Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Elrond: Why do you insist on having to repeat this same sentence chapter after chapter - it is becoming redundant. Me: Shut up, Elrond, or I'll have you drop your drawers again.

Chapter 7

Stratego

Gimli and Elrond strolled companionably through the Great Underground Hall, stopping occasionally to exchange a word or two with one or another Elves of their acquaintance. They were hoping to spot Legolas, whom they hadn't been able to see for quite a while.

Legolas had been kept very busy by his father, Thranduil, escorting this young elleth to lunch, and that young elleth to high tea, and another young elleth to dinner, and still another young elleth for a moonlight walk near the river, for five days straight. Thranduil REALLY wanted grandchildren, and was piling on the pressure for Legolas to take a wife. Personally, Elrond was beginning to think that Thranduil was hoping to wear Legolas down by the sheer numbers of elleths he was having to escort each day.

Not a bad strategy, as far as Elrond was concerned.

"Elrond! There he be!" Gimli said, nudging Elrond in the thigh, and pointing up ahead to a fountain set in the center of the Great Hall. "Quick! Let's grab him before Thranduil sees that he's free and sends him out after another lass!"

Elrond looked up ahead in time to see Legolas bow to his escort, a fair young elleth in a dark green gown, before turning to take his leave.

Gimli took off running toward Legolas, shouting and waving his arms to get the Elf's attention. Legolas' face split in a wide smile at the sight of his short, bearded friend, and extended that smile to include Elrond.

"Laddie! We've been looking for ye all day!" Gimli cried, obviously delighted at having found his best friend.

"I know I haven't been available lately...my father seems determined that I find a wife," Legolas explained. "He's had me escorting one or another elleth every waking moment!"

"Any interesting possibilities?" Elrond asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No! Not a single one would I consider chaining myself to for eternity. You would not believe the horrendously boring conversation I've had to endure. "Oh, Your Highness," Legolas said in a high, falsetto voice, clasping his hands to his chest, "Such lovely weather we are having," and "Oh, My Prince, the weather has been most enjoyable of late," and "Oh, My Lord, do you think this lovely weather will last?" Disgusted, Legolas through his hands up in the air. "I swear by Eru, if one more person comments to me on the weather, I shall use her for target practice!"

"Ye don't need a gilded tongue to make an heir, Laddie!" Gimli chuckled. "Ye just need all her other parts to work!"

"Do you think I could survive eternity listening to this kind of idle chatter? It would drive me insane!" Legolas cried. "I wish my father would just let me be! I cannot bear the thought of spending another evening being fawned over by some empty-headed elleth!"

"Well then, Laddie, methinks we need to come up with a plan to get you out of here without yer father's knowing..." Gimli said, looking up at Elrond. "What do you think, Elrond? Any spells ye can come up with to shield our friend from his father's sight?"

"Do I look like a wizard to you, Dwarf?" Elrond replied, planting his hands on his hips. "The only spells I cast are healing spells, which may be useful if Thranduil catches you trying to sneak Legolas out of the Great Halls."

"Oh, come on, Elrond! Yer not AFRAID of Thranduil, are ye? I would not have taken ye for a coward!" Gimli said coolly, studying his fingernails.

"Afraid? I've never been afraid of anything in my life! Especially not of that pompous potentate! The very idea!" Elrond cried, outraged at the insult.

"I don't know, Laddie..." Gimli calmly said to Legolas, "methinks he protests too much..."

"I am NOT afraid of Thranduil, or anyone else!" Elrond yelled, soundly thumping Gimli on the noggin.

"Then prove it!" Gimli shouted, rubbing his head. "Help me get Legolas out of here!"

"Alright, alright! Just keep your voice down! They can probably hear you in Gondor!" Elrond said, shushing the Dwarf. "Look this is a simple problem. All we need to do is find something to hide him in."

"Hide me in? Like what?" Legolas said, looking around the Hall for something big enough to fit in.

:"You really got all the beauty and none of brains, didn't you, son?" Elrond said, patting Legolas on the shoulder. "Like a box...or a barrel."

"Ooh! They were filling barrels with ale down at the river! We could get one from there!" Gimli cried, clapping his hands and giving a little jump.

"Don't do that, Gimli...you remind me of the Hobbits," Elrond said. "Let's first go to our rooms and grab our packs, then meet at the dock."

Less than an hour later, Elrond, Gimli, and Legolas were crouching behind a clump of bushes on the dock of the Forest River, waiting for their chance to steal a barrel.

"I have a question..." Legolas whispered to Elrond. "Once I am in the barrel, exactly how are you going to carry me out without being noticed?"

"Do you see that wagon, over there?" Elrond pointed to a hay wagon, already hitched to a team of fine horses. "We'll simply borrow it. We only need to get you as far as the border of Mirkwood."

"Look! The Elves are leaving...it must be lunchtime! Come on!" Gimli whispered, creeping out from behind the bushes toward the barrels. "Here's an empty one!"

Legolas climbed into the barrel, barely fitting his six-foot frame inside the wooden slats. Elrond and Gimli secured the lid, opening the spout on top so that Legolas could breathe.

"Gimli!" Elrond whispered urgently, "The Elves are coming back! They must only have been going a break! Quick! Back to the bushes!"

Elrond and Gimli ducked back behind the clump of bushes.

"Can ye see, Elrond?" Gimli asked softly.

"No! They've piled barrels right in front of us...I can't see a blessed thing!"

Gimli and Elrond waited for what seemed to them an eternity, for the Elves to leave for lunch. Coming out from behind the bushes, they looked over the barrels, trying to find the one they had sealed Legolas in.

"Laddie? Laddie?" Gimli called, putting his ear to each barrel in turn. "Elrond, where is he?"

"hic,"

"Did ye hear something, Elrond?" Gimli asked, seeing Elrond freeze. "Yer Elf ears are better than me own."

"hic"

"There! In that barrel near the edge of the dock...I think I hear him!" Elrond cried, running toward the barrel. He reached it and put his ear to the lid. "Legolas, are you in there?"

"hic."

Elrond smelled a strong odor of ale coming from the barrel. He realized that the Elves, thinking it was empty, must have filled it with ale.

Just then, Gimli, running as quickly as his short, stumpy legs could carry him, ran full tilt into Elrond's backside. Elrond was pushed forward by the momentum, in turn, pushing Legolas' barrel over the edge into the river, where it landed with a tremendous splash. Elrond and Gimli stood on the dock, watching forlornly as the barrel gently floated down river.