April first, dusk
My favorite day of the year came and went without a single prank played. I wished all day long that Draco would send an owl saying that everything that has happened has been a trick, but no letter came. He must have finally gotten then hint, for I have had nothing from him since the owl I sent in March.
It is spring break and I am living like a hermit. My house smells foul and I have not changed my bedding in over a month. I feel dead inside, like nothing will ever make my life green again. I am rank, I do not think I have bathed all week, and my bed has become my home. I need to break out of this funk, but do not have the will power to do so.
I keep having these sad little dreams that everything is wonderful and nothing has gone wrong between us. I know it is foolish, but I love him so much that I cannot accept the hands fate has dealt be. And so I wallow in my misery. It will not be mush longer before the compulsive person inside of me breaks free of the cloud of filth surrounding me. I can only hope that no one I know comes across me till then.
~}~}~@
Draco stood in front of her door and rehearsed all the reasons he had come for in his mind. She loved him. She just needed to have things explained in person. He raised his hand to knock, but was stopped halfway through the motion by a fizzy haired, bloody eyed pale white person wrapped in a comforter. He stared at her mouth agape. She looked like hell. He wanted to pull her to him and whisper what ever words it was she needed to hear, but he knew she would not let him.
She squinted up at him, as if she was not use to the light, then blinked twice before sniffing and retreating back into her cave of a living room. She left the door open and he took that as a sign that he was allowed in. As Draco crossed the threshold he was greeted by the smell of mildew. Did she not open the windows? What had happened to the sparkling little flat of last December; where had all the light and clean smells gone? What had he done to her to turn her into this?
He kept walking till he found her, nestled under three or four blankets on her bed. He considered all his options, then marched over to the window and pulled the curtains apart. Dust floated through the air as he viscously threw it open. He heard a muffled eep and turned to see her dive under the covers to hide from the light. He groaned and raised an eyebrow at the heap.
Forgetting all that had passed between them, he jumped into the bed and started tickling whatever flesh his hands could reach. She giggled and kicked at him, her bleary eyes filled with stars once again. Before long they were laying in each others arms, her oversized night shirts twisted about her hips and his hair hanging in his face. She reached out and brushed the strands away, a look of longing on her face.
"Gold should be cold to the touch" she whispered.
He caught her hand and brought it to his lips, then mirrored her gesture as he finished the quote. "And fire should burn."[i]
She smiled at him; a gleam of something that once stood was there again. His heart filled with hope, longing and an emotion he dare not named poured into his blood. He saw his own passion in her eyes and was pulled under by the flow of it. Slowly he lowered his head to hers, his mind begging her not to stop him. She did not, and soon the world shrank to include only them.
He awoke to a soft keening. He reached his hand out but found only blankets. He cracked open and eye and glared at the space she should have been in. Draco heard her cry out again and dragged his sleep infused body from the comforts of her bed. The room smelled like sex and Vanilla Fields. He stiffened and cursed his body's readiness. He glanced about the room to find some thing to cover up with and came across only a tattered towel. He grimaced and sneered at it, then bent over to pick it up.
With only a towel to shield him, he wandered into the kitchen and found a weeping red head salting the soup with her tears. He held out his hand to her, but she ignored it. He touched her shoulder and she jerked away. After spinning around with the spatula held out like a knife between them, she glared at him and muttered that he had better keep his distance because she could not think with him so close. He laughed, but it only made her scowl. He put his hands up and retreated to the table. From the safety of another room, she asked him why he had come.
Draco sighed. This was the hard part. If he did not make his logic seem flawless, then he lost the one thing that mattered most. He started in on his story, trying to get each detail right. Every so often she popped in and asked him to clarify, but for the most part she let him have his say uninterrupted. As the piece de résistance he whipped out the offending document and let her come close enough to feel the stigma of it. Dark magic rolled of it in waves and he gave her just enough time to read it before returning it to its case.
She sat quietly across from him, her hands in her lap, head bowed. He waited for a response that never came. The room filled with tension till he could take it no more and he broke the stillness with a sharp "Well?" She continued to look at her hands and he growled "Say something, damn it!" She raised her head and he cursed at the blank look in her eyes. He immediately started spitting out excuses and apologies, forgetting all his well planned speeches in the face of her unrelenting silence.
"Draco." It was said with just enough confusion to stop him. "I never though you to be stupid, but you certainly seem that way now. Never mind all that nonsense about why you did what you did for now and simply look at the matter. The death of my brother's Wife had nothing to do with this curse of yours." He sputtered but she held up a hand and went on. "I know what you think, but you are wrong. You had the approval of three of your relatives for our match." She looked puzzled, 'or was it in some other area that I did not fit the bill?"
"Pardon?"
"Have you forgotten your own family history? Let me refresh your memory then. Your mother was a Black; as such she was kin to Sirius. First cousins, was not it? My father was second cousins with that same man. One can safely assume that he was therefore related to your mother and, I will admit it is distantly, he is related to you. Both he and my mother approved of our union, as did I. Though this is most likely the only time I will admit it, as something like your fourth cousin, I count as a relative too. Due to the obscure wording of the late Lord Malfoy's will, that makes three."
