Miss Cupid: Chapter 7
Author: Freya
Disclaimer: Heero Yuy is the bitch of pilot 02 - 05. How's THAT for saying he's not mine? ;3
Setting: Some random places somewhere in the U S of A.
Warnings: A/U, Shounen-ai, 1x2x1 fluff, probably OOC (it's A/U, expect no less) and attempt at humor.
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"Yo, Moony! Dog-boy! I, like, got you dudes presents!" Bob said, eagerly handing the two boys Christmas gift bags. "Thought I'd, like, do something while you dudes was off bowlin' and stuff."
"Hey thanks," Duo said with a very cheesy grin on his face. It was interesting, receiving a gift bag with a picture of Santa Clause on it in the middle of Spring, but what the hell'd it matter? It was a lovely gesture and he was very curious to see what he'd gotten.
Heero was the first to open his gift and snorted. Bob was one of the crazies, so of course Bob was going to get him a crazy gift. "Uh... thanks." He pulled a leather collar and leash out of the bag. "Is this supposed to be a gag present or were you just high when you bought this?"
"You think he was high for buying that? Check out what he got me!" Duo pulled out on bag of pipe cleaners and a box of tampons. "Bob, gay guys don't PMS."
"I know that," he said whilst laughing and turning up the radio. It was playing Metallica, school version no less, so it twas the ke-wl! "Tampons are awesome!"
Heero and Duo came to an obvious conclusion at that very moment. Bob............ has issues.
"No dudes, seriously. Try, like, flicking one into someone's mailbox. It's a gas, dudes! Me and my amigos used to, like, do it all the time. It's funny!"
The braided male just stared at the box of Kotex Fits. He then shrugged and figured, 'ah hell, it's rude, but it's still funny!'
"Wanna give it a shot, Heero?"
The stoic jock snorted and shook his head. "Not really. If you don't mind, I have a better idea for them." Heero took the box and stuck it under his seat.
Duo quirked a curious brow. "What're you planning to do? Use 'em?"
Heero shook his head, randomly thinking back to earlier that evening when Duo made Relena cough up her milk shake with that 'are we gonna have a baby?' comment. Needless to say, Duo thought he was playing the man for the most part right now, and Heero was his bride.
'Not a chance in Hell,' the boy thought to himself. "You'll see. What I have planned will be the real gas."
"A real rip-roaring one?" Duo said, then happily stuck out his tongue. Hey, references to farting were always funny when you were as goofy and easily amused as he.
The dark haired boy nodded. "You'll be roaring alright. With laughter." He smirked.
Well, that was a good enough answer for Duo. He hadn't a clue just what kind of gag a boy like Heero Yuy could pull off. With tampons no less. Ol' stormy-blue-eyes seemed like more of the head-first into fist-fight type rather then a sleazy trickster. The punk just sat back and wondered the possibilities a little more. Well, at least until Bob chimed in with a little remark about the whole ordeal.
"Not gonna, like, do it? Man, your dongs are tiny and useless!"
Duo stuck his tongue out at Bob then raised his hand into the air. "Oh yeah! Well, prepare for a pride obliterating bitch slap!" He slapped Bob in the head and the goofy driver said 'ow' in a mock-whiny voice. Oh, this meant war.
"I DID know something I DIDN'T!" Bob said randomly. Duo just stared at him for a moment... or three.
"Shit, this guy acts more stoned then my Uncle Howard does!" Then he went back into angry mode after that random realization. "Oh yeah! Well, I hope you can see this because I'm doing it as hard as I can." He flipped Bob the bird.
While he was flipping Bob the bird, Heero was tapping on his shoulder... so much it became irksome. "Quiet, Heero, I'm transmitting rage."
"You're being a dork." He deadpanned.
"SLAMMED!" Bob yelled then tooted the car horn a lot for the spur of the moment. What? He was laughing so hard he felt he had to pound his fist against the horn. Surrounding drivers began getting annoyed with him very quickly. "Moony got dissed!"
"Moony doesn't get dissed by a... " Duo turned toward Heero and looked at the top of his head. It had a pink pipe cleaner on it for some reason. "... uh, Heero." He pointed right at it. "Why?"
"While you and jerk-off were in Fairy Land, I got bored."
