Thanks for the reviews. They were a big help in deciding whether it should be LG or not. By the way thanks for the tip Jersey Princess. I'll try to keep that tip in mind the next time I add the quotation marks.

Feeling good

Riiinng my alarm clock interrupted my sound sleep. I reached over and turned it off. I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. I turned on the water and adjusted the temperature. I pulled off my nightgown and stepped slowly into the shower.

I stood there lukewarm water pouring down on me. I stared over at the soap dish. On it was a razor. It was lying there were it belonged. In the bathroom not hidden in a bedroom drawer like a weapon. It was for shaving not cutting. I knew that now.

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself. I went back to my bedroom. I put on a new pair of jeans and a pink designer blouse with long sleeves. I put on a pair of sneakers. Then I added jewelry and makeup and brushed my hair out so I could wear it down. I checked myself over not once but twice in the mirror to make sure that I looked okay.

It was the first time in two years that I actually fussed with the way that I looked. But yesterday after Gordo walked me home from the bridge I decided that I was done with being unhappy. I was going to talk to Gordo's mother tomorrow. She made a quick opening since Gordo and I are close. When I went there I was going to talk to her and let her help not push her away like I did with her son.

And speaking of him Gordo asked me out for this coming Friday. I couldn't believe it. I haven't been out on a date since the summer before high school started. Well now I'm going on one again and I'm so excited. I haven't felt excitement like this in a while.

I walked to school feeling better. Its funny how when it comes to something large that many people have an opinion on one opinion doesn't seem to matter but when it comes to a small situation like something that concerns only one persons life sometimes all you need is one persons opinion to matter. In my case I needed Gordo's opinion and I now have it.

Of course I'm still very upset. And I'm also very worried. I'm worried about what my moms going to think when she finds out that I'm a cutter. Or that I attempted suicide twice. Gordo's mom was very understanding but of course I'm not her child. Besides she's a doctor she has other patients that I'm sure are probably ten times worse than I am.

I am afraid that my mother will probably think that I'm crazy. How am I supposed to convince her that I'm not crazy when I'm not even sure that I'm not? Gordo keeps telling me that I'm not but I'm still not totally convinced.

I pushed those thought away as I neared the school. I walked up to the building and headed in. I went to my locker and then hurried so that I wouldn't be late for homeroom.

I walked into the classroom and took my seat towards the back of the room. I was leaning over trying to fish a pen out of my backpack when I could feel it. Eyes all staring at me.

"Lizzie," Johnson said. "You look hot."

That felt good. Johnson who sat in front of me during homeroom and across from me in science had never seemed to notice me before. And now he was telling me that I looked hot.

Other kids from class walked up to me and complimented me too. They all never seemed to notice me before but they obviously did now. It felt really good to for once actually be noticed. To actually be liked and admired.

The day went by quickly. At lunch I sat with Gordo and a few of his friends. They were all nice and talked to me. The other students were being really nice to me as well. No one ignored or made fun of me. It actually turned out to be a good day after all.

Gordo and I both walked home together. We hung around at my house talking and joking around basically trying to catch up on the past few years. He had promised to stay there to give me encouragement for when my mom came home. I knew that once she was home that I would have no other choice but to show her my scars.

A little while later we had run out of things to talk about. Or that's what I thought. We had one other thing to discuss.

"Gordo," I asked. "What happened to us?"

"What do you mean?" He asked back staring at me.

"I mean why did we stop being friends. What made that happen? We used to be so close and then we just stopped spending time together."

"Lizzie do you remember when Miranda stole your diary?"

"Yes I do Gordo thank you very much for reminding me."

"Well you had your whole reputation crushed. You keep trying to fit in get people to like you. Well I got tired of that and we began spending less time together. Soon after we kind of just drifted apart."

"Gordo you were always tired of me trying to fit in," I said smiling at him.

He smiled back. "Yeah but you were going overboard with it. More so than usual."

"Hey," I said snatching a pillow off the couch and throwing it at him. "I so didn't go overboard."

"Oh yes you did," he said laughing. He picked up the pillow and threw it back at me.

We both started laughing at the moment seeming to forget the situation. After a few minutes our laughter quieted down. Eventually we were both silent.

"You know," Gordo said breaking the silence. "Miranda turned on me too."

I looked at him and nodded.

"What can we do she's a bitch."

"I know," Gordo agreed.

Gordo and I spent the next few hours talking as we waited for my mom get home. It took my mind of the conversation we were going to have. I wondered would she think that I was crazy. Or would she understand and be sympathetic. Or who knows maybe she wouldn't care at all. I would have to wait and see.