Chapter 13
John Hammond, the walking bag of crazy potatoes, was striding, or hobbling rather up and down Fred Stefanopolisnopolopolaspopodopolous' lodgings with a frown on his face. The Polish monobrowed guy called Hannah had not come back from his obviously completely innocent outing to which he did not say the destination was.
"I want my grandkid's back!!!!" John said impatiently, in rather a higher voice than normal.
"Calm down, and take your crack."
John took it, then collapsed into a chair.
"Hehehe only kidding i hated those son of a bitches. I hope that paedophile Grant rapes them good."
Fred stood up quickly.
"There is nothing wrong with Dr. Grant. He is a wonderful man!!!!"
"Oh no not you too. He warped you with his choas theory did he????"
"That's Patrick. Well, before he had a boating accident."
"My god, I've been calling him Alan!!!! Who's Alan then????"
"The guy with the hat and the raptor."
"I know the guy with the hat, but he has a pink elephant."
"Yeah sure, whatever." Fred backed away and then ran as far as he possibly could. Suddenly the prospect of being eaten was appealing to him.
Hannah the Polish monobrowed guy was staring at the entrance to the museum's IMAX theatre.
"Theese ees eet." He said. He was about to do what no Polish guy had ever done before. Steal the world largest cubic zirconia!!!! Why it was in the IMAX theatre nobody knows, but it was there and he was gonna steal it.
He put his hand tentatively on the door handle, and POOSHED it, as John 'Hammy' Hammond would say. He had closed his eyes to make the effect brilliant but when he opened them he shouted "OI!!!!" instead. There, pounced on top of the cubic zirconia, scratching it and ruining it, but actually trying to pick it up, was a black clad cat...burglar. He also happened to be Sam Neill...
For you Simpson's experts you should see where I'm going with this.
"Mwahhahahahahahahaha!!!!" said Samthecatburglar. And he picked up the cubic zirconia and put it in his mouth, which happened to be, er, very big...???? and he ran away on his cat like feet.
Aaaaand then Hannah got attacked by lets say a mouse. And he died. Phew that's one down.