost in the moment and the somehow expected things happen. Right before I hear a knock on the door, I straighten my clothes and let Dean out through the back. What have I done? When I open the door I see my boyfriend with a face as pale as ice.
"We're over"
The only words he speaks, at first I don't know what he's talking about and then the creepy feeling gets me: What if he saw Dean slipping away? What if he knew what happend?
"What? Wha-What do you mean? We're not over!"
"We're over, you know why"
"Jess no, it's a mistake"
"Let me guess...nothing happend we're just friends, we were just having a conversation...I saw what happend Rory!" "You saw?"
"Well I didn't stick around long enough to enjoy the whole show but what I saw was pretty convincing, so I decided till you were done so you could make some time for me"
He must be making some kind of joke, he can't walk away from me, he loves me, I love him. We were suppose to be together.
"God Rory...what were you thinking? Dean's married for crying out loud! And what about me? I know you might not love me the way I- that way you love Dean but...you know what, just leave it okay. We're almost even now. I hurt you several times and you hurt me...I guess you have one more time for that."
"I'm sorry Jess"
"Yeah well...whatever"
He turns and walks away...leaving me here standing confused about what just happend. It's clear to me but there's something my mind won't get, the fact that he's gone, not completly but he's walking away.
"Jess wait!"
He stops, at the bridge, our place, the place we started and probably the place we end.
"What Rory?" his voice doesn't sound like his, it's hard and cruel.
"Please let me explain"
"What's there to explain?"
"We... I just wanted to talk to him, to explain about you and me that we are, were, back together but then he kissed me and I don't know, I just-"
"Save it okay"
"No, I want you to know, it just felt save and secure and those feelings took over my real feelings...the way I feel about you jess"
And then I kiss him, trying to fix what can be fixed.
"No Rory stop it, I can't and I don't want to do this anymore"
By the look on his face I can see he's serious about all of this, this is our ending.
"So I guess this means we're..."
"Yes we're over"
The tight arms around her remind her of that night, when Dean was the one laying right beside her. She never meant for it to happen, she never meant to sleep with Dean. 4.00 AM. She knows she will not sleep tonight, so she releash herself for Chris' grip and lift herself of the bed walking outside and sits down by the pool. Thunder lights up the sky but it isn't the sound that struggles her.
"Can't sleep?"
"Jess"
"Me neither"
"What are you doing here?"
"I live here"
"Oh, right"
They both know this will somehow end in a fight that will be read of their faces in the morning.
"So you and Francis"
"yep, me and Francis"
"She told me about you...I just didn't realize it was you"
"She did? What did she say?"
"Ow just stuff...girl stuff"
"Ow right"
A long and uncomfortable silence makes her shift her feet accross the floor but the hard and expected question paralyzed her.
"Why did you do it?"
Shame colors her face and she's thankful he can't see it. She knows she has to answer his question but the truth is, she doesn't have a proper and logical explanation.
"I don't know"
"Right"
"No Jess, I'm serious. I don't know why things happend the way the did all I know is that I'm still ashamed and sorry for it."
"Rory, there has to be an explanation, you slept with Dean. That's not something you would do when there wasn't an explanation! You told me you needed more time that you weren't ready for that step...you weren't ready for that step with me or did you just wanted to take it with Dean?" "That's not fair! I loved you more then I ever loved Dean"
Something in his face changed, like he was touched by her words.
"I tried to call you but when the phone rang like 3 or 4 times I realized that I had to get over you, move on. I did that Rory, you're no longer a part of my life. You're part of my past and even though things happend that I wished never did happen, they are a part of that past and I'm grateful for them. That's how I met Francis and I love her. You are just the girlfriend of my best friend and that's all you'll ever be"
She felt like he hit her, he just hurt her. Not on purpose, he just told her what she suspected.
"What if I don't want to be your past?"
"What?"
"What if I don't want to be your past? What if I want to be your present and your future"
"Rory no...didn't you hear what I just said: I love Francis! You screw up...once I loved you but that's over now. I don't want you anymore"
How could he be so cruel she thought? How could he say all those things after everything they had been through.
"Jess what the hell is your problem?"
"What my problem is? Let's see...you come crushing into my life again and tell me you want to be my present and my future. I don't need you, I don't want you and I don't love you anymore Rory!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
And she turned to a direction that led her back to the bedroom she left earlier. From the moment she walked away till the moment the alarmclock said it was 7 o'clock, she had been crying and thinking abou what he said hours earlier.
The breakfast didn't go easy, a lot of tension ruled the table. Nobody paid attention to it though. The tension was shattered by a phone call that changed Rory's life in an instant.