Act II
(Same setting, with Draco Malfoy standing in his coat at the front door)
James: Well, Mr. Malfoy, I'm so glad you could make it on such short notice.
Draco: Well, I could hardly pass it up, could I?
Lily: Oh, Mr. Malfoy, James has been raving about your strategy. Simply raving. He has so many ideas, it's simply thrilling. Thrilling!
James: Lily... go sit down and let me talk to Mr. Malfoy.
Draco: Oh, please, Mr. Potter, call me Draco.
James: Alright, Draco, if you'll make sure to call me James.
Draco: Of course.
James: Please have a seat, Draco.
(He sits)
Lily: Could I get you anything to drink, Mr. Malfoy?
Draco: I'll take a ginger ale, if you don't mind.
Lily: Not at all. And a scotch, James?
James: No, I think I'll take a ginger ale as well.
(He smiles creepily at Draco, who scoots further on the couch. Lily brings them their drinks, then sits meekly across the room)
Draco: Well, first, Mr. Potter- I mean James- this is an absolute honor to be here, in your home. I mean, your Run For Cover battle plan was part of the reason I became an auror. It's just... such a pleasure to even be considered by such a name in the industry as yourself.
Lily: Wait, Mr. Malfoy!
James: Lily, sit down...
Lily: No, I will not sit down, because this is just not right. Mr. Malfoy, you had no right to ask my husband to drop everything he's doing to proof your "Death Trap." And James, it was wrong of you to accept his draft at all when you're so busy. So, here's what I think we should all do- James, collaborate on Death Trap. You lead the mission, and Mr. Malfoy, operates it. I'm sure it will bring in more than enough money for all involved.
James: Are you quite through, Lily?
Lily: Yes.
Draco: You know, I think Mrs. Potter is right, I shouldn't have barged in on you like this and I'm sorry. Now that I think about it, I'd like a second opinion on my strategy because, while I have the deepest respect for you, James, I think Death Trap is ready to be submitted as is.
(Lily exchanges a fearful look with James)
James: You are absolutely right, and if you have any second thoughts, come straight back to me, and I'll give you my opinion.
(Draco stands to leave, but before he can do so, James opens a door behind them, revealing a room full of antique weapons)
James: Before you go, I thought I might show you a little hobby of mine. I think you might be interested.
(Draco is breath taken by the display)
Draco: Is that... a mace?
James: Yes, my father collected it for me on his voyage to Scandinavia. It was quite the find.
Draco: Why do you own them, since the only real weapon you need is a wand?
James: Like I said, just a hobby. Now, I'd like you to see something.
(He pulls out a very old looking pair of handcuffs, and Draco takes them in hand, surveying them carefully)
James: They are a pair of handcuffs used by the famous muggle magician Harry Houdini... put them on.
(Draco puts them on, sitting in a chair to do so)
Draco: Wow, they seem pretty tight.
James: Yes, well, they had to be, didn't they?
(Draco gets visibly nervous and tries to reach his wand in his robes with the handcuffs on)
James: Don't bother; I've put a spell on them so they can't be opened with magic. More fun that way. I have a key around here somewhere...
(He fingers his way through the weapons, holding each one contemplatively as Lily stands in the doorway, a cigarette in hand)
Lily: James, my heart can't take it.
James: Be quiet, Lily.
(Draco is fidgeting from discomfort by this time)
Draco: You know, I should tell you, there's a lady expecting me at eight. That's about what time it is now, isn't it?
(No response, and James continues looking through the weapons)
Draco: Her name is Calliope Vanderbilt; she's a cousin of mine. Anyway, I left a note telling her where I was, and that I'd meet her tonight. So, if you don't find that key soon, she'll be getting pretty worried...
Lily: You hear that, James, she'll be worried...
(They both look at James nervously)
James: And here they are!
(He produces the key triumphantly and Lily and Draco both let out relieved chuckles)
James: I do believe the pair of you thought I was going to take that axe up there and... well, you know the rest.
Draco: You can't have a mind like that without causing some suspicion.
(Lily backs away into a chair where she deposits her cigarette. Draco begins to try to unlock himself from the handcuffs when James comes from behind him and wraps a thick chain around his neck. He strangles him, falling on to the floor, while Lily screams loudly, running about the living room frantically. Eventually, Draco stops struggling, dead. James stands back to survey the situation)
James: Right on the rug; one point for neatness.
(He then goes to the kitchen to wash his hands briefly before returning to the body and covering it with the rug)
James: Lily, come help me carry him out to the vegetable patch.
(She doesn't move)
James: Lily, come and help me carry him out...
(She still doesn't move)
James: LILY, GET THE BLOODY HELL OVER HERE TO HELP ME CARRY HIM TO THE BLOODY VEGETABLE PATCH!!!
(She complies and they both disappear out the back door)