Chapter Ten: What About Me?
Manny walked into Degrassi, wondering what was going to happen to her. Sully was the perfect cover when she wanted to fit in, but now that she had so carelessly attacked him, she didn't think she would be good enough to get back into the inner circle. While she and Paige had started getting along well enough, they still weren't friends. Sully was a friend.
Since she was a year younger than Paige, she may have avoided all the conflict that was going to stem from what she had done. She could even quit the Spirit Squad if she had to, but Manny didn't want that. She enjoyed being a cheerleader, enjoyed it more than almost anything else lately. Cheering made her feel free. Losing that, and all the respect and adoration that comes from it, hurt her.
But Paige was still the head cheerleader, and she still had the most power over all the girls at Degrassi besides the ones in higher grade levels.
She knew eventually they'd run into each other, but Manny wanted to avoid that as long as possible. She didn't really fear Paige; she was just tired of fighting.
The day went by listlessly, and without incident. Before she knew what was happening, the bell rang for lunch. Manny stood up slowly and debated whether to go to the cafeteria or not. No doubt Paige and her friends would be there, and once they saw her, there was no going back.
No. I won't let them have power over me, Manny thought. With renewed self-assurance, she squared her shoulders and marched towards the lunch hall.
When Manny arrived, every person leaning forward, every whisper, every glance made her feel as though the room was in an uproar over her. She knew logically that that couldn't be it, but she felt the weight of a thousand gazes upon her nonetheless.
"Manny!" she heard a familiar voice call her name. Some of the chatter died down, and Manny knew her fears were accurate, and a good majority of the people had been discussing her presence.
A pretty girl with long blonde hair began walking towards her. She was pretty, yes, but nothing overly special or beautiful. Not like Manny's Dream Girl. A fire was lit in the girl's eyes, and Manny swallowed.
"Hi, Paige," she said, wishing she had never come back here. If she was told she was going to Viviana's at this moment, she may not have minded so much.
"Manny, what on earth is wrong with you?" Paige seethed.
"Meaning?" Manny asked.
"Meaning? Meaning? Meaning you attacked Sully! Meaning you've been acting so strangely lately. What, is this a Craig thing? Pissed off that he's back with Ashley?"
"No," Manny sighed. She choked back a sob, but knew it sounded more like a laugh. "Who'd want to be Manny Manning anyway?"
Paige looked at her in shock. "You're making jokes? This is serious. You can't just attack Sully like that."
"Why not? Who the hell is going to stop me?"
"Someone already did, hon," Paige retorted.
Manny smiled. "Mr. Raditch? He won't always be there."
Paige frowned. "Manny, what's going on? Do you want to be over or what?"
"Who cares," Manny sighed.
"I care. You can't do that. You're a member of the Spirit Squad. I let you in, let you become popular and let people see your talent, and you do this? Did you even think about Sully?"
"About Sully?" Manny demanded. "Paige, don't be so shallow. Don't think for one moment that any of this matters. Yeah, I attacked him. But he deserved it. He deserved it, and so much more. If you want to live your life blind to what a shitty excuse for a human being he is, fine. But don't expect me to be your lapdog."
Paige gasped. Several students, all staring at the two girls, echoed it. But Manny didn't care.
"I don't know what's gotten into you, Manny Santos, but you can trust that until you find some shred of sanity, you're no longer welcome on the Spirit Squad."
Manny felt her heart sinking, but she put on a brave face. "Oh, how will I manage? God, Paige. It's always you, or Sully, or Spinner, or anyone. It's never me. No one gives a fuck about me, so why should I give a fuck about you or your silly little pom-pom waving ditzes?"
Paige glared at her. "Don't bother ever coming back."
"Whatever," Manny said. She turned around and walked away.
Manny had little hope of reconciliation with someone such as Paige, someone she had a rocky acquaintanceship with to begin with. Her heart hammered inside her chest, and she wondered if Paige ever had to go through anything as hard as what Manny was going through. If Paige ever had a break from her perfect little world. With a dream house the envy of any Barbie, parents who seemed unable to ever tell her no, her perfect little friends and boyfriends, Manny felt a growing hostility within her. It really wasn't fair, that Paige got to be so happy when Manny was so miserable.
She knew deep inside the recesses of her mind that Paige more than likely had her own problems, but logic wasn't her strong point.
She wanted to lash out, but feared her parents' repercussions.
Manny cooled down her exterior. Outside, she looked fine enough. Inside, she was screaming.
She wished she had been expelled. She wished she had the courage to run away. She wished she had never been born.
She wished she was dead.