The pipe cleaner was pink, and could only remind Duo of one person at this time. "Yes, cup. I'm sure you did."
Heero looked up at the digital clock that came attached to his Benz's C.D. player. The green numbers on the clock-radio read quarter past one. On a normal date, he would've been out of money right about now. However, he hadn't even spent a hundred bucks on Duo, and it made he wonder. Why didn't he ever try dating a guy before?
"Heero," Duo said while snickering loudly. The Japanese boy was pulled out of his musings to feast his eyes on what his psychotic date was laughing so much about this time. Needless to say, he was a bit stunned to see the first shape Duo made with his pipe cleaners... and at the same time, he kind of wasn't.
'I really must be crazy because I'm dating a male Relena right now.' Heero thought to himself.
"Waddya think. Ain't it purty?" It was four pipe cleaners to be exact. Two of them made the length of a penis shaft with the ends of both of them shaped to make a head, the tips of the cleaners rolled together a the top. And the other two attached to it made the shape of two balls. Yeah! A mighty work of art that it were.
"Sure. I see it every morning when I take a leak." Heero answered in monotone. Well, not exactly. He was struggling a bit not to laugh. Damn, people were such a bad influence on him.
"That's not, like, what I think it is, is it, dude?" Bob inquired while taking a look at the suggestive shaped object in the rear view mirror. "That's boss-ly shape-age their, Moony. That gonna be, like, your first dildo?"
Duo suddenly felt heated with embarrassment and chucked the object at the driver.
"You do know I'm paying this man, don't you?" Heero asked his date, wondering just how much of a raise Bob was going to demand for that one.
Duo huffed. "I'm not desperate enough to use dildos! My fingers are just fine." He immediately covered his mouth and blushed horribly when he realized what he'd just said.
"Too much info," Bob said and chucked the offensive shaped pipe cleaner thingie out his window. "I mean, like, really."
"I know," Duo squeaked out, feeling more embarrassed then he ever had in his life.
Heero sat back and smirked, arms crossed and feeling quite arrogant. "Now you know how I felt when you pulled that motion sickness gag... no pun intended."
Violet eyes blinked. Heero was right, he deserved that one since he didn't get that punch in the face he'd been expecting. What got to him though, was that Heero was only concerned about the fact that Duo felt embarrassed. Was the dark haired boy not going to ask something crude? Something like 'you did wash your hands before this date, right?' or something. Yuy was from another planet, no questions asked.
"Y'all wanted to go back to the pier, right?" Bob asked, breaking the pregnant silence of the vehicle. "It won't be so, like, crowded anymore. Dude, Yuy, you should show Moony the, like, spot."
"I was planning to," Heero answered.
"The spot?" Duo asked curiously. "Like, some kinda teen hang-out thing? Like the ones you see on T.V.?"
The other boy shrugged. "I guess so. Only Odin paid for that area, so only him, myself, and invited guests are allowed."
"So we'll be all alone, at night, or should I say really early morning, at a reserved spot, by the beach, by ourselves, just the two of us, and all that stuff?"
"Mm-hm." The jock-ish clad one nodded his head and spotted that said spot right up ahead through the wind shield.
"Great," Duo said, sounding a bit unsure since he really didn't know what expect from this. "Just great."
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TBC
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A/N: Hot damn! Another chappy rolls itself into play. Pipe cleaners are cool ;) Lotsa ATHF spoofage, especially from everyone's favorite pimp daddies (a.k.a., the Mooninites! ... duh!) Uber funny chapter to make up for the last one's sap.
So yeah, I don't think my updating has been so bad (for this fic anyway) I'm sorta on-and-off when it comes to my other beloved fandom, which is none other then the lovely Inuyasha one. So, I was storming through the Inuyasha x Kagome section and I come across an author called RozeFire. One of her fics got over 8,000 reviews! Eight freakin thousand!!! I've never seen such a thing at this site before... that's damn impressive. They must really know how to attract a crowd, shit!
I also started playing some video games just to prove I could get my ass off of the computer every now and then. So, I go and yoink Final Fantasy VIII out of the dark void (a.k.a., my bedroom closet) I play it for the first time in... lets say, two years? (and got past the Squall/Rinoa dance scene this time) and realize: SWEET! FFVIII = teh YAOI secks O.O (back when I played FF games I didn't know jack squat about Yaoi's existence) Funny, how half (and I do mean half) of my very first ever Yaoi couple came from 'a' Final Fantasy game (not saying it's VIII) From a gag me and an old friend of mine have going.
