Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, obviously. The song isn't mine either. "She Will Be Loved" is owned by Maroon 5, so don't sue me. Ahaha.
beauty queen of only eighteen.
she had some trouble with herself.
he was always there to help her.
she always belonged to someone else.
Falling in love is something I never have been good at. Either I fell for a complete asshole, who only had one thing on his mind, or I would fall for someone who you would think is completly in love with you as much as you are with him, and he betrays you. Sure, he had a girlfriend, but you also went on a date with him before, and considering you never can quite get over your first love, you were just .. stuck. Stuck in a horrible love triangle that you can't escape, and you keep down-spirialing into deep, dark, bottomless hole.
And then you end up pregnant at the age of fourteen.
My name? Manuela Santos. I am now eighteen years old, living with my parents, siblings and my daughter in the city of Toronto, Canada. I'm a senior at Degrassi High, and believe it or not, I didn't drop out as soon as I had Ashley. (I named her after the girl her father had been dating when all this mess happend. Crazy, huh?) One, my parents wouldn't allow it, and two? Neither would my best friend, Emma Nelson. Emma's mother had been through the same ordeal as I'm going through when she was my age, and Spike was the person who convinced me not to get an abortion.
Now, who's the lucky father, you ask? The one who should be beyond pleased with the thought of even having a child, coming over every single waking moment to see his lovely, beautiful daughter, not to mention atleast coming to see myself?
He isn't around.
I never heard a word from Craig Manning the minute that he graduated a year ago. Before that, he was rarely around to begin with, but he would always come over, to check on things, or to drop something off for Ashley. Other than that, he wouldn't dare to look at me. Not even in the eye. I guess it's true -- you can't always get what you want. I wanted Craig so much, and I guess I can understand why he won't look at me, yet alone look me in the eye.
I ruined his life.
He had a completly good relationship with Ashley Kerwin, and it made me so angry and jealous. I had to have him. Which is why I gave myself a complete make over, became out going, got distant with Emma and JT .. dated Sully, all those other guys. And that night at Paige's suprise birthday party, the club, in his garage .. I thought it was the most wonderful thing ever. Even though I never realized how Ashley would have felt, which I did when she found out about us, slapping him on stage at the winter pagent. I felt horrible, cried for hours, days, even.
I cried as much that day as I did when I found out I was pregnant.
I remember I started feeling sick often around that time. I thought it was nerves, considering the fact Paige was breathing down my neck during Spirit Squad practice. But, it wasn't what I thought it was, and I ended up going to the doctor to check it out.
I was pregnant.
Craig had been unbelievably happy. Why, I will never understand, but he was. We had started going out around that time, which of course, I was happy about. After I told him he and I were a couple. I felt a tinge of guilt every time I would see Ashley giving me the glare of death, along with Paige Michalchuk and Ellie Nash. But did I care? At the time, no. I had gotten what I want, and I didn't care what anyone else thought about it. Craig was mine, and that was that.
It was cute, in a way, how excited he seemed to be. He went on and on about how Angela would have a baby sister (I tried to tell him that Ang would be an Aunt, but no go. He was too delirously happy to notice), checking baby books out of the libray, making sure I ate right. I remember Paige making some snide comment about if Craig and I used a condom, and I don't remember what it exactly was that I told her, but all I remember it seemed to be all over school the next day.
Thanks to Ashley, of course.
Craig had sat down next to me at lunch, with a carton of milk, and a baby book. He told me to close my eyes and pick out a name. Maude. I winced, horrifed with the name, but that wasn't the worse part. Ashley came over, said her few choice of words, told the whole cafetria that "these two idiots got pregnant", and continued to ridicule Craig.
I ran out, crying.
And then there was the couple days after that I told Emma I wanted to get an abortion. She flipped, like I thought she would, and stopped talking to me for a while. That same time I told my mom, and she cried, I cried, and I told her I wasn't going away like my cousin did when she was pregnant.
Craig didn't talk to me for a long time after I told him I might get an abortion.
And I was, until, I chickend out.
After Craig I never really had feelings for anyone. JT and I went out for a short period of time, went to the last dance of the year in grade nine, went on a couple of dates, but that was it. Liberty had teased me and said I let a 'good one' get away, and I always thought she was talking about Craig. It was kind of sad, in a way, that Liberty Van Zandt had a boyfriend and I didn't. Her and Towerz were cute together, I had to admit, even though I never heard the boy talk. Ever.
But, JT was always a possiblity. Not at the moment, but hey, whatever. Being eighteen and single parent doesn't really give you time to date.
Friday night was the night of the big party. All the Grade 12's had gotten together, at Toby's house, of all places, for the end of the year / graduation party. I could have gone, JT had asked me, but I turned him down. It's not like you can exactly go out on a date, let alone a party, having a three-year-old daughter. So, while everyone else in grade 12 was out a party, here I was, sitting in sweat pants and a baggy shirt, watching some PBS kids thing with Ash, and the phone rings. If it was JT, I was going to shoot him. I made a face, rolling my eyes, reaching over to grab the phone of the hook.
"Hello?" I asked in an annoyed tone, picking up Ashlee and setting in her lap, handing her one of the few oreo cookies that had been left from my pigging out, and wallowing in self-pity.
"Manny?"
I froze. I put the TV on mute, with protests and screaming from my daughter, who pouted once she noticed I was on the phone, hopping out of my lap and running into the kitchen.
"Craig?"