I don't know what it's like to be drunk so keep that in mind when you read this. Any inaccuracies are due to inexperience. Sorry ahead of time.... Perhaps we should jus' ask Mr. Gibbs..... Or Jack..... They drink like fish. I'm sure even they don't have such a tolerance that they don't get drunk.....
Ahem.... on with the story.
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Family Reunion
(Deleted Scene)
Part V I/II
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With the kids asleep, Jack, my wife, and I returned to the drawing room to catch up for a bit before retiring to our own dreamland.
"So, Timmy." Jack plopped back down on the couch. "D'ye 'ave any rum around 'ere? 'R are ye such a stick in th' mud that ye don' even drink?"
My wife looked appalled. "What do you think we are? A family of rowdy pirates? We're civilized people here. We don't go around drinking that vile liquid." She gave such a haughty air to her speech that even I had to stare.
I walked over to the fireplace. I lifted opened the pendulum door to the grandfather clock beside it. I removed a key from under board covering the bottom of it. I walked, then, to the bookshelf across the room. I stepped up at the very left of the floor to ceiling shelves. I moved aside the family portrait (from when Lily was three), revealing a locked safe. I inserted the key, and opened the safe. Removing the three bottles it contained.
I returned to the couch, sitting beside Jack, and handed him one of the bottles. I kept one of the remaining ones for myself, and offered the other one to my wife. She just glared at me for contradicting her. Shaking her head no at the offering. "At least one of us should be sober. And I abhor alcohol, anyway." I looked at my brother and we both shrugged. He removed the bottle's stopper and took a long gulp.
Jack looked at me sideline, watching me as I took a cautious sip. I coughed at the bitter taste and the burning sensation as it seared its way down my throat. That stuff was strong.... I took another sip, slightly longer this time.
We drank nearly half our bottles before we realized it. I looked at the remaining fluid swishing around in the bottom of the bottle. A giggle slipped from my lips. I slapped my hands over my mouth. Where did that come from?
Both Jack and my wife gave me odd looks. For some reason, their expressions just made me laugh harder. I laughed; they stared; I snorted with laughter.
Jack smirked, gulped down almost the rest of his bottle, and watched as my wife got up and slapped me. She then stormed out of the room. Jack's grin widened.
At least my giggles stopped. "'M not sure I deserved that.... Did I?"
Jack chuckled. "Ye'd make a fine pirate, mate" He slung his arm over my shoulder. "I can't remember how many women slapped me. An' I only deserved a few o' 'em."
"You mean to tell me that there are women NOT attracted to the infamous 'Captain Jack Sparrow'?" I was honestly surprised. I've only ever heard people (women especially) saying how amazing and wonderful my brother was. And I was too embarrassed to even admit that he was my brother.
"I never said they were immune to me charms, mate. I jus' said they slapped me." His breath reeked of rum, not that I was one to talk, and he moved so far into my personal space that I had to force myself not to back off.
"Jack, get off." I pushed him away. "Why would they slap you if they wanted you?" I was really getting confused. I lifted the bottle to my mouth and took another swig. I really should have stopped drinking then. The room was beginning to swirl, and jack was looking rather hazy. I gulped down another mouthful. "Besides, Jack, if they wanted you, they cJack, if they wanted you, they c.. wha's the word?....." Why couldn't I think of a simple word?uldn't I think of a simple word? "Trampy?.... Slutty?.... Whorish?.... harlot?....." What was my problem?
"I think yer drunk, mate." Jack's grin never faltered. "First time wi' rum?"
"'M no' as...." I actually hiccupped. I didn't know you actually hiccupped when you were drunk. "much of a wild child drunk as you.'S all."
Wha' ever, mate." He finished off his bottle in one long gulp. "Ye mind if I take tha' last bottle off yer 'ands? I really doubt ye'll be needin' it." I handed it to him. Almost immediately, he had it opened and had a sizable mouthful gone.
I saw my brother looking almost longingly in the direction that my wife stormed off to. "Wha's wrong, Jack?" He turned his attention back to me.
"Nothin'. I jus' realized that I still don't know your wife's name." He had his smirk back in place. I doubt that he meant for me to see the longing in his eyes.
I let it go. If he meant for me to know, he'd tell me. "Her name is Jill." Mischief and humour filled his smirk. "What?....." I enquired warily.
He thought for a moment. "Jack and Jill.... sat on a sill.... went out to kill.... went up a hill.... to drink some rum.... some well aged rum, even better.... Jack got smashed.... his.... their clothes, he slashed.... and then.... and buggarred her tight bum...." He looked triumphant. "Perfect! Jack and Jill went up a hill to drink some well aged rum. Jack got smashed, their clothes he slashed, and he buggarred her tight bum." He must have ignored the glare I gave him.
