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Chapter 5: The Pompous Policing Wizards of Europe

"WHY ME!!!" Harry yelled in frustration. Getting the lawnmower out of the dank shed was tough enough, but explaining the unfortunate absence of a door—the FRONT DOOR OF A HOUSE—was one thing. He stomped his feet in his anger, and cursed for what seemed an eternity. Voldie was in hysterics, the house was partially destroyed in the front, and Harry was operating an ugly, revolting purple lawnmower.

So long, and so loudly did Harry curse, pace back and forth, and yell at the laughing Dark Lord this that it took him a full ten minutes before he realized something was on his head. Owl Post. He unfolded it and read:

Harry James Potter:

Lord Voldemort has been spotted by an anonymous, select few of witches around Privet Drive. Do be a good boy. Crashing a lawnmower into your dear aunt's house does not help. We are coming soon. Stand by. By no means are you allowed to use magic. Thank you for your time.

The PPWE (Pompous Policing Wizards of Europe)

Harry crumpled the letter into a ball and tossed in into a trash bin nearby. Was this a joke? (But being the prideful brat-who-lived) Harry stupidly revved the lawnmower up once again and attempted yet again to crush Voldemort. The Dursleys were at Aunt Marge's he just remembered, and would not return until tomorrow.

In a matter of seconds, Harry had succeeded in crushing the front door, back porch, two front windows, three trees, four nesting birds (quite by accident), one side window, as well as Vernon's god-awful lawnmower. Luckily, Uncle Vernon's luxury car was not in the driveway, or else Harry would have crushed it too. He definitely needed a new strategy, as Voldemort was dodging his every move, and was quite unscathed.

Snape-the-chipmunk uttered an audible sigh of annoyance as he and Harry hopped off the mower. But where was Voldemort? Harry left the mower in the shed and dashed to the front lawn. No sign of Voldie. In the house. No Voldie. Finally, Harry looked up, and to his horror, he found Ol' Voldie doing a victory dance on the roof. 'Not on my turf you don't,' Harry muttered.

"Oh, what's that, Pottie boy, you want me to surf?" said moldy Voldie with an impish grin. Voldie proceeded to 'hang ten' off the roof, laughing all the while. "Lookie here, Pottie—is that a coconut I see? Oooh, palm trees! Haha, nice grass skirt Harry brat, brings out your eyes."

"Stop it Voldie. You're not in Hawaii. GET OFF THE ROOF!" Harry bellowed. But Potter boy noticed Voldemort was right. Harry was wearing a grass skirt. As far as he knew, Harry had never recalled having become a transvestite. Anyhow, there were coconut trees. And palm trees, for that matter. Harry looked around once more. There was no doubt about it—they were in Oahu, Hawaii, on a beautiful summer day near Waikiki Beach. Guess I'm not in Privet Drive anymore.