# 4
"Darien. I told you that half my practice is working with inmates. You can't shock me."
"This didn't happen in prison."
"When?"
"Just before I got arrested the last time. It.. it's about Liz. First thing you gotta know is I don't like my body much. Never have."
"Can you tell me why?"
"I don't know.... I'm skinny, too tall, I don't tan. That's just for starters. Anyway, when we.... had sex, I always got in bed first, so I could be under the covers before she caught a glimpse of me and I always made sure it was dark. The last time.... it was going good, like always and suddenly someone flips the switch by the door and the room lights up. I look around and see this huge guy standin' there. He says... something. I couldn't hear it, but Liz grins like Nicholson in "The Shining" and before I know what's goin' on she pulls the sheet off me."
"She set you up."
".... so she could show me off, yeah. He got this... disgusted, angry look and started saying some really nasty stuff about... why in hell did she ever think he'd wanna get with something that looked like me, never mind try and sell it. All I could think was to protect myself. While they were fighting I grabbed what clothes I could find and ran. I stopped at some point to get dressed and... I tried to keep going, but I couldn't. I just...."
"Just what?"
"I can't. It's humiliating..."
"You're safe here, you know that. No judgment, no put downs. Go ahead. What kept you from moving on?"
"I guess the shock wore off and what the guy said finally hit me. I stumbled into an alley, dropped on my knees... and I puked. It went on for so long I was sure I'd be needing an ambulance, but... it finally stopped. I was so weak I stayed right there for most of an hour. Then I got up, with the help of the wall, and I ran some more. A few weeks later I was convicted of murder. You pretty much know the rest."
"Wow. That sounds horrible. How did you deal with it?"
"I didn't. That's kind of the point. Bobby and I... we've talked and we both agree it won't be a whole lot longer before physical love catches up with our emotions, but if... put it this way. I still get in bed first."
"You don't like your body so you're afraid he won't either."
"Bingo."
Cheryl looked at him critically, then reached behind her and picked up his file. Opening it to the medical history page she scanned it quickly. She'd only recently received authorization to see the material and intended to read it in depth at some point, but for the moment she was looking for specific things; things she would instantly recognize if she saw them. She breathed a quiet sigh of relief when what she sought wasn't there. "What's that look for?"
"Not seeing signs of prior bulimic or anorexic episodes in your records." She explained as she replaced the folder on her desk.
Darien looked stunned.
"Why.... why would you be looking for those in my past?"
"Both illnesses have a lot to do with body image. I just wanted to reassure myself. It sounded like you felt this way long before the incident with Liz."
"Yeah. I never thought... so if I don't change how I think, I could get sick?"
"It's a slim-to-none possibility. I'd say no. That doesn't mean we don't have to work on this. Stand up."
Reluctantly Darien obeyed, suddenly anxious about what she might ask him to do. She relieved some of his anxiety when she led him over to the corner and slid back a well concealed panel in the wall to reveal a full-length mirror.
"Okay.... now what?"
"Now we start boosting your body image, a little at a time."
Darien gazed at her uncertainly.
"Yay?" he responded with a decided lack of enthusiasm.
"Do you want a satisfying physical relationship with your husband?"
"More every minute of every day."
"Then look at you, not me...." she told him, firmly grasping his chin and turning his face back to the mirror, "... and let's get to work."
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
"Darien. I told you that half my practice is working with inmates. You can't shock me."
"This didn't happen in prison."
"When?"
"Just before I got arrested the last time. It.. it's about Liz. First thing you gotta know is I don't like my body much. Never have."
"Can you tell me why?"
"I don't know.... I'm skinny, too tall, I don't tan. That's just for starters. Anyway, when we.... had sex, I always got in bed first, so I could be under the covers before she caught a glimpse of me and I always made sure it was dark. The last time.... it was going good, like always and suddenly someone flips the switch by the door and the room lights up. I look around and see this huge guy standin' there. He says... something. I couldn't hear it, but Liz grins like Nicholson in "The Shining" and before I know what's goin' on she pulls the sheet off me."
"She set you up."
".... so she could show me off, yeah. He got this... disgusted, angry look and started saying some really nasty stuff about... why in hell did she ever think he'd wanna get with something that looked like me, never mind try and sell it. All I could think was to protect myself. While they were fighting I grabbed what clothes I could find and ran. I stopped at some point to get dressed and... I tried to keep going, but I couldn't. I just...."
"Just what?"
"I can't. It's humiliating..."
"You're safe here, you know that. No judgment, no put downs. Go ahead. What kept you from moving on?"
"I guess the shock wore off and what the guy said finally hit me. I stumbled into an alley, dropped on my knees... and I puked. It went on for so long I was sure I'd be needing an ambulance, but... it finally stopped. I was so weak I stayed right there for most of an hour. Then I got up, with the help of the wall, and I ran some more. A few weeks later I was convicted of murder. You pretty much know the rest."
"Wow. That sounds horrible. How did you deal with it?"
"I didn't. That's kind of the point. Bobby and I... we've talked and we both agree it won't be a whole lot longer before physical love catches up with our emotions, but if... put it this way. I still get in bed first."
"You don't like your body so you're afraid he won't either."
"Bingo."
Cheryl looked at him critically, then reached behind her and picked up his file. Opening it to the medical history page she scanned it quickly. She'd only recently received authorization to see the material and intended to read it in depth at some point, but for the moment she was looking for specific things; things she would instantly recognize if she saw them. She breathed a quiet sigh of relief when what she sought wasn't there. "What's that look for?"
"Not seeing signs of prior bulimic or anorexic episodes in your records." She explained as she replaced the folder on her desk.
Darien looked stunned.
"Why.... why would you be looking for those in my past?"
"Both illnesses have a lot to do with body image. I just wanted to reassure myself. It sounded like you felt this way long before the incident with Liz."
"Yeah. I never thought... so if I don't change how I think, I could get sick?"
"It's a slim-to-none possibility. I'd say no. That doesn't mean we don't have to work on this. Stand up."
Reluctantly Darien obeyed, suddenly anxious about what she might ask him to do. She relieved some of his anxiety when she led him over to the corner and slid back a well concealed panel in the wall to reveal a full-length mirror.
"Okay.... now what?"
"Now we start boosting your body image, a little at a time."
Darien gazed at her uncertainly.
"Yay?" he responded with a decided lack of enthusiasm.
"Do you want a satisfying physical relationship with your husband?"
"More every minute of every day."
"Then look at you, not me...." she told him, firmly grasping his chin and turning his face back to the mirror, "... and let's get to work."
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((