Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Elrond: I do not care for the way you are writing my character. You are making me sound like a ninny. Me: You are a ninny. Elrond: How dare you? YOU'RE a ninny! Me: Don't push me, Elf, or down come the pants.

Chapter 8

Go Fish

Running down the bank of the Forest River, Elrond and Gimli raced to keep up with the barrel as the swift current swept it along. Gimli soon fell behind, panting for breath, but determined not to let Elrond, or the barrel, out of his sight. He struggled along, sweating profusely, swearing under his breath with every step.

The barrel bobbed and rolled with the current, bumping against logs and rocks jutting from the water. At one point, Elrond got far enough ahead of the barrel to attempt to stop it by crawling out on a log. He reached down over the water to grab the barrel as it swept by, but the barrel turned at the last moment and his hand came back empty.

After a long way, just as Gimli thought he could not take another step, the barrel was caught in the fork of a tree that lay in the water.

Sighing his relief, Elrond jumped into the water and hauled the barrel to the water's edge. Gimli used his axe handle to pry the lid off. Peering inside the barrel, they saw the crown of a blonde head peeking out of dark, yellow liquid.

"Legolas! Laddie!" Gimli cried, reaching into the barrel and grabbing Legolas under the arms. Elrond helped Gimli pull Legolas from the barrel. They laid him on the sandy bank of the river, looking at each other over his body.

"Legolas, speak to us!" Gimli cried, tears of frustration in his eyes.

"Legolas, can you hear me?" Elrond asked, shaking the prone Elf by the shoulders.

"Hic. Hic. UHHRP!" Legolas let out an enormous belch, opening his eyes. "Elonnnnn...Gimmmeee...hic...ish it time to go?"

"Eru's testicles! He's as drunk as a Hobbit on holiday!" Gimli announced, shaking his head in wonder.

"They must have filled the barrel with ale after we sealed Legolas in. We left the spout open, remember?" Elrond deduced, shrugging his shoulders. "Help me get him up."

Together they hoisted the extremely snookered Legolas to his feet, and began walking him along the bank of the river. "It's no use," Elrond said, shaking his head in disgust. "He'll never sober up enough today to travel! He'll just have to sleep it off."

"Our packs! We left them on the dock! We've no food, no clothes...nothing!" Gimli cried, looking back down the river.

"Now, doesn't this seem familiar?" Elrond said sarcastically. "All we need now is an ant hill and a hungry warg."

"What, Laddie? I don't understand..."

"Never mind. We'll just have to make do. Come on, let's gather some brush and at least make a lean-to. We can't risk a fire, because I'm sure Thranduil has every scout in Mirkwood out looking for us by now."

Doing the best they could with the materials at hand, Elrond, Gimli, and a very drunk Legolas spent the night huddled together in a flimsy lean-to without further mishap.

Morning broke, and bright sunshine woke the travelers.

"Ohhh, my head! My stomach! What hit me?" Legolas moaned, clutching his skull and stomach, standing up in front of the lean-to.

"You had a bit much to drink last night, Laddie," Gimli chuckled, winking at Elrond.

"Yes, I hope that elleth you were with didn't take your offer of marriage seriously," Elrond added, "or were you serious about wedding her? I thought your taste in women was a little more, er, discerning, but evidently you like the hefty ones."

Gimli had to shove his entire fist into his mouth to keep from laughing.

"No...NO! I don't remember...Oh, it CAN'T be!" Legolas cried, then winced at the pain in his head. "Please tell me it isn't true! Did you help me escape her? Is that why we're in the forest? Oh, PLEASE let me not have done something so stupid!"

"Calm down, Laddie, calm down!" Gimli cried, exploding with laughter. "We're just having a bit of fun with ye! Ye didn't propose to anyone...unless there was someone else in that barrel, that is!"

"Barrel?" Legolas asked, perplexed. "...oh, BARREL! Yes, I remember now! What a relief! ...oh, my head."

Elrond looked up from the ground where he had been rolling, laughing uncontrollably. "Legolas, you should have seen your face when you thought you were betrothed...it was priceless!"

"Argh...I feel horrible...when I feel better, I am going to beat the living daylights out of both of you, you know," Legolas said calmly, still holding his head.

"Well, no use standing around here. Let's shove off and hopefully find some breakfast along the way!" Gimli called to the other two. He picked up his axe, and the three set off again toward Minas Tirith.

"Gimli, where are our packs? And where is my bow and quiver?" Legolas asked, walking a bit slower than the other two due to his monstrous headache.

"About that, Laddie..." Gimli muttered, looking over at Elrond, "...well, we sort of...kind of...well, we didn't exactly..."

"We forgot them," Elrond said matter-of-factly.

"You forgot? How could you FORGET?" Legolas asked incredulously, staring at the other two.

"We were a little busy chasing after your soggy arse!" Gimli yelled.

"I haven't been without a bow and quiver since I was FIVE!" Legolas yelled back, wincing at the pain it caused in his head. "Not to mention that I would not have BEEN soggy if it hadn't been for Elrond's brilliant idea of stuffing me in a barrel! How did the barrel end up in the river, anyway?"

"Er...um...it was Elrond's fault," Gimli said softly, earning him a quick, hard knock on the head from Elrond.

"It was NOT my fault, you dumpy little dungheap! You ran into me!"

"Please! My head cannot take anymore of this! Just shut up the two of you!" Legolas cried, stamping off in front of them.

"Told you this would be an interesting trip," Gimli said to Elrond, giving him a nudge as he took off after Legolas.

Elrond rolled his eyes, and sighed, picking up his pace to catch up with the others.