January fifth, too unhappy to care
There are some things that are never good news, and hearing them is never a treat. My life is filled with many positive aspects that it is no surprise that a little bit of the negative has found a way in. Fred's wife, an amazing witch by the name of Katy, is lying near deaths door after her twins were born almost four months too soon. I have been in hysterics and want so badly to be by his side, but cannot escape from my duties to do so. I hear from my Mother that the baby girls are doing well and are expected to pull through. The same is not true for Katy. Fred has been told she will last about a month, if he is lucky, and that he should try to comfort her and make the end as pleasant as can be. She has been brought home and will stay there until she is moved to the family crypt.
It is too depressing for words. I was not very close to her but feel it keenly nonetheless; she is young and should be rejoicing it the birth of her babies. Instead she must live the last few days of her life knowing that she is leaving behind a husband filled with grief and two beautiful human beings who will remember her face. The girls have been named Katherine Anne and Susanne Marie for their Mother and maternal Grandmother and have been housed at The Burrow till Fred can care for them properly. From the last owl I received, Draco has taken charge of them and has his hands full because of it.
For my own part, I cannot keep my mind from what has happened. My studies habits have suffered and the class I am teaching has stagnated. I realize, of course, that nothing can be done and that I should not let it interfere, but I love my brother and the though of the pain he must be in refuses to leave my mind.
January nineteenth, midmorning
I have found a way to keep from dwelling on the troubles at home. I cast a spell on myself to keep the subject from entering my mind during the day. The obvious side effect of this is that I dream of it each night and am having a hard time sleeping. I have started to mediate each night in hopes of putting a stop to the nightmares, but so far it is not working. I wrote to Draco some time ago about my problem, but he has not yet responded.
January thirty-first, near midnight
My insomnia has gotten to the point where I only get about two or three hours of sleep a night. All this wakefulness has given me plenty of time to get caught up on my workload, but has done nothing for my well-being. I have dropped weight and feel listless. I have these dark circles under my eyes and feel all muddled, as if my brain has been wrapped in cotton. Draco wrote me, but he gave no advice and was rather abrupt. I am too tiered to be sure, but I got the feeling that something was other than Katy is upsetting him.
February tenth, dawn
I broke down and went to the school health clinic. Ms. Asaki was wonderful. She gave me a potion to end the nightmares and another to help come to grips with my sister-in-law's death. She also made me promise never to do an untried spell on myself again. Feeling very foolish for not coming to her in the first place, I listened her tongue lashing with a bent head and took her wisdom to heart.
She gave me a bit of information about my binding to Draco. She said the link that was formed between us lets me feel whatever emotions he is experiencing and vice versa. She said that my strong reaction to the event was most likely because I was sharing in Draco's grief as well as my own. It seems that over time I will become use to the double load of emotions and will not experience any sort of angst over them. Till then I am to be on my guard and get help if things seem to be out of my control. I wrote to Draco to tell him of this discovery as soon as I got home and sent him all my love in this newfound manner.
~}~}~@
Draco felt a rush of tenderness flow over him at the same time that his ring heated to the point of pain. He blinked, unsure how to react, then wiped his face clean of any expression. She loves me. He told himself. Everything will work out and I will be able to deal with this because she loves me. He bit his lip, then instantly swore. He could not risk exposing her to what he knew was coming, and this connection she had discovered between them would defiantly open her up to all the risks he was taking. Some thing had to be done to stop that from happening.
He glanced around the Master's Chamber in disgust and stalked over to the bed. He had moved back to the Manor shortly after his return from Japan. The Weasleys were puzzled by it, but made no comment when he offered his weak explanations. He had made up some story about needing more space to deal with the work running the Malfoy empire generated and tried to sooth the cut by telling them as many details as he could remember about their daughter, save one. He made no mention of the fact that she was his beloved. The time would come for that later.
Right now he had to find a way to stop the curse. He had assumed that he was free from his father and that he had been ignorant of the truth of Draco's birth until a little over two months ago. He had come home from Ginny, as he at last consented to call her, to a stack of unopened mail and a long list of things to do. He was content, at peace with who he was and what his past had been, but all that changed after reading the letter his father's lawyer had sent.
To his amazement, it contained a piece of the will that Draco had never seen before. The late Lord Malfoy had left a great many things to his son, but all of them hinged on three conditions. The first was that he never admit in public who his birth father was, easy enough to do before he found out the truth, but much more difficult now that he was certain his mother had never conceived Lucius child. The second stated that he must always maintain absolute control of the Malfoy enterprise. Once again, this was fairly simple to comply with. The third condition required that he marry in accordance to his station in society. This final corollary came with a detailed description of what defined his 'station in society' and what sort of witch was deemed acceptable. He glanced at the list and the heat of his stare would have caused it to smolder if not for the enchantments on it. If he broke any of these conditions all that was dear to him would suffer. Since the one thing that meant the most to him was Ginny, he dared not let their engagement stand.