She did not seem pleased with her reasoning, but Draco was too overjoyed to care. He let out a whoop as he jumped up, knocking his chair to the floor. She startled at the clatter and winced at his outcry. Not noticing, he grabbed her arms and tried to pull her into a waltz. His limbs turned to lead as he realized that she was not sharing in his elation. He completed his last twirl then gazed into Ginny's face. Sadness took hold of him when he comprehended that she still held herself apart from him. "I know you think this fixes things Draco, but it only makes them all the more muddled. For example, why was this clear to me in less than a minuet when you failed to see it in the two months time before you took action? Why did you publicly denounce me without first asking my assistance in solving this dilemma, and why were you so quick to assume that none of your relatives would approve of us? Do not say that you did not do so; if you had not then you would have begged them to let our marriage stand as soon as you decided that the curse had taken affect. And, most disturbing of all, why was your last thought that of breaking the news to me yourself?"
She turned into herself for a moment, as if gathering strength, then threw back her shoulders and finished with a resounding "You did these things because you are ashamed of me. No matter what sweeter emotion you might have for me, you still find me lacking in the things you require in a mate. I do not know what those things are, but I know that I will never be other than what I am now. If that is not good enough for you, Draco Malfoy, then you had better just sod off."
He saw the naked furry on her face and backed up a step. "I love you Ginny. Does that mean nothing to you? I did what I did to save you from hurt. I wanted nothing but your happiness and this is what you think of me." He knew he should back down and beg her to forgive his lapse, but his pride was too great. "Of course I was ashamed of you, you are a bloody Weasley. It makes perfect sense that I forgot our family connection. My family has denied any blood ties to yours since long before my birth. You come from the bottom tier of purebloods, and I am the top. What can I say but that I love you? Only the deepest love would have led me to offer you an alliance with the Malfoy name. If you turn it down then you are nothing but a fool." He forced out a mocking laugh and gave a haughty glare.
Her body was ridged, her pain unmasked for him to see. She shook she pent up sobs and tears streamed down her cheeks. "You know nothing of love Malfoy." She bit her fist and turned her face from him. Her voice broke as she spoke once more "leave this place now. You are not in the slightest welcome in my home. Your presence is no longer pleasing and I want nothing more than to never see you again." His eyes widened at her words and his face went ashen, but he did not try to change her mind. He sent a wave of yearning out to her then disappeared in a flash of smoke.
----------------------- [i] Judith Tarr, The Lady of Han-Gilen
My favorite day of the year came and went without a single prank played. I wished all day long that Draco would send an owl saying that everything that has happened has been a trick, but no letter came. He must have finally gotten then hint, for I have had nothing from him since the owl I sent in March.
It is spring break and I am living like a hermit. My house smells foul and I have not changed my bedding in over a month. I feel dead inside, like nothing will ever make my life green again. I am rank, I do not think I have bathed all week, and my bed has become my home. I need to break out of this funk, but do not have the will power to do so.
I keep having these sad little dreams that everything is wonderful and nothing has gone wrong between us. I know it is foolish, but I love him so much that I cannot accept the hands fate has dealt be. And so I wallow in my misery. It will not be mush longer before the compulsive person inside of me breaks free of the cloud of filth surrounding me. I can only hope that no one I know comes across me till then.
~}~}~@
Draco stood in front of her door and rehearsed all the reasons he had come for in his mind. She loved him. She just needed to have things explained in person. He raised his hand to knock, but was stopped halfway through the motion by a fizzy haired, bloody eyed pale white person wrapped in a comforter. He stared at her mouth agape. She looked like hell. He wanted to pull her to him and whisper what ever words it was she needed to hear, but he knew she would not let him.
She squinted up at him, as if she was not use to the light, then blinked twice before sniffing and retreating back into her cave of a living room. She left the door open and he took that as a sign that he was allowed in. As Draco crossed the threshold he was greeted by the smell of mildew. Did she not open the windows? What had happened to the sparkling little flat of last December; where had all the light and clean smells gone? What had he done to her to turn her into this?
He kept walking till he found her, nestled under three or four blankets on her bed. He considered all his options, then marched over to the window and pulled the curtains apart. Dust floated through the air as he viscously threw it open. He heard a muffled eep and turned to see her dive under the covers to hide from the light. He groaned and raised an eyebrow at the heap.
Forgetting all that had passed between them, he jumped into the bed and started tickling whatever flesh his hands could reach. She giggled and kicked at him, her bleary eyes filled with stars once again. Before long they were laying in each others arms, her oversized night shirts twisted about her hips and his hair hanging in his face. She reached out and brushed the strands away, a look of longing on her face.
"Gold should be cold to the touch" she whispered.
He caught her hand and brought it to his lips, then mirrored her gesture as he finished the quote. "And fire should burn."[i]
She smiled at him; a gleam of something that once stood was there again. His heart filled with hope, longing and an emotion he dare not named poured into his blood. He saw his own passion in her eyes and was pulled under by the flow of it. Slowly he lowered his head to hers, his mind begging her not to stop him. She did not, and soon the world shrank to include only them.