Hey, I betcha guys can't guess what Yaoi couple it was! I betcha, I betcha, I betcha XXXD
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Angel Reid- Nuuuuuu! You'll never find my tickly spot, n-not... saying I have one of course... oh wait, D'OH! Errr, yeahyeah, snoggage!!!! Would you like that to come in strawberry or chocolate? Mmmmm, chocolate covered bishie = yum ;D It could match Heero's hair! And marshmallows could match that... other stuff... that's gonna be in that... oh wow... Should this fic still be considered PG-13 after what I sort-of said?
Ink2- Amen to that, buddy.
inthefire2002- Yus!! More glow-y Ignignot and Err!!!! And maybe Duo will teach him to enjoy life more. Who knows? Maybe Heero can reach the nether regions of Duo's mind and find............ tap dancing penguins? Ooooookay -needs morning coffee badly-
Skarlet Red- I KNEW I made that chapter too sappy. Well... I can get away with it since half this fic IS romance. But still... put up with my craptacular effort to keep this story balanced and you'll be my hero!
fiery-icicles- I know! Heero and Duo can be the 21st century's version of Romeo and Juliet at this pace XD;;;
MELM- S'alright! You're reviewing now, aren't ya? Wow, not reading from a familiar fandom are ya? Uber thanks for reading and reviewing!! That's flattering =)
ahanchan- Duo and Goku do have much in common XD
Depp's Girl ForEver- Will do the best that I can :)
Meepu- That long?? LMAO, just kidding XD
Inuyasha-Luv-Kagome- HOCKEY!!! That's the only sport I can play and enjoy at the same time. Goalie was what I did best and yadda yadda... MAJOR CONGRATS =) And yes, Bob is important. He rules us all, along with the flying monkeys and the chocolate covered bishies! Moony and Padfoot are the kyooote -squish-
Dark Kaizer Ken-Wolf- Great question, Heero! We all know he wants to marry Duo and then be O'braided one's fluffy uke from now to forever more...... and all that ja-a-azz.
Hikaru- 1x2 forever! Hell, if I ever did a fic where either one of them was with someone else that would come first. Like, if I put 1xR in a 1x2 fic, that would be first, and Heero wouldn't go back to her after breaking up. I wouldn't have the girlie go stalk him either, cause that's boring and cliché (not to mention I love Relena so she gets no crap from my strictly Yaoi-gasmic mind. Just the Yaoi, in which she can watch and drool with the rest of us fangirls! We stalk Heero as much as she does. She's one of us!)
camillian- Will do =)
Gangsta Videl- Mwa ha! Two times the Bob for two times the pleasure! Uh... don't take that the wrong way, my pants say 'exit only' XD And yes!!! Losta gravy!!! Gravy covering a slab of meat! What kind of meat? You tell me, Videl-sama!
Ari- Yay for everything!! Heero? The Heero whom I've proclaimed The Perfect Uke (rather then The Perfect Soldier) Homophobic? Nah, I'd never do that to the Yuy. He's my favorite bishful bundle o' love, so he be the good guy :) Even though bad guys are sexier most of the time.... Heero doesn't even have to be bad to be sexy. That takes some serious balls there.
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Final Note: We now interrupt even more of your time to give you a public service announcement!
Heero: Ozonians are the suck!
Duo: We Gundamites are far advanced beyond anything.
Trowa: Your third dimension is cute.
Quatre: We have five..
Wufei: -thousand!
Quatre: Yes, five-thousand. And we can jump!
Trowa: Observe -jumps two inches off the ground-
Duo: We smoke while we flip the bird!
Heero: Look! Are Treize and Zechs mooning us? Commence re-mooning at once!
(They do so!)
Relena: -gets a nose bleed from seven bare bishie bums poised into the air then passes out-
XD She likes big butts and she cannot lie! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! -runs insanely around in many circles until she eventually runs straight into a flagpole- Ow... XP
Urm... whether or not the boys got high during the making of this announcement is your choice entirely. This is a recording... Freya, out -blip- -blip- -blip-