"Jack! That's my wife you're talking about!"
"Aye, bu' you'd share wi' yer baby brother, right?" I wanted to strangle him.
"I'm not sharing my wife. If you wanna borrow one of my kids, go right ahead." Jack Gave me a very.... perverse expression.
"'M sorry, bu' I don' go fer children....."
Realization dawned on my intoxicated mind. "I didn't mean that way! If you so much as touch one o' my children that way, I'll...."
Jack held up his hands in surrender. "I swear, I'd never think abou' I'." He actually looked disgusted at the thought. Good.
"How abou' we change th' subject?" I didn't even want to think about that ever happening to my children. "How abou' you? How's the Pearl doin'?'"
"Well, aside from the ten years I spent searching for it after it was taken by me mutinous former first mate. And then having to Save her from bloody cursed pirates.... an' I don' mean good pirates. I mean mutinous dogs no' worthy of being called pirates. "He took another long swig of the rum. "Bu' I got 'er back an' have a trustworthy crew. Ana'd never try t' take 'er from me." He took another swig.
"Who's Ana?" I was curious as to why he trusted this woman with his most prised possession. "An' where exactly is the Black Pearl righ' now?" I didn't think he'd leave his ship unattended for long. So it had to be close by.
"Anamaria is me first mate." My shock must've shown, "I know, she's a woman. But she's the best man for the job." He paused for a moment. ".... Aye, she's a woman, so she'd be the best woman fer the job? But she's the best man fer the job, 'cause she's better than a man at i'...." He just sat there rambling about whether she was a man or a woman or something of the sorts. Unless he changed drastically since childhood, he could go on for hours like that unless interrupted."
I decided that it'd be better to interrupt him rather than sit there listening to him go on for too long. "So, is this Anamaria something than more first mate?" Wait.... what? "I mean, is Anamaria more than just you second in command? " Much better. Do I hear weddin' bells in yer future?" Damn, now I was talking like a pirate. I really should have stopped drinking then and there. But of course, I just took another sip.
Jack blanched at the though of being tied down. Or at least that's the thought I think he blanched at. "No. 'M no' settling down. 'Sides, Ana ain't one t' settle down either. So there'd be no way fer ye t' be hearin' somethin' tha' won' ever happen, savvy?"
"You know? I kind of wish I could be like that. So care free. If I wanted to do something, I just go and do it.... I just don't think I could handle being so dirty all time. And the smell!" I actually shuddered. "or the fact that you don't know where your next dinner will come from. And when it dose come, It's usually stale, and the water's so bad..... On second though, I'm not really that envious of your life. It must be so hard." I paused to study his expression. Not that it did any good. He had his mask on again. "If you want to ever give up pirating, come back here. I'll set you up with a nice home."
"'M no' a wild animal ye need t' find a good family for! An' fer yer information, I like bein' a pirate. The only way 'm quittin' is by death." He said that with such finality, that I couldn't think of anything to say. I was speechless. Why would anyone want to be dirty.... nay filthy.... hungry, and poor? I worked so hard to get where I was that I couldn't even imagine anyone wanting to be so.... uncouth.
"Don't you ever want to just give up? Just stop being who you are, what you are, and becoming something more? Haven't you ever felt like you needed someone to lean on, but when you looked at your life, you had no one to trust enough to do so?" I saw.... something flicker across his eyes for a moment, but then it was gone. I couldn't even be sure if I really saw it. "Well? Don't you miss having someone to confide in?"
"Aye, I do. But I made me choice long ago. 'M a pirate. 'M no' cut out fer life on land. I can come fer visits every now an' then. Bu' ye can' go against who you are. An' I'm a pirate at heart. It's never wise to fight wha' yer heart is tellin' ye." It sounded like he was telling that to himself as much as to me. "Sorry, mate. 'M goin' t' be a scurvy sea dog fer a long time. Now," He stood, shakily. "'M goin' to go t' bed an' sleep off this drunken stupor I've worked meself into." He finished the second bottle of rum and headed in the general direction of the sleeping area. I gulped down the rest of the bitter fluid in my own bottle and hurried (well, stumbled quickly, trying not to bang into anything) off to make sure he got to the guest bedroom safely and didn't decide that the floor was a better choice of sleeping places.
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Wow, that turned out more sentimental than I meant it to. Or do you like sentiment. I aim to please, but I don't know how to do that, unless you tell me what pleases you. Therefore, the logical course of action would be to write me a review or email to tell me what you think so I know how to fix whatever's wrong.