He awoke to a soft keening. He reached his hand out but found only blankets. He cracked open and eye and glared at the space she should have been in. Draco heard her cry out again and dragged his sleep infused body from the comforts of her bed. The room smelled like sex and Vanilla Fields. He stiffened and cursed his body's readiness. He glanced about the room to find some thing to cover up with and came across only a tattered towel. He grimaced and sneered at it, then bent over to pick it up.
With only a towel to shield him, he wandered into the kitchen and found a weeping red head salting the soup with her tears. He held out his hand to her, but she ignored it. He touched her shoulder and she jerked away. After spinning around with the spatula held out like a knife between them, she glared at him and muttered that he had better keep his distance because she could not think with him so close. He laughed, but it only made her scowl. He put his hands up and retreated to the table. From the safety of another room, she asked him why he had come.
Draco sighed. This was the hard part. If he did not make his logic seem flawless, then he lost the one thing that mattered most. He started in on his story, trying to get each detail right. Every so often she popped in and asked him to clarify, but for the most part she let him have his say uninterrupted. As the piece de résistance he whipped out the offending document and let her come close enough to feel the stigma of it. Dark magic rolled of it in waves and he gave her just enough time to read it before returning it to its case.
She sat quietly across from him, her hands in her lap, head bowed. He waited for a response that never came. The room filled with tension till he could take it no more and he broke the stillness with a sharp "Well?" She continued to look at her hands and he growled "Say something, damn it!" She raised her head and he cursed at the blank look in her eyes. He immediately started spitting out excuses and apologies, forgetting all his well planned speeches in the face of her unrelenting silence.
"Draco." It was said with just enough confusion to stop him. "I never though you to be stupid, but you certainly seem that way now. Never mind all that nonsense about why you did what you did for now and simply look at the matter. The death of my brother's Wife had nothing to do with this curse of yours." He sputtered but she held up a hand and went on. "I know what you think, but you are wrong. You had the approval of three of your relatives for our match." She looked puzzled, 'or was it in some other area that I did not fit the bill?"
"Pardon?"
"Have you forgotten your own family history? Let me refresh your memory then. Your mother was a Black; as such she was kin to Sirius. First cousins, was not it? My father was second cousins with that same man. One can safely assume that he was therefore related to your mother and, I will admit it is distantly, he is related to you. Both he and my mother approved of our union, as did I. Though this is most likely the only time I will admit it, as something like your fourth cousin, I count as a relative too. Due to the obscure wording of the late Lord Malfoy's will, that makes three."
She did not seem pleased with her reasoning, but Draco was too overjoyed to care. He let out a whoop as he jumped up, knocking his chair to the floor. She startled at the clatter and winced at his outcry. Not noticing, he grabbed her arms and tried to pull her into a waltz. His limbs turned to lead as he realized that she was not sharing in his elation. He completed his last twirl then gazed into Ginny's face. Sadness took hold of him when he comprehended that she still held herself apart from him. "I know you think this fixes things Draco, but it only makes them all the more muddled. For example, why was this clear to me in less than a minuet when you failed to see it in the two months time before you took action? Why did you publicly denounce me without first asking my assistance in solving this dilemma, and why were you so quick to assume that none of your relatives would approve of us? Do not say that you did not do so; if you had not then you would have begged them to let our marriage stand as soon as you decided that the curse had taken affect. And, most disturbing of all, why was your last thought that of breaking the news to me yourself?"
She turned into herself for a moment, as if gathering strength, then threw back her shoulders and finished with a resounding "You did these things because you are ashamed of me. No matter what sweeter emotion you might have for me, you still find me lacking in the things you require in a mate. I do not know what those things are, but I know that I will never be other than what I am now. If that is not good enough for you, Draco Malfoy, then you had better just sod off."
He saw the naked furry on her face and backed up a step. "I love you Ginny. Does that mean nothing to you? I did what I did to save you from hurt. I wanted nothing but your happiness and this is what you think of me." He knew he should back down and beg her to forgive his lapse, but his pride was too great. "Of course I was ashamed of you, you are a bloody Weasley. It makes perfect sense that I forgot our family connection. My family has denied any blood ties to yours since long before my birth. You come from the bottom tier of purebloods, and I am the top. What can I say but that I love you? Only the deepest love would have led me to offer you an alliance with the Malfoy name. If you turn it down then you are nothing but a fool." He forced out a mocking laugh and gave a haughty glare.
Her body was ridged, her pain unmasked for him to see. She shook she pent up sobs and tears streamed down her cheeks. "You know nothing of love Malfoy." She bit her fist and turned her face from him. Her voice broke as she spoke once more "leave this place now. You are not in the slightest welcome in my home. Your presence is no longer pleasing and I want nothing more than to never see you again." His eyes widened at her words and his face went ashen, but he did not try to change her mind. He sent a wave of yearning out to her then disappeared in a flash of smoke.
----------------------- [i] Judith Tarr, The Lady of Han-Gilen