Title- The Diary of Ana The Bloody

Disclaimer- Spike, Dawn William, Ann (William's mother) and Cecily Adams all belong to Joss and the creators of BTVS, the rest- Ana, James senior, James Jr. Aria, Sally Smith, Richard Wordsworth, and Walter Glass are mine.

Summary- After -The Gift- Sometime during the summer, Spike is helping Dawn with a summer course assignment, in which he tells her about his life as William. Set mostly in the 18th century and the early 1900's.

PG-13

Chapter 1

A Life Without Friends

Ana (last name unknown) was 15 years old with long blond hair and green eyes, Proven by a family portrait I found.

"I thought about killing myself again today," she wrote in her diary October 15th 1902.

"I can't breath, I can't feel, I can't live, all I want is to heal...." That was part of a poem written by Ana October 07th 1902.

Ana Unknown was the youngest of four children. The oldest, William was 28 and no longer lived with them. He had light brown curly hair and blue eyes, as seen in the family photo. He was rarely at home when he first attended Oxford in 1897 at the age of 21. Aria was the second oldest at 24. She had brown hair and blue eyes like William, and was married at the age of 20 in 1900. James, the second youngest at 19, had blond hair like Ana and brown eyes. He lived at home until he was 20 and then took a job in the local town. Her mother's name was Ann and her father was James senior. He father died when she was very young and she never knew him very well.

October 10th 1902

"I don't know why they hate me, maybe I've done something to offend them in some way..."

September 4th 1902

"Tomorrow I start school. I wonder what it will be like. I miss my old school and friends back home in London terribly, but mother says I will meet lots here. I can't wait to see what it will be like..."

September 5th 1902

"Today was my first day of school here and I must say I'm rather disappointed. Not a single soul made the effort to keep conversation with me, but I must admit I was a little shy. I have promised myself not to do so tomorrow..."

September 6th 1902

"I tried, I really did, but still no one will continue a conversation with me, nor will they start one. I have no friends here and I long for the streets of London, but mother says we must stay here and that making friends take time. Funny, I don't remember it talking this long before..."

September 7th 1902

"Today I once again made the effort to talk to Sally Smith. Although I have never mentioned her before I have tried several times to speak with her since we are seated next to each other, but she ignores me or just nods polity. I don't think she likes me very much..."

September 8th 1902

"I have spoken to my brother William, who once also had trouble making friends. I don't think he ever really had any back in London; they were always mean to him. He has met some people here though, I believe. I asked him how long it usually takes and he told me it depends on the person and the people involved, that I should just keep trying to talk to other people instead of just one and surly some one won't turn their nose to me if they do then I'm better off without the. I believe my brother is right and I shall take his advice..."

September 12th 1902

"I t has been 3 days since I last wrote anything. That's because I have not been feeling well. I have more bad news. Sally Smith captured this very diary and read it aloud in the schoolyard for everyone to hear, which most of the girls did. I was mortified. I wept in public; I am too embarrassed to go back to school. I won't bother mother with my problems. I mustn't upset her-she had TB and needs her rest so she can get better..."

September 13th 1902

"Today as I was walking to school (in which I wasn't looking forward to attending) I found the city library where I sat all day and read a book given to me by my brother William. I cannot recall the name of it right now. I enjoy the library quite a bit and I think I will go there often form now on..."

September 15th 1902

"Here I am again at the library. They have a lot of great books here and I find myself lost in each one I read. I could read them all and that's what I intend to do since I plan to never return to school. Mother says both me and William have inherited our father love for literature...Oh dear! I have spotted my brother William who had just entered and I pray he does not see me..."

"Ana, is that you?" He says...he has spotted me and I fear he will tell mother...

"What are you doing here?" he asked, sitting down next to me...

"I came to get a book," I tell him...

"Shouldn't you be in school?"

"I...I...I," I tried to tell him but the words wouldn't escape from my lips...

"You what?" He asked me again...

"I was in school, but I started coming here."

"Started?"

"I just came to get a book" I hate to lie, especially to William, who can always tell anyway...

"Well, you have one, do you not? So lets get you back to school, shall we?"

"I can't go back," I tell him...

"Why not?"

"Because, I...I, I just can't!"

"Can't or won't?"

"Both..."

"Do you want to tell me why not, then?"

"You know...."

"You still haven't made any friends? Is that it?"

"Yes, but not only that-they make jokes about me...."

"Pay no attention to them, you're better then that."

"Do you know what it feels like to sit there by yourself knowing everybody hates you and you don't even know why?"

"Yes I do...In London this particular time.... you do recall Cecily Adams, don't you?"

"Yes, the girl you were in love with?"

"That's the one.... Well anyway, I was at a party she attended also and I was writing a poem about her, and Richard Wordsworth snatched it from right out of my hand... the ink wasn't even dry and read it aloud in front of every one. I was mortified."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing really, and I thought I'd never get over it.... but I did...and now it doesn't even seem as bad as it did back then..."

"Yeah.... but this is now and it's still bad and it hurts and I don't ever want to go back to school ever again!" At this point I was almost in tears...

"You know you must go back to school sooner or later," He tried to make me feel better, but it wasn't working.

"I know.... will you tell mother?"

"I won't for now, but you must promise me that you will return to school immediately."

"Fine, I'll go back on Monday."

"Ana, today is only Tuesday..."

"I know, but I really wanted to finish this book because there's another book I have spotted that I cannot wait to read."

"Ok, if you must, you may return no later then Monday, but I assure you if have not returned by then I will have to inform Mother."

"I will William, don't worry."

Ok...Please Review and tell me what you think...and I know that you might not understand what's going on right now, and I know the times are screwed up, but it's supposed to be, so please review and tell me what u think ï