::: The Final Entry :::
by
- GlazedAndConfused -
DISCLAIMER
Erm, no. Love Hina's not mine.
Diary Entry Date: December 24th, 1998
Violence. Abuse. Humility.
That is what I endure every day.
Sadness. Anguish.
Happiness is nothing but a mere far cry from the feelings I currently have now.
Day after day of physical and mental torture have only fueled the fire that is my detest and rancour at life.
During the first days after having been given the job as kanrinin, I was treated like a slave. I worked myself hard, getting nothing more than a packet of noodles and two hours' sleep a night. This has been called off ever since I helped them remember Shinobu-chan's birthday.
Every day is the same old thing. I trip or fall, resulting in me getting into some uncompromising situations. I get accused of being a pervert and a lecher as a result thereof. I then get punched or blasted through these walls high into the sky. When I return from where their strikes launch me to, I get given the cold shoulder. The silent treatment.
When I'm not being beaten or blasted, I am being laughed at.
Humiliated, without a single soul to stand up for me.
My status as a third-year ronin is nothing but an implement for them to use against me for their own self-amusement. My three years of academical failure.
My only comfort is my sanity. Any normal guy would have left ages ago. I stayed on due to the fact that I thought the abuse would ebb away, and I would gain at least some respect. I lived in hope, because it helped me to accept this life, whatever fate decides to throw at me.
How wrong I was. They hate my guts, two months on.
With a passion.
Even when nightfall takes it's serene and comforting grasp over this town, I still fail to find inner peace. Torment and pain courses through my veins and nerves. It has gotten to the point where I continuously cry myself to sleep.
They hurt me, with no signs of going easing up, and they still think I take it with a smile.
They think I am happy here?
Fools.
The lot of them.
Happiness is merely one of my many facades that hide the truth. Outside, I am happy. Carefree, with no troubles in the world. Inside, a maelstrom of anguish and hurt rages on, showing no sign of ceasing. My heart is nothing more than a broken pile of glass, never to know true happiness.
I'll take this moment to explain a little about my tormentors...
Mitsune 'Kitsune' Konno. The resident fox, who does more than live up to her name. Openly flaunting her body to make me decide in her favour. When she's not swindling me out of money, with the figures reaching the tens of thousands, she is tricking me into buying saké for her. More often than not, her ways of convincing me to buy the said drink for her result in the backlash being directed towards me, just because I am the male of Hinata Sou.
And has she paid me back at all for buying her saké?
The hell she has.
And all she can do is sit back, watch and laugh, not lifting a finger to help.
Kaolla Su. To her, I am nothing but a testing dummy for invention upon invention. When she is not invading my personal thoughts with one of her headset inventions, she is torturing me with one of her weapons or whatever other weapons of mass destruction she has created. Either that, or she is dropkicking my brains out as a greeting.
Motoko Aoyama. Heir to the Shinmei School, a honourable warrior. Honourable? By definition, a person of honour is someone who shows, or is characterised, by honour, integrity and dignity; someone who adheres to principles of ethics and morals. I see nothing honourable in attacking an innocent man day after day, for reasons that I feel are ridiculous to say the least. To her, I am nothing but 'that pervert' and 'a vile, lecherous cur'. She is normally the first to send that cold steel of her katana towards me in the form of one of her Shinmei techniques, and the first to accuse me of any so-called 'wrong doing'. Did I mention she hates males more than words could say?
Shinobu Maehara. The angel of Hinata Sou. She is perhaps the only one who ever treats me with at least some respect and dignity around this godforsaken place. She doesn't hit me for my seemingly ceaseless onslaught of accidents and bouts of clumsiness.
Last, but by no means least, Naru Narusegawa. The person who hurts me the most, physically and emotionally, in more ways than one. Her dupliticiousness strikes me to no end. On one hand, she is friendly. She helps me study, she helps comfort me when I'm feeling down. Yet at the same time she can also be the most vicious being you could ever have the misfortune of laying eyes on. Her, alongside with Motoko, are the ones who dish out the most pain. The sharpest sting in her tail is when she mocks my reasons for gunning for Toudai. My promise girl. The girl I have waited fifteen long years for. She knows how sensitive a point it is. When I have an accident, I am nothing but low-life scum. A pervert. A baka. Someone she wishes she'd never met. We patch our differences up the next day, only for a repeat performance to happen.
For two whole months, I have had to put up with this abuse. All I have asked for is nothing more than even a little acceptance and understanding. Is that too much to ask for? It must be in their eyes.
I did actually run away once, after a little incident which involved me taking a look at Naru's diary. Any hopes of never seeing them again were scuppered, as the said person knew where to look, and brought me back after forgiving me. I thought that things would have lightened up upon my return. Instead, it seems as if it has gotten to the point where I'm being beaten for simply breathing the same air as them.
Well, no more.
No longer will I accept this cold, harsh treatment that fate has decided to give me.
Death does not worry me in the least. When you think about it, all life lives to die with every passing year. Some call it the coward's way out, running away from your problems with your tail between your legs. Yes, call it that if you want. But consider this; if you were to live in my shoes, for even so much as just one day, which would you prefer; a life where every day comes as an endless torrent of abuse and hurt? Or an early death before you suffer one at the hands of your tormentors, where you are free of all your troubles, and are exacting retribution upon your tormentors in the sweetest way?
I have chosen the latter; in my opinion, the better option. My only regret in this life is having been foolish enough to have believed I would be accepted. What's the betting that when I finally make the departure from life, I will only be remembered as the evil that plagued all of Hinata Sou, and nothing more? To only be remembered as 'that pervert'?
A very strong likelihood, if I do say so myself.
If they were to find my body hanging from the ceiling the next morning, they wouldn't even care. They'd just continue with their daily tasks as if nothing had ever happened.
There is nothing left for me to live for. I have been stripped of my dignity in the most hurtful and humiliating way. Every day is a living hell for me. Life here was never going to work out the way I hoped it would.
Which leads to the most important lesson I have ever learnt; hope is for the foolish.
Now, I wait for death; the ultimate liberator. Come, sweet death... take me in your dark embrace...
So, for the last time... sayonara, Hinata Sou; I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas... if there is a hell, I will be in there, laughing my head off.
For I will have the last laugh.
-- Keitaro Urashima
::: FIN :::
::: AUTHOR'S NOTES :::
Yes, I know. This was utterly crap.
No need to tell me.
This was something I just wanted to write so I could break away from my current fanfic, 'Keitaro, The Savant' for a bit. Not to worry; normal service will be resumed shortly on that one.
- GaC -