Already she had suffered a great loss. He was positive that Katy death was connected to the dark magic that seeped from the will. She had a perfectly normal pregnancy up to the point of her daughters' early birth. The fact that she went into labor less then twenty-four hours after the formal announcement of his intention to marry Ginny was published made it all but impossible for him to separate the two.
He felt a personal responsibility for the death and had taken claim of the motherless children because of it. Unknown to the rest of the family, he had set up accounts for them filled with gold, but the act did little to cure his sense of guilt. He vowed to watch over and protect the girls till his dying day and could only hope that this guardianship would rid his soul of the taint.
He reached out a grabbed the hated list. There must be a way around this. He screamed his vexation. "I will find a way to honor this list and marry Ginny." The words echoed around the room and filled him with confidence. It would be done, if he had to eat crow and beg the help of Hermione, it would be done.
~}~}~@
February twentieth, sundown
I received the oddest letter from Draco. He went on and on about Katy, as if her death was his fault, and sounded so very depressed that I do not know what to do. He said that things must end, that he would not let me get hurt and a number of other confusing statements that left me at my wits end trying to decipher. I wrote back to recommend the potion I was given, and can only hope that will clear things up with him.
Mum wrote to congratulate me on my understanding with Draco. Her letter was filled with pride and joy at the thought of her child uniting with Cissa's. She went on and on about wedding plans and what sort of ideas I had in mind. I cannot say that I have given my wedding as much thought as my mother has. I am quite sure that she is using it as a way to move on.
Harry sent me a note as well. It was barely three lines long and seemed to be written in false cheer. He said that he is happy for me and that he hopes all works out with Draco, but his childhood rivalry came through his positive words. I hate to think ill of my dear friend, but I feel as if he has added my name to the list of things he wanted that Draco got.
March second, afternoon
Is there any reason not to be happy? Life is good and spring is in the air. I am so full of energy that I can hardly keep still while I write this. I know I should be studying, but it is so beautiful outside and I refuse to waist such a lovely day peering over moldy old scrolls.
My only cause for concern is a nasty rumor that my vile brother Ron reported to me. He says that he heard some random witch say that Draco has publicly declared that he will never marry me and that the paper that published our announcement was playing some sort of joke. Since he did not name the witch, I can only assume that it was some bitter old thing that was spreading venom to any willing to listen.
I can feel all of Draco's emotions and know that the ones he has for me do not included hate or the like. He cares deeply for me, and would never hurt me like that for no reason at all. I know that Ron was only trying to soften the blow, but I have no fear that it will come and so I disregard the gossip completely.
There are some things that are never good news, and hearing them is never a treat. My life is filled with many positive aspects that it is no surprise that a little bit of the negative has found a way in. Fred's wife, an amazing witch by the name of Katy, is lying near deaths door after her twins were born almost four months too soon. I have been in hysterics and want so badly to be by his side, but cannot escape from my duties to do so. I hear from my Mother that the baby girls are doing well and are expected to pull through. The same is not true for Katy. Fred has been told she will last about a month, if he is lucky, and that he should try to comfort her and make the end as pleasant as can be. She has been brought home and will stay there until she is moved to the family crypt.
It is too depressing for words. I was not very close to her but feel it keenly nonetheless; she is young and should be rejoicing it the birth of her babies. Instead she must live the last few days of her life knowing that she is leaving behind a husband filled with grief and two beautiful human beings who will remember her face. The girls have been named Katherine Anne and Susanne Marie for their Mother and maternal Grandmother and have been housed at The Burrow till Fred can care for them properly. From the last owl I received, Draco has taken charge of them and has his hands full because of it.
For my own part, I cannot keep my mind from what has happened. My studies habits have suffered and the class I am teaching has stagnated. I realize, of course, that nothing can be done and that I should not let it interfere, but I love my brother and the though of the pain he must be in refuses to leave my mind.
January nineteenth, midmorning
I have found a way to keep from dwelling on the troubles at home. I cast a spell on myself to keep the subject from entering my mind during the day. The obvious side effect of this is that I dream of it each night and am having a hard time sleeping. I have started to mediate each night in hopes of putting a stop to the nightmares, but so far it is not working. I wrote to Draco some time ago about my problem, but he has not yet responded.
January thirty-first, near midnight
My insomnia has gotten to the point where I only get about two or three hours of sleep a night. All this wakefulness has given me plenty of time to get caught up on my workload, but has done nothing for my well-being. I have dropped weight and feel listless. I have these dark circles under my eyes and feel all muddled, as if my brain has been wrapped in cotton. Draco wrote me, but he gave no advice and was rather abrupt. I am too tiered to be sure, but I got the feeling that something was other than Katy is upsetting him.
February tenth, dawn
I broke down and went to the school health clinic. Ms. Asaki was wonderful. She gave me a potion to end the nightmares and another to help come to grips with my sister-in-law's death. She also made me promise never to do an untried spell on myself again. Feeling very foolish for not coming to her in the first place, I listened her tongue lashing with a bent head and took her wisdom to heart.
