# 7
"I'm worthy, I'm loved, I'm accepted and I won't be betrayed again. I'm worthy, I'm loved, I'm accepted and I won't be betrayed again. I'm worthy, I'm loved, I'm accepted..."
Darien's litany ground to a halt as Bobby wrapped his arms around him from behind.
"What are you doin' ?" he asked, grinning lightly and finding his husband's eyes in the bathroom mirror.
"Nothing. Just... something Cheryl taught me. She's workin' on my self-esteem now."
"I didn't know it needed any help." Bobby responded, growing serious.
"Yeah, well.... remember I said I had somethin' to tell you.... somethin' you had to know before we can...."
"Yeah, I remember. Go on."
Slowly, brokenly, Darien related the Liz story much as he had to Cheryl. He wanted to stop when he realized tears were welling in Bobby's eyes, but he forced himself to finish. "Damn... baby, I'm so sorry. I ever find that bitch there won't be enough left for a street mutt to make a chew-toy out of...."
"No! Don't go there, okay?" Darien exclaimed suddenly, turning in Bobby's arms. "It wasn't all her. I let her do it, Bert. I let her turn me into a... a thief. I wanted somebody, anybody to want me.... and I wanted that so bad I woulda done whatever she asked."
"Up 'till that night, huh?"
Darien flushed guiltily.
"Even after. I... I guess the closest thing to compare it to is a woman who gets beat up an' knocked around an' still goes back. I didn't have anything else.... anywhere else to be. She was all I knew...."
"Did she ever try to bring that creep around again?"
"No.... she was so pissed at me, though. Said.... said I was a coward an' I'd cheated her outta serious money. It wasn't even three weeks later I got busted and locked up for killin' that guard."
Revelation struck Bobby like a fist and he gazed up at his husband with pain filled eyes.
"God... the bitch let you take the fall to punish you? How sick can one person be..."
"Maybe.... she knew how much I hated prison... how much it scared me.... look, can we call this done now? Thinkin' about those days makes me feel like shit... an' I don't ever wanna feel that way when you're holdin' me."
"Shhh... it's okay. Just.... why'd you decide to tell me?"
"We're headed for somethin' deeper, Bert, we both know that. Me feelin' so lousy about my body.... it could get in the way. If I get shy or if I pull away... I needed you to understand it's not about you."
"I know it ain't, Ari. I know that...."
Turning Darien around again, Bobby moved to stand beside him. "What was that that... that thing you were sayin' before?"
"Cheryl called it an affirmation. If you tell yourself good things, an' you've got somebody around to back it up, with enough time you can make yourself believe the good things are true."
"Yeah? Pretty cool. Teach me what to say."
"You sure?"
"Absotively, posolutely. Go on. You start."
"Okay. I'm worthy..."
"I'm worthy."
"I'm loved...."