Bob the Darking and Other Stories

Disclaimer – Last time I checked, this was Tammy's and not mine.

A/n – And the moment you've all been waiting for... Another chapter!!! w00t!

Chapter Two – Kitten's Day Out

One very fine day in the middle of December, Kitten decided to ditch Daine and go for a walk through Corus. It was a lovely and warm day, well warm in a relative sense, that is. Say, as apposed to the Roof of the World or something, yeah, compared to that it was a boiling hot day in Corus. Well, in reality, it was frikin' freezing. Well, anyway, enough about the weather. Kitten wrapped herself up in the warmest scarf she could find after rooting through Numair's workroom. This wasn't terribly warm, but on to the story. Kitten snuggled into the scarf, and walked into the Dancing Dove. George greeted her there. Don't ask why George was there, I'm the author, I can do any frikin' thing I want! Anyways, George came up to Kitten and said, "Aren't you cold? That scarf is very thin; I bet Numair used it in an experiment." With that, Kitten screeched and threw the scarf into the fire. George grinned insanely. "Here, hold this. It will make you feel warm!" He handed Kitten a small thing.

Kitten looked at it in disgust. It's an ear!

"Yup," George said, "I cut it off some guy's head earlier!" He let out a high pitched giggle. "And I've felt warm and fuzzy ever since!"

Then this must be a magic ear! Kitten mind-said excitedly. George shrieked.

"MY MAGIC EAR!" he yelled so loudly that they could probably hear him in the Roof of the World if they weren't busy complaining about my awkward comparison. But they were, so never mind that. Anyway, George grabbed the Magic Ear from Kitten and began to laugh insanely. A moment later, a doctor from the Corus Institute for Mentally Fucked Up People (or the CIFMFUP for short) came and grabbed George. George threw the Magic Ear to Kitten, who caught it. "Keep it secret! Keep it safe!"

Then, for no apparent reason, as Reason, you see, went on a 3 month vacation, Gandalf appeared. "That's my line, you son of a bitch!" he yelled and slapped George, then sat down and began to cry. Consequently, he, too, was dragged off by the CIFMFUP worker.

Ooookaaaaaay... Kitten thought, hugging the Magic Ear close to her.

Then, all of a sudden, Daine burst in. "Kitten, where have you been?"

Get off me, you fucking fruit! Kitten mind-yelled.

Daine gasped. "Kitten, when did you learn to mind speak?" Then another thing hit her (other than some rogues having a food fight nearby). "And where did you learn such awful language?"

The Magic Ear taught it to me!

"Ah," Daine said, confused, "Can I see this Magic Ear?"

Fuck no! Kitten screeched, It's mine... My own... My precious!

"LET ME SEE IT!" Daine yelled.

NO!

"YES!"

NO!

"Hey, that's a Magic Ear! I want it!" some random drunk yelled. This began a random battle in which everyone in the Dove except Kitten was killed.

Stupid mortals, she thought.

Just then, Numair burst in. "Has anyone seen my scarf?"