She gave me a bit of information about my binding to Draco. She said the link that was formed between us lets me feel whatever emotions he is experiencing and vice versa. She said that my strong reaction to the event was most likely because I was sharing in Draco's grief as well as my own. It seems that over time I will become use to the double load of emotions and will not experience any sort of angst over them. Till then I am to be on my guard and get help if things seem to be out of my control. I wrote to Draco to tell him of this discovery as soon as I got home and sent him all my love in this newfound manner.
~}~}~@
Draco felt a rush of tenderness flow over him at the same time that his ring heated to the point of pain. He blinked, unsure how to react, then wiped his face clean of any expression. She loves me. He told himself. Everything will work out and I will be able to deal with this because she loves me. He bit his lip, then instantly swore. He could not risk exposing her to what he knew was coming, and this connection she had discovered between them would defiantly open her up to all the risks he was taking. Some thing had to be done to stop that from happening.
He glanced around the Master's Chamber in disgust and stalked over to the bed. He had moved back to the Manor shortly after his return from Japan. The Weasleys were puzzled by it, but made no comment when he offered his weak explanations. He had made up some story about needing more space to deal with the work running the Malfoy empire generated and tried to sooth the cut by telling them as many details as he could remember about their daughter, save one. He made no mention of the fact that she was his beloved. The time would come for that later.
Right now he had to find a way to stop the curse. He had assumed that he was free from his father and that he had been ignorant of the truth of Draco's birth until a little over two months ago. He had come home from Ginny, as he at last consented to call her, to a stack of unopened mail and a long list of things to do. He was content, at peace with who he was and what his past had been, but all that changed after reading the letter his father's lawyer had sent.
To his amazement, it contained a piece of the will that Draco had never seen before. The late Lord Malfoy had left a great many things to his son, but all of them hinged on three conditions. The first was that he never admit in public who his birth father was, easy enough to do before he found out the truth, but much more difficult now that he was certain his mother had never conceived Lucius child. The second stated that he must always maintain absolute control of the Malfoy enterprise. Once again, this was fairly simple to comply with. The third condition required that he marry in accordance to his station in society. This final corollary came with a detailed description of what defined his 'station in society' and what sort of witch was deemed acceptable. He glanced at the list and the heat of his stare would have caused it to smolder if not for the enchantments on it. If he broke any of these conditions all that was dear to him would suffer. Since the one thing that meant the most to him was Ginny, he dared not let their engagement stand.
Already she had suffered a great loss. He was positive that Katy death was connected to the dark magic that seeped from the will. She had a perfectly normal pregnancy up to the point of her daughters' early birth. The fact that she went into labor less then twenty-four hours after the formal announcement of his intention to marry Ginny was published made it all but impossible for him to separate the two.
He felt a personal responsibility for the death and had taken claim of the motherless children because of it. Unknown to the rest of the family, he had set up accounts for them filled with gold, but the act did little to cure his sense of guilt. He vowed to watch over and protect the girls till his dying day and could only hope that this guardianship would rid his soul of the taint.
He reached out a grabbed the hated list. There must be a way around this. He screamed his vexation. "I will find a way to honor this list and marry Ginny." The words echoed around the room and filled him with confidence. It would be done, if he had to eat crow and beg the help of Hermione, it would be done.
~}~}~@
February twentieth, sundown
I received the oddest letter from Draco. He went on and on about Katy, as if her death was his fault, and sounded so very depressed that I do not know what to do. He said that things must end, that he would not let me get hurt and a number of other confusing statements that left me at my wits end trying to decipher. I wrote back to recommend the potion I was given, and can only hope that will clear things up with him.
Mum wrote to congratulate me on my understanding with Draco. Her letter was filled with pride and joy at the thought of her child uniting with Cissa's. She went on and on about wedding plans and what sort of ideas I had in mind. I cannot say that I have given my wedding as much thought as my mother has. I am quite sure that she is using it as a way to move on.
Harry sent me a note as well. It was barely three lines long and seemed to be written in false cheer. He said that he is happy for me and that he hopes all works out with Draco, but his childhood rivalry came through his positive words. I hate to think ill of my dear friend, but I feel as if he has added my name to the list of things he wanted that Draco got.
March second, afternoon
Is there any reason not to be happy? Life is good and spring is in the air. I am so full of energy that I can hardly keep still while I write this. I know I should be studying, but it is so beautiful outside and I refuse to waist such a lovely day peering over moldy old scrolls.
My only cause for concern is a nasty rumor that my vile brother Ron reported to me. He says that he heard some random witch say that Draco has publicly declared that he will never marry me and that the paper that published our announcement was playing some sort of joke. Since he did not name the witch, I can only assume that it was some bitter old thing that was spreading venom to any willing to listen.
I can feel all of Draco's emotions and know that the ones he has for me do not included hate or the like. He cares deeply for me, and would never hurt me like that for no reason at all. I know that Ron was only trying to soften the blow, but I have no fear that it will come and so I disregard the gossip completely.