i put down the rock i was holding in my hand. my drawing was finished. penrose. i drew 10 of them in a circle around me. one big penrose star.
i like 10. all my favorite numbers go into it. 1. 2. 5. 3. 3.33. and lots of nice big numbers than end in 0 are divisible by it. 10 is a good number to have on your side when the other numbers decide to break the rules and fuck with your mind.
my fingers hurt. but pain is not real. it is just a reflex of my brain that tells my body that something is wrong. what is wrong is that i held the rock too tight in my fingers. to draw my penrose. but nothing is wrong now. not when i am in my penrose star. here it is safe.
i lie on the ground. it's cold but my penrose will keep me warm. it smells like old smokes and that stuff that makes you happy. 40% concentrate. i close my eyes. i see waterfall like the pictures i was shown at the school. i watch the water go up and down with my eyes still closed even though it is impossible to see things when they are closed and waterfall is impossible too. i like impossible things. it was impossible to split an atom once but they found a way. i feel thirsty.
i do not want to leave my star. i am too thirsty to stay here. there is a fountain somewhere. i saw children throwing coins in it. i remember coins are wishes. why do children want to drown their wishes? i have no wishes to drown or spend. i do not remember why i am here. i stare up at the sky and see stars through the tall buildings. there are 30000000000000000 stars. i do not know who counted. even i can not count them and i think i am good at that.
i stand up and walk out of my penrose. i feel cold again. math is safe. math stays the same everywhere in the world and universe. temperature changes. people change when they find out you were not what they expected. i am not sure why i know these things. all i remember is yesterday and my penrose and the coins.
the ground is cold. i do not know why. there are lots of lights on in the big tall building above me. 233 lights. why are 233 people awake now when it is dark and others sleep? there are lots of things i do not know but i wonder why others do not see how strange they are. i remember i am only wearing my trousers and shirt. i do not remember where they are from. my feet are cold and i step in broken glass. pain is not real. i am not in my penrose so something must be wrong.
there are invisible people around me suddenly. they take my arms and push me on the ground. i am scared. i have known lots of fear but now i am more fearful than ever. something inside me clicks. i try and move away. one grabs my wrist and twists it so it breaks. pain is not real. pain is not real. something is wrong.
they are bringing out a needle. i remember needles. then stick them into your arms and legs and never never ever take them out until you are smart again. 20 mls blue. it is in my arm. it hurts. something is wrong. i want my penrose. i close my eyes and try to see three worlds. trees. leaves. fish. it still hurts.
i thrash out. i feel blood under my fingers as i claw at them. the needle is gone. i feel dizzy. i want my penrose. i am not thirsty. i try and find my way back. i follow the 233 lights. pi. phi. quadratic formula. concave. congruent. logarithim. y = cos X for 0 y pi.
bang. bullet. 900 m/s. i feel it in me. in my stomach. out. pain. pain. pain. something is wrong.
End: Feel free to review. I'm not taking flames easily right now, I'm in a sad phase. This is shit, no need to tell me. I guarantee better stuff when I get more into school.