by crystal tiara
Disclaimer: I don't own Ayashi no Ceres; Yuu Watase does. No copyright infringement intended.
So here we are, and everything is ending all over again.
The past may have been long gone, but my wounds have never healed up until now. Perhaps more than a thousand years have passed, but how can I forget everything you've done to me? All those unforgivable, despicable deeds... I've kept them in my memory, forming a grudge that spanned over time, causing my unrest.
But still, no matter how intent I was on destroying you and all our children, I wanted you.
I wanted you.
Now I have the courage to admit it. Yes, while I wanted revenge, deep inside of me I held this longing... that I could get a glimpse of the old you. You, who didn't have power or glory, but had the smile that warmed my heart. You, who taught me about love. I held on to that faint flicker of hope in my jaded heart that someday, in time, you would return to being the Mikagi I knew...and loved.
Perhaps I had only hoped in vain.
You were still the same overbearing person, trying to keep me under your clutches. You were so consumed by your lust for me, never letting anyone stand in the way. You changed into someone different. And I had never felt so pathetic in my whole life, seeing you like that. If only I had known from the start that power could corrupt a person, then I wouldn't have passed them on to you. But oh, Mikagi! I was so in love with you, so blinded that I never thought about it. I suppose, back then, I was as foolish as you.
Speaking of love, I find it ironic how you, of all people, were the one who taught me what love was. You told me that love was a wonderful feeling, and I believed you. You do remember, don't you? That night you kissed me and told me you loved me...oh, how could I forget? You were always whispering sweet nothings to me, giving me presents, and you were always there for me. You even told me that I was your reason for existence. But now... do you still feel the same? Or do you only see me as your possession? After all, you always were such an insecure person. As your "item", you didn't want other people to take me away and claim me as their own, did you? Always the jealous one. Or did you do it all because you loved me so much that you didn't want to lose me? It's a possible reason that has crossed my mind. I would like to believe in it, but somehow it's hard to do so.
Come to think of it now, were everything you said and did for me just lies and deception? Or was there really a time when you did love me?
Mikagi, I don't understand. It all confuses me. There are so many questions running through my mind, and I would like to know all the answers before everything ends.
Even if all the things you told me were lies, deep inside of me, I would like to hear your sweet nothings again. Please say you love me; say that I am the reason you exist. I want to know if you truly loved me, because I did love you so much that it caused me all this hurt. Like you, I tend to become insecure, secretly wishing that you would tell me again how you felt about me... that we could return to those times when we were together... when we lived a blissful life... when we were happy...
...because even though I may not show it, somehow, you are my reason for existence.
A/N: It's been a while since I wrote something for the ANC fandom! Well, this one is rather odd, short and angsty, and would you believe, partly inspired by Hoobastank's "The Reason". Someday I'll continue updating some past ANC fics that I've neglected; don't worry. I hope that you like this one---please review! Oh, and in case you're wondering, "raison d'etre" is a French term meaning "reason to be" or "reason for existence".