I thought I would write a Songfic this time--Sniff It was sad writing this!
Memories
It's been months since she left us. There was nothing I could do about it, nothing at all. My mouth wouldn't let me tell her what I felt, my heart kept blocking the feelings out. However, when I saw her take off the prayer beads from my neck, hand me the completed Shikon no Tama we risked our lives for, and disappear down the well for the last time, my heart made me feel what I blocked from it.It had been the first time I ever cried since I had been very small.
Life is a like melody, sang deep within my soul
And all these chains that shackle me They won't let me take control
They want to take control of me
It had been so hard to just watch her and do absolutely nothing to stop her. I wanted to destroy the well when she said she was going home for good. I didn't understand why I wanted to do that, but what she had said hurt me more than I thought it would. Still, I couldn't say what I wanted to. I wanted her to stay with me, forever. But I didn't say it and now I'm all alone.
I've got to rise above my life to find the reason I'm still alive
I'll save myself, I'm all alone
I've opened my heart to find there's nobody home
And now, walking back to the Goshinboku tree where it all started, I still think of the only girl who made me want to live. The only girl who loved all of me, both halves, not hated me because of my other half. I miss her so much, it hurts, but I can't let it kill me. She's gone, it's over, and I won't see her again. Dear gods, it hurts too much to admit that.
It's up to me, I'm all alone
The message of life is turning
facing the storm
Pressing my hand to the same bark I had been stuck to, I remember her face. All the emotions that played in her eyes were shown in my memories of her. She was so beautiful and I had never told her. Why hadn't I told her? Why didn't I tell her how wonderfully beautiful she looked? Her raven hair, her blue eyes, her soft, pale skin. Why didn't I tell her how much I would miss hearing her laugh when I did something stupid? I even miss her "sitting" me....
Life is filled with your memory
You were deep inside my heart
You were deep with inside of me
I can't forget her and yet, her memory was dulling with the time she was away. How long was her hair again? Her smell...it was like lilacs...right? Oh kami...why couldn't I just see her once more? Why couldn't she stay here, or me go with her? Why the hell am I so stupid......?!
With all this pain that I'm wrapped around
If there's a heaven above I see the angels falling down
I've got to rise above my life
Without realizing it, I had walked to the Bone Eater's well. Why did I walk here? It wasn't as if I truly wanted to be here...yet this was the only place where her scent still lingered a bit. I sniffed the well and caught it once more. Lilacs, I was right. She smelled like lilacs. I always loved the way she smelled, it was over intoxicating sometimes.
I've got to rise above my life to find the reason I'm still alive
I'll save myself, I'm all alone
I've opened my heart to find there's nobody home
The lilac scent grew stronger. I must have found a good spot where her scent rubbed off more so than the other spots. I took a deeper whiff to make sure I would smell it for good. When the scent grew stronger, I looked around to make sure I wasn't just smelling some lilacs nearby. But winter definitely wasn't lilac season...
It's up to me, I'm all alone
The message of life is turning
facing the storm
I caught sight of the last lilacs clinging to life on my right. I sighed. She wasn't coming back, it was only lilacs. But it triggered what her scent was in my mind. She did smell like lilacs and it was the most beautiful smell I've ever taken into this nose of mine. I looked up at the sky and closed my eyes for a few moments. Her face flew into my eyes and the smell of lilacs grew even stronger. Opening them once more, my eyes continued to show me the face my heart called into my mind. When the face's eyes blinked, I jumped up. The smell of lilacs was so strong, it was intoxicating. I blinked back.
"I've...I've missed you."
Life is filled with your memory
You were deep inside my heart
You were deep with inside of me
I went to move up to her when she shimmered and disappeared. The smell of lilacs faded and tears sprang to my eyes. It was only a memory...something I so badly made myself see. Biting my lip so hard it bled, I closed my eyes and let the tears flow down my cheeks."Kagome.... I love you...."