Classical: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

The dead cannot cry out for justice; it is a duty of the living to do so for them.

- Lois McMaster Bujold

It's hard to except that he's gone... he's my... was my... best friend. I keep asking myself 'what if?' what if I never met him, what if he never became a spirit detective, what if we never became friends, what if, what if, what if.

Everyone's been crying... hell, I've been crying. I was a wreak. It was good that Kurama was here. Shizuru was completely drunk most of the day trying to dull the pain. I wanted to join her but I promised to honour Kuwabara I wouldn't. Kurama had taken care of everything. The funeral was tomorrow. I still couldn't believe it. If only I... I sighed. I picked a leaf off of the house plant beside me and tore it up to vent my frustrations. I was going to be the one to tell Yukina... but at the last moment I chickened out. I just couldn't tell her... why didn't Hiei tell her? The little bastard was her brother after all. Kurama told her. Kurama did everything, I tried to help but just got in the way. He was there for me and everyone. I've been so useless that I haven't even answered calls from Koenma. I guess I've withdrawn. When I saw the look on Yukina's face. It was horrible. I wanted to go to hell and pull Kuwabara back and show him what he did and yell and him and pound his face in.

Keiko's been so worried about me. She gives me a hug and bursts into tears every time she sees me. Kuwabara's gang kept asking why? Why? Why? Why? Why had there boss done this? He wasn't weak! What could have possessed him to do that? He was so strong, no one could get at him. Well they were wrong! But they were right on some levels. It wasn't an enemy that got to him, it was his friends! That's what made him hurt so much. Shizuru asked if there was any explanation or a note. There was but I couldn't find it. I told her it said goodbye, what else could I say? That it was partly my fault he's dead? I wanted to. I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was an expected occurrence now-a-days. I turned and saw it was Kurama. By the look of how he was blurry I was crying again.

"Yusuke, you need to forgive yourself so that Kuwabara can rest." Kurama said. I glared at him.

"Why should he rest after what he's done to everyone!?" I yelled. Kurama sighed sadly and left me to my thoughts. I noticed the house plant that I was taking my anger on by tearing up it's leaves had suddenly died. I guess Kurama was affected more than I thought. The plants felt his sadness even if no human could. That comforted me a litte. I went over to Shizuru who was drinking crying a smoking all at once and sat down beside her.

I never knew that words could hurt humans so much. That it could actually drive them to this point. I lay back on a tree still clutching the stupid note in my hands. The day of the funeral was tomorrow... I hadn't seen the Detective and the Fox for two days. I had been watching though. There was lots of crying. It made me feel sick.

"There you are Hiei." The Fox. I ignored him. He climbed up into the tree and sat beside me. We just sat there in silence for a few moments. Then I finally asked the question that seemed to keep resurfacing that was gnawing at me.

"Kurama was it my fault?" I asked. Kurama didn't seem surprised at the question.

"No Hiei, you don't understand human emotions. You didn't know your words hurt him so much." Kurama sighed with a sad look on his face. He's the only one so far that hasn't cried other than me.

"You weren't the only one that belittled him either." He said softly, "Yusuke and I were just as horrible to him at times." I sharply nodded. I paused.

"I feel bad..." I muttered, "I'm... going to miss him." I would never admit that to anyone else, not even Kuwabara himself. Kurama gave a small smile.

"Yes I know, as much as I know you hate to admit it, you have emotions too." He was right, I did. I felt guilty for Kuwabara's death... I never thought he would kill himself. If I had known that...

"Hiei, come and say goodbye." Kurama said. I looked over at him.

"He's already dead, what's the point?" I muttered.

"It will make you feel better." He answered.

"It won't." I answered. I pulled out the note and handed it to him.

"I can't feel better for some reason. Before I met you people this would be like an insect dying... but now it's more... Kurama..." I muttered.

I'm sorry that it was your cruel words that stabbed me.

That your laugher threw me off the edge.

That your sarcasm crushed my bones

That being known as an idiot to my friends wasn't as funny as you thought.

He read the note.

"Why didn't the Baka think things through!?!" I suddenly shouted, "Why didn't he ever think things through!?!?!?" .

"It will be alright." Kurama said gently.

"Thank you Fox..." I muttered. I grabbed his sleeve before he jumped from the tree.

"Are you alright?" I asked him. He smiled.

"No," He answered. He jumped down and walked off.

I'll come to the funeral... to say good-bye and that I'm sorry. After that... I don't know... I might just leave, I've caused too much pain and these feelings... they make me feel vulnerable and weak... this is what emotional pain is and I hate it.

Classical: Before saying goodbye

TBC