Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters.I would like to have them over for a backyard barbecue, though. Gimli: What the devil is this? Me: It's a hotdog. Gimli: It looks like a...it's perverted! Me: Yeah, I know...

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! I try to email everyone, but if you don't have a link to email, then, obviously, I can't, so I'm thanking you here! Blue Autumn Sky - your emails keep coming back - so thank you! Also, two stories for you guys to check out - Click Your Heels Three Times by southerngirl4615; and Blazing Skye by Carefree Quill. First one's funny and inventive, ...second is a legomance, but a really hot one!

Chapter 5

Connect 4

"Laddie! Good to see you! Gimme a hug!" Gimli cried as he launched himself at Elrond's midsection.

"Gimli, kindly remove your nose from my navel," Elrond said, prying the Dwarf's arms free of his waist. "It is good to see you, also. I hadn't expected to see you quite so soon upon my arrival..." he continued wryly. "And the Lord of the Wood, is he still with you?"

"Aye, Laddie, aye. We've been travelling together since the War. He be in counsel now, with his father," Gimli replied, taking a step back from Elrond. Looking up at the tall Elf, Gimli chuckled, "His father is still trying to get Legolas to commit to some young thing...like THAT'S bloody likely! The Elf is having too good a time running about the countryside to settle down!"

Gimli looked up at Elrond with a sly look on his face, "But Laddie...what's this they tell me about yer missing yer boat?"

"It' a long story, Gimli. One I choose not to tell it right now, if you please. Tell me of your journey to Moria..." Elrond said, trying to change the subject.

"Aww, you'll hear all about that later, Laddie...right now, I want to hear how ye came to be here in Mirkwood! And especially, why did ye come in with yer man-handle hanging out fer all the world to see? You know Laddie, I've seen it, and I wouldn't be flouncing it about if I were you..." Gimli laughed.

"You HAVEN'T see it, nor will you EVER see it, and I do NOT wish to continue this conversation!" Elrond bellowed, turning bright red.

"Of course I saw it! EVERYONE saw it...I was there when the guards brought you in! Everyone was standing around, laughin' and pointin'..."

"THEY WERE NOT!" Elrond thundered, ready to wring Gimli's neck - as usual - within the first 5 minutes of their meeting. "I mean... there is nothing to laugh about!"

"Have ye looked south of the equator lately, Laddie? Methinks ye might be surprised..."

"IT WAS COLD OUTSIDE...ARGH! You are impossible, Dwarf!" Elrond pushed past Gimli, who was nearly bent in double, laughing hysterically. "I am going to dinner, and if you know what's good for you, you will leave this conversation in this room!"

Gimli tried to settle himself as he watched Elrond storm from the room. "Good old Elrond, " he thought to himself as he followed the Elf out, "Always good for a laugh! Still, after 7,000 years, you'd think he'd have grown a sense of humor!"

"LORD ELROND OF RIVENDELL."

Elrond held his head high as he regally marched down the long aisle between the banquet tables as the major domo announced his name to the court. Out of the corner of his eye, he searched the faces of the Elves in attendance, trying to discern who had, and who had not, seen his private stock.

"Elrond," Thranduil said, motioning for him to seat himself at the head table, to Thranduil's right, 'You remember my son, Legolas..."

"Of course. Legolas, mellon min, it is good to see you," Elrond nodded his head at the tall, blonde elf.

"Lord Elrond, a pleasure, as always..." Legolas replied formally. Then, with the tiniest smirk, he said, "Your arrival today was a SMALL wonder..."

Elrond's eyebrows knitted together in a frown. "Not you too!" he hissed through his teeth. "I have already had it ground in my face by your short, hairy companion!"

Legolas was the picture of innocence. "My Lord, what DO you speak of? I only meant to comment on the unexpected manner of your arrival...that is the NAKED truth!"

Thranduil choked, spitting out the wine he had been drinking, some of which dribbled out of his nose.

"Thranduil, really! I would expect you to have taught the Elfling better manners by now! Not to mention that YOU should have been able to pick up better table manners!" Elrond admonished, using a napkin to wipe a few drops of wine that had splattered on his sleeve.

Snorting, Thranduil said, "Oh, get over yourself, Elrond! You have to admit it was a pretty humorous arrival...we can't be expected to simply ignore it, now can we?"

"Why the hell not? If you had arrived in Rivendell in such a manner, I would have been the sole of discretion!" Elrond replied huffily.

"If I had arrived in Rivendell in the manner you arrived here, YOU would have had a statue of the event erected in front of the Last Homely Home!"

"ERECT is not a word I would choose to describe his arrival!" Gimli snorted, finally joining the head table.

"GIMLI - ENOUGH!" Elrond thundered, causing the entire hall to fall silent and stare in his direction.

"Oi! Yer makin' me ears ring!" Gimli laughed, digging a finger into his left ear. "With that voice, people will think yer overcompensatin' for something!"

Elrond slumped back, defeated. "I give up! Go ahead...have your fun at my expense...just get it out of your systems!"

"As ye wish, Laddie..." Gimli chuckled, catching Legolas' eye. "Though methinks the jokes will be in SHORT supply!"

"Aye, if we didn't poke fun, everyone would think we'd gone SOFT!" Legolas contributed.

"You wouldn't begrudge us a TINY bit of fun, would you Elrond?" contributed Thranduil, his eyes tearing.

"Are you QUITE done? Could we PLEASE move the conversation to another topic, or are you three completely fixated on my personal effects?" Elrond said, exasperated, rising to his feet, a scarlet blush creeping up his cheeks.

"Alright, Laddie, alright! Calm yerself! Let me tell you about the Elf and my trip to Moria to see the mines!" Gimli said, still chuckling a bit. "Sit down, sit down...we mean no harm and ye know it! Now...it was just after Aragorn and Arwen's wedding that the Elf and me set off for the mInes..."

Elrond sighed, settling back in his seat. "Good! By the time the Dwarf finishes his story, everyone will be too drunk to remember the reason for the celebration...never mind my unorthodox arrival today. That hairy moppet has the worst case of oral diarrhea that I have ever seen," he thought to himself.

Hours passed, filled with drinking and storytelling, and general merry-making. It was nearly dawn before Elrond rose, slightly wobbly, from his seat. Gimli was face down in his chicken plate, and Thranduil and Legolas were on the floor behind the table where they had fallen after having attempted to arm wrestle each other.

Staggering slightly, Elrond held to the wall as he worked his way back to his room. Brushing off the attendant who was waiting to help him undress, he collapsed on the bed, and was soon snoring soundly.