This is probably going to be the last flashback chapter but I'm not definitely sure on that but oh well thanks for the reviews keep r and r.

Flashback: Losing Control (Lizzie's pov)

How could a problem that you think is so small turn out to be so large. How could a few simple cuts turn into a whole horrible life-threatening situation. But most of all how could I have been so wrong to actually think that I was in control of something that I never have had control of.

At least I used to be. But I lost control. I had been for awhile but whatever control that I had over myself that was still left disappeared the second that I pushed that razor into my wrist but I'm so friggen stupid I couldn't even do that right. Well now I have to figure out how to cover my cut up wrists. People hardly pay any attention to me anymore but still I'm sure that somebody at least a teacher or something will notice my wrist. I have to hide it.

I finally found a shirt that covered most of my wrists but you can still see part of my wrist so I still was afraid that somebody would notice. But nobody did at least nobody said anything about it.

I'm glad that nobody did say anything. I don't want anyone's help. It's much to late for that. No doctor can help me. No friend or family member can help me. Nobody will ever be able to help me.

Have you ever felt it? The feeling that you have lost control over yourself. That you not only cannot change what you feel but you also can't change what you say or do. I Feel it. I've been feeling it for awhile now. I'm sixteen years old, I've been cutting myself since I was fourteen and I have ever since then been trying to act like I was in control of it. But I'm not. I lost control and it's one of the most painful, scary feelings in the world.

I wish that I would have been smart and told somebody awhile ago how I felt. But I can't know. I can't tell so no one knows. Not that anyone I know would actually care. I would probably be sent to see a physiatrist or something. He or she would talk to me about my feelings. They would try to find out what was causing me to cut myself. In one way I'm almost glad that it is too late for that. I don't want to talk to a doctor. That will just make me feel even more crazy then I already feel. And I feel crazy enough.

I got home from school today and sat down examining all of my cuts. There were so many cuts, so many scars. I had given myself more cuts this past year and a half than I had gotten in my entire life. I didn't think much of that before but I am now. I have done permanent damage to my body physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I was just feeling sorry for myself because I get ignored in school and at home so I abused myself. Well I hate myself. I don't feel sorry for myself. How could I? How could anyone feel sorry for someone as stupid and pathetic as me. They can't and they don't. Well I've decided something today. I'm done with myself.

Somehow I ended up on the bridge two towns away from my house. It was late at night and it was raining. It had been raining a lot lately. I was standing by the edge of it looking down into the river not far below. I wasn't even thinking properly. I felt in a daze like I was lost. I knew that I was here but I was so out of it that I didn't know how I actually got here. I was confused and scared more so than I have ever been before.

When you are upset and I don't mean a little upset I mean actual suicidal hate my life want it to end upset nothing makes sense to you. The only thing that makes sense is the thought of killing yourself to make it go away. But most people who are suicidal don't really know that they want to live until they are actually trying to kill themselves. That's when it usually clicks. But by then it may be to late.

I didn't even think about it afterwards but was it an accident that I didn't cut myself deep enough. That something inside of me was trying to reace me trying to tell me that I shouldn't be doing it. That deep down inside I didn't want to die. I didn't stop and think about it. Instead I thought about my horrible life and everything bad in it.

I let the demons inside of me loose and they made me hate myself and my life. They made me cut myself for almost two years. They made me try to open my wrist. They led me all the way to this bridge and our now trying to help me jump off of it and I may just listen to them.

I was now climbing over the edge of the bridge. I was about to end my life at sixteen. I was standing soaked in the rain loosening my grip on the edge of the bride. If I just let go I could fall and would into the water and would hit the rocks on the bottom killing me almost instantly. Whatever deep down inside that was supposed to click and tell me that I didn't want to do this hadn't.

Then suddenly I felt like someone was standing behind me. I didn't know how it was but I wasn't about to let that person stop me. It was too late for that. It was much too late. I was about to let go when suddenly whoever was standing behind me placed a hand on my shoulder.

The rest of this chapter is going to take place in the present and not the past.

I turned around to see how it was. I stared hard at the person standing right behind me. He held a expression on his face that looked so familiar. It only took another second to realize that expression. He was scared and confused just like me. But why would he look like that unless... unless he was scared because he cared for me. He had always paid attention and had always cared.

"Gordo," I asked him. "How did you know that I was here." "You weren't answering your phone and I was worried about you." "I saw your wrists at school today." "Lizzie I was afraid that you may actually be trying to kill yourself." "I, I guess I was right," he said.

Suddenly it clicked. I didn't want to die. Just by showing up here Gordo had shown me that. "Thank you," I said to him. "You made it click." "I made what click," he asked looking confused. "You... never mind," I said. "Gordo help me back over." "The edge of the bridge is slippery and I'm afraid that I might fall."

"Okay." Gordo started to help me over back the bridge. Suddenly I lost my balance and started to fall. Gordo tried to grab me but couldn't. I was going to fall and hit the river whether I liked it or not. There were tons of large sharp rocks sticking out of the river. People teenagers and adults as well have jumped into this river and not one of them lived. Some died instantly others died after minutes or hours and some very few though had actually made it to hospitals but they had all died. Every one of them.

I if I realized that I wanted to live a while ago I would have lived but now it was too late. I was falling falling fast. I was about to hit the river. I was about to die. Nothing that I could wish would change that.